Beating. Beating typically refers to any form of impact play, to include spanking, slapping, whipping, flogging, clubbing, caning, paddling, cropping, and punching. (See also: Impact play)
Being Serviced. A common euphemism for a Dominant or Top receiving oral sex from a submissive or bottom in a somewhat aloof fashion.
Bipoly. A person who is bipoly is both bisexual and polyamorous. (See also: Polyamory)
Blindfold. Noun: Any strip of cloth, accessory or device designed to be worn over the eyes to prevent a person from seeing. Verb: To cover the eyes of a person. Blindfolding is typically a form of sensory deprivation used in BDSM play used to heighten the wearer’s fear or unease, and sometimes, to simulate anonymous sexual activity. (See also: Bondage, Sensation play)
Body Worship. Body worship is an obsession with another person’s body, typically the form, musculature, genitals, or buttocks. This obsession is typically demonstrated through reverence, prostration, kissing, licking, sucking, and other types of oral sex. (See also: Ass worship, Cock worship, Pussy Worship)
Bondage. Bondage is the practice of binding, tying, strapping, boxing, caging, suspending, or otherwise restraining a person for sexual, psychological, artistic, or decorative purposes. Bondage is often combined with other forms of BDSM play such as humiliation, torture, impact play, or acting out rape fantasies. (See also: Restraints, Self Bondage.)
Boot Worship. A fetish that involves the obsessive adoration of a Dominant’s boots. Boot worship often involves prostration, kissing, licking, or masturbation involving the Dominant’s boots. It is commonly a part of the dynamic between a sadistic Dominant and a submissive that enjoys humiliation and forced behaviors. (See also: FemDom, Foot fetish, Humiliation)
Bottom. A term used in both the BDSM and gay lifestyles to refer to a person in a submissive, passive, receiving or obedient role. The term is usually applied to describe a person’s actions and behaviors demonstrated at any given moment in time, rather than his or her deep-seated character and thought-processes. In a nutshell, one’s actions may make him a bottom, while one’s character may make him a submissive. There is often some overlap and it is entirely possible to be a submissive who is, for whatever reason, not in the role of a bottom at any given time or circumstance. (See also: Dominant, Role play, Scene, Submissive, Top)
Branding. Branding is a form of body modification, similar to tattooing, that is far more common in the BDSM lifestyle than in the general population. It typically involves the use of hot metal implements to produce burns and scar tissue on a person’s skin for a variety of reasons, to include sadomasochistic pleasure, aesthetic or artistic reasons, to demonstrate ownership of a slave or submissive, or as a badge of honor. Branding is almost exclusively practiced by hard-core masochists or those with an extreme body modification fetish. (See also: Edge play, Fire play, Scarification)
Brat. Typically a submissive who is generally well-behaved, but has made misbehavior, teasing, and limited kinds of defiance or disobedience an integral part of her Dominant-submissive dynamic. Preferably, this occurs with the full awareness and approval of her Dom. When such is not the case, problems will invariably arise. (See also: S.A.M./Sammy, Submissive, Topping from the bottom)
Breast Bondage. Breast bondage involves binding the breasts with rope, straps, tape, cloth, leather, chain, or any other material to create a sensation of pressure or pain. This is often done as much for the aesthetics as it is the intense sensations produced, and is considered by some to be an art form. (See also: Breast whipping, Kinbaku, Restraints, Rope play, Shibari)
Breast Whipping. Breast whipping usually refers to the practice of striking the breasts with a flogger, crop, whip, or slapper. This is often combined with other types of breast torture, such as binding or nipple clamps.
Breath Play. Often referred to as choking, breath play generally consists of being sexually aroused either by choking your partner or by being choked, either as foreplay or during sex. It can involve a wide range of activities ranging from simulated or actual choking from hands around the neck, to autoerotic asphyxiation. (See also: Asphyxiation, Autoerotic asphyxiation, Edge play)
Brown Showers. Also sometimes referred to as scat play. A brown shower refers to any activity which involves the act of defecating on another person, or having it done to you. It is sometimes combined with enemas to create a more fluid experience.
