Rock Me (Jaded Ivory Book 1)

by Rebecca Brooke

  I tried pulling a piece out, which only yanked on my hair, taking some of it out by the root. The tears dripped down my face, no longer from embarrassment but from the pain in my scalp. Knowing I couldn’t leave the bathroom until it was all out, I locked myself in one of the stalls, biting the inside of my cheek to keep from yelling as I removed each piece of gum, creating a pile of matted, discarded hair on the floor in front of my feet. By the time I was done, my scalp throbbed and I knew without looking in the mirror that my eyes would be red and puffy. When I opened the stall door, the image I saw reflected back at me brought tears to my eyes all over again.

  Jennifer walked in, my bag in her hand. She wrapped her arms around me, holding me tight. “I’m so sorry, Mariella.”

  “It’s not your fault.” My chest hitched as I sucked in a ragged breath.

  She held up her bag. “Let’s see what we can do about your hair and makeup.”

  Jennifer did the best she could with what little she had to work with. It wasn’t perfect, but it was much better than walking out of the bathroom a disheveled mess. When she was satisfied, she looped her arm through mine. “Good thing we have lunch next. Let’s go.”

  I nodded and followed her out the door. What I hadn’t expected was to walk right into Cole.

  “Look where you’re going.” He shoved my shoulder and turned his nose up at me, eyes glaring.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled and started to walk away.

  “Maybe you should learn to keep the gum in your mouth and out of your hair.” The same laughter from earlier spread through the hallway.

  I dropped my head and pushed past Cole and the rest of his crew.

  With that one word, he’d spoiled everything. Now I was back to being Mariella, the girl who’d been bullied. The girl to be pitied. It wasn’t what I expected from him, but it was there all the same. It was clear in his eyes and the way his mouth had turned down at the corners. I didn’t want to be that girl anymore.

  There I sat, my head swimming with things I didn’t want to remember. The room blurred before me.

  I would not let them break me.

  I would not let them see me cry.

  Heath wrapped an arm around my shoulders and leaned over to whisper in my ear. “He’s still sitting at the end of the bar watching you. Want me to have one of the bouncers boot his ass out?” The shot landed in front of me and before I answered, I grabbed the glass knocking back the contents in one swallow. The searing fire of the liquor was a welcome relief from the emotions waging war for control of my body.

  “No. He’s fine. He didn’t realize that we weren’t interested in the same things.”

  “Okay,” he said. “If you change your mind, tell me.”

  I ordered another drink. Sawyer stayed silent. Heath leaned back and watched me. “How did I not know your name is Mariella?”

  Time in the room seemed to freeze. Not exactly a question I wanted to answer, but I couldn’t leave him hanging. He’d already offered to throw Cole out for me.

  “It’s my name,” I said to the empty glass in front of me, “but no one’s called me that since high school.”

  There was a tangible pause before Heath caught on. “New start?”

  “You could say that.”

  He gestured to where Cole sat. “That mean you know him from high school?”

  “Yeah,” I mumbled. “Can we talk about something else?”

  He contemplated that for a moment. “Yeah, but no more hiding. I didn’t know your real name and we’re about to sign a record deal together. What else don’t I know about you?”

  The bartender returned, placing the drink in front of me. I waited a moment, not wanting to share but not wanting to lie, either. “You know me. There’s not a whole lot more to tell.”

  He played with the label on his beer bottle, his eyes focused on the task. “I don’t think that’s true.” He looked up, catching me in his perceptive gaze. “Besides Sawyer, you keep the rest of us at arm’s length. We know the surface Mari—the one you show us. But there’s more to you than that. And I think that’s partly our own fault.”

  That brought my head around. “Why would you think it was your fault?”

  “It’s not like we’ve ever asked. You hang back, let the rest of us make all the decisions. I’ve never questioned it because you seem happy to be there. Seemed happy.”

