And maybe, just maybe, I could live with that.
Chapter 27
Over the course of a month, I introduced myself to Will again and again. There was Boston Sky and Law School Sky, New Attorney Sky and Lonely Sky. I dug through text conversations with friends to find old pictures and mined my social media since I doubted Will was on it. I built him a patchwork of my single life.
Slowly, I moved towards the present, sending two snippets each day. And then, just when I’d grown accustomed to the routine, it hit me that I was nearing the end of my journey away from Bellfield. There wasn’t much left to say.
It wasn’t as devastating as I’d anticipated. By distracting myself from the worst of the pain, I’d inadvertently mapped a path through the raw agony of Will’s rejection and subsequent departure. I could still sense it, that pulsing knot in the center of my chest, but it wasn’t enough to drag me down anymore.
“Is everything alright?” Dad asked at breakfast. We’d made our favorites into recurring staples. He dipped a heart-healthy biscuit into a microscopic splotch of gravy, the maximum amount that Beth was willing to let him have on his strict diet. “You look under the weather.”
I’d made a personal vow not to lie to him unless it was truly warranted. I wanted us to continue growing closer, but I was constantly petrified that I’d say the wrong thing and plunge us back into the toxicity of our former dynamic. I hesitated before choosing honesty. “I’m just having a hard time letting go of Will. Sorry, I know you probably don’t want to talk about that.”
Beth stared at Dad without blinking. When he didn’t speak, she coughed. “Charles?”
Face somewhat pinched, eyes roaming as he thought, Dad said, “I’m sorry to hear that. I want to be interested in your life.”
It had the flat monotone of a pre-rehearsed script, but I appreciated the sentiment all the same. He hadn’t apologized for breaking us up to begin with, but I doubted that would ever happen. The animosity between our families couldn’t even stem in cordiality most of the time. When Jacob Blythe and my father were invited to the hospital’s annual benefit, their invitations included a note that the other had been asked to come as well. It was a sad day when even the hospital needed to take steps to avoid another Blythe–Wentworth murder.
After Dad and Beth left the room, I took a picture of the breakfast table and used it as my morning message to Will. I mentioned that I missed him at breakfast and my father didn’t curse his soul or dramatically wave his fist. You’re moving up in the world.
It was a thinly veiled excuse to tell Will that things were changing on the home front as well. I wanted to show him that I wasn’t just stagnating here, that I was continuing to make this a more welcoming place for all. Even if he never spoke to me again, I wouldn’t regret the progress I’d made with getting Dad to consider outside input.
The other benefit of my picture campaign was that it reminded me of my favorite moments in Boston and New York. There were even a few photos from when I’d returned to Bellfield for breaks and holidays. They highlighted the fact that I could survive on my own and still find joy. Sure, maybe there were a few faked smiles around Thanksgiving dinner or after a tough day at the office. That didn’t mean I’d been miserable the whole time. My universe didn’t have to revolve around Will.
My trip down memory lane also gave me an opportunity to reconnect with everyone else. I sent funny pictures to Zane and Hailey, then Daniel. I captioned them with my own goofy commentary. I found photos of Sam and some embarrassing ones of Crystal from when she went through her hair dye phase.
The point was that I had people in my life who loved me. I’d done right by my mother. Overall, I was content to see what the future held. Worrying and planning hadn’t done much for me before, so I decided to be more flexible. As I’d said to Sam when he emailed to check on me, I’ve been channeling my inner Sam Davis. Cool, calm, and collected, right?
When it came time to send that final message to Will, I didn’t stage it. I didn’t need some grand gesture to say goodbye to the love of my life. I was myself, and for the first time in ages, I felt like I was enough. I took the picture in the library. I typed the message with great care, knowing it would arrive in so many pieces that Will would probably throw his phone out the window. But if that was my last chance to speak my truth, I didn’t want to leave anything out.
It seems that we’ve reached the present. You’re all caught up. I just wanted you to know about all of those parts of my life that you missed. This way, you know as much about me as there is to know.
I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that I didn’t stand up for you sooner. If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me.
And even though I want you for myself, I hope that you find what makes you happy, even if that’s someone else. I love you, Will Blythe. Goodbye.
I was crying too hard to hit the send button the first two times I tried. It was the end of an era, the end of a future that I’d wanted for so long. I set a deadline on my sadness. I would mope for the rest of the evening, but the next day, I would start anew.
And as I lied in bed that night, I locked away those dreams and wishes the same way I had with memories of Mom. I’d revisit them from time to time, but only when I felt strong enough.
I put aside Will’s hair blowing in the wind at a gallop, one hand mashing his hat onto his head. Will, standing in the moonlight, waiting for our rendezvous after we’d snuck out to meet in the dead of night. The children I imagined we might have.
It was time to move on.
A year passed, and miraculously, I even reached the milestone of considering dating again. I wasn’t ready to actually meet anyone, but I was open to the idea of it as a hypothetical possibility. Mostly, though, I was content to be single.
“You’ve arrived,” Stan said as we caught up at the bar, spreading his arms wide. “Welcome to acceptance.”