Bruising. Bruising generally refers to the black and blue or purplish marks on the skin as the consequence of tiny capillaries in the skin being damaged or broken as the result of either impact play such as spanking, caning, slapping, flogging, whipping or paddling, or aggressive handling during bondage, choking, or rough sex. Bruises are quite often worn as a badge of honor by masochists and bottoms.
Caging. The practice of using a cage, crate, pen, or barred cell to restrain a person for sexual, psychological or aesthetic reasons. Caging can be used for just about any reason, to include punishment, reward, foreplay, humiliation, or even to produce a sense of security for the submissive being caged. Some submissives enjoy sleeping in cages, or staying in cages when their Dominants are away. Others use the cage as a refuge, or as a place to be sent when they feel that they have done something wrong, and must do pennance. Caging is also a favorite activity of many people in the D/s lifestyle who are into pet play. (See also: Abduction play, Cow/Pig Submissive, Pet Play, Prison Fantasy.)
Caning. Caning is a form of corporal punishment that typically consists of striking the buttocks with a thin, rattan cane. It is often erroneously assumed by those outside the BDSM culture that caning refers to the use of a heavy, stiff implement that resembles a walking cane, but such is not the case. The cane used in BDSM canings is a lightweight switch that is generally used to deliver strikes to the buttocks, but sometimes to other parts of the body, hands, or feet. Strikes are referred to as cuts or strokes, and can sometimes be severe enough to break the skin. (See also: Cropping, Flogging, Impact play, Whipping)
Castration Play. Though it may seem somewhat oxymoronic for most to see the words castration and play used in the same phrase, the role play aspects of this activity have a great deal of appeal to those who enjoy the use of fear, anxiety, medical play, and/or knife play as part of their BDSM activities. Typically, castration play consists of causing another person to fear being castrated (having one’s testicles surgically removed). Far less common is the sort of castration play that involves a participant who actually has a castration fantasy, i.e. is aroused by the thought of being castrated. (See also: CBT, Medical play, Torture)
Catheterization. Catheterization typically refers to the insertion of a thin, highly flexible, surgical grade plastic tube into a person’s urethra. This is usually done by medical professionals to drain urine from the bladder when a patient cannot use toilet facilities. In a BDSM context, catheterization may be done for a wide variety of reasons. The simplest might be that a person has developed a catheter fetish and simply derives pleasure from it. Other reasons for catheterization my include humiliation, torture, prolonged bondage, caging, bathroom restrictions, or medical play. (See also: Bathroom Restrictions, Bondage, Caging, Humiliation, Medical Play, Torture.)
Cattle Prod. An electrical device typically used by cattle ranchers to deliver a high-voltage, low-current electrical shock to cows to get them to move in the direction desired. When used on human beings, cattle prods produce significant pain and sometimes the loss of muscle control, and may cause burning or scarring if continuously applied to the same area. With the advent and growing popularity of tasers and stun guns, cattle prods have become less common in the BDSM community. (See also: Electricity play, Torture)
CBT. Cock and Ball Torture. This usually involves binding, caging, and/or applying pressure or other forces on the penis and testicles as to cause pain, restrict erection, or create the expectation of such. (See also: Ball busting, Ball stretching, Parachute, Torture)
Chamber Pot. This generally refers to a bowl, pot, pail or other recepta
cle used as a makeshift toilet. Traditionally, chamber pots were used by people who either did not have indoor plumbing, or could not conveniently get to a toilet in the middle of the night. Victorian era chamber pots often had a lid, and were kept under the bed. In a BDSM context, chamber pots are used in a wide variety of activities. (See also: Bathroom Restrictions, Brown Showers, Caging, Closeting, Golden showers, Humiliation, Scat Play.)
Chastity Belt. This refers to a device worn, and usually locked, around the pelvis and crotch of the wearer to prevent sexual intercourse and, sometimes, masturbation. It is generally believed that chastity belts were used during the Middle Ages, to ensure the chastity of wives left behind by crusaders to the Holy Land. However, there is little evidence to support this notion, as the earliest known chastity belts appeared much later, during the Renaissance. In a BDSM context, chastity belts are used on both males and females, and can be designed to prevent intercourse, masturbation, and in some cases for males, erections. (See also: Bondage, Restraints, CBT, Humiliation, Orgasm Denial.)
