No Laughing Matter

by Dorothy Simpson

  Thanet slipped on some dry shoes and wiggled his toes. They felt blissfully cosseted and comfortable. ‘That’s better!’

  Bridget followed him as far as the top of the stairs. ‘Still all right for tonight?’ she called down after him.

  ‘So far.’ Thanet raised a hand in farewell. ‘The 8.05, you said?’

  ‘That’s right.’ Her ‘’bye’ floated after him as he closed the door.

  After a brief halt at Lineham’s house they set off again.

  ‘Think we ought to call in at the office?’ said Lineham.

  Thanet shook his head. He was eager now to get to Compu-Tech.

  ‘Which of them are we going to talk to first?’

  ‘Fester, I think. It shouldn’t take long. Frankly, I don’t think we’re going to get anywhere with him.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I think he’ll simply continue to deny that he went out that night. He’ll realise it’s the witness’s word against his and challenge us to prove he’s lying. And of course, we won’t be able to. End of story.’

  ‘There must be something we can do, to get him to admit it.’

  Thanet shook his head. ‘I don’t see how, at this stage. Unless …’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Hold on a minute, Mike. I’m thinking.’

  Perhaps it would be better to interview them together. Then, if Fester saw that Elaine was in difficulties he might be driven to indiscretion himself in order to bail her out. But it was going to be difficult enough anyway to get Elaine to talk freely and if Fester were present she would be even less likely to open up. ‘No, that won’t work.’

  ‘What?’

  Thanet explained.

  ‘I see what you mean.’

  ‘No, we’ll have to see them separately, do the best we can.’

  At Compu-Tech Kari was sweeping up sodden leaves in the paved parking area and shovelling them into a wheelbarrow. The sky was still heavily overcast and in the dreary grey light she was a welcome splash of colour in bright red wellies and anorak. Her Bowing hair was tied up into a pony-tail which swung as she worked. She paused as they got out of the car, leaning on the handle of her broom. ‘It’s a never-ending job at this time of the year.’

  ‘I didn’t know you were the gardener as well.’

  She grinned and gestured at the ivy-filled terracotta pots. ‘If you can call looking after those being the gardener, then yes, I suppose I am. But I do like to keep the place tidy.’

  Kari had called herself lucky the other day, thought Thanet, but it was not all one-sided. Fester was lucky too. He had struck gold here.

  There was a silver Peugeot 205 parked next to Fester’s BMW.

  ‘His and hers,’ said Lineham in a low voice as they walked up the ramp to the door. ‘I bet that’s Elaine Wood’s. Just the car I’d have expected her to choose.’

  ‘Could belong to a client. She might be out on a job.’

  Lineham shook his head. ‘It’ll be hers.’

  Privately, Thanet agreed with him. At first, however, it looked as though the sergeant was wrong. The office was empty except for a receptionist typing busily.

  ‘Can I help you?’ She was young and pretty, with beautifully cut very short black hair and a wide smile.

  To Thanet’s relief Fester and Elaine were both in. They were in Fester’s office and the receptionist rang through. A moment later Elaine emerged. Not surprisingly, she didn’t look too pleased to see them and Thanet did not miss the glint of relief in her eyes when he asked to speak to Fester.

  Fester’s office was strictly functional, the walls bare of the certificates, diplomas and photographs considered obligatory by so many. It was predictably uncluttered, the only furniture being four low armchairs grouped around a coffee table on one side of the room and on the other an interesting desk, custom-made by the look of it. It had been built on a shallow curve and ingeniously designed without legs at the two front corners, to allow easy access to Fester’s wheelchair. Not surprisingly in view of the nature of Fester’s business, there seemed to be a lot of sophisticated electronic equipment. This, presumably, was where he did a great deal of his creative thinking.

  Fester rolled forward to greet them. Here, at the very heart of the success he had forged out of disaster, he looked confident and assured, in expensive casual trousers of a silky grey-green fabric with a slight sheen to it and a roll-neck cashmere sweater of exactly the same shade. ‘Another interrogation, Inspector?’ A joke, his smile said.

