Silent Love [Part 2]

by Kenadee Bryant

  I lay in bed for another ten minutes contemplating if I really needed to get up today. I knew I had to get up and do something, like the English assignment I had to do with Gage, but I didn’t want to. Sighing, I forced myself out of my comfortable bed. I needed to try and do something.

  When I got up, I let out a huge groan as my whole body ached and popped. Who knew fighting took a lot out of you? Gage didn’t seem to hurt after a fight like I did. I waddled like a penguin out of my room, to the bathroom. Maybe a good warm shower would help loosen my muscles. With that in mind, I went to the bathroom and started warming up the shower.

  I stripped out of my clothes and winced as I pulled my shirt off. My sides and back throbbed, making me glance down. My waist had bruises from yesterday; you could make out that they were fingerprints because of the spacing between them. I scrunched my nose up at them, hating that the guy held me that tight.

  Bracing myself to see what my back looked like, I slowly turned around. Looking in the mirror, I let out a gasp as I saw my entire back was one huge bruise. It was dark black and purple, so no wonder it hurt. Apparently, the guy did shove me hard into the wall a few times. I thought I would just have a small backache, but not this. I grimaced just looking at it. I wasn’t going to tell anyone about it, especially Macey and Gage. Both would freak on me.

  Not wanting to look at my horrible back anymore, I quickly finished stripping and stepped under the warm water. At first it did hurt almost like I had a sunburn, but after a few minutes the feeling faded and my muscles loosened a little. The bruises were going to take a while to disappear, sadly.

  Not taking too long in the shower, I got out about ten minutes later feeling better than before. Maybe with a few Advil I would be fine. I made my way back to my room to change and maybe text Gage to ask if he wanted to meet up and do our assignment. Sure, we had until Monday to do it, but might as well get it done early.

  As I went over to my closet to find something to wear, my phone buzzed on top of my desk. Thinking it was Gage or maybe even my brother, I quickly went over and grabbed it. I frowned as I looked at the text on the screen.

  Amy: Hey. Do you want to meet up in twenty minutes at 95 Degrees?

  For a moment I wondered what she was talking about until I remembered her texting me yesterday. I had completely forgotten about it, and to be honest, I kind of didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to hear what she had to say.

  I stared down at my phone gnawing on my bottom lip, trying to come up with a decision. I knew deep down that I would say yes and go. I had to hear her out and see what she wanted to say to me. As much as I wanted to just ignore the text and do something else, I couldn’t. With a sigh, I sent her a quick text in reply.

  Carter: Sure. I’ll see you in twenty.

  Now with only a little while to get ready, I set my phone down and headed back to my closet. I really had no clue what to wear, but feeling a little chilly and just plain tired, I opted for my maroon sweater that had little gold studs along the shoulders. If I got too hot, I could just roll the sleeves up. Along with that I picked out a pair of light washed blue skinny jeans and my matching red Converse.

  As I put my outfit on, I had a small flashback to high school when this was all I would wear. This was a total Carter outfit. Since I didn’t wash my hair, I kept it in its high ponytail, not even caring. I was just meeting Amy for coffee; it wasn’t like I was dressing up to meet a prince or something.

  Going back to the bathroom, I quickly put on some mascara and a little bit of concealer under my eyes to hide the huge bags under them. With a dab of pink lipstick and a few Advil, I was good to go. Grabbing my handbag along with my phone, money, and apartment keys, I left through the front door. At the last moment I grabbed my school bag that held my English stuff, in case I ended up over at Gage’s.

  I did pretty well for getting ready in twenty minutes, if I did say so myself. I pushed aside the ache in my back and in my hand, which was just as swollen and bruised as I knew it to be. Hopefully, the pain pills would start working soon.

  The moment I stepped out of the building, I was glad I decided on a sweater and jeans. Today it was overcast with a cold breeze. It was crazy how one day it was super nice and warm out, and the next day would be cold and windy. I knew this was just the start of winter, though; soon the streets would be filled with white snow and everyone would be inside drinking hot beverages.

