by Marin Thomas
“Tony was my best friend. He’d just found out the day before that his wife had given birth to a son.” Alonso closed his eyes. “The Humvee accident blew off his leg, but he’d begged me to save him so he could go home and see his son.” Alonso smacked his fist against the fridge. “I saved him, but for what? So he could get blown up all over again?”
Hannah’s stomach grew queasy.
“You look as if you’re going to faint,” Alonso said.
She set the bag of corn on the table and took slow, easy breaths, hoping the morning sickness would pass. Until just now, she’d forgotten about being pregnant. She closed her eyes, willing the tears to go away. Tears of frustration and fear.
Fear of being a mother when she wasn’t ready to be one. Fear of assuming more responsibility when she was already up to her eyeballs in running the ranch and making sure her brother toed the line.
And then there was Alonso. He was leaving in three days and she was afraid he’d feel obligated to stick around longer because of the baby—not her.
You knew before you slept with him that nothing permanent would come of your relationship.
But that was before she’d got pregnant.
The tears trapped beneath her eyelids leaked out and slid down her cheeks. Alonso knelt on the floor by her chair and held her hands. “God, Hannah, I’m sorry I hurt you.” His tortured gaze held her captive. “I’ll help with the chores this morning, then pack my things and hit the road.” He pressed a finger against her mouth when she tried to speak. “I had to leave Sunday anyway to report in at the hospital.”
Her heart broke. His earnest expression betrayed how eager he was to leave. “I have something to tell you.”
“What?”
She hesitated, knowing the next two words would change his life forever. “I’m pregnant.”
Alonso released Hannah’s hands and sprang to his feet, then backpedaled until he hit the wall. He stared at her as if he was seeing a ghost.
The word pregnant reverberated inside Alonso’s head until he thought he’d go deaf. He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t draw any air into his lungs.
“I think it happened the first time we...”
Of course it had happened then, because he’d made sure he’d used a condom after that night. The nightmare and the shock of discovering that he’d hurt Hannah, and now learning that he was going to be a father...
He couldn’t breathe. He lunged for the back door and stumbled out to the porch. The lungful of cold air he sucked in only added to the numbness in his brain. He couldn’t think right now and nothing made sense.
He went back into the house, walked right past Hannah without making eye contact, then went into Luke’s room and finished dressing. He grabbed the keys to the Civic off the table in the hallway and returned into the kitchen.
“Tell me it’s going to be okay.” Hannah’s whisper reached him before he made it to the door.
“I can’t, Hannah. I can’t guarantee anything will ever be okay.” He closed the door, then hopped into the Civic and sped off, the car bouncing like a rubber ball on the gravel road. When he reached the highway, he turned toward Paradise. He resisted the temptation to stop at Maloney’s on the way into town—getting drunk wouldn’t make Hannah’s pregnancy go away.
A baby. He couldn’t wrap his mind around it. He’d never considered becoming a father. Had never been in a relationship long enough with one woman for the subject to even come up.
It was almost 7:00 a.m. when he arrived in town. Nothing but the gas station convenience store was open. He pulled into the parking lot. The blurry-eyed clerk managed a “good morning” when Alonso entered the store. He filled a large foam cup with black coffee, then studied the day-old doughnuts before selecting a package of Twinkies.
Back in the car Alonso choked down the sweet cake. The hit of sugar released his anger and he slammed his fist against the dashboard. The situation he found himself in was no one’s fault but his own. He should have kept walking the day Hannah had almost run him off the road. But her sweet smile and pretty blue eyes had sucked him in and now he was paying the price.
A heavy price.
He wasn’t ready to be a father. Hell, he’d never planned on having kids.
He’d seen too much during his lifetime—the world chewed up and spit out the innocent.
Maybe Hannah doesn’t want to keep the baby.
He hadn’t stuck around to ask how she felt about the situation. Shoot, her life was as complicated as his, and raising a child would add to her to-do list every day. And if Luke returned to the ranch at Christmas and reverted to his old ways and didn’t help Hannah, then she’d be in a world of hurt.
He drove back to the ranch. Only an hour had passed since he’d left, but when he entered the kitchen Hannah was still sitting at the table, a vacant expression on her face. He felt like crap for running out the way he had. “I’m going to feed the bison.”
“You don’t have to do that. I know you want to leave.”
“I’ll stay until you decide what you want to do about the baby.”
Her eyes widened. “I’m keeping it.”
“You might change your mind.” Right now the baby didn’t seem real to him.
She got up from the chair and took a box of cornflakes off the pantry shelf. “You don’t have to stay, Alonso.”
“I’m fifty percent to blame.”
She poured a small amount of cereal into a bowl. “I’m not getting an abortion.”
“This is a big decision, Hannah. A child is a lifelong responsibility.” He ought to know. His mother had struggled to keep food on the table and a roof over her kids’ heads.
“I helped raise Luke. I realize how much work a baby’s going to be.” She shoved a spoonful of cornflakes into her mouth and a drop of milk dripped off her chin.