  ‘Yes, as a matter of fact.’ The armchairs were, Thanet noted, lower than Fester’s wheelchair and not wishing to feel at a disadvantage he strolled across to the window and leaned against the sill.

  ‘I can’t persuade you to sit down? No?’ Fester’s smile had faded and as if to reassert his authority in his own domain he wheeled himself behind his desk and picked up a slim gold pen which had been lying on the open file in front of him. He began to slide it to and fro through his fingers. ‘How can I help you, then?’

  He had addressed his question to Thanet and looked slightly surprised when it was Lineham who moved forward to position himself squarely in front of him and, using the confrontational opening upon which he and Thanet had agreed, said, ‘You lied to us the other day, sir. And we’d like to know why.’

  Fester’s eyes narrowed. ‘What do you mean?’

  Lineham did his best but as Thanet had predicted Fester flatly denied that he had been out that evening. The neighbour was mistaken, he claimed, had probably confused Friday with Thursday, when he had indeed gone out, to the gym in Sturrenden.

  Nothing would shake him so Thanet asked if they could borrow his office to interview Elaine again.

  With an ill grace he agreed, and used his intercom to ask the receptionist to send her in. ‘I hope this won’t take too long, Inspector. It’s very inconvenient. I do have work to do, you know.’

  ‘I realise that, sir. We’ll be as quick as we can, I assure you.’

  Fester left the room looking distinctly put out and Thanet noticed that instead of turning right towards the main office he turned left towards his living quarters.

  A moment later Elaine came in and they all sat down. As they did so there was an almost inaudible click from the direction of the desk. Thanet was nearest to it and he glanced at the others to see if they had heard it. Evidently not. Lineham was fishing a pen out of his pocket and Elaine was settling herself in her chair. Earlier on Thanet’s position by the window had given him a clear view of Fester’s equipment and now the curve of the desk still allowed him an angled view of part of it. A red light on the intercom had come on, a different one from that which had lit up earlier when Fester spoke to the receptionist in the outer office.

  Thanet realised what had happened. Despite the remarkable way in which he coped with his handicap Fester’s mobility was still restricted and he had installed an elaborate intercom system which enabled him no doubt to communicate with any part of his establishment either from here or from the flat next door. Fester was, Thanet was convinced, in love with Elaine and no doubt part of his bad temper of a moment ago had been due to the fact that he was being excluded from this interview and wouldn’t know what was going on. This was why he had turned left to his living quarters when he went out of the office just now. He must have realised almost at once that if he was quick about it he could listen in if he wished, and had hurried next door to switch the intercom on.

  Thanet was pleased. With any luck now, his own problem was solved: Elaine would talk as freely as they could persuade her to, without being inhibited by Fester’s presence, and Fester could possibly be provoked into playing the knight in shining armour and giving himself away on Elaine’s behalf. It would make the interview rather complicated but Thanet enjoyed a challenge. He would see what he could do.

  He became aware that Elaine had said something and that she and Lineham were both watching him expectantly. ‘Sorry, I was thinking. Now then, Miss Wood, I feel we ought to tell you that we
are rather better informed than we were last time we interviewed you.’

  ‘Oh?’ Her eyes were wary. She had managed to combine the glamour-girl look – immaculate make-up, carefully contrived casual hairstyle – with an air of efficiency. Her hyacinth blue suit and crisp white blouse with matching blue coin-sized spots were both stylish and businesslike.

  ‘Did Mr Randish recognise you, when he first met you again, a few months ago?’

  A flash of alarm, quickly suppressed. ‘Recognise me?’ she said, carefully.

  ‘Oh come, Miss Wood, don’t pretend you don’t understand what I mean. But to spell it out, I’ll tell you that we have just returned from Plumpton, where we had a very interesting conversation with your grandmother.’

  She stared at him. Then, unexpectedly, he saw a spark of amusement in her eyes. Her lips curved in a wry smile. ‘Ah,’ she said.

  He waited, interested to see what she would come up with next.

