"So, can they post it?"
"No baby, they can't post it." She sighs dramatically. Poor thing thought she'd come up with the perfect solution to her aunt’s sadness.
"I love you for helping, though. Now, you know what will make Aunty Har really happy?" She shakes her head quickly. "As much as I love Mickers, I’d rather not have to listen to the 'Hotdog Song' for the fifteenth time. How about we go to the store, get some ice cream and a movie?"
She jumps up excitedly. "Yeah, we need more ‘cause you ate it all. Maybe that's why you're sad? When mummy eats too much she walks around saying she has eater’s remote."
Too cute.
"Eaters remorse honey. Remorse, not remote. Let's go."
As we walk to our rooms to change she calls out, "Ohhh that's why Daddy laughs at me when he can't find the remote and I tell him it's ‘cause mummy ate it."
She giggles all the way to her room and it's an awesome sound.
****
As I pack my things to leave my parents’ house, I remember that I didn't pack my contraceptive pill. Not that I'll need it, but I liked having regular periods and . . . . oh, fuck. I begin to rack my brain. When was my last period? Shit! With all the drama I hadn't even realized I was late. I must be; I'm sure it's been more than a month. Shit, has it been more than two months? Oh my God. I quickly call Melody and tell her we need to make a detour before heading back to Pierce’s apartment.
****
"Oh my God, Harbour. How? I mean, I know how, but, shit. I'm happy for you, but damn." The doctor had just confirmed to Lo and I what I was too fucking distracted to realize sooner.
"Twelve weeks, Harbour! Twelve fucking weeks, and you didn't realize sooner? Don't women normally get sick?"
I just sit there, stunned, while the doctor responds to Melody's questions.
"It's quite normal for some women to experience none or minimal effects of a pregnancy. Apart from noticing a missed period, some women don't realize for many months. Unfortunately, the pill is not one hundred percent effective. Even if you skip it for only one day, you're not protected. There are many factors as to why it failed for you. I want to order an ultrasound and make sure everything is okay in there, but before I do, let's make sure everything is okay up here." He taps his head with his pen.
"I'm fine, I just, need time to process this. Three months? Really? I'm scared because I've drunk alcohol, and I'm sure taking the pill when you're already pregnant isn't very wise either."
"Don't panic, you'll be fine. We'll run some tests, do the scan and you just do what you can from here on out. Eat well; rest when you can, and obviously no alcohol." He sends me off with pamphlets for pre-natal vitamins and useful books and websites.
"Are you okay? I mean, really? With all this shit going on, it's hard to read how you're feeling about this."
Melody may be one of my best friends, but I don't want to talk to her about it. The first thing she said when I saw her at the airport was, "I'm going to cut that bastard’s balls off so he can not only not knock a bitch up, but he can't get it up either." She's on team Harbour all the way, and I appreciate it, but the anti-Lincoln attitude is a little tough to swallow. Even more so now. Love him or hate him, I'm carrying his baby. Wow, he'll be a father twice within six months.
Unless I don't tell him. No. I can't do that. Or maybe . . .
"Pull over!"
Lo stops the car just in time for me to throw the door open and hurl all over the nature strip. I missed the car, which wasn't a bad effort as my seatbelt is still on. I wipe my mouth and hear my phone ringing. Lo answers, and it's Pierce.
"What time will you be home tonight? Okay, Harbour needs to tell you something. No, it's not bad—well, I don't know, we'll see you soon."
We arrive at Pierce's apartment, and Lo leaves shortly after. She has a gig tonight, which I was supposed to go to but I'm obviously not in the right headspace after the appointment today.
Pierce walks in and throws his jacket over the sofa. He looks from me to the books and pamphlets and back again. His eyes widening as he does this. "You're pregnant?"
I just nod waiting for his reaction.
"I'm so happy for you, Harbour! You're having a baby. You'll be the best mum. Come here; let Uncle Pierce give this baby some love."
I burst into tears and run into his open arms. That's the reaction I needed. I needed to know someone was happy for me. Yes, my situation isn't ideal, but Pierce obviously believes I can do this and his confidence in me is inspiring.