  Walking against the wind, I headed in the direction of 95 Degrees craving a nice cup of coffee. The entire walk there I wondered what Amy wanted to discuss. I knew it had to be about Ethan, or she wouldn’t have made it sound so important. I really didn’t want to get into the whole thing with her.

  Sure, I had kissed Gage yesterday and may have started having feelings for him, but that didn’t mean I was over Ethan. Something like that just didn’t disappear overnight. Hell, even when I was going out with Quinton, I still thought of Ethan; he never fully left my thoughts.

  I still couldn’t believe the two of them were dating. It happened so suddenly that I was still in shock. My best friend dating my crush…of course this would happen to me. If I thought that some random girl dating Ethan was hard, well, this was harder. I felt almost betrayed by her. It was basically against girl code.

  While I was angry at her, in some way I also wasn’t. I understood why she wanted to date Ethan. He had the looks, the personality, the brains—the whole package. It was a miracle he was single before this. It was only a matter of time before someone snatched him up; I just never thought it would be Amy.

  This whole thing was just crazy. I wasn’t even sure myself of what I thought of the whole thing. I did still love Ethan; he was still the guy I could imagine myself being with forever. He is and will forever be my first love. Now enter Gage, who is the complete opposite of Ethan. Gage didn’t care about sports or what people thought of him. He was the “bad boy” of the campus while Ethan was the “good boy.” Ethan was the football hero, along with my brother, and Gage was an undefeated underground fighter.

  Yes, they both used girls, so I guess that was one thing they did have in common. It was common sense that Gage had been with plenty of girls in his life, and I knew Ethan had been too; I had been there for every one. But while Ethan made butterflies erupt in my stomach, Gage set my nerves on fire. He brought out something in me that wanted to be set free. I wasn’t the timid, semi-sarcastic girl around him like I was with Ethan. You would think that since I had known Ethan longer, I wouldn’t still be that way around him, but I was. I was a little girl with a huge crush on the older, hotter, football player.

  I wasn’t sure of my feelings toward Gage at the moment. Yes, we kissed, and it was the best kiss of my life, but I didn’t know what to think of it. Last night, after he dropped me off at my door and kissed me again, I felt like I was on cloud nine. I had gone inside with a giant grin plastered on my face and a feeling that I knew wouldn’t fade for a while. I went to bed smiling and reliving the kisses, not wanting to read too much into it. I just wanted to think about the moment without overdoing it.

  Even now I didn’t know what to do or think. I didn’t know if I should bring it up or play it cool. I didn’t know if we were going to kiss again, or if Gage was going to say that after he had all night to think about it and that he regretted it, which would break my heart. I didn’t know. All I knew was that I felt something for him, and I wasn’t quite sure yet if it was lust, or the start of a crush.

  Pushing all those thoughts to the back of my mind, I came up to 95 Degrees. Before opening the door, I took a deep breath getting myself ready for a conversation I wasn’t sure I wanted to have. Once I had my bearings, I opened the cafe’s door and headed inside.

  I glanced around the semi-packed space searching for Amy. It wasn’t surprising that this place was full, and with the weather getting colder, more and more people would start coming in to drink warm drinks and to get away from the cold. Right when I thought she wasn’t here yet, I spotted her raising he
r hand off in the far-left corner of the cafe. Peeking past some people, I noticed she already had two coffees in front of her. I smiled at that, glad she ordered mine for me.

  “Hey,” I said once I made my way over to her. I slid into the seat across from her, neither of us making a move to hug one another. It saddened me that we weren’t even hugging each other now. Before, both of us would have gone for a hug the moment we saw one another.

  “Hey,” she said back, a small smile on her face. She was holding her warm coffee in her hands, almost like she didn’t know what to do with them.

  “Thank you for the coffee,” I commented, bringing it to my lips. The moment the warm latte filled my mouth, I practically sighed. Just what I needed. I tried to lean back in the chair, but the metal bit into my back making me wince, so I stuck with sitting kind of forward.

  “No problem, figured I would get it and a spot before it became too busy.”

