by Linda Warren
You have to figure out what does love mean to you. She sank onto her bed and thought about that for a moment. She turned around her and Beau’s situation. If she wanted children, could she love Beau if he were sterile? Definitely. She didn’t even have to think about it. She’d love him through the good and bad times, through any illness—no matter what, she would love him forever.
She had to take her feelings one step further. Did she love him enough to have another child? His child. Yes, she could. Just like that, the monster under her bed disappeared. As she had already begun to realize, she could do anything with Beau beside her. She felt liberated, free, and the only thing she needed now was for Beau to come home.
BEAU SPENT A COUPLE OF DAYS in San Antonio, strolling along the River Walk to the sounds of a mariachi band and just enjoying the scenery. Lush green foliage grew along the banks of the river, which was shaded by towering cypresses, oaks and willows. Flowering gardens bordered the river. He ate at a Mexican restaurant and watched the boats with happy sightseers float down the river.
Later, he visited the Alamo, an eighteenth-century mission church where a group of courageous Texans made their last stand against the Mexican army for Texas independence. It was a Saturday, and everywhere he went he saw couples with children. Families. The way it was meant to be.
From there he headed for West Texas and the landscape was as lonely and desolate as he felt. Sand and cactus and more sand and cactus. He stopped in Marfa to view the mysterious Marfa lights and stayed a week in a primitive cabin communing with nature. To the north he could see the Davis Mountains, to the southeast the Chisos Mountains, and to the southwest the Chinati Mountains. The view was spectacular and the solitude, the isolation was what he needed to sort out what he was feeling. By the time he left, he still wasn’t sure about anything, though. But he didn’t need liquor to take away the pain. He wasn’t following in his father’s footsteps. He’d already put that idea to rest.
In the valley of South Texas on the Rio Grande River, he signed on to harvest an onion crop. It was late August and the sun was hot and the physical labor rejuvenated him in a way that he hadn’t expected. He laughed with the Mexicans and they called him loco for working when he didn’t have to.
The last day of the harvest the Mexicans had a party to celebrate. Beau drank tequila from a bottle and it heated his system, his thoughts. One of the Mexicans offered him a woman for the night and he politely declined. He finally could admit some hard truths. He was going to love Macy forever. Distance and time wasn’t going to change that and he knew it was time to go home and face his life.
And face Macy.
THE FIRST THING he did when he reached Waco was contact a real estate agent. He had to get out of the condo. That was one thing he knew for sure. He had to make changes and that was a start.
He’d known Lois, the agent, for years. He’d handled her divorce. After showing him several houses on the computer, they went to look at several. Nothing suited him. Two hours later they were back in her office.
She flipped through several more houses. One caught his attention.
“Go back,” he said.
“Which one?”
“It was a two-story.”
“You don’t want that one,” Lois said.
“Why not?”
“It’s right outside the city limits on fifty acres and it’s a five-bedroom house.”
“I want to see it.”
Lois arched a fine eyebrow. “Do you have a secret family I don’t know about?”
“No, but I have a niece and a nephew and another on the way. I’d like space for them when they stay with me.”
She clicked her tongue. “Why hasn’t some lucky woman taken you off the market, Beau McCain?”
“Guess I’m too hard to get along with.”
“Oh, please. If I was twenty years younger…”
Beau laughed and he knew he was back to his old self. One look at the house and he made an offer on it. From there he went home to the condo.
MACY WATCHED Zoë in the playpen. She scooted all over the pen on her stomach. Raising to her knees, she’d rock back and forth. Soon she’d be crawling. She seemed to be growing by leaps and bounds. How she wished Beau could see her. She missed him and she knew Zoë did, too.
She heard a noise and swung around. Did that sound come from Beau’s? She listened closely. Yes. Yes. He was home!
Grabbing Zoë, she headed for the door. The dogs ran ahead and she realized she should have brushed her hair, put on makeup or perfume, but she was too eager to see him. Shorts, a T-shirt and a clean face would have to do. The dogs scratched at the door and Macy took a deep breath before she rang the bell.
After a moment, Beau opened the door. She was expecting a haggard appearance, but he looked refreshed and even more handsome than she remembered. And he had a tan. Where had he been?
“Could I speak with you, please?”
He opened the door wider and she stepped inside, balancing Zoë on her hip. She came to a complete stop. There were boxes around the room, boxes that were being filled with his belongings.
“Are you moving?”
“Yes. I’ve made an offer on a house and I’ve started packing.”
The old Macy would turn around and go home and not open herself up for any more pain. But she wasn’t afraid anymore.
Her eyes held his. “Is there room in that house for Zoë and me?”
Zoë leaned toward Beau with her arms outstretched, whining for him to take her.
“Hey, little angel.” He gathered her into his arms and held her close. Zoë rested her face against his neck.
Beau melted from the contact. God, how he loved this kid. He sat her on his knees. “She’s growing. Her hair is longer and curly like yours.”
“Yeah.” Macy winced, and Beau knew there were days when she cursed her curly hair.