"Don't cry. This is amazing news, Harbour. No matter what, this baby was made with love. You have a team of people here for you to help you and protect you both. You're not alone." Again, words I needed to hear. "How are you feeling? This must've been one helluva shock."
We sit on the sofa and I go through the details. "Twelve weeks, huh? Obviously you were too busy doing other fun shit to notice you were growing a person inside you." He hugs me tightly and strokes my hair. "Are you going to tell him? I think you should. He has a right to know. I'm sure he'd want to be in the baby's life." He pulls away so he can look at my face, possibly to gage my emotions.
"That's what scares me. What if he doesn't? What if he has his happy little family and doesn't care? Hell, I doubt Rachael will let him have anything to do with this baby." I know the words I'm saying are ridiculous but I need to air my concerns with Pierce.
"You know that's crap. He loves you. He'd do anything for you."
"He wouldn't leave his child for me the first time; why would he do it now? I think it's best we don't say anything to anyone yet. Let’s keep it under wraps for a while, just until I work out what I want to do. I don't want to raise my baby with a father who's only there occasionally." I shake my head at the thought. "I'm starting to realize that maybe Rachael wasn't so nasty after all. She was probably scared, and wanted her baby to know his father." Pierce grabs my shoulders and leans over so we are at eye level.
"Listen to me: what she did was not out of love for Lincoln or the baby. She was a cold-hearted bitch who was only looking for personal gain with the game she played. Even if the baby is Lincoln's, they'll be miserable together." He moves his hands to my face and tilts it upwards as he straightens himself. "She doesn't love him, and he doesn't love her. A baby is no reason to stay together. Maybe she wanted his money? Or the title of being Mrs. Lincoln Whitmore? Whatever it is, it isn't for anyone but her. You're nothing like her. Don't try to make sense of her actions." He pulls me in for a comforting hug and then kisses my forehead.
"I wonder if the baby's been born. I haven't spoken with
Dianne or Jackie in a few days. God, how are they going to react to my news? I hate that I'm scared to tell people. I'm actually really excited to be a mum. I don't want negative responses. I want everyone to react like you did."
Pierce kneels before me and places his hands on my still flat belly. "Don't worry about anyone else but you and this little one. You can tell people when you're ready, but until then, I don't want you stressing about this shit. Lincoln will be even more excited than me to hear about this. He's a good guy." He kisses my belly and stands. "Let’s get some dinner."
We order pizza and watch Look Who's Talking for a laugh. I end the night with a bath and the first chapter of Pregnancy for Dummies.
****
The next morning I wake to my phone ringing. Without checking who's calling, I answer groggily.
"Hello?"
"Harbour. It's me." Oh my God. I'm wide-awake now. I look down at my phone to make sure I didn't just dream it. No, it's not a dream. Lincoln is on the phone.
"Lincoln? What can I do for you?" You're not his assistant anymore, no need for formalities, Harbour.
He takes a deep breath, and so do I. Why is he calling me?
"I want you to know that . . . I know what I'm about to tell you won't make a difference because I treated you like shit, and I'll never forgive myself for it. I'm so sorry, Harbour. For everything." My heart is racing. Rachael's
had the baby. Does he know if it's his already? Should I even care? He left me and never gave us a chance to work through it together.
"Lincoln, if you're calling to apologize it's fine. I'm getting over it, over you. Slowly. Achingly slowly, but I'm trying. I understand why you did what you did. I didn't like it, but I understand. It hurt; it still hurts, but I don't hate you. I could never hate you." I pause for a moment and try to maintain my composure. This conversation hurts. "I loved you like you were the air I needed to breathe. Since you left, I felt like I was slowly dying but I'm finally putting back the pieces. Please don't call me again. I can't be involved in whatever messed-up arrangement you and your fiancée have. I need someone to love me unconditionally, not someone who wimps out and runs when shit gets too tough." I hear his sharp intake of breath through the phone line. Low blow Harbour. "You could've stayed. As much as Rachael might've threatened you or made you think otherwise, there were other options. There are always other options. You made your choice, Lincoln. You chose her. Not just your son—when you gave her that ring, you chose her, too. I really hope you're both happy together, for your son’s sake." I wipe the silent tears that are cascading down my face like a waterfall. I can’t speak anymore, my throat is painfully tight.
