In Times of Trouble

by Yolonda Tonette Sanders

  “That’s ridiculous. By now everyone should know that HIV can’t be contracted that way.”

  “I tried to tell Tyra that, but she wouldn’t listen.”

  “Give her some time; she’ll eventually come around.”

  “We’ll see. I need to call her. Part of me feels bad because I was pretty mad at her when I found out about Mom’s suicide attempt. I really let her have it and I said some horrible things.”

  “Your emotions were running high. I’m sure when you call her she’ll understand.”

  “Anyhow, the last thing you need to hear right now is about my marital woes. Congratulations, by the way. Mom told me that you are engaged.”

  Lisa laughed. “Boy, do I have a story to tell you.”

  Amazingly, Callie was in good spirits the next morning and pleasantly surprised to see Lisa and their parents since Bryan hadn’t told her they were coming. After tears were shed and “I love you’s” exchanged, Callie asked for the latest update on Chanelle. Eventually everyone settled in for what could be considered a “normal” hospital visit, under the circumstances. Their mother fussed at Callie for not eating, Callie complained about the hospital food, Lisa maintained the peace between them as best she could, and Bryan and their father talked about everything from sports to politics.

  The next day was much of the same and on Thursday, Callie was released. Lisa had planned to go home first thing Saturday morning, but her parents were staying another week. Concerned that she hadn’t really gotten any alone time with her sister, on Friday Lisa asked Bryan to take her parents out for a while so she and Callie could have some time together.

  Callie was sitting on her bed reading her Bible when Lisa walked into the room. “You got a minute?” she nervously asked.

  “Of course, I do. What’s up?”

  “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for everything that I said to you the night—”

  “Girl, don’t even worry about it. I said some harsh things myself, so I’m sorry.”

  Lisa bent down to hug her. “I love you, Cal.”

  “I love you, too.”

  Seconds passed before their embrace ended. “I’m sorry for being so consumed with my life that I haven’t been there for you. I love you,” she repeated, making no effort to mask her quivering voice. “I will never let you down again.”

  “Girl, stop getting all mushy on me and making promises you won’t be able to keep,” Callie teased, but Lisa saw the water in her eyes. “Chances are you will let me down again, and I you, because we’re human. But more than that, we are sisters and that’s a bond we’ve both foolishly disregarded. I never want that to happen again.” She smiled and her tears finally fell.

  “Ditto,” Lisa said in agreement. “So, then can we call a truce?”

  “Yes, of course,” Callie beamed, wiping her cheeks. “Now that we both got that off of our chests, what’s up with you and Eric? I noticed you’re not wearing your engagement ring. What happened?”

  Callie laughed until she cried as Lisa unfolded the tale of Minister Eric Joshua Freeman and his mother, Mrs. Henry Freeman. Lisa had never told her sister about how her trip to Sandusky, Ohio to meet Eric’s mom went. It seemed like each time Lisa told the story about Eric flipping out on her, the funnier it got. She and Callie laughed so hard that their stomachs hurt. “Oh my goodness,” Callie continued bursting with laughter. “Can you imagine what he must’ve been like as child? That man didn’t become crazy overnight. This has been a long time coming, and I’m sure it was his mother’s fault. Somebody ought to put Precious and his mama on medication.”

  In all thirty-eight years of her life, Lisa could not recall a single time when she and her sister had shared such a joyous and intimate moment. “I’m going to make it a point to get out here and visit more often,” she said.

  “I was just thinking the same thing.”

  “I still remember the day Mama and Daddy brought you home from the hospital. I was like ‘Finally! I have a sister.’ My only regret was that they waited until I was nine to have you. It would have been nice for us to actually go through the same stages of life together. Regardless, though, you were my pride and joy. Somewhere down the line, life started getting hard for me and I got bitter. I think in many ways I resented you because you were everything that I didn’t think I was. You were, are, beautiful—so slender and thin; and I’m so wide and fat. You seemed to have everything and I had nothing. The more life kept screwing with me, the more I resented you. I wanted children so bad, but because of what happened, I was unable to have any; and you were pregnant with Chanelle by age twenty.”

