Outcast

by Lewis Ericson

  Pat and Betty settled in the living room.

  “Can I get you something to drink, Miss Betty?”

  “No, baby. We just came from eating lunch. I’m stuffed and I drank way too much sweet tea. I just wanted to come by and see Kevin.”

  “I’m not sure when he’ll be back, but you’re welcome to wait.”

  They both turned toward the direction of the stairs as Tirrell and Micah’s cheering and laughter drew their attention.

  “I wish he could laugh like that with his brother,” Betty remarked sadly.

  “Maybe you shouldn’t push them, Miss Betty. Certain things just aren’t meant to be.”

  “I can’t believe that. Those boys are family.”

  “And they’ve never gotten along. After all this time they can’t even stand to be in the same room for too long without bein’ at each other’s throats. Kevin and Tirrell are a lot like Cain and Abel, and you know what happened between the two of them.”

  Kevin crept into Tirrell’s bedroom and rifled through his bureau drawers, unsure of what he was looking for, but certain there was something to be found. Weeks had passed with Tirrell comfortably settling back into all of their lives and the thought of him having to wait another thirty days to make a court appearance barely registered concern. In Kevin’s estimation, something was amiss.

  He found a duffel bag tucked away in the back of the closet and pulled it out. He emptied the contents on the floor (a pair of boots, a fatigue jacket, and a few camouflage T-shirts). He searched the pockets of the bag and found the envelope that contained evidence of Tirrell’s subterfuge. Kevin sat back on his haunches and read the documents inside.

  When Betty and Tirrell returned, Kevin was waiting for them. Betty was laughing at some joke that Micah’s young mind found funny. Something that he apparently didn’t understand was more adult than he could handle. They found Kevin sitting at the dining table. Tirrell instantly recognized what he was holding. He froze with trepidation and anger.

  “What the hell?” Tirrell snapped.

  “Noonie, I’ll bet you’ll never guess what this is.” Kevin sounded very much like a satisfied child who’d just caught another in a lie.

  Tirrell lurched toward him. “What were you doin’ in my room?”

  Kevin jumped up from his chair and danced around the table to keep the envelope away from him.

  “What in the world is goin’ on?” Betty demanded.

  “This is the real reason your baby came home,” Kevin spat.

  “You son-of-a-bitch!”

  “Tirrell!” Betty shrieked.

  “He shouldn’t have been in my room,” Tirrell continued.

  “Kevin?”

  “He lied to us, Noonie. He’s not on any kind of leave. His sorry ass was thrown out of the Army.” Kevin tossed the papers on the table in front of her. “It’s all right there.”

  Tirrell lunged at him, knocking him to the floor, and started wailing on him.

  “Stop it,” Betty screamed. “Stop it right now.”

  Unfazed, Kevin and Tirrell rolled around on the floor, exchanging punches and bumping into things. Betty ran into the kitchen and grabbed a broom. She rushed back into the room and beat them with it until they tired out and separated.

  “I don’t know what the hell is goin’ on, but I’m not gonna have this disrespect in my house,” she shouted. “I’m sick of both of you actin’ like . . . like hooligans. Now get up and stop all this foolishness, do you hear me?”

  It took a lot to make Betty Ellis angry, and rarely did she swear, but when she did, you knew you’d crossed the line.

  Kevin pulled himself up off the floor, righted a chair, and eased down into it. Tirrell stood up and snatched his papers off the table.

  Betty composed herself and put down the broom. “Tirrell, what is goin’ on?”

  “Tell her,” Kevin barked.

  “Hush, Kevin,” Betty commanded.

  Silence ticked away at Tirrell’s resolve. “I got discharged.”

  “Tell her why.”

  “Kevin, I said hush.”

  Tirrell heaved, catching his breath. “I got a dishonorable. I got into a fight with this other private and he ended up in the infirmary.”

  “Oh, my Lord.” Betty sighed.

  “He came after me with a knife,” Tirrell continued. “I had to protect myself. They gave me a choice between gettin’ locked up or leavin’ the Army altogether, so I left.”

