Between Want & Fear (Backstage Series Book 3)

by Dani René

  Dropping to my knee, I tug the small box I’ve had with me since the day we returned from Callum’s wedding. I bought it that very day and I knew the perfect opportunity would present itself. “Kierra Thorne, it’s been too long. I’ve waited, I’ve plotted,” I chuckle, meeting her pretty eyes which are now glistening with unshed tears. “But now it’s time I claimed my woman. That may sound like a caveman, but with you, I am. I’m selfish because I want to be the only one who makes you smile. I’m greedy because all I want is to spend every moment with you, and I’m so in love with you, I can’t see myself with anyone else.”

  When she blinks, the steady flow of tears streams down her cheeks. She’s incredibly beautiful. The small smile on her face tells me I’m not making a fool of myself, but deep down, I’m scared she’ll push me away again.

  “So, after all that rambling, I want you, here and now, to say yes to being my wife. To having a family with me, whether it’s our biological child, or if we have to adopt, or even look at a surrogate. To making me happy for the rest of my life, just by gifting me your smile. Through whatever trials and tribulations, we have to face, know that you’ll never be alone.”

  Releasing her hand, I snap open the small velvet box, and offer her the single diamond ring. She’s quiet and my heart stutters against my chest. “Yes.” The one word she finally utters sounds around me like a siren. I leap up, pulling him into a tight hug, needing her body against mine. Feeling her heart beat at the same rhythm and her scent filling my senses.

  When we finally break apart, I plant a gentle kiss on her lips and tug the ring from the cushion, slipping it onto her finger. I guess Liam was right, I’m taking her back to LA with a shiny diamond on her ring finger, but I’ll definitely not tell him he was right.

  “I love you, Ryan.” Her voice is laced with heavy emotion and I meet her stare.

  “I love you too, Kiki.”

  Never did I think that when I got on that plane I would have Ryan follow me all the way across the world and proposing, but if I’ve learned one thing about this man, it’s to expect the unexpected. “Let’s get you fed, soon-to-be Mrs. Callahan.” Ryan’s mouth lifts into a satisfied grin and I can’t help giggling. I take him in, every part of him is perfect to my eyes. The dark scruff on his chin covers a sharp jaw line, deep brown eyes that remind me of melted chocolate, and full lips that curl into a satisfied smirk every time he looks my way.

  “I like the sound of that.” My response is confident as the thought of being Mrs. Callahan sends my stomach into a flurry of tingles. I lean up onto my tip toes and plant a kiss on his lips.

  “Room service? Unless you wanted to go down to the restaurant in the hotel?” Knowing if we went outside we’d probably be bombarded by fan girls, I shake my head. I want time alone with him. To revel in the happiness that’s now surrounding me.

  “Let’s stay in, I’ll call my dad and let him know what the doctor said. I’m sure he’s worried about me.” With that, we set about with Ryan calling room service, and me calling my dad.

  Once I’ve finished my call, I head out onto the balcony. The evening is warm, with a slight breeze billowing my brown wavy hair. “All sorted?” Ryan’s deep timber comes from behind me and I nod.

  “Yeah, he’s going to meet with some friends, it’s bowling night.” I tell him as he encircles me in his arms. “Did you order dinner?”

  “I did. And I’ve asked them to bring some dessert too.” He murmurs in my ear, his lips whispering over the shell, which sends a shudder through me.

  “Behave.”

  “I am. I was just thinking of having a starter,” his rough growl has goose bumps erupting on my arms. He leans in further, suckling the sensitive skin on the nape of my neck. “Mm, delicious,” he mumbles, earning himself a giggle.

  “Stop, we’re going to get our dinner soon and then you can feast on me,” I retort playfully.

  “You better remember that, little lady.” Finally, he steps back, allowing me to cool myself down from the heat of having his mouth on me, his hands gripping me, and his toned, chiseled torso against me. As much as I want to be with him, I’m still nervous. I’m not sure why.

  Just then, there’s a knock at the door. “Dinner’s here.” He announces as he makes his way through to open for room service. The sound of the trolley sounds through to the living area. Upon entering, I take in the amount of silver dishes.

  “There’s enough here for an army. Are you crazy?” I gasp in surprise. There’s definitely enough to feed a small country.

