by Kasey Krane
“A friend? Well, we haven’t been introduced yet.” Mom went up to him, sticking a hand out. I could see her visibly gushing. Brendan had that effect on women of all ages, clearly. “I’m Carmen, Rosa’s mother.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Carmen. I’m Brendan. I’m sorry to impose on family time but I was just going to leave and I thought it would be rude to do that without saying goodbye.”
My heart still felt like it had stopped in my chest. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t say a word.
“Mommy make pancakes!” Davey squealed, turning to me. “We will all have pancakes,” he declared.
I had no choice but to make the damned pancakes.
Thankfully, Mom said that she was going to leave. I guessed it was because she had no choice since she was expected at her workplace. What she really wanted to do was spend some time with Brendan and figure out all the details of our relationship as she could.
She even winked at me as she was leaving. I was blushing a bright pink. Especially because of the fact that Davey and Brendan seemed to be getting along very well.
They chatted non-stop while I made the pancakes. Davey helped Brendan find all the toppings we were going to have with the pancakes. Then they cut up some fruit together. I watched with bated breath as I witnessed Brendan being as gentle with Davey as he could be.
I had goosebumps seeing them together—knowing that they were father and son. The fact that they didn’t know the truth was sad and scary.
I didn’t know what would happen if Brendan found out. He would lose his shit. He would blame me. And then, inevitably, he would leave. He wouldn’t want the responsibility of a son on his shoulders. It was all fun and games now when he knew he wouldn’t have to deal with a kid when he left my apartment.
Davey hadn’t been curious about his father. Thankfully, he hadn’t asked me too many questions or forced me to lie to him.
But from the way Davey had warmed to Brendan now—who was a stranger to him—it was pretty clear that my son wanted a male presence in his life. He needed it.
It was the only thing I couldn’t give him, no matter how much I tried or how much I wanted to. Maybe I was the one who disappointed my son.
Pushing those thoughts aside, I carried the plate of pancakes to the table. They’d arranged all the toppings and set the table with plates and cutlery.
Davey was in the middle of showing Brendan how he’d learned to do cartwheels. They looked like they were having fun together. From where I stood, it even seemed like Brendan enjoyed himself. It didn’t appear forced.
But I knew it was temporary, just an illusion. I would forever cherish this memory of seeing them together, but that was all it was meant to be—a memory.
Brendan was only doing this to prove something. That he had been right when he demanded that I introduce him to my family. He just wanted to prove me wrong.
And maybe he had proven me wrong. Maybe Davey was more emotionally stable than I gave him credit for, but I didn’t want to push the envelope on that.
We sat at the table together and ate our pancakes, talking and laughing and acting like a normal family. But the only person who wasn’t acting, was Davey, and that broke my heart.
“Can Brendan walk with us to school?” Davey begged after we were done with breakfast.
I was about to tell him it wasn’t going to happen, but Brendan jumped in before I even had the chance.
“Sure, buddy, let’s go,” he said chirpily.
This was a new side to Brendan. He wasn’t being a mysterious and dangerously sexy stranger this morning. Somehow, Davey had managed to tap into a thoughtful and cheerful side to him.
I couldn’t ruin the plan now when the two of them were already out the door. I grabbed my things, caught myself looking like a complete mess in the mirror, and then we left.
Davey walked between us for most of the way. At one point he even grabbed Brendan’s finger instead of holding my hand. I saw that and it made my stomach lurch. I didn’t know how to handle it—this feeling of keeping a guilty secret from my son.
Wouldn’t Davey have loved to find out that through some miraculous coincidence—this man he was having so much fun with was his father? Davey would be thrilled. And I wanted to make my son happy above everything else.
But I was afraid at the same time.
Brendan Doherty was not a father. He had never considered himself to be. And the truth was, I didn’t want him in my life.
Four years ago, when I was nothing better than a naive nerd, I thought I had fallen in love with a handsome mysterious stranger. But I was foolish. I hadn’t really lived my life. That wasn’t love. It was lust.
And what I felt now when I looked at Brendan was…lust too, right?
I wanted him, but only in my bed.
Not in my life.
My thoughts swayed. I couldn’t make sense of anything. I just wished I hadn’t invited Brendan back to my apartment the previous night. Then none of this would have happened. I wouldn’t have ended up putting Davey at the center of everything.
We walked up to the kindergarten and Davey didn’t want to go in. He was having so much fun with Brendan.
I gave my son a hug and kissed his forehead.
“I’ll see you later, honey. You have fun today, okay?” I said.
Davey smiled at me but then he looked longingly at his new friend.
“Will you be there after school?” he asked shyly.
My heart stopped. I felt panicked, like I was going to burst out crying. I knew it had been a mistake. It was all my fault.
Brendan ruffled Davey’s hair.
“We’ll see each other soon, buddy,” he replied.
Just as I expected—he wasn’t going to commit to anything.
Eighteen
Brendan
I wasn’t expecting to have as much fun as I did with that kid.
