"Where is Harbour?" I pace my office waiting for her reply.
"Are you joking, Lincoln?" I look up at her, but before I open my mouth to retaliate I think about what Harbour said to me yesterday.
I’m off tomorrow so I just wanted to say goodbye. Good luck with everything, Lincoln.
"FUCK! She told me she was ‘off tomorrow’ and I didn't listen to her! I thought she meant for the day." I'm running my hands through my hair and still pacing. I must look like a crazy person. I stop behind my desk and lean my fists on it for a moment.
"Lincoln, she put in the application to transfer two weeks ago. Everyone knew she was going. We had a farewell dinner at your parents’ house last night; the office is full of flowers from her friends and colleagues. How did you not work it out?" She looks at me with her head cocked to the side and her eyebrows puckered. She’s confused.
"Nobody told me. I should have to approve this sort of shit. I'm the fucking CEO!" I slam my fist into the desk so hard that it bruises immediately. The pain is a nice distraction.
"Stop that! You're being ridiculous. Honestly, Lincoln, did you really think she could continue working for you? Did you think she could sit at a desk opposite your office, watching your fiancée bring your son in for a visit? Or even connecting her calls to you? She's a lovely girl and I think she deserved better than that. When the application for the transfer came through, you were unavailable so your father signed off on it. Not even you can be so selfish as to make her stay here." She sits in the seat opposite me and shakes her head. "I didn't want her to go. She was the best assistant we ever had, but it's just not fair to keep her here because we want her here. The two weeks she was forced to complete would've been bad enough had you been in the office."
I slump into my chair and try to calm my breathing. She's gone.
"I'll get you some ice for your hand. You have a busy day ahead. I wouldn't normally recommend this, but perhaps an Irish coffee would help too. It will calm you down. I'll be back in a moment."
"I'll get her back, Vivian."
She stops before opening the door. "I'm afraid that might be a bit harder than you anticipate, Lincoln. Sort your life out first and then, if you have time to love her fully like she deserves, you can try. You have one significant thing on your side though."
"And what's that?"
"She still loves you."
****
I was useless in my meetings. The morning’s events had me completely distracted. She's gone. My Harbour has left, and would now be on her way back to Melbourne. I feel like an even bigger asshole. I should've spoken to her. I should've told her about the threats Rachael was making; maybe then she would've stayed and waited. But then I put myself in her position. I couldn't stay to witness what's about to play out. If this baby is mine, I'll be with him constantly. Rachael won’t allow Harbour near him so I wouldn't have much time to be with her. She doesn't deserve to come second.
This is my mess; Harbour shouldn't suffer because of it.
But she already has.
She lost her fiancé, her home, her new friends, and is now headed back to the city she swore she wouldn't return to because of her fucking ex. My actions have led her straight back into his path.
As I sit on my office floor eating pizza from the box, I make a phone call to my security guy and ask him to use his contacts in Melbourne and have someone watch over Harbour. I can at least make sure she's safe.
Then I call my dad. He's been trying to reach me for a week but I haven't had the balls to return his calls.
"Hello son, how are things?" He sounds tired.
"Fine, Dad. I'm sorry for not returning your calls, I've been busy."
"I'm sure you have been. What's going on?" I want to be mad at him and ask him why he let Harbour go, but I can't. He loves her—my whole family loves her—they wanted what was best for her. "I just found out about Harbour leaving. I guess I just wanted to say thank you for helping her make the best decision. I wouldn't have let her go, and I realize now how selfish that would've been."
I hear him sigh and take a breath before he responds. "I would've told you sooner had you answered your phone. To make her stay would've been selfish, son, but I don't have to tell you that because you already know. Harbour didn't deserve to be exposed to even more hurt than she'd already been through." He sighs heavily and continues. "Anyway, your mother and I wanted to come and speak to you and Rachael about the impending birth. We were hoping to smooth things over before the baby is born."
"I don't think that's a good idea Dad. She's a bit . . . highly-strung, and it might just upset her. The baby is due in three days. I'll keep you guys posted."