  “I didn’t know what you wanted, so I got a little bit of everything.” He shrugs nonchalantly. Lifting the lids of two platters, he reveals one with cheese and meat, and the other is filled with fruit. “There’s also lasagna, and I’ve asked them to bring a salad, I think it’s Greek.”

  “Ryan, this is too much.”

  His dark gaze falls on me then. “Nothing’s ever too much for you, sweetheart.” Who said romantic men don’t exist, because the one I’ve found, has it in spades.

  “That was incredible.” I feel like I’m about to explode. We’ve pretty much attacked everything they’ve brought except for a small bowl which Ryan has forbid me to open. There’s not much of anything left and I have to lean back against the sofa to take a breather.

  “I told you we’d make a dent in the pile of food,” he chuckles beside me, leaning over, he kisses me lightly on the cheek and rises from the sofa. I watch the way his jeans hug his ass and thighs when as he walks to the trolley, setting the plate down. “Wine?” Trailing my eyes up to his face, I find him cockily smirking at me. “Enjoying the view, baby?”

  “Always,” I quip. He turns to regard me fully.

  “I think it’s time we had dessert,” he growls suddenly. The rough timber of his tone, the lust lacing his words send a jolt of need zipping down my spine and desire tingles between my legs.

  “And what did you have in mind, Mr. Callahan?”

  In three long strides, he’s before me, both hands proffered. “Up,” he orders, I obey. Slipping my hands into his, he tugs me up. Our bodies flush, with heat swirling around us. He takes one step back and watches me with those dark eyes. “I want to watch you strip,” he says, a hint of a smile on his suddenly serious face.

  “Ryan—”

  “Kierra, I’d like to watch you slowly strip out of that dress, then I want to watch you unclasp your bra allowing it to pool at my feet. Then, I’d like you to turn around so I can see that pretty ass while you slip your panties over your hips, down those long legs and have you taunt the fuck out of me while you offer me glimpses of your sweet pussy. Do you think you can do that?”

  He settles himself in the armchair a few feet away from me, tugging off the gray T-shirt he was wearing, he affords me with a view of his chest. The light dusting of hair that adorns his well-toned pectorals lead down to well defined abs and those V muscles pointing to the hidden thickness behind his zipper. Just below his belly button is a fine strip of dark hair, a trail to something I’m aching to feel fill me.

  Slowly, I reach for the hem of my dress, tugging it up to my hips. The silence is deafening as he leans back, his one hand on the crotch of his jeans. His gaze burns into me as I lift the material up and over my head. My skin is on fire merely from his gaze.

  “You’re perfect, baby,” he murmurs reverently. With such passion it knocks the breaths from my lungs. “Look at me, Kierra.” Once again, he orders, his tone low, calm, yet demanding at the same time. When my eyes meet his, I’m locked in the searing desire that’s so evident in them. “You’re beautiful.”

  He lifts his hand for me to continue, so I do. Unclasping my bra as he asked, I allow it to fall at his feet. My hands are trembling as I turn and allow him a view of my ass in the tight blue cotton material.

  “Fuck.”

  It’s a grunt, a growl. Hooking my fingers in the waistband, I slowly tug them down. As soon as they pass the curve of my cheeks, I bend at the waist pushing them lower. A hiss f
rom behind me has me smiling. Being able to taunt him like this has me turned on beyond imagination.

  Once the flimsy material is on the floor, I step out of them. At the same time, I take off the sandals on my feet. I’m bare. Naked to his scrutiny. Turning around, I face him once more. “Is that what you had in mind, Mr. Callahan?” I question, tipping my head to the side. His face is a picture. Desire dances in his eyes to the tune of my heartbeat. The thrumming between my legs spikes when he unzips his jeans, shoving them down thick thighs. His cock, thick and hard, has my mouth watering.

  “Come here, baby. I want those pretty lips on my dick.”

  This woman has no idea how perfect she is. How beautiful, intoxicating. She kneels before me, her gaze darkens, pupils dilate as she watches me stroke my steel shaft. “Do you see what you do to me, Kiki?” I question, my voice raspy with need. She nods, her teeth chewing her lower lip in a sweet, innocent, yet naughty way.