  ‘You have been busy, haven’t you, Inspector.’

  ‘Evidently.’ His tone was dry.

  She crossed her legs, nylon whispering against nylon. ‘So, what of it? It’s all ancient history now. I don’t see how something that happened fifteen years ago can possibly have any bearing on Zak Randish’s death.’

  ‘Don’t you? I find that very difficult to believe. But let’s go back a little. When did you first realise who he was?’

  ‘As soon as I heard his name, naturally. I wasn’t certain, of course, not until I saw him. But it is a very unusual name. I’ve never come across it at any other time, before or since.’

  ‘That would have been when?’

  ‘About four months ago. Tracey – our receptionist – told me that a Mr Randish had rung to enquire about a computer system and she’d told him I’d ring back.’

  ‘You, not Mr Fester?’

  ‘No. I handle sales and installation.’ She glanced at the desk with its bank of equipment. ‘Giles does the more creative stuff.’

  ‘How did you feel, when you realised who Mr Randish might be?’

  ‘It was a bit of a shock, naturally.’

  ‘Did you mention that you might have met him before, either to Tracey or to Mr Fester?’

  ‘No, of course not. It would have meant giving explanations, and I wasn’t prepared to do that.’

  Thanet wondered what Fester was making of all this. By now his curiosity must be at boiling point. ‘And when you saw him, you knew at once that it was the same man?’

  ‘Yes. He seemed scarcely to have changed at all.’

  ‘Which brings me back to my original question. Did he recognise you?’

  She shook her head. ‘I was only ten when I knew him. It doesn’t take too much imagination to see that I must have changed a great deal since then. I did wonder if my name would ring a bell but nobody ever called me Elaine at home and Wood is a very common surname, you only have to look in the directory.’

  ‘You are very like your mother, though.’

  ‘Not sufficiently like, apparently.’

  ‘So did you tell him who you were?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because it would have been too awkward, of course! I knew I’d have to spend a couple of days in his office while he and that po-faced manager of his got the hang of the computer and I just thought it would be much easier if I said nothing.’

  ‘Did he ever find out?’

  ‘No!’

  ‘No,’ echoed Thanet softly. ‘But not telling him led to a further complication, didn’t it? You found he was attracted to you.’

  She put up one hand to toss back her hair in a coquettish gesture. ‘I’m used to that. I can handle it.’

  ‘But you responded, all the same.’

  She lifted her shoulders. ‘Why not?’

  ‘Why not, Miss Wood? Because according to your grandmother he was responsible for your mother’s death, that’s why not!’

  ‘We don’t know that, do we?’

  ‘No, we don’t know that. But what we do know is that he treated her very shabbily indeed, giving her good reason to believe he was going to marry her and then walking out on her and never contacting her again. I would have thought he’d be the last man on earth you’d choose to go out with, in the circumstances.’

  ‘I told you! That was all ancient history!’ But her composure was slipping, he was glad to see. If he could just make her say what she had really thought, really felt …

  ‘Ah, but it wasn’t really ancient history at all, was it? It could have been, I agree, if your grandmother had let it rest, but she didn’t, did she? She couldn’t. In her eyes, Randish killed your mother and that was all there was to it – and she told us, in no uncertain terms, that she had made sure you knew it. So are you really asking me to believe that when you met him again you were able to put all that aside and not only forgive him but actually enjoy going out with him?’

  He was deliberately goading her, watching her closely for the signs that her control was about to snap, and now he was rewarded.

  ‘All right!’ she said, clutching at her head with both hands and jumping up. ‘All right, all right, all right!’

  Her agitation took her to the window where she stood with her back to them, leaning on the sill with both hands, arms rigid, head down and shoulders hunched in tension. After a few moments she lifted her head and took a couple of long, steadying breaths. They saw her shoulders relax before she turned. ‘You’re quite right, of course. It was impossible to forgive him. How could I? My grandmother probably told you that my mother was the only parent I ever had.’

  ‘So why did you agree to go out with him?’