Chauffeuring. Chauffeuring refers to the duties of a service submissive that consist primarily of driving, delivering, picking up and running errands for a Dominant and possibly for other members of his or her household. Chauffeuring may or may not involve sex, wearing a uniform, and/or performing these duties in public. (See also: Domestic, Service Submissive.)
Choking. (See Breath Play.)
Closeting. Typically refers to the practice of punishing a misbehaving submissive by locking him or her in a closet or similar enclosed space. (See also: Caging.)
Clothespins. Clothespins have become a bit of an anachronism for many people who have never had to hang their just-washed laundry out to dry on a clothes line, but they do still exist. In the BDSM lifestyle, they are often used to apply pain and pressure to sensitive body parts, such as the lips, tongue, nipples, labia, penis, or scrotum.
Cock Worship. Cock worship describes any sexual or pseudo-sexual activity where the primary focus involves demonstrated love, adoration and reverence of a man’s penis. The practice often involves kneeling, prostration, or assuming other submissive poses to emphasize the Dominant-submissive dynamic. While there is sometimes an element of humiliation or even discipline (i.e. spanking, caning, or bondage) involved, it is far more common for the Dominant to assume a somewhat aloof role while the submissive “worships at the altar.” (See also: Body worship)
Collar. Collars are viewed by those in the D/s lifestyle in much the same way that rings are considered by those outside of the lifestyle. Just as a ring can symbolize anything from friendship to marriage, or have no symbolism whatsoever, so too can a collar. A collar can be comprised of just about anything, to include a ribbon around the neck, an actual pet collar, custom designed fetish-wear, or even a traditional necklace that only you know the significance of. A collar is simply what the people involved agree that it is, nothing more, nothing less. When a Dominant no longer feels his submissive is worthy of the collar, the submissive may be “released,” meaning the collar is revoked. Alternately, a submissive may ask to be released from her collar, though generally speaking, this is a mere formality that is done out of respect. (See also: Collar of consideration, Collar of protection, Day collar, Play collar)
Collar of Consideration. A provisional collar that is offered by a Dominant to a submissive that he is considering as a potential submissive who’ll presumably become eligible for a collar of greater significance at the end of the probationary period. It is typically used to give some recognition to the process of getting to know each other by formalizing a tentative commitment by a submissive to discontinue shopping for a Dominant while being considered by this one, and by the Dominant to treat her as his for the duration of the agreement. The terms of this tentative agreement should be negotiated prior to the collaring, and are typically set to expire after a relatively short period of time. (See also: Collar)
Collar of Protection. A collar of protection is similar in many ways to a collar of consideration, and in fact, there are often areas of overlapping functionality. Most collars of consideration are also collars of protection; however, not all collars of protection are collars of consideration. A Dominant will sometimes extend his protection to a submissive out of friendship or charity, even though neither person has any intention whatsoever of establishing a more serious relationship with the other as a consequence. The protection offered to the submissive in these circumstances often includes advice and guidance, approving play partners and events, and interviewing and/or approving prospective Dominants who may wish to consider the submissive. (See also: Collar)
Consent. Consent, for BDSM purposes, refers to the informed agreement to engage in an activity, scene or relationship, assuming that all parties have a mutual understanding of what is meant by the agreement. Evidence or proof of a partner’s prior consent may be difficult to prove after the fact, which can be problematic considering the fact that it is typically the critical factor when it comes to criminal charges such as assault, sodomy, and rape. Even so, documenting consent is a relatively rare thing in the BDSM lifestyle. (See also: Consensual non-consent, R.A.C.K., and S.S.C.)
Consensual Non-consent. Consensual non-consent is the term for a somewhat controversial practice of ostensibly giving up the right to say no in advance of an activity, scene, or relationship. The reason it is controversial is the simple fact that such an agreement has no legal standing whatsoever in any court of law. (So-called slave contracts are similarly illegal and unenforceable.) This makes the practice of consensual non-consent not only illegal, but dangerous for the Top, who could find himself - perhaps even years later - unexpectedly faced with criminal charges. Even documentation of the agreement is futile, since the agreement itself is technically illegal. Despite these risks, consensual non-consent is widely practiced and enjoyed by many in the lifestyle. (See also: Consent, R.A.C.K., Slave contract, S.S.C.)