  Releasing my cock, I watch as she reaches for me. Her delicate hand wraps around me and my eyes roll back in my head. Jesus fucking Christ. With slow steady movements, she strokes me. Her fingers teasing the pre-cum on the tip.

  Suddenly her warm mouth engulfs me sending me soaring. “Fuck, Kiki,” I bite out, grinding my teeth together. She ignores me, cupping my balls as she takes me deeper. Pleasure shoots through me. As if I’ve just shot up, straight into the vein. I’m high. I’m addicted. I’m hers.

  Her head bops up and down as she sucks me like she’s been born to do it. A soft hum from deep in her throat zips through my shaft straight to my balls. I’m going to come if she doesn’t stop.

  “Baby, enough. Please,” I beg. Pleading with her, but she doesn’t relent. Her mouth continues to pleasure me like it’s her last job before she leaves this earth. This woman will be the death of me. “Kierra,” I grunt as she immediately allows me into her throat and I’m gone. My hips jerk as my orgasm sends me reeling.

  Gripping the material of the sofa, I tug at it as I fuck her mouth shooting jets of my hot release into her throat. Every drop is swallowed by my goddess. Her movements slow as she lifts her head off me, licking me until I’m free of the heat of her mouth.

  “Was that what you had in mind?” Her lips curl into a sinful smirk. Jesus, this woman.

  “Naughty girl. Up, I want to return the favor.” Tugging her up, I position her on the sofa, bent at the waist with those lithe legs spread open. Her smooth glistening pussy greets me as a soft needy moan escapes her lips. “Such a pretty pussy, baby.” I whisper over her sensitive flesh. Reaching up, I grip both cheeks of her pert little ass and open her to my gaze.

  With no more words between us, I flatten my tongue, lapping at the sweetness of her cunt. “Oh, God!” She cries out as my tongue darts into the slick folds of her core. She’s wet, drenched. I feast on her body like it’s my last meal. Like I need more of her to survive. To live. Because I do.

  With one hand gripping her ass, I use the other to tease her. Slipping two fingers into her tight heat, I finger fuck my woman until she’s squirming. Her whimpers, mewls, and soft sounds of pleasure have me harder than I’ve ever been. Her pussy is tight, pulsing around both digits I now have inside her. Dragging my fingers out, I circle her clit, taunting the hardened nub.

  “Please, please, oh fuck,” she moans, louder now. I know she’s close. Her thighs tremble as I continue my pace. Unrelentingly fucking her with my fingers, needing the sweetness she’s about to gift to me.

  “Come for me, Kiki. I want to taste that delicious cunt of yours all over my face. I want those juices coating my tongue.” I order her, my tone rough. My cock is solid again, needing to drive into her. To mark and claim her. To show her how beautiful she is with only our bodies.

  Dipping both fingers back into her pussy, I use my thumb to tease her clit which sets her off. The orgasm rips through her, causing her to shudder. My mouth is on her in a second, lapping at her release. Fucking perfectly delicious.

  Before she can recover from the aftershocks, I pull my fingers from her, rising, I slide into her. My cock fully seated in her tight body. “Fuck, Kierra, you’re so tight.” I grunt, gripping her hips as I pull out and slam back into her.

  “Ryan, please… oh, Ryan… god… fuck…” Her voice is hoarse from crying out my name and I don’t stop, I can’t. Her body squeezes my cock, pulling me deeper into the heat of her pussy.

  “That’s my girl. You hear that?” I question. Her head moves, I think she’s nodding, but her body is shuddering with another release which only serves to confirm she’s mine. I own her body, every fucking orgasm is mine. “You’re mine, Kierra.”

  My words are grunted through thrusts. Our skin slapping against each other in an erotic symphony mingle with the whimpers of the woman I love. Her grip on the sofa is white knuckle tight as I continue to fuck her. This is rough, passionate and it’s everything I want to show and give her.

  I’m hers. She’s mine.

  Reaching around her, I tweak her clit, tugging it causing her to cry out again, and again. My name. It’s my fucking name. The thought sets me off and I slam into one last time, filling her with not only my cock, but jets and jets of hot seed.

  When I finally still, I stroke her back, running a fingertip down her spine. “You’re so beautiful.” I mumble. Turning her head, she regards me with shimmering eyes. “Why are you crying?” I question, startled. My cock slips from her body and I immediately miss her heat.