  “See, Noonie? It’s a pattern with him. He starts stuff and then takes the easy way out. They should have locked your ass up!”

  Betty cut her eyes. “Kevin Ellis, I’m not gonna tell you again, hear?”

  “I should’ve told you,” Tirrell cried. “I was embarrassed ’cause I didn’t wanna let you down again—that seems like all I ever do. All I wanted was for you to be proud of me.”

  “Yeah, gettin’ a DUI and gettin’ kicked out of the Army tends to inspire a whole lot of pride. Poor baby,” Kevin sneered.

  Betty rubbed her hands on her face and through her hair, taking a minute to absorb the extent of what she’d witnessed between the two brothers. She thought about what Pat said earlier in regard to Cain and Abel, and feared that she was right regarding the hostility that existed between them.

  “You don’t have to worry about me causin’ you any more trouble,” Tirrell said quietly. “I’ll get my stuff and leave. I never should’ve come back in the first place.” Defeated, he went to his room and closed the door behind him.

  Betty moved to the table and pulled out a chair next to Kevin. He couldn’t look at her. He turned his eyes downward toward his hands. His fingers interlocked and his forearms rested on his thighs. Betty reached out and tilted his chin up to meet her gaze.

  “Look at me. Look at me, Kevin. You’re a grown man. I’ve asked you time and again to stop treatin’ your brother like he’s the enemy. I can’t make you do it, you have to want to. And I guess that’s my fault for pushin’. You’re still angry with your father. In a lot of ways I can understand that. Are you angry with me too?”

  Kevin’s eyes welled up. He cleared his throat and batted back tears. “No. I’m not.”

  “Then why can’t you let this go?”

  “I don’t know why. Every time I look at Tirrell . . . I can’t stop hating him.”

  “Kevin.”

  “I’m sorry, but it’s true. I hate him and I hate Daddy for what he did to us. I can’t forgive him. I won’t.”

  “Kevin, you have to, otherwise, this thing is gonna continue to eat at you until there’s nothing left.”

  “Before he died I told him I hated him. We got in a huge fight that year before I went back to school, and I never got the chance to make it right.”

  Betty took Kevin in her arms. “Junior knew you loved him. You have to find a way to get some peace out of this and forgive yourself. Punishin’ Tirrell won’t make you feel any better, and it won’t take your pain away.”

  Kevin dried his eyes and abruptly stood up. “I gotta go.”

  Betty reached out and took his hand. “He’s your brother, and he’s hurtin’ too.”

  Kevin slowly eased his hand out of Betty’s and hurried out the door. She closed her eyes and sighed heavily before getting up and starting to Tirrell’s room. She could hear the clanking of hangers and the clash of drawers being opened and closed. She knocked.

  He didn’t answer.

  “Tirrell, I wanna talk to you. Can I come in?”

  The noise inside the room ceased. There was an extended pause before the door opened. She peered inside to see clothes strewn on the bed and half sticking out of his duffel bag. He continued pulling his things out of the closet.

  “I don’t want you to go,” Betty said, easing into the room. “This is your home.”

  Tirrell stopped moving but he didn’t turn to face her. Betty moved up behind him and gently rubbed his back.

  “When I found out that your father had another child I was as shocked as anybody.
I knew what he did affected Kevin and Jacqui. It wasn’t fair to them and it wasn’t fair to you. But, I fell in love with you from the minute I saw you. Head full of hair and fat little legs and cheeks. You were such a beautiful little boy. And despite a few bumps in the road, you’re a fine young man. You’re a handful, there’s no denyin’ that, full of piss and vinegar, but I never once stopped lovin’ you. All I ever hoped for you and Kevin and Jacqui was for you all to get along. And I pray to God that I’m still here to see that happen one day.”

  Tirrell slowly turned, his hazel eyes stained red with tears and embarrassment. He embraced his long-suffering grandmother. Her touch, her love, these were his lifelines. He wanted to be a better person just because she believed he could be.

