Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook

by Michael Makai

  Needle Play. Needle play typically consist of placing acupuncture needles into various fleshy parts of the body to induce or reduce fear, create aesthetically pleasing patterns or designs, stimulate the nervous system, cause or reduce pain, and for other therapeutic reasons. Acupuncture needles may be inserted into the flesh perpendicular to the skin or at a secant, where the needle is pushed through a fold of skin in such a way that the tip emerges again, leaving only the center part of the needle shaft below the skin. This aesthetic mode of needle play has recently become quite popular as a way to anchor decorative corset lacing to a person’s back or chest. (See also: Edge play, Injection play, Medical play)

  Novice Submissive. A novice submissive is typically a person who has very recently discovered and become excited about the D/s or BDSM lifestyle, and has decided that she badly wants to be a part of it as quickly as possible. This is sometimes referred to as sub frenzy. This often involves a frenzied quest to find a Master, any Master, as quickly as possible.

  Odaxelagnia. Odaxelagnia refers to a fetish or paraphilia which involves becoming sexually aroused by biting. (See also: Paraphilia.)

  Orgasm Control/Denial. The practice of denying or delaying a submissive’s orgasm, which can be done for a multitude of reasons, to include heightening arousal, demonstrating a Dominant’s power over a submissive, or to punish. Orgasm denial can be long term, meaning the subject may be denied permission to have an orgasm for days or weeks, or short term, where the orgasm is deferred for just seconds or minutes. Orgasm denial may or may not involve the submissive requesting from the Dominant permission to have an orgasm. (See also: Masturbation restrictions)

  OTK. Acronym for Over The Knee. OTK refers to a specific style of spanking, generally (but not necessarily) practiced by those who are into Age Play. The submissive lies face down across the lap of the Dominant, who administers a spanking. The spanking may be characterized as punishment or reward, depending on the relationship dynamic, and may or may not involve genital fondling or other sexual activities. (See also: Age play, Humiliation, Impact play, Spanking)

  Painslut. The painslut is typically an extreme masochist, or someone who enjoys the sensations of pain to an extreme or dangerous degree. The painslut’s primary interest, attraction, and fetish is pain. The use of the suffix slut is not incidental, as Painsluts are often known almost as much for their promiscuity as they are for their extreme brand of masochism. (See also: Masochism)

  Parachute. A small conical leather ring or collar with four or more small chains attached, which makes it resemble a tiny parachute. Parachutes are affixed around the scrotum, and weights are attached to the parachute’s chains in order to stretch the scrotum as part of cock and ball torture (CBT). Ball stretching is a potentially dangerous activity. (See also: Ball crusher, Ball stretching, CBT, Weights)

  Paraphilia. Paraphilia is a rather generic term which refers to being sexually aroused by objects, body parts, situations, or individuals not typically associated with eroticism or sex by members of the general population. Paraphilia is often used synonymously with fetishism though, technically, they differ in the sense that a fetish is a requirement for sexual gratification. Paraphilia may be more appropriate as a technical synonym for kink.

  Pegging. Pegging typically and correctly refers to the sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a man's anus with a strap-on dildo, though it is also sometimes used to refer any penetrative sex involving a strap-on dildo, without regard to gender or orifice. (See also: FemDom, Forced feminization, Strap-on)

  Pet Play. Pet play (sometimes referred to as kitten play, puppy play, pony play, ponyism, or animal role play) consists of two or more role players, one of whom takes on the characteristics of a cherished pet while the other typically plays the role of an owner, caretaker, trainer or rider. Pet play can be sexual or asexual, and in the case of sexual pet play, may include role play scenarios involving discipline, humiliation and sado-masochism, as might be applied by an owner to his naughty puppy, for example. (See also: Furry, Pony play, Ponygirl/Ponyboy, Primal)

  Pharoanic Lord. (See: Lesser God Dom.)