“She’s scooting on her stomach so she’ll probably be crawling before too much longer.”
There was silence for a long moment.
“Are you still angry with me?” she asked.
He bounced Zoë until she giggled. “I wasn’t angry. I was just hurt.”
“I’m sorry I told you then. I was just so excited and grateful, but I already knew that I loved you. And it wasn’t because I had a child.” She paused. “You said for me to figure out what love means to me. I have.”
He looked at her then. “What is it?”
“When Delia came by the house, she saw Zoë and said how pretty she was. I asked if she wanted to hold her. Delia asked if I was afraid that she might want Zoë back. I wasn’t because if she wanted to raise her own child, I would have given Zoë to her. And I would still have loved you, wanted a life with you.”
He started to speak, but she held up her hand. “Ever since I lost Hope, I’ve lived with this fear, especially at night. In my mind I called it the monster under my bed. For a long time I thought the fear of not being a complete woman was the monster, then I thought it was my love for you, but it’s really me. I was afraid to live life. I’m not anymore. I’m not afraid to take a risk and I’m not afraid to love.”
He swallowed. “How do you know that for sure?”
“Because I’m not afraid to have another child.”
“I never asked that of you.”
“I know, but now I can tell you what love is to me. It’s loving you through sickness and health, through heartache, pain, suffering and happiness. It’s being there for you no matter what. And it’s letting go of the fear in me because I know I can face anything with you beside me. It’s trusting and believing in that love always.”
Beau carefully laid Zoë on the carpet on her stomach and watched her scoot to try to reach the dogs, who wisely stayed out of her reach. All the while Macy’s words eased every doubt that may have lingered. He loved her and he finally believed she loved him, too.
He turned to gaze at her, unable to keep from smiling. She was absolutely beautiful, with her frizzed hair
sticking out and her face as fresh and innocent as Zoë’s. “You ready to say that in front of a minister?”
“Oh, Beau.” She threw herself into his arms and he held her as if she were the most precious thing on earth. To him she was. “Yes, yes.” She kissed his neck, his chin and found his lips. He cupped her face and kissed her with all the love he’d ever felt for her.
For endless moments they were lost in the magic of that first kiss given with heartfelt love. She ran her fingers inside his shirt and his breathing became labored.
She drew back, her eyes heavy. “My place. Two minutes.” One quick, lingering kiss and she picked up Zoë and disappeared out the door, her animals scurrying after her.
It didn’t take him long to follow.
A LONG TIME LATER Macy laid curled up in Beau’s arms with nothing, but nothing, between them. Zoë was asleep, her animals were, too. Everything was peaceful and quiet. Everything was perfect.
She kissed Beau’s shoulder. “I love you.”
“Mmm.” He ran his hand up her smooth back. “I love you so much that the thought of living without you was killing me.”
“Where have you been?”
“Everywhere, but you were always with me.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you by blurting out my feelings.”
He kissed the tip of her nose. “I know. I guess I was overly sensitive. I just wanted you to trust in my love.”
She moved her leg over his and he smiled. “I do.” She gently kissed his chest. “And I’m ready to face a future with you no matter what happens.” She ran her hand down his body and he groaned.
“Macy…”
There were no more monsters under her bed—just an incredible, good man in it. For now and forever.
EPILOGUE
“COCK-A-DOODLE-DO.”
Beau opened one eye, believing he was hearing things, then the rooster crowed again. “What the hell….”
He sat up and reached for his robe. Macy was at work and he hated those nights when she wasn’t here. But she was giving her notice, so soon she’d be a full-time wife and mother. Though he knew she wouldn’t entirely quit nursing. He went into Zoë’s room and she was sleeping like the angel she was. He straightened her blanket and reached down to kiss her.
It was nearing the end of September and he and Macy had been married for almost a month. They’d had a simple ceremony with just family present and his parents hosted a reception in their home. Delia hadn’t come to the wedding and Macy wasn’t upset about that. Delia was in counseling and Ted said she was doing better than he or Nina had expected. Under her father’s tutelage, Delia just might evolve into a decent person. Only time would tell. And Zoë was where she should be—with him and Macy, and they would love her beyond measure.
Delia was also making progress with Irene. They talked often and when she had all her legal problems settled, Delia planned to visit her in Colorado. Ted had made full restitution to the Wallstons and the Corvette had been returned.
Beau couldn’t understand how the Wallstons could completely forget about Zoë, but he knew Cynthia Wallston had something to do with that and it was probably for the best. If Zoë ever asked about Keith’s family, they would tell her the complete story—just as they would about Delia, her biological mother.
Keeping it a secret wasn’t something they could do to Zoë. They wanted her to grow up healthy and happy without any skeletons in the family closet.
Macy had a new relationship with her mother and her father, and she talked to them often. Ted’s oil company had offices and holdings in Alaska and he’d told Macy that Delia showed an interest in traveling and working there. Ted planned to take her as soon as Delia was allowed to leave the country.
Beau suspected Delia wanted to get away and start over, a new beginning. It might be the adventure she needed to find herself and to come to terms with her life. But Beau knew that Ted would never desert his daughters again. He was in their lives to stay.