Crystal clinked her glass against mine. “This is worth celebrating. Maybe with a free second drink?” She shook her ice cubes at Stan like a child with a rattle.
“Fine,” he muttered, topping off our drinks. “Y’all owe me a second bar with how much free drinking you’ve done in here.
“You’re not wrong,” Crystal conceded, looking completely unapologetic. She scanned the assembled crowd of cowboys and local college students. “So, any of them catch your eye?”
I laughed. “I said I’d consider going on a date. That doesn’t mean I have to set one up tonight. Let me get used to it, you know?” I placed my palm against my chest. “It’s still… I still miss Will.”
“That’s never going to go away,” Stan reasoned. “You’re allowed to miss someone you loved that much. You’ve put down the Will Blythe torch. That’s the important part.”
Crystal nodded in agreement. “Yeah, just don’t be a total bonehead about it. Go slow. You don’t have to get married tomorrow.”
If I truly looked inside my heart, I could tell that they were right. I didn’t cry over Will anymore, though I still thought of him often when I heard a joke that he might enjoy or saw something about Wild Brook in the news. I still loved him in that permanent way that I loved all of the people who’d left their mark on me.
But I wasn’t sure I could move much further on my own. “I guess it just seems unfair to go on a date with someone if I still love Will.”
“I mean, don’t open with that part,” Crystal drawled. “Your new beau doesn’t have to know that you’d drop him like a sack of potatoes if Will came riding into town to sweep you off your feet.”
“But doesn’t that seem wrong to whoever I’m dating?”
“Not really. What about widows? They don’t just stop loving their late husbands. They just love that new person differently.”
I looked at Crystal, impressed. “I don’t know if you’re getting a lot smarter or if Stan is pouring the good stuff tonight, but that makes a lot of sense to me.”
She shoved my stool with her foot, almost tip
ping me into the empty one beside me. “Listen, don’t you know that I’m practically a dating and marriage counselor? You ever spend thirteen hours out in the middle of nowhere with Gus?”
I winced. “I’ve seen his, uh, wooing skills. That sounds like the shift from hell. You need a raise.”
“Yeah,” Stan interjected, “but I hear that the boss is kind of a tightwad.”
I burst out laughing. A few months earlier, I’d delayed pay reviews until I could do more personal evaluations and observations on the new cowboys. You would have thought I’d keyed everyone’s trucks and burned their houses down. “Don’t even joke with me. I thought I was going to get assassinated.”
For the rest of the evening, we tried to keep the conversation light. We’d all said our peace about me and Will and the past I was leaving behind. We had a few more rounds before we called it a night.
When I got home, I thought about what Crystal had said about widows. Dad was still awake, his schedule shifting later and later into the night now that he didn’t have to worry about getting up early to manage the ranch. He seemed to prefer the stillness.
I found him in the sitting room and rapped my knuckles on the door to let him know that I was there. “You got a minute?”
He adjusted his wheelchair until it was facing one of the empty chairs. “Sure.”
I sprawled out on the loveseat beside it instead, adding, “Sorry. I’m exhausted.” I’d spent three hours in the saddle and twice that following Remy around like a duckling as I figured out what we needed to prepare for branding day.
“I noticed that it’s been, ah, quite busy,” Dad said, a note of criticism in his voice. If I liked to have a plan, then he was absolutely obsessed. Rather than working long shifts for a condensed period, his style had always been to spread it out for months. I was fairly sure I’d keel over.
“I’m more of a hurry-up-and-get-it-done type.” I shrugged, not willing to apologize for having a different outlook on the schedule. “I worked in finance. It’s not like we ever had a lot of notice that something was going down.”
“Yes, but branding is annual, Sky.”
“Would you let me try? It’s working out just fine.” I didn’t add that the cowboys had expressed their approval of the new schedule. With Dad’s method, they’d get some aspect ready so far in advance that no one could remember where they’d stored a piece of equipment or a set of papers when the big day actually rolled around.
Dad put up his hands. “Alright. Alright.”
I updated him on our progress thus far, telling him a few of the funny mishaps we’d encountered and keeping him appraised of the major departments’ activities. I’d learned that the easiest way to connect with my father was to start with the ranch. Just because he couldn’t do as much didn’t mean that he needed to be pushed out.
The irony wasn’t lost that he’d locked the doors on me at any opportunity. I wasn’t the spiteful type, though. He was putting in the effort, and I was committed to meeting him halfway. “Anyway, that’s about all for now until Lowell checks in tomorrow.” I hesitated, considering how I wanted to broach such a touchy subject. “But I actually wanted to ask you about something else.”
“Oh?”
I glanced around to confirm that Beth wasn’t within earshot. “How did you know when it was time to start dating again after Mom?”
All of the blood rushed into Dad’s cheeks. “It just happened.”
There was my father’s legendary specificity again. “You didn’t think about it ahead of time?”
“Not really,” he admitted. “It surprised me. I didn’t make a conscious decision to go searching. But then I met Beth and started to wonder if maybe one date wouldn’t hurt.”
After so many years of dealing with his aloofness, it was strange to think of Dad as a complete person, someone who could get lonely or grieve. I’d always seen him as a stone. After my mother’s funeral, he was less emotional, not more. He shut down. “Why do you ask?” he prompted.