  As much as it hurt to think, Heath was right. We’d known each other for years, but I’d kept a lot to myself. Tomorrow we would meet with the agent from LiteStar records and sign a contract that would tie us together for the next five years. The least I could do would be to open up about more than just what I liked to do on a Saturday night when we weren’t playing.

  Heath wasn’t trying to pry into stories I didn’t want to share, he only wanted to know more about me. It wasn’t like I was the first person to be bullied in high school and I sure as hell wouldn’t be the last. Shit, Sawyer had only just scratched the surface of those stories. Then again, most people left the bullies back in high school. They didn’t have to deal with their bully face to face, hundreds of miles from home, after finally pulling themselves out of the gutter.

  “I’m just not good at letting people in.” It was my turn to focus on my drink, swirling the liquid around in the glass.

  Sawyer leaned over and whispered in my ear. “Maybe, it’s ’bout time you did.” The man was still saving me from myself.

  “Look, Mari.” Heath turned in his seat so his knees were bumping mine. “I feel bad that we haven’t paid more attention, asked more questions. It’s time we did. You’re part of our family. You don’t have to be afraid to open up to us. We want to be there for you.”

  My chest ached with the thought I’d pushed them away, especially with my parents and siblings on the other side of the country. It was time to build those kinds of relationships with the other guys in the band. Sawyer had already proven he wouldn’t hurt me. Surely I could trust the other guys to do the same?

  I sat up straighter and faced him with a smile. “Well, you know my name is Mariella, but I haven’t gone by that in five years, thanks to Sawyer here.” I nodded my head in his direction.

  “Ah, so Sawyer is the creator of Mari.” Heath laughed.

  “You can say that again.” Sawyer chuckled and I shot him a grateful smile. Heath had no idea how true his statement was.

  I was already feeling cautiously optimistic. “How about this? You guys come over Monday after we sign the contract and I’ll cook.”

  “You cook?” He raised his brows.

  “Hell yeah, she does,” Sawyer chimed in, taking a sip of his beer and elbowing me in the side.

  Heath reached around me and punched him in the arm. The bottle jostled away from his mouth, beer going everywhere.

  “Damn it.” Sawyer grabbed napkins from the bar to clean up the mess.

  “You’re supposed to share this kinda shit. Why the fuck are we always ordering out?”

  Sawyer wiped the beer from his jeans. “’Cause Mari isn’t your maid.”

  Heath winced. “Sorry, Mari.”

  I giggled. “Don’t worry about it. I know that’s not what you meant.”

  Sawyer grumbled under his breath. “That’s it, defend the guy.”

  “Shut up. You’re just cranky ’cause you’re wearing beer.” I rolled my eyes, then bit my bottom lip to keep myself from laughing at his expression.

  “See?” Heath taunted.

  The banter settled me. It was like another night in our basement, working on music. “Hey, at least Monday night you won’t have to order.”

  Despite the looming record deal, money wasn’t exactly falling from trees; then again, it wasn’t tight, either. We made enough from our appearances and website to not have to work outside the band, but we were all very aware of the fickle nature of our industry. Just because we were hot property today didn’t mean that we’d still be popular next week.

  “Won’t have to what?” Monty walked up behind us. App
arently, they were done playing pool.

  “Won’t have to order dinner or eat Jackson’s cooking on Monday.” Heath and Monty both wrinkled their noses at the thought. “Mari’s gonna cook dinner.”

  “Hey, I’m not a terrible cook,” Jackson protested.

  “Yeah, you are,” Monty, Heath, and Sawyer said at the same time.

  “You can cook?” Monty asked.

  Heath threw his hands up in the air. “That’s what I said.” He sent a mock glare at Sawyer. “And apparently, he knew.”

  “Dude, what the hell?” Monty hit Sawyer in the shoulder. At least this time he wasn’t holding his beer.

  “Ow.” Sawyer grabbed his shoulder. “What the hell, you assholes? Stop hitting me.”

  Jackson laughed and took my hand, kissing it. “I knew there was a reason I loved you. Marry me.”