"He's not mine." His voice is full of regret. As much as I wished to hear those words from his mouth, right now, I'm indifferent to them. He chose her. At the end of the day, he left me to make her happy.
"I'm sorry, I guess. I'm not really sure what to say to you." I rub my tummy. I'm not ready to share my secret with anyone else. Not even your daddy.
"Harbour, please don't give up on me. I know what I did was wrong. With everything I've learnt in the last twenty-four hours, I realize what a huge mistake I made leaving you. Even if the baby was mine, I wouldn't have been able to stay away. I should've thought about that when I walked out that door."
"But you didn't. You didn't trust that I loved you enough to help you through it. You didn't think our relationship was strong enough to handle something so serious. I felt like an outsider, like what we shared meant nothing to you." My voice is cracking. It’s thick with emotion. I hear a heavy sigh through the phone. "Don't say that, Harbour. Never ever doubt that I didn't love you enough. I couldn't possibly love you more. I'm just a fucking idiot who was scared he'd never see his son. Rachael made a lot of demands. It was two weeks. That's all I needed. Two weeks to appease her and find out if he was mine."
"And if he was? Would we be having this conversation?"
"Not today, but soon enough, yes." He sounds like he's crying, which just makes me cry more. I'm so emotional and this isn't a conversation I wanted to have before breakfast.
"Lincoln, you're only calling me because he's not yours. If he were, I wouldn't have heard from you. I'm sure you're upset right now; you probably need time to get over all of this, but you'll be fine. I'm back home, so even if we wanted to work something out, the distance is just too great. You and I couldn't communicate well enough to make a relationship work when we were living in the same apartment; we'd have no chance on different continents. You're free now. No babies, no fiancées, no drama." I sob and hang my head. I need to end this. "I think it's best we don't talk for a while, just until you get yourself sorted and work out what you really want in your life."
"I want you." He responds instantly.
God, this is so hard. A mixture of thoughts race through my head. Take him back! Tell him. Let him go... I can't tell him about the baby yet. Yes, it's selfish, but if he’s being honest about wanting me than I want that to be the reason he returns.
"You'll miss me . . ." I tell him.
"I already do. I have since the night I left you in that apartment." He says.
"Take some time, Lincoln. You might realize that missing me and wanting me are two different things. Call me when you decide what you really want."
I hang up and a new flood of tears race down my face. My phone rings. It's him.
"I want you. You're it for me. I'll prove it. I love you, Harbour."
The call ends and I just cry. Not from sadness, but hope. He still loves me, that's clear, but I need him to show me. To prove that I'm the one he would move mountains for. I don't care if it's selfish; I need to see it. Actions speak louder than words.
****
Pierce has been very quiet since I moved back in a week ago. It's a good thing the broody look suits him. He's been out a few times, and even brought home a few houseguests for an impromptu sleepover. I asked him about his unhealthy behavior, but he assured me there's nothing “unhealthy” going on, and that it's all very good for him.
I haven't heard from Lincoln since we spoke on Friday. Seven days. It hasn't gotten any easier. I miss him more every day.
Pierce was oddly calm when he heard I spoke to Lincoln. "He couldn't stay away, baby girl, even if the kid was his. He wouldn't have been strong enough to avoid you. You two are meant to be. A relationship like yours is as rare as a unicorn’s fart." Classy, as always.
I'm back at work, and have been for a week. It was nice being back in the Melbourne offices. Seeing everyone again was lovely, but awkward all the same. I had to dodge questions about why exactly I left. Unfortunately, all it takes is one office gossip to find photos online of Lincoln and I, and the rumors spread like wildfire. Except, most aren't rumors; some are the ugly truths. I avoid the kitchen in the office. The last time I went to make a cup of tea I heard a group of my so-called workmates discussing my return.
"I heard she came back because her fiancé got another woman pregnant."
"No, I heard his ex-wanted him back, and he left her."
"No, I have actual proof that he was caught in a three-way in his office with two other employees."