  Piercing. (See: Needle play)

  Pillory. (See: Stocks)

  Pinwheel. A pinwheel is a small device, also known as a Wartenburg Neurowheel. It is named after its inventor, Robert Wartenberg, who invented it to test nerve sensitivity as it was rolled across a patient’s skin. It was commonly used in in the past in many kinds of BDSM scenes, but less so today due to health concerns, since it breaks the skin with its tiny sharp spikes, which are arranged like a child’s pinwheel toy. (See also: Sensation play)

  Play Collar. A play collar refers to any collar that is worn primarily for utilitarian purposes during a BDSM play session. Typically, play collars are constructed of leather or metal, but they can literally be made of any material that is appropriate for the type of play that is going to take place. The most common type of play collar used in bondage scenes are constructed of durable leather and heavy-duty steel D-rings which facilitate the attachment of chains, straps, rope, or other restraints to the collar. Other types of play collars may include posture collars, neck corsets, steel lockable collars, rubber or PVC collars, medical (cervical) collars, ball gag collars, bit gag collars, or hooded collars. (See also: Collar, Collar of consideration, Collar of protection, Day collar)

  Plural Marriage. (See also: Polyamory, Group marriage)

  Podophilia. (See: Foot Worship)

  Polyamory. The practice or ability to love more than one person at a time; from the Latin poly (many) and amor (love). Just because polyamory is relatively common in the D/s lifestyle doesn’t mean that people in the lifestyle are any better at it than anyone else. It is a profoundly difficult thing to be successfully polyamorous in any relationship, D/s or otherwise. For more on Polyamory, see Chapter 12: Polyamory,

  Polyandry. Refers to a polyamorous relationship in which a woman has more than one male partner. It is typically used to describe a polygamous or plural marriage consisting of a wife with two or more husbands. (See also: Group marriage, Polyamory)

  Polyfidelous. The practice of being faithful to more than one partner, usually in a polyamorous relationship, is called polyfidelity. For example, a polyamorous Dominant with two submissives may choose to be polyfidelous to his two partners, not engaging in intimate relations with anyone else. This may or may not include BDSM fetish-play, as many people in the BDSM lifestyle do not consider such activity as “intimate.” Ultimately, the meaning of polyfidelity should be mutually agreed upon by the individuals in the relationship. (See also: Group marriage, Polyamory)

  Polygyny. Refers to a polyamorous relationship in which a man has more than one female partner. It is typically used to describe a polygamous or plural marriage consisting of a husband with two or more wives. (See also: Group marriage, Polyamory)

  Polyvinyl Chloride (PVC). Polyvinyl Chloride or PVC, as it is commonly referred to, is a synthetic polymer plastic that can be produced in rigid or flexible form. In its pure form, PVC resembles the hard white plastic generally associated with plastic piping and conduits. When PVC is combined with certain other substances, it becomes pliable and a less expensive substitute for leather, natural rubber, or other materials used in fetish-wear. PVC can be produced to be glossy or matte, flexible or rigid. It is often confused for leather, rubber, latex, or other types of plastic. (See also: Latex, Rubber)

  Pony Play. Pony Play refers to a form of pet play that involves assuming the role of a pet pony. Ponies typically fall into three categories: cart ponies, riding ponies, and show ponies. Cart ponies pull a small cart called a sulky, which carries her owner or other riders. Riding ponies prefer to be ridden directly, either while on all fours, or standing, with the rider on her back or shoulders. Since this can be problematic due to the rider’s weight, it is often simulated. Show ponies are all about the dressage, and often wear very elaborate plumes, braids, harnesses, bridles, and other decorative items. (See also: Pet play, Ponygirl, Ponyboy
, Pony Slave)

  Ponygirl / Ponyboy / Pony Slave. Refers to a person who enjoys or gets sexually aroused by assuming the role of a pony for pony play. (See also: Pet play, Pony play.)

  Poppers. Typically refers to small glass ampules encased in a pouch made of absorbent material. The ampules, when crushed, release a liquid that soaks the absorbent material and becomes an inhalant that produces a momentary feeling of heart-pounding euphoria or inebriation. Poppers usually contain amyl nitrate, butyl nitrate or other similar compounds and are sold over-the-counter in adult retail establishments under various brand names as liquid incense. The same inhalants are also often sold in liquid form in small bottles as solvents, cleaners, or air fresheners. Inhaling the fumes during sex often results in intense orgasm, increased heart rate and respiration, and relaxation of the anal sphincter. Overuse of poppers and similar inhalants can lead to serious medical problems, including death.