He's not happy with my response, but neither am I. I would love for my family to get along with the woman who could possibly be the mother of my child, but I just can't deal with all this shit right now.
****
"Hello?"
"Lincoln! Meet me at the hospital, my waters have broken." I jump out of bed and check the time.
"It's three a.m; why the fuck aren't you at home?"
"Just get down there." She hangs up, and I quickly dress and collect her maternity bag on my way out.
While driving to the hospital, I call the OB/GYN my mom had recommended. She’s a friend of hers and has delivered almost all of the grandchildren in my mom’s circle of friends.
I pulled up less than ten minutes later and ran to the room number Rachael had texted me. I'm still fucking pissed off that she was out at three in the morning. Where the fuck was she?
As I open the door I hear her scream at the nurse for more drugs. Obviously the calm-birth classes she attended were a waste of time.
"Lincoln, what took you so damn long?!" she yelled and her face contorted in pain as a contraction hit her.
"I got here as fast as I could. How are you doing?"
"How the fuck does it look like I'm doing?!" She was mad, but I couldn't blame her. I'd been reading up about pregnancy and labor the past fortnight, and I’d learnt that the pain these women go through no man could handle. I had a newfound respect for my mom.
I took her hand but she pushed me aside. "Don't touch me."
"Tell me what you need. Water? Maybe ice? Do you want—"
"I want you to shut the fuck up and just be here."
Okay, this is intense. I stood next to her as the nurses helped her through each contraction, I feel useless. I feel unwanted. I know she's hurting, but I would've at least liked to hold her hand and encourage her. It's apparently my baby she's pushing out, after all.
Dr. Weston arrives and is checking her out. Rachael's legs are up in stirrups and Dr. Weston's head disappeared between them. She reappears with a smile.
"She's fully dilated. On the next contraction, Rachael, I'll need you to push."
It’s beginning. I am about to become a father. I’m fucking petrified. I’m such a selfish prick too. My mind kept wandering back to Harbour. I wish the one giving you a child but that wasn’t the plan for us so we just have to deal with it and move on. God, I wish it were her, too. At least she'd let me hold her hand.
"Okay, the head is out. Lincoln, did you want to come
see?"
"NO!" Rachael replied. She obviously didn't want me to, so I stayed where I was.
"I need you to give me a big push this time, Rachael, he's a big boy."
The next thing I heard was the word "episiotomy" and my son was born. I stood there, useless, waiting to hear him cry. When he finally did, something happened that I hated. I felt disconnected to him. I don't know if it was the fact that I had no idea he existed up until two weeks ago, or that I still wasn't one hundred percent sure he was mine— If he is, I'd love him unconditionally.
They placed him on Rachael's chest for a moment before he was taken away to be checked over. I quickly kissed Rachael on the forehead and congratulated her, and then followed the nurses. They were doing all kinds of things: checking his body over, and the rest. I rubbed his little bald head with my
fingers as the nurses called over Dr. Weston. "Is something wrong?" I asked a little panicked.
"Um, no sir, we just need to check something with the doc. He's perfectly healthy. Why don't you sit with your wife for a bit? We'll be done in a sec."
I couldn't be bothered correcting her. I was more interested to hear what the “non-problem” was.
"Can you text my mom? Let her know he's here?" They placed the baby in her arms and she kissed his head.
"No problem. I'll call my parents too."
"No, not yet. I don't want everyone here at once." She responded quickly, her voice sounded slightly panicked.
"Can you leave for a few minutes? I want to be with him alone." Damn, I wanted to hold him, but after her amazing efforts I wasn't going to argue.
I headed to the family waiting area and texted April. Against Rachael's wishes, I began calling my mother, but I stopped as Dr. Weston made her way over to me.
"Lincoln, can we have a word please?" I nodded and followed her to a private room. My hands had begun to shake and my heart was pounding. Please, God, don't let anything be wrong with him. As she closed the door, she signaled for me to sit.
"I'll stand. What's going on, Doctor?"