I hadn’t spent this much time around a child in…ever. I didn’t know what to expect. I definitely didn’t expect Davey to be as funny and fun as he turned out to be.
“How old is he?” I asked Rosalie. We stood at the gates of the kindergarten, watching him go in with his friends.
“He’s just three,” she replied, staring at her son like she was lost in thought.
I knew I needed to apologize.
Maybe I shouldn’t have walked out of her bedroom like that. I put her on the spot. But I didn’t like being told what to do.
“I’m sorry for not following your lead earlier,” I said. It wasn’t easy for me to apologize and she probably knew that.
“You should be. I didn’t want you making any parenting decisions for me, but you forced my hand. And now Davey likes you.”
Was that such a bad thing?
She turned and started walking away, so I followed her. I didn’t know where she was headed but I wanted a few more minutes with her.
I didn’t know why it was so difficult for me to just let go of her.
“Yeah, I get it. You kicked me out so I didn’t want to stick around. I didn’t know how long it was going to take with your family,” I said. It wasn’t a complete lie. Her attitude in the morning had pissed me off.
Rosalie kept walking, like she hoped I would stop following her at some point.
“You didn’t even try to be discreet while leaving my apartment. You made it a point to come and introduce yourself to my family. So, no, I don’t buy that.”
I grabbed her arm and forcibly spun her around. We were on a busy sidewalk and people pushed into us. Rosalie glared at me.
“Okay, yeah, I wanted to meet them. I don’t like being treated as someone who needs to be hidden from view.”
“It’s complicated for me, okay? I’m protecting my son.”
“What the fuck are you protecting him from? You think he needs protecting from me? What do you think I’m going to do to him?” I could feel my veins pumping adrenaline.
This conversation wasn’t helping me. I didn’t trust myself with kids
. I didn’t trust myself to keep them safe from harm, to look after them the way they needed to be looked after. So if Rosalie didn’t trust me around her son…
She stared at me, probably watching the way my face changed. I thought she would slap me or run away. But all of a sudden, she seemed to calm down. Her shoulders relaxed, she forced the lump down her throat, taking in a deep breath.
“I never knew my father. He left us when I was a kid, so I guess…I guess I have abandonment issues,” she said.
Davey said he wanted to see me. I didn’t know what Rosalie wanted me to say when Davey asked if I’d be there after school. I didn’t want to disappoint him, and I didn’t want to piss off his mother. I’d never been in this position before—I never let myself be.
Rosalie and I had to walk some distance to get away from the bustling New York sidewalks now. I was glad that she at least decided she still wanted to speak to me.
But Rosalie wouldn’t look me in the eye. It was like she was embarrassed of her past. If only she knew about mine, but I wasn’t ready to tell her.
I wasn’t ready to tell anyone. It deserved to be buried. That’s what I did, using sex and alcohol.
“My mom raised me herself. As a single parent. It was a struggle. I remember feeling abandoned when I was growing up. I remember feeling unwanted and unsafe because I didn’t have a father. I yearned for his presence. I felt like I was missing a part of myself.” She stared out at the busy honking streets as we stood at a shop front.
Her nose was red, probably from the cold. I took off my jacket and put it around her shoulders. She looked at me then, surprised by my gesture.
How much of a dick did she think I was?
“He didn’t deserve you as a kid if that’s what he did to his family,” I said.
Rosalie looked at me, her lips pressed together tightly.
“I don’t know what his reasons for leaving were, I guess he just didn’t want to be a dad.”
“Did your Mom remarry?” I asked.
She shook her head. “But she was in and out of relationships. I mean, I can’t blame her now. I know firsthand how hard it is to raise a child all by yourself. But I resented her back then, and all the men that entered our life.”
I now knew why she was so protective of Davey. Why she didn’t want that kid to see me. She didn’t want her son experiencing the feelings she experienced as a child.
Rosalie toughened up again. She had allowed herself a few minutes to open herself up to me but now it was gone.
“So I’m not going to allow Davey to feel abandoned by a guy he gets attached to just because I’ve been sleeping around.”
I clenched my jaws tightly.
“Davey would appreciate some honesty from you, wouldn’t he?” I asked.
Rosalie shoved the jacket off her shoulders and held it out at me.
“I have to get to work.”
I watched her hurry away from me. I wasn’t sure if she found me irresistible or she hated my guts because of it. Rosalie was right, she was complicated. And for some reason, I wanted to untangle her.
I wanted to see that kid again.
She was about to turn the corner and she looked over her shoulder at me. It was only briefly and she looked away quickly, but I’d seen her.
I was on her mind too.
I had to return to the family home where our father wanted to speak with all of us.
I’d been so focused on Rosalie the past few days that I hadn’t kept up with the Barons and the war.
It hit me when I walked into the house—the fact that my family was in the middle of a bloody and violent battle with our arch enemy. People had died since this war began. Our family members had come directly in the path of danger.
Maybe it was time for me to put my lust for Rosalie in the backseat and focus on what was really important.