Beau and Macy hadn’t gone on a honeymoon yet. Instead they’d moved into their new house. Life was better than he’d ever dreamed. Beau McCain had definitely moved on to the best part of his life. He was in the process of adopting Zoë—the icing on the proverbial cake.
“Cock-a-doodle-do.”
Dammit. Where was that sound coming from? Could someone’s rooster have gotten loose? He went toward the kitchen to investigate. As he drew close, he heard Macy’s voice and a warmth settled in his chest.
“Shh,” she said. “I have to explain you to Beau first.”
“What do you have to explain to Beau?” But it was pretty clear once he entered the kitchen. A red rooster was inside a cage.
The dogs charged into the kitchen, barking excitedly at the newcomer.
Macy clapped her hands. “Quiet.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “A rooster?”
“The animal shelter called and I left work early to pick him up. The police broke up a cockfight and this bird is pretty beaten up. He’s disturbing the other animals so I promised to find him a home.”
Beau sank into a kitchen chair. “I’m in love with a crazy woman.”
She curled into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. “She loves you, too.” She kissed him briefly. “And I promise he won’t be here long.”
“Who are you kidding? You’ll never get rid of that rooster.”
“I know,” she groaned. “Just look at him. His body has several deep pecked cuts and his foot is all chewed up. I’m not sure what to do with him.”
“You do realize he’s probably been trained to fight.”
She nibbled on his ear. “But…”
“When you do that I can’t think too clearly.”
“I know.” She laughed.
“Okay. I’ll see if I can find someone to make him a pen, and I was thinking about building a barn out back, maybe a stable. We have to have room for all these animals you keep bringing home.”
“I knew I loved you for a reason.” She kissed him deeply and her hands found their way inside his robe.
“Cock-a-doodle-do.”
They broke apart laughing. “Good thing we don’t have close neighbors,” he said.
Zoë wailed from her room, the dogs barked loudly and the phone rang.
“I’ll get Zoë.” Macy hopped off his lap.
“I’ll get the phone. Hush,” he said to the dogs.
“Hey, Tuck,” Beau said.
“Just wanted to let you know that Caroline just gave birth to a nine-pound boy. Eli wanted a girl, but he got a fullback.”
“Whoa. Baby certainly takes after his father. How is everyone?”
“Mom and baby are fine. Eli’s a wreck.”
Beau laughed. “He’ll recover.”
“They named the baby Jesse.”
“Are you okay with that?” Jesse was the name of Eli and Tuck’s foster father.
“Sure. Eli and I talked about it and it’s not like I’m ever going to use it. Pa would be proud.”
Beau could hear someone in the background. “Who’s that?”
“The drill sergeant.”
“You mean Grace?”
“Yeah. I better go. She wants to use my cell phone. Why the woman doesn’t have her own I don’t know.”
“Tell everyone ‘hi’ and we’ll be over soon to see the baby.”
“Cock-a-doodle-do.”
“Beau…” He could hear the puzzlement in Tuck’s voice.
“I’ll explain later.”
“Ah, Beau, it’s good to know you’re so happy.”
“I am, Tuck. I really am.”
Beau stared at the phone a minute after he hung up. He was happy, happier than he’d ever been in his life. Jon was now a partner in Beau’s law firm and Beau had cut back on his workload. He was now a man with his own family who needed his time and attention.
The brothers’ lives were changing. They had their own families and their meetings probably wouldn’t be as often. They’d still be close, though.
But he wouldn’t feel the need to keep everyone together. Like his mom, subconsciously he was afraid of the family falling apart again. That’s why he wanted everyone to talk, to get along. He now knew that love bound them together and he didn’t have to worry.
There was just Tuck left, the lone bachelor, and he wondered if Tuck and Grace would ever find any common ground. The new nephew would be a start, except they’d probably argue over him, too.
Macy came back with a sleepy Zoë in her arms and he told her about the new baby.
“How wonderful. Nine pounds. Oh my goodness. Is everyone okay?”
“Yeah. Even Eli survived it—barely.”
Zoë threw out her arms for Beau and he took her. She nuzzled against him and went to sleep on his shoulder. “Bad old rooster woke Daddy’s girl.” He kissed her fat cheek. “I’ll put her down.” He and Macy had agreed that Zoë would call them Mommy and Daddy. They wanted to be a complete family.
Laying Zoë in her crib, he knew he couldn’t love a child of his own any more.
He headed back to Macy. “I’ll put the rooster in the garage and he can crow his head off out there.”
When he returned to the kitchen, Macy was putting on coffee. She had a dreamy look on her face. He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind.
“What are you thinking?” He kissed the side of her face.
“How wonderful you are.”
“Oh.”
She leaned against him. “You were right. You love me with all my faults.”
“And always will.”
She turned in his arms. “You were also right about our love being enough. It is. It completes me in ways I never imagined.”
He swung her up in his arms. “You keep talking like that and we’ll never leave the bedroom today.”