“I was just thinking about maybe seeing who else might be out there. You know, since Will’s gone.” I wasn’t the only one looking towards the future. Sam had started dating some up-and-comer from the tech world, though I wasn’t sure that many people knew yet. Since Sam’s wealth automatically made them a high-profile couple, the media would have a field day with it.
I would need to deal with the same set of challenges. With notorious family wealth to consider, I couldn’t assume that people wanted to date me for the right reasons. It would take some investigating and homework.
That had been the appeal of New York—starting over, being faceless in a crowd. That far from Bellfield, I’d been able to control the flow of information by giving out my middle name or fibbing about a few key details. That wouldn’t be possible here.
Dad and Beth would probably push me towards a prenup anyway, but I didn’t want to get to that stage of dating and then realize I’d only ever been a cash grab. While some people in our social circle dated only the mega wealthy to avoid that conflict, I didn’t want to limit myself to such an insular community.
“Did you want me to set you up with someone?” Dad asked. “I have some friends with eligible sons. They’re of excellent breeding.” He started ticking names off on his fingers, telling me about one of the oil magnate’s children. If I recalled correctly, he was almost fourteen years older than me and had talked to our staff like they were stupid during our last charity gala.
I recoiled reflexively. “Oh, no, I’m okay. I don’t think I need any help. I just wanted some advice about what to do in general. Like, about whether it was wrong to date if I still miss Will.”
“Ah. Well, I can’t tell you that.”
“I just want to be fair.” I would be upset in the opposite situation. I couldn’t imagine dating someone only to find out that I’d been the consolation prize, the second place to his real true love.
“I think you will be,” Dad replied in a measured voice. “You’ve always… felt… strongly.”
In the end, I didn’t leave the conversation feeling any more certain about what to do. But at least Dad had listened and made an attempt not to call me an overly emotional woman, at least in such direct terms. That in itself was a miracle. All I needed was a second one to bring love into my life. As I walked to my room to rest, I realized that I did believe in miracles after all.
Chapter 28
With branding day right around the corner, I ended up substituting coffee for sleep more often than I cared to admit. I was haggard enough most nights that Beth didn’t object when I started eating dinner in my room and falling asleep in the sitting room with my boots still on.
We’d managed a tentative peace, though I still didn’t understand her on a fundamental level. And I didn’t trust her. Sometimes, it seemed like she genuinely had my best interests at heart. Others, the claws were out.
I warned Sam that we were all stressed to the limit when he told me he’d be flying out to help. “Are you sure?” I asked. “Aren’t you busy with your demo?” We’d kept in touch, finding time to chat every once in a while. I’d call him from the road when Eli was driving or send him nonsensical text messages as I was drifting off to sleep.
“I’ve finally been able to take a break,” Sam said. “And I’m bringing Mindy home to meet everyone.”
“Is it serious?”
“Let’s not put the cart before the horse. It’s been really busy here, and I just thought this might make it up to her.” I could hear the uncertainty in his voice and hoped that maybe this visit home would help Sam decide how he felt. He deserved to be happy with someone. In his heart, Sam was so wholesome and good and kind that I wished I could have loved him.
I accompanied Eli to pick him and Mindy up from the airport. I spotted him immediately, his height causing him to stand out even in the crowded pickup area. “Greeted by the boss herself,” he said, pulling me into a hug. “Sky, this is my girlfriend, Mindy. Mindy, this is Sky, my childhood frie
nd.”
I liked her immediately. Mindy had the same unguarded nature, embracing me instead of settling for the distance of a handshake. “Sam has told me all about you,” she exclaimed. “It’s so nice to finally meet you!”
“Well, hopefully he just told you the good parts,” I replied, laughing. “But if he didn’t, I’ve got plenty of time for revenge.”
“I’m looking forward to hearing all of the embarrassing Sam stories.”
Mindy was so nice, in fact, that she didn’t even slip up when she saw the décor at the new house. “It’s okay,” I whispered. “We all know it’s hideous. Just don’t say anything around Beth.”
“Maybe the chairs,” she admitted, running a finger along a green velvet armchair.
I was pleased that Sam had introduced me as his childhood friend. That was the best compliment and the truest testament to all that we’d been through together. I knew that he once had feelings for me, but at our core, we were simply friends for life.
We spent the afternoon showing Mindy around the ranch. She initially refused to ride her own horse, but we eventually talked her into trying out one of our older, steadier mares. “I promise that you’re not going to die,” Sam insisted after she muttered the phrase under her breath for the better part of a mile. “We’re not even trotting yet.”
Mindy clutched the horn with both hands. “I’m going to die!”
It gave me hope to see Sam so content in his relationship. If he could manage it, and Dad could manage it, then maybe I could, too. “The cowboys want to hang out tonight and meet Mindy,” I said to Sam as we finished up showing her the branding area where we’d get started first thing in the morning. “You’ve been the talk of the town around here.”
The Cowboy's Promise: Love Triangle Billionaire Romance (The Wentworth Cowboy Billionaire Series) Page 23