But for some reason, she felt important to me. Now that I had gotten to know Davey, he felt important too.
Juggling these new complications in my life proved to be difficult.
My brothers were all there along with my father in his office.
While the rest of them worked on gathering information on Aldo and his whereabouts. I hadn’t done a thing.
The guilt was real.
Because Tristian was the only one who knew what had been going on with me, I glared at him from across the room. Expecting him to look at me with contempt. Knowing I was falling behind.
But he didn’t.
“He’s hiding out with his tail between his legs,” Aidan commented.
Dad shook his head while he rested his cigar on a crystal ashtray.
“It doesn’t matter if he’s hiding from us, he’s been talking to everyone we work with, trying to get them to switch sides.”
This was exactly what I was afraid of. Now the Barons were directly affecting our business.
“Nobody’s going to switch sides. They know what the Dohertys stand for. They can see for themselves what the Barons are capable of,” Tristian spoke up.
“It doesn’t matter. If the Barons establish themselves as stronger and more powerful, able to take us out while their boss is in hiding—they won’t have a choice but to support him,” I said.
They all turned to look at me. I hadn’t said a thing since I arrived at the meeting.
Nolan breathed in deeply before he spoke.
“One of my sources said Aldo has been going around telling everyone who will listen to him how he is very close to bringing us down. That he has something on us.”
“What does he have on us? What could he possibly fuckin’ have on us?” Killian growled. Nolan shrugged.
The others looked at each other with furrowed brows and rage written all over their faces.
Aldo Baron had started off as a nuisance, as an irritant. Now he turned out to be a real problem.
We didn’t know what he would pull next, but I had a feeling it was coming soon.
Nineteen
Rosalie
I waited anxiously outside Davey’s kindergarten.
I’d managed to take a few hours off my shift at the diner because I wanted to be close to my son.
My mom was supposed to pick him up after kindergarten, but I told her I would do it and suggested that we meet at the park later.
“Where’s Brendan?” Davey asked when he came jumping out the gates. I was afraid of this happening. Of him growing too attached to a man who was not really a part of his life.
I also worried if Davey actually felt a connection to Brendan somehow. If he could sense something. Biology worked in mysterious ways.
“He had to go to work, honey,” I said, lifting him up in my arms to give him a hug.
“Will I see him tonight? Will he stay with us?” Davey asked.
“No, honey. He will not be staying with us.”
Davey pouted but accepted the kisses I showered on him. My heart broke at the thought that I kept him away from his father.
Although, the truth was that I had nothing to do with it. Brendan had his own life and his priorities. Davey wasn’t one of them and never would be. Even if he found out about the paternity. Maybe he wouldn’t even believe me. After all, it had been one drunken night. I wasn’t the first and I wasn’t going to be the last.
Brendan didn’t entertain the thought that he could have gotten one of his casual sexual partners pregnant. Right?
Davey and I walked together in the direction of the park.
While I tried to come up with all the reasons why Brendan was a bad idea, I couldn’t help but recall how lovely and warm it felt at breakfast that morning.
Watching them play and laugh together was delightful.
I’d never experienced that. Not even for myself because my dad wasn’t there. The men my mom dated hadn’t been interested in family time.
And Davey hadn’t experienced it either. Not with a father figure at least. His mother and grandmother were the only family he knew.
Davey told me all about hi
s day and I held his hand tightly, refusing to let him go anywhere. How long would I be able to hold on to him?
He was still a kid, but in a few years he would be older and then he’d ask me questions. At some point he would be curious about his father. I hadn’t thought this far ahead before but now I didn’t know what I would say to him. How much would I lie to him?
And if someday he found out he had actually spent time with his father and I’d kept it from him—would he ever forgive me?
We entered the park and Davey went running into the arms of my mother.
She looked up at me with a twinkle in her eye.
I assumed she’d have a lot of questions for me, so I braced myself.
Davey was having fun with the other kids in the sandpit, while Mom and I sat together on a bench close by.
“I bought coffees,” Mom said, handing me a cup.
I knew she could sense I was unusually quiet while I stared at Davey playing. I didn’t know how to begin the conversation. I hadn’t decided how much I wanted to say.
“You’re not going to tell me?” Mom started.
I looked at her and shrugged. “What do you want to know?”
“Well, Rosa, I don’t want to pry. But I always hoped that you would tell me if you were getting…seeing someone.”
I tried to keep my emotions in check. I wasn’t good at this. I didn’t sleep around. I hadn’t slept with anybody since Davey was born three years ago. Brendan was the last guy I slept with and ironically, four years later, he was the one who broke my dry spell.
“I’m not seeing him, Mom. He is just…we just…we were having fun.”
“Why do you say were?” she asked.
“Because I don’t know if I’m going to keep seeing him. I don’t know if it’s worth it. I haven’t decided what I’m going to do.” I snapped at her and she fell silent.
“He is so handsome, isn’t he?” It seemed like she was speaking more to herself.
