Contradiction

by Paine, Salina

  "Mom, I'm sorry I left," I say fighting the tears in my eyes.

  "No, don't be sorry, everything your father and I put you through...," she says, her eyes looking me over.

  "It's the past, I have forgiven you, but I can't forget." She nods clinging to me.

  The fragility of the once strong, vivid woman in front of me breaks my heart.

  "I haven't had even a sip of alcohol since you left," she says taking my face in her hands.

  I smile a weak smile trying not to let the pools of tears that now fill my eyes fall.

  "Won't you come in? I'll make you some breakfast," she says turning to go inside.

  "I can't, I have to get to work, but I had to see you." She nods.

  Walking away from my mother standing there with tears in her eyes was oddly comforting. Turning the car around I look back one last time promising myself I'd come back to see her soon.

  I'm rushing into work, practically running and I don't see the man walking towards me. "Hey," he says, stopping me in my tracks with an embarrassed look on his face. It brings me out of my trance.

  "Hi," I stammer.

  I look up at him to fully see his expression and it stuns me. The soft green of his eyes, the fullness of his lips and that face.

  "Are you alright?" He asks.

  I nod, having no idea who he is. "I'm sorry," he says.

  "What do you have to be sorry for?" I ask, confused.

  "I wanted to apologize for running into you last night. I'm Brandon," he says reaching out his hand.

  "Oh, nice to meet you," I respond, suddenly recognizing his voice. "No worries, no harm done," I say quickly turning to walk away. I look back over my shoulder and smile, realizing I'm going the wrong way. "Well, crap," I mutter, dashing into the nearest elevator. As I push the button I realize I never introduced myself.

  The work day can't get over quick enough. All I have been able to think about was what those two have been doing back at home, or could be doing. I look up at the clock realizing the next fifteen minutes are going to feel like years.

  "Oh come on, Jas," She collapses onto my bed, groaning. "It's going to be fun," The enthusiasm in her voice made me roll my eyes.

  "No," I say. She bats her eyelashes at me and I can't help but laugh. Giving in I shake my head.

  "Fine, but I have to text Jeff and let him know." I stalk off into the bathroom to clean up. I put on jeans and a cute top, brush through my hair and grab my shoes before walking into the bedroom.

  Vanessa’s face is priceless, "I know that is NOT what you plan to wear, right?" She asks.

  "What's wrong with my clothes?" I ask. "I thought this looked pretty damn good." Vanessa rolls her eyes at me and practically drags me over to the closet.

  "Hmmmmm...’ she says sifting through my wardrobe.

  Towards the back she finds a little black dress, she yanks it out and her eyes light up.

  "This! This is the one!" She squeals.

  The thin satin sheath slides down my skin as I put it on. The intricate lace comes up around my neck in a halter fashion, while the hemline sits at my upper thigh. The plunging neckline emphasizes my breasts, and the open back is cut clear down to my lower back.

  I step out of the bathroom and she whistles at me. Feeling the redness covering my cheeks I giggle as I looked at myself in the full length mirror.

  "Now that, my dear cousin, is proper attire for the club. Time to talk shoes," she says waggling her eyebrows.

  She sits down in the middle of my closet and rummages through my shoes. Coming out with a pair of strappy silver heels, she smiles. I groan loudly knowing I'm a wreck in heels.

  "Put them on," she commands and sits on the bed. I give her the dirtiest look I can manage and she just laughs. "Strut your stuff," she says with a grin, "you better get used to them. We are going to be out for a while."

  I draw in a deep breath and take a few careful steps, looking completely awkward. She jumps up trying to contain her laughter.

  "Here let me show you," she says demonstrating the right way to walk in heels.

  She looks over at me as we wait in line to get in, "You look hot," she says with a smile.

  "Thanks," I say looking down at my feet. She pats me on the shoulder and whispers,

  "Damn Jas, look at these two guys over there," she says as we enter.

  We get to the bar and I order a coke and her a shot of Jim Beam fire. I turn to hand her the shot and she grabs my hand and I almost drop my drink, but don't say anything: I don't want to ruin her night with my moods, so I just turn and look at the guys.