“I don’t know if I can always be there for you.” There, he’d said it. Put it out in the open instead of beating around the bush.
“I don’t expect anything from you.”
She damn well should. “You can count on me for financial support.” But anything else...
She finished her cereal, then set the bowl in the sink and faced him. “I don’t think you should stay.”
She’s giving you an out—take it.
He ignored his conscience. “I don’t feel good about leaving you alone when the sheriff hasn’t caught those responsible for vandalizing the ranch.”
The steely look in Hannah’s eyes insisted he wouldn’t change her mind. “I’ll feed the bison this morning.”
“I said I would.”
“And I said I don’t want you to.”
“Hannah.”
“What?”
He wanted to tell her that she could try to push him away all she wanted but he wasn’t leaving until they discussed the future—more specifically what role she wanted him to play in their child’s life. “Mind if I use Luke’s car?” He felt stupid for asking when he’d taken off in the Civic a short while ago.
“I don’t care what you do.”
Alonso read the truth in her eyes—she didn’t care whether he stayed or left. She’d given him his walking papers, so why did that make him angry?
* * *
HANNAH STOOD IN the shadows inside the barn and watched Alonso drive off in the Civic.
I’m going to be okay.
If she repeated the phrase a thousand times over, she might start believing it. Fat chance, when she’d never felt this scared or desperate before. Not even when her mother had walked out years ago and left her behind had she been as frightened when she imagined the future.
Hannah was grateful that Alonso had loaded the hay for the bison before they’d left for the boys’ ranch yesterday. She backed the truck up to the trailer and secu
red the hitch, then drove out to find the herd. The bumpy ride upset her stomach, so she slowed down and tried to make sense of all the thoughts clamoring inside her head.
What kind of a life would this baby have without a stable family?
Hannah had panicked after Alonso had insisted he’d stay—she didn’t want to be his responsibility. Even though she’d loved her father and Luke, she understood how tiresome it was to take care of others. Alonso didn’t love her, yet he wanted to do right by her. She couldn’t do that to him.
Not even for the baby’s sake?
Her vision blurred and she cursed. Darn it, she hadn’t cried this much in the past five years. He’d promised financial support, but would that be enough? The idea of Alonso not being involved in their child’s life didn’t sit well with Hannah. She’d grown up believing her mother hadn’t loved her. No child should have to live with being abandoned by a parent.
“Oh, no.” Hannah hit the brake. The section of fence they’d repaired a short time ago was torn down again. Thank goodness the bison were in the north pasture on the other side of the property. At least she wouldn’t have to apologize to the Markhams and ask for help retrieving her animals from their land.
She phoned Sheriff Miller and left a voice mail then drove a half mile until the herd came into view. After dropping the hay from the trailer bed she returned to the house, made herself a cup of tea and sat in the rocker on the porch to wait for the sheriff.
An hour later a plume of dust appeared. The sheriff led a smaller vehicle toward the house. As they drew closer she recognized the Civic. Alonso was back.
The concerned look on Alonso’s face tugged at her heartstrings. The poor man had his share of problems—he didn’t need to be saddled with hers.
The sheriff stopped the patrol car near the porch and lowered the passenger-side window. “I’ll drive out and take a look at the fence. Maybe I’ll get lucky and find evidence left behind.”
After the sheriff drove off, Alonso spoke. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“I’ll get the fencing wire from the barn and an extra pair of gloves.” Halfway to the barn he stopped, then returned to the porch. “If you’re not feeling well I can see if Seth Markham will help me repair the fence.”
“I’m fine.” She had to be fine—what other choice did she have? “And I meant what I said. You don’t have to stay.”
“And I meant what I said. I’m staying.”
But for how long?
“Hannah.”
“What?”
“You’ll let me know before you decide anything about the baby?”
“I told you, I’m keeping it.”
“I know, but I thought you might feel differently knowing I won’t be there to help you.”
“I won’t change my mind.” Whether Alonso helped her or not, motherhood still scared her senseless.
Alonso studied her, his brown eyes filling with concern. “Neither one of us is ready for this, but I’m glad you’re keeping the baby.”
Relief filled her. If he was glad, then maybe after he got used to the idea of being a father, he’d change his mind about wanting to be involved in their child’s life.
* * *
“YOU HAVEN’T SEEN a doctor.”
Hannah jumped and Alonso regretted startling her. She sat at the desk in the living room, balancing her checkbook and looking sexier than a woman had a right to in jeans and an oversize sweatshirt. She’d been edgy ever since she’d told him about the baby two weeks ago.
To be fair, so had he—ever since he’d informed his boss at the hospital that he wouldn’t be returning to the ER until after the first of the year. His boss hadn’t been pleased with the news and had told Alonso that if he didn’t show up in January he’d no longer have a job. With the baby coming, Hannah knew he was concerned about being fired.
“You’re about seven weeks along. You should have a blood test to check your iron levels.” And other screens.