I wanted to bust through the door and yell, "Where's your proof, you gossipy bitch?" Instead, I calmly opened the door and ignored their stares while I made my tea. They must think closing the door makes the room soundproof, because the bimbos started laughing and continued their conversation as soon as it clicked shut. I don't have time for drama. I've had enough in the last two months to last a lifetime.
My boss has been a little weird with me. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but it might be because he recommended me for the New York position and it didn’t work out. Apparently my replacement didn't last long; he's been without an assistant for over two weeks.
I sit at my desk and the lift bell chimes . . . No, not again. Please.
"Delivery for Harbour Manning." I wave the guy holding a vase of flowers over to my desk. I have to talk to Pierce. This is getting ridiculous.
I arrive home and go in search of Pierce. He had the day off and he said he'd be here. I reach his door and without thinking, I open it. I stand there like a statue. The sight in front of me is confusingly arousing. Pierce and his very sexy friend are naked and fucking. Animalistic fucking. The friend's hands are tied to the bedhead and Pierce is pounding into him from behind. The sight is completely erotic. All of their muscles are taut, their skin shiny with sweat. The noises are hot: growling, moaning and the occasional curse. I slowly back out the door, embarrassed but turned on. Wow. I want to stay and watch them come. I want to see their faces and hear their noises. I quietly close the door and head for my bathroom, I need a cold shower.
An hour later, I make my way to the kitchen for a drink.
"Did you enjoy the show?" Pierce asks. I stop mid-stride. Oh. God. He saw me in his room.
"I'm sorry, don't be mad. My pregnancy hormones are going crazy and well, it was really hot and I couldn't help but watch. I swear I was only there for a few seconds."
Pierce laughs at my awkward apology. "Baby girl, you should've stayed for the finale. It was epic." He kisses my forehead and sits at the kitchen table.
"Don't say that! My behavior was deplorable. You're my best friend, and I stood there like a horny freak and watched you fuck that sexy guy. You should be pissed at me."
He shakes his head while playing with an apple fr
om the fruit bowl. "Baby, trust me, I'm happy for you to watch. You've seen me starkers before. And I'm sure you've heard the rumors, so I can't blame you for being curious." He winks at me as I take the seat opposite him.
"It was really hot. Like, wow. And he was tied up! That was just . . . wow."
"Wow, huh?" We both laugh but mine fades off quickly.
I have something serious to discuss with him but I'm scared of how to bring it up.
"Would you like a drink? I need to talk to you about
something." I bite my lip when he raises an eyebrow and settles back in his chair.
"What is it?" He asks.
"It's Derek." He curses and runs his hand through his hair.
"What the fuck about him? Did he touch you, 'cause I swear to God . . ." I shake my head.
"He's been sending flowers, with notes. I haven't seen him, but he knows I'm back."
"What do the notes say?" I pull them out of my purse and read them to him in chronological order.
"Monday's says, 'You're back! I knew it wouldn't take you long . . . I bet you miss me. Call me, we need to talk.' Tuesday, 'So, no call last night. I'm disappointed in you, Harbour. I thought we could sort out what happened. Call me; I insist.' Wednesday, 'It's really rude not to thank someone when they send you flowers. Don't be fucking rude, Harbour. CALL ME!'" I throw the notes on the table as if they’re on fire.
"He sent you these all week and you didn't fucking tell me? How the am I supposed to protect you and help you if you don't tell me shit, Harbour?" He holds his arms out and shifts forward in his seat.
"I'm sorry. They just got worse; I was hoping he'd give up but, he won't." My voice is barely a whisper.
"Read the rest." Pierce is nuclear, like a ticking bomb waiting for that one trigger that will set him off. "Don't hesitate. Just read them."
I swallow hard. "Okay, calm down. Thursday, 'Don't make me come to you and get my thank you in person. This is your last chance, Harbour. Call me tonight.' Friday," I pause and swallow over the lump in my throat. "'Time’s up. You're still a selfish cunt and I'm done fucking waiting. I'll come to you and when I do, get ready to get on your knees. I miss your talented mouth. You've been fucking around long enough. You're mine. I'll see you soon.'"
Harbour (Runaway Home #1) Page 23