Corset/Corsetting. A corset is a garment that reshapes the torso, making it appear more slender or shapely through non-elastic materials, lacing and ribs, stays or boning. A corset differs from a girdle, which is typically elastic and contains no lacing or ribs. Corsets may be worn by Dominants to give them a more commanding appearance, or by submissives for aesthetic, restrictive, or body-modification purposes.
Crops. Crops, which are sometimes referred to as riding crops or horse whips, typically consist of a long, slender and flexible shaft which is thicker and reinforced at one end to form a handle and has, at the other end, a tongue of leather, neoprene or cord called the keeper. The traditional shape of the keeper can be a square, rectangle, circle, half-circle, fiddle, or half-fiddle. Keepers can also come in a variety of novelty shapes, as well. The flexible shaft adds leverage and speed to the strike, while the keeper is designed to come into contact with the target. (See also: Caning, Floggers, Impact play, Whips)
Cuffs. (See: Restraints)
Cutting. Cutting is the practice of cutting the skin with a blade or other sharp instruments to produce pain, fear, excitement or decorative scars. (See also: Abrasion, Branding, Castration Fantasy, Knife Play, Scarification)
Daddy Dom. A Daddy Dom is typically a Dominant whose primary attraction to the D/s lifestyle is a unique form of paternalism. The relationship dynamic may involve sexual or nonsexual age play, incest role-play, erotic or nonsexual spankings, and other expressions of an imagined parent-child relationship. Daddy Doms are not attracted to children, they are attracted to adults who exhibit childlike behaviors. (See also: Age play, Little)
Day Collar. A day collar refers to anything that is worn throughout a person’s day-to-day vanilla life, to include at work, school, and family or social gatherings, to symbolize the collared relationship between a Dominant and submissive. A day collar may consist of just about anything, and need not necessarily be worn about the neck like a traditional collar. The most common varieties of day collars are necklaces, chokers, ribbons, bracelets, anklets, and rings. (See also: Collar, Colla
r of consideration, Collar of protection, Everyday collar, Play collar.)
Deferred/Delayed Gratification. (See: Orgasm denial/control, Masturbation restrictions, Mitts)
Diaper Play. A form of age-play involving the wear of traditional or adult-diapers while assuming the role of an infant. Sometimes used in play involving the control (or lack of control) of the bodily functions. (See also: AB/DL, Age Play, Infantilism, Littles.)
Dilation. Dilation refers to an activity which involves the use of a medical speculum to open a woman’s cervix as part of a medical scene. This procedure can be dangerous if done by an untrained person.
Discipline. Traditionally the “D” in BDSM. Generally speaking, it refers to various forms of corporal punishment, such as spanking, caning, beating, flogging, whipping, or slapping. In a more subtle sense, discipline can also refer to the mental discipline required to be a good Dominant or submissive, which sometimes requires a disciplined mindset that allows a person to resist his or her natural impulses. (See also: Caning, Crops, Flogger, Impact play, Paddles, Spanking, Whips)
D.M. Acronym for Dungeon Monitor. Typically someone in authority whose role is to monitor the activities of a particular establishment to ensure that none of the house rules are being broken.
Domestic. The Domestic, sometimes referred to as a service submissive, is a submissive who is expected to perform domestic duties in the Dominant’s household, such as cooking, cleaning, childcare, and yard work. More often than not, the Domestic is also expected to be available sexually to the Dominant, his other submissives, or guests. It is entirely possible, but relatively rare, for a Domestic sub to be in a nonsexual D/s relationship. (See also: Service submissive, Submissive)
Dominant. One who acts in a domineering or authoritative role in life, and especially in relationships. A Dominant may be a “true Dominant” in the sense that this trait is firmly hard-wired into his psyche and he simply doesn’t know any other way to be, or he may be acting out a role, whether consciously or unconsciously. A Dominant is defined primarily by his need to control his environment and personal interactions and his skill at being able to do so.
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