She swiveled on the chair and stared at him. “I’ll make an appointment.”
“With Doc Snyder?”
She shook her head. “I don’t want anyone finding out before I tell Luke.”
“Are you hungry?”
She glanced at the wall clock. “A little.”
“I’ll fix supper tonight.” Alonso disappeared into the kitchen and washed up at the sink. A short time later he heard the steps creaking on the staircase, then the bathroom door opening and closing.
There wasn’t much in the fridge, but he found a pound of hamburger in the freezer, a bag of noodles and cans of crushed tomatoes in the pantry. He’d make spaghetti. Once he threw all the ingredients for the sauce together, he let it simmer, then he filled a pot with water and set it to boil. By the time he dumped the cooked spaghetti noodles into a colander, an hour had passed.
He went into the front hall and glanced up the staircase. The bathroom door next to the landing stood open. Hannah had finished showering. Maybe she’d fallen asleep in her room. He climbed the stairs and peeked past the partially open door, then almost swallowed his tongue.
Wet hair plastered against her back, Hannah stood naked before the dresser mirror, examining her still-flat belly from different angles. A few more weeks and she’d develop a baby bump. He shifted his gaze to her breasts—those definitely appeared larger. He could have stared at her for hours, but he backed away, not wanting to interrupt the private moment. He tiptoed down to the first floor, then yelled, “Supper’s ready!”
“Be right there!”
Back in the kitchen he grabbed a handful of ice cubes from the freezer and pressed them against his forehead, hoping the cold would erase the image of Hannah’s naked body from his memory.
“Do you have a headache?” She stood in the doorway, wearing flannel pj’s and a bathrobe.
He tossed the ice into the sink and wiped his face on a paper towel. “What can I get you to drink?” he asked, ignoring her question.
“I’ll stick with water.” Once Alonso served up the spaghetti and sat across from her, she said, “According to Maria, Luke completed all his class work for this semester.”
“That’s great. He didn’t fall behind.” He caught her playing with her food. “What’s the matter? You don’t like my spaghetti?”
“It’s fine.” She flashed a smile. “Thanks for making it.”
“Why the frown?”
“I’m worried Luke will get into trouble over the winter break.”
“I’d offer to stay past Christmas, but if I don’t report back to the hospital before the first of the year, I won’t have a job.” Now that he had a child to provide for, he had to bring in a paycheck.
“Maria and Riley are taking a group of boys to compete in a junior rodeo this weekend. We’re invited.”
“Where’s the rodeo?”
“Los Alamos. I’d like to see Luke.”
“Then, we’ll go.” He twirled the noodles with his fork. “Is Cruz going to be there?”
“Maria didn’t say.” She sipped her water. “I’ll be glad to have Luke back, but I worry that he won’t be able to make new friends at school next semester.”
“The other kids will notice that he’s changed for the better. Don’t worry...he’ll be fine.” Alonso switched the subject. “What about you? You grew up on this ranch. Did you have many friends?”
“I had several friends until high school.”
“What happened to them?”
“My father’s drinking grew worse and I didn’t have time to socialize, because I had to take on more and more responsibility around the ranch. I missed most of the football games and the parties. Eventually my girlfriends quit calling me.”
Alonso had made it all the way through high school with two good friends. Actu
ally, they’d been more like brothers. Then Cruz had landed in jail and Vic had gone off the grid for a while. Maria had been so upset over Cruz’s situation that she’d focused on Alonso, insisting he go to college. He’d wanted to escape the barrio so he’d allowed Maria to guide him through the college admission process.
“Did Luke play any football?” he asked.
“No, but my father played in high school. He received a scholarship offer from the University of New Mexico.”
“He played for the Lobos?”
“No. My grandfather guilted him into staying here and helping him.”
“That’s too bad.”
“Dad didn’t talk about the past, but I’m guessing his troubled relationship with my grandfather was one of the reasons he drank.”
“Do you think he was happy managing the ranch?”
“I think he wanted to run it into the ground.”
It must have been difficult for Hannah to watch her father neglect the property. Alonso’s father was no winner but at least he hadn’t been around to make his life miserable.
“I can’t remember how many times I told my father that I loved this ranch and I’d take good care of it after he wasn’t here anymore.”
“What did he say?”
“That I should move to the city and find a man to marry.”
Ouch. The man sounded as if he didn’t care about his daughter’s happiness. “Was your father close to Luke?”
“Not really. Luke looks like his mother and reminded my father of Ruth’s infidelity.”
Alonso finished his meal in silence. Hannah’s father had let her down in the worst way. Then Seth had hurt her when he’d only proposed in hopes of joining their ranches. Luke was all Hannah had left, and he was a handful.
And then Alonso had got her pregnant. He was in the profession of saving lives, not ruining them, so why did he feel as if his baby wasn’t a blessing but just another responsibility Hannah had to take on?
Chapter Ten
“Hannah? Are you ready?”