  I rolled my eyes at Jackson’s joke proposal as our group erupted into laughter.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Cole sitting at the end of the bar, no drink or food in front of him, his eyes trained on me. I didn’t even want to imagine what he had to say to me. Nothing would make a difference. Sawyer was right—it had been a colossal mistake to sleep with him. It accomplished nothing. I had to live with that choice, but for the night I was done letting Cole impact my life.

  I brought my attention back to the guys surrounding me. The guys who were my family. The ones who would be there for me no matter what.

  ***

  I couldn’t sit still, no matter how many times Sawyer tried to convince me to relax. I was up before the sun. Sleep wouldn’t come. I’d tossed and turned until I decided there was no way I could get back to sleep. Instead, I got up and made coffee and breakfast. Four cups later and nerves weren’t the only thing making my hands shake.

  “Would you sit down. You’re making me nervous.” Sawyer glanced up at me from whatever TV show he’d settled on.

  I stopped mid-step, plunking my hands on my hips. “You can’t tell me you’re not freaking out?”

  “Nah. I’m excited.” He tossed the remote to the side. I looked down at his knee, bouncing a mile a minute, then back up at him. He sighed. “Fine. I’m nervous. I can’t believe things I’ve only dreamed about are coming true.”

  I dropped on the couch next to him, feeling the weight of his arm settle of my shoulders. “I know. Not that any of this was ever a dot on the radar of my life.”

  I leaned back against Sawyer’s muscular chest and he dropped his chin to my head. “You do know a lot of this has to do with you, right?”

  Heat raced up my chest to my cheeks. Thankfully, he couldn’t see it. “You guys would have made it without me.”

  His finger slipped under my chin, tilting my face up to his. “Not likely. Remember, we were calling in favors for gigs until you sang with us the first time.”

  I shrugged. “I guess I can take a little of the credit.”

  He chuckled. “Always the humble one.”

  After that, he was silent for a few minutes. The kind of silence that told me he had something else on his mind. Sawyer had a habit of thinking things through, choosing his words carefully when he wasn’t sure if he was saying the right thing. Even when I wanted to scream at him to spit out whatever was on his mind, I knew I had to wait for him to be ready. A few minutes later, he spoke up.

  “The other night made me wonder something.”

  I ran through everything about the other night, not sure what he could mean. Hopefully, it wasn’t something to do with Cole. “About what?”

  “Heath’s right, we never really asked your opinion on all of this. We asked you to keep singing with us, but never if you wanted the deal as much as we did. I guess I wanna know if this is what you really want, or if you’re just going along with it because we want it.”

  My head snapped up so fast, I smacked into his chin. “Ow.” I grabbed the top of my head at the same time Sawyer rubbed his jaw.

  “Nice, Mari.”

  “Sorry. You caught me off guard.” I moved to my knees, cupping his face between my hands. “Listen to me carefully. None of you have ever made me do anything I didn’t want to. Sure, the first time I sang with Jaded Ivory was for you. It was the only way I knew how to repay you for everything you’d done for me.” His eyes narrowed. “You taught me to love the girl I see in the mirror.”

  He shook his head. “But, that’s no reason—”

  I held his face tight, forcing him to keep his focus on me. “I’m not done. Every show, every song after that, I did because I wanted to. When I left for college, singing in a band was never on my list of things I could do. It took me time, but I know now that I can do it, I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.”

  He lifted a brow, the corners of his mouth lifting. “Nothing?”

  Laughing, I smacked him in the chest.

  The smile on his face fell once again. “Are you okay after what happened with Cole? You’ve been ducking me every time I’ve tried to ask you about it.”

  Not exactly what I wanted to talk about. I’d thought if I avoided the topic all weekend, he’d let it drop and I’d escape this conversation. I should have known better.

  “Honestly, I’m not sure. After all this time, I never expected him to figure out who I was.”

  “Neither did I. Not until I heard him call you Mariella.”

  I shivered at the thought. Only two people still called me Mariella, and they were my parents. Even my sister and brother had switched to calling me Mari.