  Later, after Betty had gone off to bed and he’d put his room back in order, Tirrell slipped outside and sat on the front stoop to have a smoke. His thoughts glazed over with all the many things that he wanted to say to his grandmother and what was left unsaid between him and Tasha. Perhaps, now that his disposition from the Army was out in the open, he could make a fresh go of it. He thought maybe he would start with church—he knew Betty would like that.

  His cell phone rang as he squashed the butt of the cigarette under his heel and flicked it out into the street. It was Bobby. He wiped his hand over his mouth, recalling the sensation that the cocaine had given him. His pulse quickened. Should he respond to the growing desire, or should he steer clear of temptation? The decision was made for him when the ringing stopped—there was no voice mail. He quickly dismissed the notion of calling Bobby back, and got up and went into the house. This was a call better left unanswered.

  11

  To his surprise, Tirrell had awakened before his grandmother. He found a nice pair of dark blue slacks and a complementary shirt to wear and went on to the bathroom. When he stepped out of the shower he heard Betty in the kitchen. Steam gushed out when he opened the bathroom door and he could smell coffee brewing. With his towel wrapped around him, he walked into kitchen—the soles of his feet leaving damp prints on the hardwood floor.

  “Good morning,” he said enthusiastically, kissing her on the cheek.

  “Good morning.” Betty smiled and turned away from the oven. “What are you doin’ up so early?”

  “It’s Sunday, ain’t it? I thought I’d go to church with my best girl.” Tirrell opened the cupboard and reached in for a Moon Pie. “I’m gonna go put my clothes on.”

  “Well, now. Ain’t that somethin’.” Betty couldn’t keep from smiling. She didn’t want to make too much of the gesture, but she was thrilled that he was making the effort.

  Tirrell could hear her singing as he dressed. It made him happy that he could make her smile after he was sure he’d broken her heart the day before.

  He could see the Crawl house from his bedroom window. He spotted Marquis’s ’95 Sedan de Ville De Ville and figured that he was escorting his mother, Anne, to church as well. With the exception of the requisite Christmas, Mother’s Day, and Easter services, Tirrell hadn’t been to church much since his grandfather died. He chuckled when he thought about how he and Marquis used to cut up as kids. He mischievously looked forward to what the day might bring.

  As Betty dressed, Tirrell went to the kitchen and filled up on sausage, biscuits, gravy, and scrambled eggs. Marquis didn’t attend church regularly either, but as he ate Tirrell called him to ensure he would be there.

  Decked out in a lavender two-piece skirt suit, Betty sat near the front of the sanctuary next to Anne Crawl. Pat and Micah sat a row behind them; Kevin was conspicuously absent. Tirrell and Marquis, thick as thieves, hung near the back. Throughout the opening of the service Marquis childishly taunted Tirrell about his night with Tasha. It didn’t sit well with him, especially since the night ended with his arrest.

  “Did she give you that black eye?” Marquis teased.

  Now was not the time or place for Tirrell to share all the sordid details.

  Marquis spied a young woman across the aisle who he’d been intimate with, and brazenly whispered his conquest to Tirrell. They laughed out loud. An older woman sitting in front of them turned around and shushed them. Tirrell pressed his lips together to squelch his amusement. When they were asked to stand for prayer, an usher navigated up the aisle to help latecomers find seats; Tasha was among them. Marquis poked Tirrell in the side and pointed. Tirrell’s demeanor changed. He slapped Marquis’s hand away. Whether she had seen him he couldn’t say; she didn’t acknowledge him.

  The choir sang. The preacher preached, but Tirrell remained focused on Tasha. After the benediction he quickly excused himself from Marquis and pressed through the throng of parishioners to get to her. When she spotted him she looked away and tried to go toward another exit.

  “Tasha,” he yelled, pushing in the opposite direction of the flow of people. She had to have heard him.

  “I smell trouble,” Marquis said from behind him.

  Tirrell turned and scowled.

  Betty and Anne made their way over to let them know that since neither of them had prepared anything for dinner, this would be a good time to go out to eat. Tirrell didn’t argue. He would find a way to talk to Tasha later.