  ‘To make him pay, of course.’ Her tone was flat, weary. She returned to her chair. ‘I could never bring her back, but I could make him suffer what she suffered.’

  There had been no sound from the next room and Thanet wondered how Fester was taking all these revelations. ‘Suffer how, exactly?’ he said.

  Her eyes gleamed with malice as in reply she smoothed her skirt over her thighs and then ran the fingertips of one hand caressingly over one shapely, silky knee. ‘I should have thought that was obvious, Inspector.’

  Her smile mocked not only Thanet but Lineham, Randish, all men. How can you look at me and ask that question? it said. You are but putty in the hands of a woman like me.

  ‘Spell it out for me,’ Thanet said, face and voice carefully neutral. He saw Lineham shift uncomfortably and knew that the sergeant was sharing his distaste.

  ‘Very well. It’s quite simple, really. I intended to do everything in my power to make him fall for me.’ Her tone was light, almost playful, but now it suddenly changed, became venomous. ‘And then, when he had, to leave him flat, as he left her.’

  Thanet again thought of Fester, listening next door, and couldn’t help feeling sorry for him. Any illusions he had had about Elaine must be crumbling fast. ‘I see. And I assume that you would claim he died before you were able to finish carrying out your plan.’

  ‘Unfortunately, yes.’ There was a wry glint in her eyes as she said, ‘I must confess that I wish whoever killed him had waited just a little longer.’

  Thanet caught Lineham’s eye and knew what he was thinking. Charming!

  ‘So let’s go back now to Friday. You weren’t telling the truth, were you, when you denied having arranged to meet Mr Randish that evening?’

  ‘No.’ She sighed. ‘That was because Giles was there, of course. He didn’t know I was going out with Zak. It won’t have escaped you that he’s rather keen on me and with him in his condition, well, let’s just say I don’t like to upset him if I can help it.’

  Thanet flinched inwardly, thinking of Fester listening next door. The mixture of indulgence and condescension in her tone must have made him wince.

  ‘So when he asked me to go out with him on Friday I refused, told him there were various things I’d planned to do at home that evening.’

  ‘What time did you and Mr R
andish arrange to meet?’

  ‘He said he couldn’t give me a specific time, it all depended on when he could get away. And then he’d probably only be able to stay for half an hour or so. To be honest, I was pretty fed up about it. It meant I’d have to waste the evening hanging about waiting for him to turn up, unable to settle down to anything else. But he was dead keen, so I had to go along with it. He’d been so busy with the harvest lately that he’d hardly seen me. In the event, of course, he didn’t turn up at all.’

  ‘So what did you do?’

  ‘Nothing. Why should I? I couldn’t have cared less – except that, as I say, it meant a wasted evening.’

  ‘You didn’t try ringing the vineyard?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘And you didn’t go out there?’ A pointless question really, but it had to be asked. Thanet was convinced that Elaine had been telling the truth. Her idea of revenge rang true in the light of what he now knew of her character.

  ‘No!’

  ‘So you say.’ Thanet was still conscious of their unseen listener, though in view of what Fester had heard it was highly unlikely that he would be as anxious to jump to Elaine’s defence as he might have been half an hour ago.

  She remained unruffled. ‘So I say. And you’ll never be able to prove otherwise because what I’ve told you is the truth.’

  ‘Well,’ said Thanet, rising, ‘we shall see.’

  Elaine stood up. ‘That’s all? I can go?’

  ‘For the moment, yes.’ Out of the corner of his eye he saw the light on the intercom go off and heard the click for which he had been listening.

  He saw at once that Elaine had heard it too. She had been turning towards the door but now she froze and her eyes went towards the desk.

  From where she stood, Thanet realised, she couldn’t see the face of the intercom panel, so she wouldn’t know whether it had just been switched on or off, whether the click meant that Fester had overheard the entire interview or had just switched on because he was about to speak. She waited a moment, presumably to see if he was going to, and when he didn’t calmly walked to the desk and leaned forward for an unobstructed view of the panel.

  She had to know whether or not Fester had been listening, Thanet realised, couldn’t have left this room without knowing.