  “I love you.” Three words she breaths as she strokes my face. Her touch jolting my heart. “I just love you.” Again, she tells me the same words and I can’t help smiling.

  “And I love you,” I vow. Reaching for her, I lift her, bridal style and walk her into the bathroom. “We need a shower.”

  “Now that sounds like fun,” she giggles, stepping into the two-person shower and turning on the spray. When I join her, the water slowly warms and I pull her into my arms.

  I grab the body wash and pour some into my hand. Rubbing them together, I massage her shoulders. “Thank you, baby,” I say quietly. Enjoying the feel of her skin.

  “For what?”

  I’m not sure how to answer her. I can’t find the words to explain to this woman how much she’s given me. Agreeing to be my wife, to allow me to be the man beside her as she goes through life, she’s gifted me the family, I never thought I’d have. Besides Callum and Liam, Kierra is offering me something special. She’s giving me her forever. It’s a gift I will never tire of, but how do I tell her that.

  “For being you.”

  “Mum, tell me what’s going on?” Her striking blue eyes are filled with tears. Something’s not right. This feels all wrong. My chest restricts painfully in my chest making it difficult to breathe.

  “Kierra, baby girl. I’m so sorry.” Confusion settles in my mind, heavily weighing down on what I’ve just overheard.

  “Sorry about what?”

  “The doctor… I was going to tell you, but things have been so busy for you. You’ve been through too much. I… I’m scared you’ll have to go through this one day, I had to get all the facts before I told you.”

  “You’re not making sense, Mom. What are you talking about?”

  She shakes her head sadly. My own tears blur my vision and I take in the woman I’ve known all my life. Her strength is the only thing that got me through my teenage years. She’s been my pillar, my rock. But seeing her so broken, so torn apart has my fears skyrocketing.

  “I’m dying, Kiki. They’ve confirmed the cancer. It’s spread too far. Stage four.” The room spins. My head swirls. My vision blurs. I’m not sure who’s screaming. I think it’s me. It’s a sob so loud, so filled with pain that it physically hurts. As if it’s stabbing my chest.

  A sharp blade. Her words are muffled. I can’t hear anything. It feels as if my ears are blocked. There are arms around me. Strong arms. Pulling me into an embrace.

  It should soothe me. It should calm me. But it doesn’t.

  There’s that
noise again. A screech drenched in agony.

  Dying. Dying. Sick. Sick.

  No. It can’t be. She can’t be. My mother. My rock. I can’t.

  “Kiki… Kiki…” My name. Someone’s calling me but the pain is too much. My breathing is uneven, difficult. I can’t.

  “Kierra!” Jolting up, I find the affectionate gaze of Ryan. “Baby, look at me,” he pleads and I do. Wrapping me in his arms, I settle with the lingering pain of the nightmare still so fresh in my mind. I lost her. She’s never coming back. Tears burn my eyes. “You’re safe. I’m right here, Ki.” The deep tone of Ryan’s voice is enough to calm the ache, the fear that overrides my mind.

  “My mom… She’s…” I’m not sure what I’m trying to say.

  “Kierra.” He cups my face, making me look at him. “You’re not alone. Since the moment I saw you, I was yours. We lost our way a few times in between but I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you.”

  His promise is endearing. Honest and raw. After all the time we’ve been together, those times we’ve spent in the same house, this is something different.

  I didn’t want to believe it before. But there’s no denying it now. He knows where I come from, why I kept him at an arms distance. The truth that now lies between us is more than I could ever ask.

  “Ryan, I’m scared.” For me to admit that takes a lot. Not because I’m proud, but because I think if I do admit it, perhaps my worst fears will come true. And the last thing I want is for that to happen.

  “It’s okay to be scared, baby. You can’t be strong all the time. That’s not how life works. And when you’re scared, I’ll be there to hold you and take those fears away. Don’t ever hide how you feel from me.” He implores me with those dark eyes that sear me. Burning down my walls and finding the scared girl beneath. The one who hid away when her mother died. The one who put on the fake smile and made her way across the world to live her dream. That’s the girl I want to say goodbye to because I’m no longer her, I’m a grown woman.