She sighed and proceeded. "Lincoln, I'm not really sure how to go about this. I've had to do this before, but not to someone I've known for so many years. Your mother mentioned there was some uncertainty about the paternity of the boy." I nod and swallow hard. "I'm sorry, Lincoln. The baby's father is black. The nurses picked up on it and asked me to verify. I have taken a sample for DNA testing as you requested, but I want you to know now before you grow too attached to him."
"How would you know that? He's white."
"Yes, the baby's skin color will develop over the next few months. There are certain areas of his body that show the color his skin will develop to. I'm sorry, but to the trained eye, it's hard to miss. I'll put the DNA through for testing immediately. You'll have a definitive answer as soon as possible." She stands and gives me a sad smile before leaving the room.
The emotions I'm feeling right now are so strong, I feel like my head is going to explode. He's not mine. Rachael forced me leave with her for a son she knew wasn't mine. I fucked up. I should've done this better. Even I knew he wasn't mine but I couldn't take that chance. I was a weak fucking bastard, and I caved to Rachael's demands rather than negotiating something that would suit us all.
I lost the love of my life. Harbour will never forgive me for this. I put her last. Not first, not even second, but last. In the end, I chose Rachael over her too. I would completely understand if she hated me.
I call my mom and tell her the baby is born, but he's not mine. She sighs sadly into the phone.
"It's fine, Mom, you don't have to pretend you aren't relieved."
"I am relieved that you know the truth, Lincoln. I'm sad at what you've lost. Not only did you just lose a son, you lost the woman you love. I hope the next time you fall in love you place that woman on a pedestal and never let anything between you."
"I still love Harbour, Mom. That never stopped." She sighs.
"For you it didn't, but you weren't the one on the receiving end of all of this. I love you, darling, but
I'll be the first to tell you that you made a big mistake the night you walked out on her. Just learn from this and never make the same mistake again."
"I'll get her back. She still loves me." I feel like I need to be sick. My mom is the one who always has my back, but she's also never wrong, and that scares the fuck out of me.
"I really hope you're right, Lincoln. Now, go and speak with Rachael. She has some explaining to do. Don't be too harsh on her; I'm sure she had a reason for doing what she did. She'll be very emotional, too. Tell her congratulations from me. I love you. I'll speak to you later today."
We end the call and I'm relieved I spoke to her. I've calmed down enough to look at this like a mature adult, not hissy fit throwing adolescent I felt like doing twenty minutes ago.
Rachael has been moved up to the private ward so I make my way up there. I stop outside the door and I can hear arguing.
"Don't do this, Rachael. It's not fair on him, and it's not fair on me. That's my son. You know he is. Why won't you let me be his father? I love you, and I know you love me. I can't let you keep him away from me; I won't. I don't care what your parents think."
Oh fuck. I'm about to walk into the most awkward situation of my life. Just as I proceed to enter, the door swings open.
"Gabriel, why don't you come in with me so we can all talk?" Before I can blink, he punches me in the eye. My eye socket stings and I take a moment to gain my composure. "You fucking asshole! I'm offering you a fucking olive branch and you punch me?"
It takes all my inner strength not to hit him back, but I feel for the guy.
"I'm sorry, I'm just really fucking angry. What makes you better than me? I'm not just some model, I do other things too. I make plenty of money to support them, but I'm still not enough."
A nurse asks if I need security, and I tell her no. Instead, she brings over an ice pack for my eye.
"Calm the fuck down and come in the room, then, Punchy, and let's sort this shit out."
We enter and Rachael eyes are wide, frantically going back and forth between Gabriel and I.
"Relax, I found out he's not mine. Thanks for the heads up, by the way. I don't want to make you feel shit,, because I'm sure you're exhausted, but what did you really expect? That I'd never find out? Considering the real father is African American, I'm pretty sure I would've put two and two together sooner or later."
She squeezes her eyes shut and when she opens them, they’re glistening with tears. "I'm sorry."
That's it? She's sorry? She's ruined my fucking life!
"You knew this whole time didn't you?" I ask as calmly as possible.