  She makes a beeline for the two men sticking her chest out and flipping her hair. I glance at the one admitting, once again, that Ness has excellent taste in men. Before I can catch my thoughts one of the men greets us. I stammer "hello" and turn to Vanessa whose cheeks have turned another shade of red.

  "Want to dance?" The man says and Vanessa immediately nods. She stands up, giving me a quick look before walking to the dance floor with the handsome stranger. I look up at the other man, who is standing in front of me, and I can tell he's undressing me with his eyes. It makes me uncomfortable and I know how Jeff would be if he saw this. I sit down at the nearest table because my feet are already screaming. The music is loud but there is a silence between us. He nods his head and looks to the dance floor.

  "I can't, I have a boyfriend who would freak out, not to mention my poor feet," I say. He looks at me and smiles a panty soaking smile. How stupid of me to let her talk me into this.

  "What’s your name?" He asks.

  "Jasmine," I reply feeling the burn in my cheeks. My thoughts begin to wander.

  "I'm Brandon Whitaker,” he says and the strobe flashes on his eyes. They're a soft green hue and so familiar. Maybe the combination of the strobe lights and atmosphere is causing my imagination to run wild. He is so familiar, the eyes, the face, the voice. It hits me, this is the guy who tried to knock me out at the hospital.

  "Do I know you?" He asks, cutting into my thoughts, and stretches his hand out for me, one touch and I just know it has to be the same guy.

  "No, I don't think that I know you," I lie, “but it's nice to meet you."

  "Well it was nice to meet you too," he says huskily and I narrow my eyes at him. If he thinks he's going to seduce me, he's wrong, not only am I taken I'm just not that kind of girl. A strange feeling hits me, a desire unlike anything I've ever felt causes me to panic.

  "I better find Ness," I say and turn my attention to the dance floor. Creating as much distance as I can between myself and this handsome man.

  At first I can't find Vanessa but then I see her. For a first time in so many years, I see her smiling like that. I sigh a breath of relief when I turn and realize Brandon is gone. Vanessa is dancing and enjoying herself so I go to the bar and order another coke. From across the club I can see Brandon. Every so often I feel someone's eyes on me and I'm pretty sure it's him.

  As the night winds down I go looking for Vanessa and find her making out with the guy in a booth.

  "Oh go ahead and go home, I’ve got a ride," she says with a giggle.

  "Call me in the morning, ok?" She nods and goes back to sucking his face off. As I sit in the car I laugh until I turn on my phone. Seventeen text messages from Jeff. "Oh shit," I think to myself as I put the car I'm drive.

  Chapter 4

  ~~ Brandon~~

  My phone rings as I walk into the hospital.

  "Mr. Whitaker?"

  "Yes, this is Brandon Whitaker."

  "Well, we have some good news for you, your apartment is ready. Come by as soon as possible for your keys."

  This is bittersweet. I've really enjoyed being back with my parents but Carlie wants more privacy.

  "Thank you so much for calling me, I'll have Miss Santos come by about lunch time."

  I hang up and immediately call Carlie. The excitement in her voice is contagious. I'm smiling as I make it to the ER.

  "Hey, Brandon, you ready for this
madness?" Dr. Iverson asks with exhaustion in his voice.

  I just nod. My time in the navy made this place seem like paradise. I grab my gear and prepare for my rounds with Dr. Parker. She's a bit hard to deal with but she knows her shit. I find her and prepare for the busy day ahead.

  The next couple of weeks fly by as we get settled into our new home. It's weird, I admit, coming home to an empty house. Carlie has been working late and I've been pulling extra shifts at the hospital to build my savings back after all the moving expenses. Our time together has gotten strained and I'm doing all I can to hold us together. I sit down on the couch and turn on the TV, flipping channels until something catches my eye. Glancing at the clock I notice it's nine, so I shoot Carlie a text to make sure she's ok.

  Twenty minutes later I hear her car in the driveway. I lay back and close my eyes as I hear her fumbling with the door lock. I immediately smell the stench of cigarettes and booze as she stumbles in. She attempts to tiptoe around the couch but her purse smacks the wall loudly. I lay there acting like I'm asleep but intently listening. She sits her phone down on the table and makes her way to the bedroom.