  Pat walked in the house to find Kevin slouched on the sofa in front of the television, with his bare feet propped up on the coffee table, munching on potato chips. Unshaven and unwashed, he had on a pair of pajama bottoms and a loose-fitting T-shirt, which was an indication to her that he’d probably been in that same spot most of the morning.

  Micah climbed into his father’s lap and reached his hand inside the greasy bag.

  “Uh huh,” Pat chided. “You’re gonna mess up your clothes and ruin your dinner.” She took the bag out of Kevin’s hands. “Go on upstairs and change.”

  Micah pouted and poked out his lips.

  Kevin picked him up and sat him down on the floor, patting him on the rear. “Go on and do what your mother said. Come back down when you’re done.”

  Micah stuffed the chips in his hand into his mouth and darted up the stairs. Kevin snatched the potato chips back from Pat. She chuckled.

  “I should make you go up there and change your clothes too.”

  “How was church?”

  “You’d know if you had gone,” she snapped.

  “Did you see Noonie?”

  “Yes, and I saw Tirrell, too.”

  Kevin ignored her and turned up the television volume. Pat took the television remote from his hand and clicked it off.

  “What are you doing? I was watching that.”

  “Don’t act like you didn’t hear me, Kevin.”

  “Give me back the remote.”

  “No.”

  “I’m serious, girl. Quit playin’.”

  Pat laughed and ran toward the kitchen. “You want it, come and get it.”

  Kevin smirked, jumped up from the sofa, and chased after her. He trapped her up against the sink and they playfully grappled for the remote. He tickled her until she surrendered.

  “You’ve been smokin’, haven’t you?” Pat observed.

  “I had one cigarette.”

  “Kevin, you said you were gonna stop.”

  “I just had one and I didn’t smoke it in the house.”

  “Kevin.”

  “You know how I get when I’m stressed.”

  “Stressed about what?”

  “Tirrell. What else?” Kevin leaned on the island in the center of the room and folded his arms. “I found out why he’s really here. He was booted out of the Army for fighting.”

  “What? Did he tell you that?”

  “No. I found out on my own.”

  “How?”

  “I knew he was hiding something, so I went over to Noonie’s and looked through his stuff. I found his discharge papers.”

  “Kevin, no, you didn’t.”

  “I feel pretty shitty about it.”

  “Well, you should. You wouldn’t want anyone scrounging through your personal stuff.”r />
  “He lied, baby. He lied to all of us.”

  “So, that gave you the right to do what you did?”

  Kevin scratched his beard. “We had a fight—right in front of Noonie. I was just so damn mad. I just wanted to hurt him.”

  “Kevin.”

  “You should have seen the way Noonie looked at me. All this time I felt like he was the outcast. Maybe it was me all along.”

  Pat sighed and stepped between Kevin’s legs and hugged him. “Baby, you are not an outcast. But, you can afford to be the bigger man.”

  “The bigger man would avoid the conflict all together and just stay away from him.”

  “And what exactly will that solve? Are you just gonna stay away from Miss Betty, too?”

  Kevin shook his head.

  “You’re bound to see each other, especially if he’s stayin’ in town. You may as well find a way to deal with him.”

  “Maybe we should move to California. Micah could be closer to Mama.”

  “I hope that’s a joke. I like your mother, but having her on the other side of the country works just fine for me.”

  Kevin buried his face in Pat’s shoulder and held her tightly. “I’m never gonna do to you and Micah what my father did to me. I promise you that.”

  “I know you won’t.” Pat laughed as she pulled away and picked up a paring knife on the counter. “Because if you ever do I’m gonna cut your nuts off.”

  12

  Tirrell was eager to see Tasha. When he and Betty returned home he tried to convince her to let him borrow the car to go and see her. Given his DUI and pending court date she was naturally reticent.

  “Please, Noonie, please. I promise I’ll be careful. I’ll go and I’ll come right back.”

  “You know I can’t do that.”

  “Then can you drive me over there?”

  “Tirrell.”

  “Please, Noonie. Please. I swear I’ll be extra careful. I have to see her.”

  After several minutes of seeing Tirrell sulk, Betty relented and handed him the keys. “No drinking. You go and you come straight back, you hear me?”