"I did. It's just that my parents didn't think Gabriel was husband material, and I . . ."
"You thought you'd trap me? I was engaged, Rachael. I love Harbour more than I've ever loved anyone in my life. You made me ruin my perfect relationship to be there for you when you knew he wasn't mine. That's the most selfish thing you've ever done. It's beneath you to act like that."
She begins to cry, and as much as I didn't want to upset her, I have to end this shit now. I need to find a way to get my girl back and every second counts.
"My mom convinced me to do it. I listened and I'm sorry for that; I'm sorry to both of you. I had to let go of the man I love, too."
"Yeah, well now we have something in common. We were both convinced to do shit we didn't want to do, and we both lost people we love. But yours is here. He's begging for you to accept him. My girl is on the other side of the world hating me. It's easy for you."
The baby stirs and Gabriel picks him up to comfort him. I can see the love for his son. His eyes are glued to the little baby as he rocks him. I'm jealous of him. I want that. Just not from Rachael.
"I'll call her. I'll explain why I did it." The tone of her voice tells me she doesn’t really want to do that.
"You don't understand, do you? It's not what you did; it's what I did. I left with you. I trusted you. I fucked up. Don't call her, don't email her, and don’t contact her. I'm done with this shit. You took advantage of me. You knew I'd leave for the sake of my child." I turn my back to her and take two steps towards the door. "I don't want to hear from you again. Ever. Good luck with everything." I go to leave, and Gabriel hands the baby to Rachael and follows me out.
"Look, man, I'm sorry for everything. I told her to tell you, but she wouldn't listen."
"So you knew too, huh?" I turn and punch him. I'm not usually an eye for an eye type of guy, but in this case, I had to do it. I help him up off the floor and hand him my used ice pack.
"That's how a real man punches. I hope you don't have a photo shoot coming up. That will take a while to heal."
I head to the exit and drive to Rachael's apartment to collect my shit. Tonight, I'
m going home to plan how to get my girl back. Whatever it takes.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Harbour
Pierce was quiet on the flight. There was a bedroom, and we spent most of the flight sleeping. I arrived home two days ago and I've done nothing but sit in my pajamas, watch cartoons and eat bad food. My niece was ecstatic with the overly large box of Disney paraphernalia Dianne had sent over. That, plus the five gorgeous pairs of Manolo Blahnik's meant we had to take two cars home.
I was hoping that I'd start to feel better once I was back here, but this isn't my home anymore. It's just where my family lives. It's obvious now that my heart is in New York, and I have no idea when she plans to find her way back to me.
So here I am, sitting in my parents lounge room wearing my baggy sweats and eating junk food. My five-year-old niece and I are watching the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and all I can think of is that Mickey probably fucked Daisy before he got serious with Minnie, and Daisy tried to make Mickey jealous by dating the dumb duck. Lucky for Minnie, Mickey likes mouse. If only real life were that simple. The mice date mice; the ducks date ducks. Easy. God damn it, I'm jealous of Minnie Mouse, her perfect boyfriend and her awesome collection of bows. I need chocolate.
"Aunty Har, why are you sad? Don't ‘cha like Mickers?" Charlee is wise beyond her years. She notices things normal kids wouldn't. But then again, I'm not making a very big effort to look happy.
"No Char Char, Aunty loves Mickers. It's just other stuff."
"Did you leave something in New York?" She comes to sit next to me on the sofa.
"Yeah baby, I think I did." I put my arm around her shoulders and rest my head on top of hers.
"Can they post it to you? Mummy gets things posted from overseas all the time. Daddy says she has a shopping problem. I told Daddy that there's no such thing as a shopping problem. He was shocked and said he's gonna have to get another job. I told him to buy the shop and then it wouldn't be so bad if mummy bought stuffs."
I laugh at her adorable innocence. And the fact that she's five and doesn't think shopping could ever be a "problem. "
"You're too cute, Char Char. Don't ever change." I give her a big side cuddle.
Harbour (Runaway Home #1) Page 22