  We sat there awkwardly for a few minutes, not really knowing what to say. I did not want to be the first to talk, and it seemed neither did Amy, although she was the one who asked me here. I looked at her and noticed how different she looked.

  Instead of the Amy I had come to know, the one sitting in front of me made me think of the girl who first moved here and had no friends. The girl who didn’t really care too much about her appearance or what people would think of her. Her blonde hair was pulled into a messy ponytail. Instead of a makeup-caked face, she looked natural with only the bare minimum on, like me. She looked a lot younger and, dare I say, pretty, not all dolled up.

  “Carter, I want to start off by saying I am sorry,” Amy said suddenly. She glanced at me while she traced her finger along the lid of her drink.

  “Why?” I asked even though I kind of knew what she meant.

  “I shouldn’t have started dating Ethan without telling or asking you first. I know you didn’t straight out say that you have a crush on him, but I knew, and it wasn’t right for me to do that.” She looked away from me and down at the table. “I always kind of knew you liked him but never thought much about it. I mean, I didn’t even think for a second I would date Ethan at all.

  “It’s just that…things happened, and before I knew it we were kind of serious. I knew I had to tell you, but I couldn’t bring myself to so I avoided you, hoping it would solve itself.”

  “You could have just told me,” I said. I can’t say I wouldn’t have been mad, but it would have made me feel better if she would have told me instead of finding out on my own.

  “I know, and I am so sorry about that. I wanted to tell you straight away, but I was afraid it would ruin our friendship. I mean, I’m a total bitch for taking the guy you have a huge crush on.” I wasn’t going to argue that she isn’t a bitch because honestly, she kind of is, especially after that.

  I looked at her as she nervously played with her coffee cup. She actually seemed upset about the whole thing, and I could see she felt terrible about it. If I were in her shoes, I would have done the same thing; well, maybe not the same thing, but I got what she meant. I was pissed she was dating Ethan, but did I hate her for it? No. Still angry…yes, but hate her…no.

  “Do you like him?” I found myself asking. I had to know if she truly liked him, that she wasn’t just using him like other guys before him. He meant too much to me for him to get played by her. Amy glanced up at me, her blue eyes shining and a soft smile on her lips.

  “Yes, I do. A lot actually.” From the tone in her voice I knew she meant it. I had never seen that look on her face before, which meant she did like him. “He makes me feel like a better person than I am. He is more than I deserve.” When I heard those words, my heart ached, but not as much as I would have a month or so ago. It was odd, but I didn’t dwell on it.

  “Then I am happy for you.” Her eyes went wide at my words.

  “Really?”

  “Yes. Amy, I know you didn’t mean to hurt me by dating Ethan and I understand. Yes, I am still mad at you for not telling me that you even liked him, or that you were seeing each other, but I don’t hate you for it. I know something happened to put you two together, and I am not going to ask what it was because I know you will tell me when you are ready. But I am glad you are now talking to me. You avoiding me and even Macey hurt and at first, we thought you were just busy with school. You should have just texted us.”

  “I’m sorry. I was just afraid I’d spill it all the moment I saw you.” That was how I felt, thinking of telling Ethan I had a crush on him.

  “Next time, don’t do that. Just say it, okay?” I reached over to grab her hand on the table. “I want you to be happy, and if Ethan makes you happy, then I am fine with it. Just as long as you don’t break his heart, or vice versa.”

  “I won’t, Carter. I can’t imagine hurting Ethan in any way.” I smiled softly at that. At least he wouldn’t be hurt and that was all I could ask. Sure, I still didn’t like the idea or the image of these two dating, but I had to get used to it. I couldn’t just avoid them like the plague the entire time they dated. I wanted them to be happy and if that meant giving up Ethan, then I would. It wasn’t like he was a former boyfriend that I had to give up; he wasn’t even mine to begin with. I had no claim on Ethan whatsoever.

  I squeezed her hand. As much I silently wished Ethan would one day like me back, I had to slowly let the idea go. If he was happy with Amy, then good; he did deserve to be happy, and same with her. Who was I to break up something like that? If I didn’t forgive Amy, then I wouldn’t feel right about myself.