  Postural Asphyxiation. Postural asphyxiation occurs when a person’s body position makes it difficult or impossible for that person to breathe. Different people may be susceptible to postural asphyxiation as a result of different positions, which makes it extremely difficult to anticipate or take preventative measures for. The best strategy for mitigating the effects of postural asphyxiation is continuous monitoring of the bottom’s physical, emotional, and cognitive condition. (See also: Asphyxiation, Autoerotic asphyxiation)

  Predicament Bondage. Predicament bondage typically refers to a scene that features either a bondage position that is untenable or difficult to maintain for very long, or the dilemma of having to choose between two equally uncomfortable or painful options. An example of the former would be a bondage position that requires a bottom to stand on his or her tiptoes in order to reduce the discomfort of a partial suspension. As the tiptoe stance becomes untenable and the bottom stands flat-footed, the discomfort of the partial suspension becomes significantly more intense. An example of the latter would be a bottom who is given a choice between having her ass spanked and having her pussy spanked. When she gives a signal that one has become unbearable, the Top will switch to the other, alternating back and forth as appropriate. Predicament bondage is generally considered to be a form of edge play, meaning that it carries a higher than average risk of injury. (See also: Bondage, Kinbaku, Restraints, Shibari)

  Primal. A person who embraces his or her animalistic or primal instincts. Primals are often neither inherently dominant nor submissive by nature. Primals tend to prefer nontraditional poly relationships patterned on the pack or pride dynamic, similar to that of wolves and lions. Primals do treat dominance and submission as a significant part of their interactions with others, but it is something that is fluid and spontaneous, and often established in an ad-hoc, spur of the moment fashion upon meeting someone for the first time. This process of establishing dominance or submission may involve stare-downs, sniffing, verbal sparring, or even physical aggression. On a hypothetical spectrum with role play at one end and real life at the other, primalism tends to be a core personality trait, while furryism is more a matter of role play. A primal considers himself an animal in a human body, while a furry envisions himself and role plays as a human in an animal body. (See also: Furry, Pet play, Role play)

  Prison Fantasy. Prison fantasies and role play typical involve simulations of being held captive in a jail cell, prison, or cage and being humiliated, punished or coerced to engage in sexual acts. This type of role play is often combined with abduction play, medical play, humiliation and bondage. (See also: Abduction play, Bondage, Caging, Humiliation, Medical play)

  Protocol. The customs, courtesies and practices of a group which have become semi-formalized over time, and are generally expected to be observed by members of the group. There are certain protocols common to almost all aspects of the D/s lifestyle, as well as certain protocols that are specific only to subcultures within the lifestyle. One example of a protocol that is common to the BDSM lifestyle in general is the customary use of honorifics, such as Master, Mistress, Sir, or Ma’am. An example of a custom or protocol common to the Littles subculture might be the practice of addressing a Dominant as Mister, Mistress, Daddy, or Mommy. For more information about typical BDSM munch group customs and protocols, see Chapter 10 - BDSM Groups and Activities.

  Puppy Play. (See: Pet play)

  Pussy Spanking. Pussy spanking consists of strikes to a woman’s genitalia with a bare, open hand. The strikes may be soft or hard, singular or multiple strikes, slow or fast-paced, or any combination of the above. Pussy spanking is often done in conjunction with other types of impact play, to include traditional OTK spankings, and bondage play. (See also: Impact play, OTK spanking, Spanking)

  Pussy Whipping. Pussy whipping generally refers to any activity that consists of striking a female bottom’s genitals with an implement such as a whip, crop, slapper, flogger, or cane. Pussy whipping is often done while a bottom is immobilized by restraints or as a part of humiliation play. (See also: Bondage, Crops, Humiliation, Impact play, Pussy spanking)

  Pussy Worship. Pussy worship consists of an intense, demonstrated adoration of female genitalia. While it is technically a fetish, pussy worship is not a paraphilia, since the genitalia is normally associated with sexual arousal. (See also: FemDom, Humiliation, Paraphilia, Queening, Queening Stool, Smotherbox)

  Quad. A quad is a polyamorous relationship consisting of four people. (See also: Polyamory.)