  I stay there for a bit longer and I hear her turning on the water in the bathroom. I'm not usually one to distrust her, but I grab her phone and scroll through her texts. I see where she read mine and ignored it and then I see these flirty messages between her and a number that's seems oddly familiar. Furious, I back out of her messages and convince myself I'm over thinking and reading more into this than necessary. I place her phone back on the table and ease quietly into the bedroom and lay down.

  She stumbles out of the bathroom and crawls into bed slapping me in the face with her damp hair. In a few minutes she's hard and fast asleep and I lay there, unable to shake this sudden horrible feeling. Sleep finally finds me and those messages just keep playing in my dreams.

  I wake up to the buzzing of my alarm clock, reaching over to hit the snooze. Laying there, staring up at the ceiling, I try to ignore the many questions plaguing my thoughts. Looking over at the beauty lying next to me I can't help but smile and push the doubt to the farthest recesses of my mind. I roll myself closer to her and kiss her cheek.

  "Hi," she says with a yawn and wraps her arms around me.

  Breathing in her perfume I kiss her forehead,

  "Hi," I say pulling her closer. Immediately I feel the blood rushing everywhere but my brain and the raw lust takes over.

  The combination of her touch and the repressed anger of last night are too much. I am clearly too hard for any foreplay and I just want to be inside her so I quickly take off my shirt as Carlie removes her own. I rest my head against hers and begin kissing her deeply, passionately. Her soft pink lips feel so good against mine. Carlie places her hand over my dick and caresses it sweetly, moving her hand up and down over the soft fabric of my pants. I moan into her mouth, as my own kisses becoming more intense. She smiles and I pick my head up as she unties my pajama bottoms, pushing them down. I am so hot at this point I rip her panties off quickly, literally ripping them at the seams. She giggles at the tattered remains of black lace. Climbing on top of her I flick her clit and she moans. I take my fingers and rub her wetness on the tip of my dick before sliding in. Starting with slow and steady thrusts she licks her lips and pulls me further into her. Her fingernails scratch down my back as I increase the tempo.

  Stopping for a moment to kiss her I notice a small, bluish red, mark on her shoulder. Anger flows through me as does to need for release. I close my eyes and try to focus my anger, I want to get off, not hurt her. Thrusting faster and harder I can feel my orgasm building. She reaches down with one hand and circles her clit as I pound into her. She cries out as waves of pleasure take her and the rhythmic tightening pushes me over the edge. I groan in an animalistic way as I pump one last time filling her with come.

  All the frustration, all the anger and questions are washed away in that moment. Kissing the tip of her nose I get up handing her a towel. "I'm getting in the shower, want to join me?" I ask opening the bathroom door.

  "No, I'm going to change these sheets," she says. I nod and close the bathroom door.

  She leaves for work and my phone begins to ring. Slowly crawling out of bed I reach for it. It's Josh.

  "Hello?" I groan.

  "Hey, you feel like hitting the gym today?" He asks.

  "Sure, give me about thirty."

  "Alright, see you shortly," he says as he hangs up.

  I jump out of bed and throw on my gym clothes. Josh is on the treadmill when I get there so I take the one beside him.

  "Damn, Bran what took you so long?" He asks.

  "I'm a little tired, wild morning," I say with a wink.

  "Oh," he says his tone cold. His phone rings and when he sees the number his face pales.

  "I have to take this call," he says running back towards the locker room.

  I shake my head as he walks back towards me. "Where's the fire?" I ask.

  "Oh, that was Michelle with some drama, as usual," he says, his voice nervous.

  "I thought you two were doing well," I reply. I don't want to pry, but I admit I am curious about his strange behavior.

  "Yeah, we were until she decided to try to change me."

  "What does that even mean?" I ask.

  "She has forbidden me from the club because she says she smelled women's perfume on me."

  I have no idea what to say. He does cheat on her and recently he met one at Bottlestopper, and he took the hot blonde to a hotel.

  "I'm sorry, but you should have seen that coming, or have you already forgotten, Valerie or whatever her name was.