  “Are we okay now?” Amy asked. I nodded at her. We were, and I was just going to have to push aside my feelings, like I had always done. And besides, I now had Gage to help get my mind off this. “Good, cause I missed you.”

  “I did too, and I know Macey did as well.” She let go of my hand to stand up. I stood up as well, and she pulled me into a tight hug. I hugged her back, pushing aside the sad feeling inside me. The feeling that Ethan would never truly be mine. Right now, I just had to focus on having my friend back and being happy for her.

  ***

  After an hour of catching up with Amy, she had to leave to go to class, leaving me alone. Macey wouldn’t be done until three, and it was only a little after eleven, so it would be awhile. Standing out outside 95 Degrees, I sent Gage a quick text asking if he was busy. Might as well see what he was doing.

  I thought the weather would have cleared up a little during my talk with Amy, but instead it seemed to get a little darker, like it would rain any moment. I liked this kind of weather, where you could wear a sweater and be warm enough. Plus, I loved the smell of rain.

  When I got a text back from Gage saying he was free and to come over, I almost yelled and did a small happy dance. Something about being able to spend the day with Gage was very appealing. Thankful that I brought along my school bag, I headed in the direction of Gage’s place.

  It didn’t take me long to get there. This place was slowly becoming as familiar to me as my own, and even Luke’s. I liked that Gage didn’t seem to mind that I came over, and that he asked me to come. I barely knocked before Gage swung open the door.

  As per usual, he looked really good in a pair of black sweats and a white long-sleeved shirt. While it covered his tattoos that I liked, it did cling to his muscular arms. His brown hair was resting flat against his head instead of his normal style, but I liked it. So yeah, he did look great.

  “Hey,” I said, smiling at him.

  “Hey.” He moved to the side to let me in. My arm brushed against his side as I slid past him into his dorm. Once again looking around the place, I saw it was all neat and clean. I almost wanted to ask him to come clean my place.

  “So why did you want to come over?” he asked, moving over to the bar by the kitchen. He went around the other side and leaned against it, looking at me.

  “I was thinking maybe we could get started on our English assignment,” I said, going over to him and setting my now empty coffee cup on the counter.<
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  “Princess, seriously? He assigned it yesterday,” he said, looking at me like I was crazy.

  “Well, we don’t know how long it will take us. Plus, it doesn’t hurt to get a jump on it.” I shrugged. It was better than just sitting around bored off our asses.

  “I don’t have my notebook,” Gage said, looking serious.

  “Really, Gage? This is your apartment, idiot,” I pointed out. “You are still going to do this with me.” We stared at one another, waiting to see who would break away first. It wasn’t going to be me, and I knew I would win because I had done this with my brother so many times. I had eyes of steel.

  “Trying to intimidate me, really?” he asked, a smile spreading over his face.

  “Don’t make me re-enact what happened yesterday at the gym. I can take you down,” I said, smiling as well. Gage shook his head at me.

  “Why did I get stuck with you as my partner?” he muttered, looking away from me.

  “Because I am awesome,” I said, sticking my tongue out at him.

  “And immature.” He moved away from the counter. “Okay fine, let’s get this over with.” I grinned in triumph. Carter wins again.

  “Just make yourself comfortable while I go get my books,” Gage muttered as headed down the hallway toward his room. Still grinning, I went over to the couch and gently sat down. Even with Advil in me, my back was hurting like mad. Taking out our textbook as well as my notebook, I set my bag on the ground by my feet.

  For our English assignment we had to read three short stories and answer ten questions about each short story. We had to answer truthfully and give our own opinions. If ours differed, then we put both down. It didn’t sound too difficult, but I had a small feeling that with Gage, it wasn’t going to be that easy. At least we had until Monday to turn it in, so about seven days if you counted today. Plenty of time.

  A few minutes later, Gage came back into the living room holding his own textbook and notebook. Even if we only got through one story today, it was progress. A small part of me wanted to drag this out so I could spend more time with Gage.