  Queening. (See: Face Sitting)

  Queening Stool. A queening stool is a specialized stool that allows access to the seated person’s bare genitals to a person lying on his or her back below. It is used primarily for forced cunnilingus, or face sitting. (See also: Face Sitting, Humiliation, Queening, Smotherbox)

  Rack. Racks are sometimes referred to as torture or stretching racks and were used for torture, and sometimes even execution, for over two thousand years. A traditional rack consisted of a wooden frame or table-like device which sat horizontally or at a slight incline, with ratcheting rollers or cylinders at each end. Attached to the ratcheting rollers were ropes, chains or cables which were, in turn, attached to wrist or ankle cuffs. A subject would be placed on the rack and restrained by the wrist and ankle cuffs before his torturer would begin ratcheting the rollers tight to put excruciating tension on the arms and legs. Often, the person would be held immobile on the rack by the tension while other forms of torture, such as whipping, burning, or cutting were applied. Eventually, the tension would be increased and the subject’s cartilage, ligaments, and bones would begin to pop, tear, and dislocate. Modern-day racks used in BDSM play apply the same general mechanism to stretch a person out lengthwise by his wrists and ankles, typically to immobilize the subject while other things are done to him. (See also: St. Andrews Cross, Table play, Torture)

  R.A.C.K. Acronym for Risk Aware Consensual Kink. Refers to the practice of knowing and evaluating the realistic risks of what you are doing, and whom you are doing it with, before engaging in any BDSM activity. (See also: S.S.C.)

  Rape Fantasy. Sexual arousal or gratification from thinking about or acting out a fantasy or simulated rape scene is relatively common, yet rarely discussed openly in polite society for a number of good reasons. In the BDSM lifestyle, rape role play is generally referred to as a form of “consensual non-consent”, meaning that a bottom gives actual consent to the activity prior to a scene, with the understanding that any non-consent that is expressed during a scene is not to be taken seriously. Obviously, this can be a very risky activity for everyone involved, since even the simplest misunderstanding can have serious ramifications. This sort of play is also highly controversial in the sense that there are people who feel that it glorifies or legitimizes violence against women and that even discussing it can needlessly traumatize those who have been victimized in the past. (See also: Abduction play, Bondage, Consent, Consensual non-consent, Prison fantasy, R.A.C.K., and S.S.C.)

  Religious Fantasy. Religious fantasy and role play typically relies on icon
ic religious symbols, rituals, or authority figures such as priests and nuns for sexual arousal or gratification. The fantasies often rely heavily upon the societal taboo of mixing sex and religion which, for many people, makes it feel all the more sacrilegious and naughty. For some, particularly people who may have been raised in a religious home, a religious authority figure may be viewed as the ultimate Dominant, acting with the authority of God. Still others may have no religious background at all, but take great joy in skewering society’s sacred cows in a variety of kinky ways. Religious fantasy and role play should not be confused with the relationship dynamic that exists between a Lesser God Dominant and his or her acolytes. (See also: Acolyte, Lesser God Dominant, Role play)

  Restraints. Restraints refer to virtually anything that can be used to immobilize or limit the movement of a bottom in a bondage scene. The most common forms of BDSM restraints are wrist and ankle cuffs, handcuffs, thigh cuffs, arm cuffs, collars, arm sleeves, bondage harnesses, spreader bars, and similar types of bondage gear. (See also: Arm/Leg sleeves, Bondage, Collars, Harness, Kinbaku, Shibari, Spreader bar)

  Role Play. Role playing refers to any activity that involves acting out roles in a hypothetical or fantasy scenario. Role play in the BDSM lifestyle is typically erotic in nature and usually involves a power exchange dynamic of some sort. The most common forms of BDSM role play are Topping, bottoming, and switching. A person need not necessarily be a Dominant to Top, nor a submissive to bottom. Sexual role play is also often associated with various types of paraphilia, or sexual arousal from things not typically associated with sex. (See also: AB/DL, Abandonment, Abduction play, Age play, Auctions, Bottom, Diaper play, Forniphilia, Gor, Infantilism, Injection play, Interrogation play, Kiajira, Medical Play, Paraphilia, Pet play, Pony play, Ponygirl/ponyboy, Prison Fantasy, Religious fantasy, Switch, Top, Veterinary play)