  “"Vanessa." he says. "Her name was Vanessa and she was a great fuck. I tell you if she didn't live so far away I'd be in that every weekend. She's a fucking wildcat," he says. I just shake my head, I only go to keep him out of trouble, but it always finds him anyway.

  "Ok Mr. Innocent," he says, "weren't you chatting up someone too?"

  "Yes, I talked to a woman, a very pretty one, but that's all I did was talk. I didn't touch, kiss or dance with her, and I sure as hell didn't sleep with her. It's called loyalty, asshole," I say punching him in the arm.

  "I got your loyalty right here," he says grabbing his crotch.

  Chapter 5

  ~~Jasmine~~

  I pull into the driveway with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Always, there in the back if mind is the memory of that night. We had argued and verbally fought with each other many times, but the first time he hit me, I thought my soul would break in two.

  The backhand across my face not only hurt me physically but mentally as well. It had brought back every memory of my father and his belt. I'd cried like a baby, blubbering and sniveling into my pillow, for hours on end until I'd finally fell into a sorrowful sleep. Jeff had carried me to bed, and watched over me for the remainder of the night. When I woke up my face was sore and swollen, he had made me breakfast and acted as though nothing had happened.

  As I walk up to the front door, my heart is hammering loudly in my ears because I'm afraid. Quickly slipping off my shoes I open the door, slowly, and to my surprise there is Jeff sitting in the chair, a dozen roses in hand.

  "I love you," he says getting up. He comes over slipping his hands down to my hips and kissing my cheek. Wrapping my arms around his, I tippy toe and place my lips on his before going to bed. I'm so tired I don't even bother with a shower.

  I wake up to giggling coming from the living room only to find Vanessa and Jeff all cozy in the recliner. She's sitting there on his lap and he's got his face buried into her neck. My blood begins to boil as he removes her tank top and kisses her deeply. I can feel the bile rising and run down the hall barely making it to the bathroom. After my nausea fades I stare at myself in the mirror as anger takes completely over.

  Drawing in several breaths I walk back into the living room, loudly. Vanessa jumps up covering her exposed breasts.

  "I'm sorry, Jas. I don't know what I w
as thinking," she says. As she takes a step closer to me I shake my head.

  "Get your stuff and get out," I hiss. Locking eyes with Jeff, I scream, “"You had me fooled, you really did."

  I stand there fighting the anger and tears now taking over. He stands there, clearly angry but not speaking. I turn and go to our bedroom, locking the door, and grab my suitcase. Tears are streaming down my face as I start slinging clothes into it. Bending over to pick up some socks that had fallen, the light glints off my pendant, and I grab it and rip it off throwing into the corner.

  A knock on the door brings me back to reality, it's Jeff, wanting to come in. "Jasmine, let me in so we can talk," he says.

  "I don't want to talk to you," I reply between sobs.

  "Jasmine, damn it, I'm sorry...I'm stupid," he says angrily.

  "I don't care how sorry you are, I am done, you have crossed a fucking line," I snarl. He pounds on the door and I can hear the stream of obscenities coming from him as he goes out to his truck. He slams on the gas once he's in it, and backs up haphazardly, knocking over the trashcans. I run down the hallway and grab my coat and cell phone. I'm in the kitchen when Vanessa comes in.

  "Jas," she says. I shake my head and point to the door.

  Loading everything I can into my car, I jump in and crank it up. I don't know where I'm going, I just have to go. Calling a couple hotels on the way, my frustration turns to hurt. Just driving around looking for one with a vacancy, as everything replays in my head, makes my chest hurt. Deep down I knew he had cheated before but I had never caught him and never had any hard proof.

  I pull into the parking lot of the hotel I found and just sit there and cry. After fifteen minutes I gather myself and check into my room. The old ratty curtains aren't much and the faded floral bedspread looks ancient, but it's clean and I'm away from Jeff.

  I bring in my suitcase and plop down on the bed and exhaustion takes over. When I wake up the room is dark, the only light coming from the dim hotel sign. I reach over and grab my phone. Seeing I have about twenty missed calls, all of them Jeff.