  “I didn’t know what to do. It’s not like there’s much he could say to make up for four years of torture.”

  “Can’t blame you for that.”

  “Hopefully, since we haven’t seen him all weekend he’s decided to leave it alone.” I turned, sitting back down next to Sawyer.

  “I’m not sure.” Even without seeing his face, I could see the question in his voice. “He was pretty persistent last time. What’s there to change his mind this time. If he wants to talk to you, I’m pretty sure he’s going to keep trying.”

  I sighed. “I can hope he stays away, but you’re probably right. If he comes around again, I’ll figure out a way to avoid him. It might mean leaving after shows instead of hanging out, but I won’t let Cole ruin anything else for me.”

  “That’s my girl.” The smile returned to Sawyer’s face.

  “Now that we’ve taken care of your worries and we have another hour before we need to leave for the meeting, I’m going to call my mom. I haven’t talked to her since before Cole appeared.” I wasn’t sure what to tell her about that. Mom and Dad paid for me to go to school on the East Coast specifically so I could get away from people like Cole. How he managed to end up in the same town as me instead of playing professional football somewhere was beyond me.

  “You haven’t told her about the contract?”

  “Not yet. I haven’t called her because I didn’t want to have to tell her about Cole.”

  “So don’t. Doesn’t mean you can’t tell her that you’re about to sign a record deal as the face of Jaded Ivory.”

  There was a flutter in my chest. “I fucking love the sound of that.”

  “Good.” He gave me a light shove. “Now go tell her before we need to leave.”

  Smiling today was easier than it had been over the last month. I stuck my tongue out at him and ran to my room to grab my phone. She picked up on the second ring.

  My mom was an accountant at her own firm. If she wasn’t with a client, she always answered, even during the work day. That was especially true for me. She knew once I started playing with the band that we’d be busy at night.

  “Mariella, sweetheart, what have you been up to? I haven’t talked to you lately, is everything okay?”

  I dropped down onto the bed, lying back. This was going to be a long conversation, might as well get comfortable. “I’m fine. Things are just crazy here. Sorry I haven’t gotten the chance to call you back.”

  She was just learning how to text,
which gave me a free pass on text messages. I must have been quiet too long. “Well, are you going to tell me what you’ve been busy with?”

  I could hear the shuffle of papers on her desk. “We got a record deal.”

  The line went silent. It didn’t even sound like Mom was breathing on the other end. I glanced down at my phone to make sure it hadn’t dropped the call.

  “Mom? Are you there?”

  “Really?” she breathed.

  I smiled. “Yeah, really. We sign the papers today.”

  The silence stretched for a second or two before the screaming started. A door banged open, most likely her secretary checking on my mom’s freak-out.

  “I’m fine,” she said to someone on the other end. “Well, more than fine. Mariella got a record deal with her band!”

  The sound changed and I knew she’d put me on speakerphone. “Congratulations, Mari. That’s fantastic news. I’m so proud of you.” Barbara had been Mom’s secretary for as long as I could remember. She was like a second mom to the twins and me.

  “Thanks, Barbara.”

  “I think your mom has finally calmed down enough to speak. I’m gonna go assure the rest of the office that no one is causing her bodily harm.” She laughed. “Good luck.”

  “Thanks, Barbara. I’ll call later with all the details.”

  “You’d better.”

  The click of her heels grew fainter as she walked from the room.

  “Have you told Dad or Luke and Cassie?”

  “Not yet. I called you first.”

  “They’re going to be so excited for you.”

  There was a pretty large age gap between my siblings and me. The twins had seven years on me, and were well into their own lives by the time I reached high school, thankfully missing all the humiliating moments burned into my brain.

  “I promise I’ll call them later. We had a little time before we had to leave so I called you.” My leg started bouncing up and down on the floor.

  “You’re nervous.”

  Of course she knew. The freaking mom whisperer. The woman could read us even when we weren’t in the same room as her. “How’d you know?”