  “Girl, Bryan adores you.”

  “I know. . .and I him. For years, I’d dealt with the fact that my life was what it was and I moved on, but finding out I’m HIV-positive was a blow that even I wasn’t ready to take. It definitely came from left field.”

  Callie began sharing with Lisa about the day her world fell apart. That day she had had a full teaching schedule. She had been at the college since seven that morning, lectured in five classes, and still held office hours for students who wished to speak with her.

  It was about six in the evening when she left the campus. It was days like this when Callie appreciated all the more living within a ten-minute drive of the college and being able to take the back roads instead of the congested freeway.

  “Let’s have breakout sessions on various topics like single parenting, ways to enhance your marriage, life after menopause, etcetera,” she’d brainstormed aloud to Sister Ellis, her co-chair for the church’s Women’s Retreat, while in route.

  “That’s a great idea! There are going to be women from all walks of life attending. It will be better for us to offer enough workshops that will minister to various needs. Do you have any speakers in mind for these sessions?”

  “Yeah, I do, but I’m going to have to call you back. I just got home and I have company waiting for me.”

  Callie pulled into her horseshoe-shaped driveway, parking behind the gold Chevy Avalanche that belonged to her late husband’s best friend, Kelsey. He was sitting on her front steps when she got out. “Hey, Kelsey, I haven’t seen you in a while. Come on in. What brings you by?”

  Kelsey didn’t budge. “I need to talk to you about Marvin.”

  Kelsey had taken her husband’s suicide as hard as she did. He and Marvin had been friends since shortly after she and Marvin married. Having no family of his own, Kelsey had been adopted into theirs. “What about him?”

  “I think I know why he killed himself.”

  Sweat immediately broke through her pores and her heartbeat flared up. Marvin’s suicide note left no clues and the haunting question of “Why?” had been nipping at Callie’s conscious and unconscious mind. “What are you talking about?”

  Kelsey chewed his bottom lip before speaking. “I think he was positive?”

  His explanation didn’t immediately register in her mind. “Positive about. . .”

  “Positive like in test results. I think Marvin had HIV.”

  Callie shook her head in disbelief. “Kelsey, why in the world would you make such an accusation? His death has been hard enough on me without factoring in this insane possibility.”

  “Callie, listen to me. I recently found out that I’m positive and I haven’t been with anyone else since Marvin died.”

  Dizziness immediately began to circle around her. She willed her mind steady enough to ask for clarification. “Please say you’re not telling me what I think you’re saying? That you and Marvin were—”

  “In love. . . We were for many years. He could never find the courage to leave you because of Bryan. I was faithful to him, but it’s obvious that he wasn’t to me. He wasn’t to either one of us.”

  Hearing the word “us” brought with it so much pain that Callie physically became ill. She couldn’t believe that she and this man, whom she’d welcomed into her family, had intimately shared her husband. She leaned over in the bushes to vomit as thoughts of
the countless fishing trips and hunting getaways Kelsey and Marvin took several weekends a month filled her head. What she had thought were general male-bonding outings had most likely been homosexual Brokeback Mountain rendezvous. The more she recalled the many nights she’d slid into lingerie to properly welcome her husband back home, not knowing that he’d already given or received of the same, the more her stomach ached and the faster its contents hurled from her body.

  “Are you okay?” He leaned over to assist her.

  “Get off of me!” she screamed, punching and kicking him uncontrollably. He made several attempts to hold and comfort her, but she resisted, yelling and assaulting him until he got back into his truck and took off.

  “I didn’t want to believe him,” Callie now said to Lisa, “But then a couple weeks later I found out that I was also positive and was devastated.”

  “How are you holding up now?”

  “If you mean will I attempt suicide again, no way!” she swore. “Lisa, I should be dead. I took a hundred sleeping pills and I didn’t die! While I lay on the kitchen floor, I could hear things going on around me, but I couldn’t move a muscle. I remember screaming silently, ‘Lord, just take me. I want to die,’ but it was like God was saying to me that I still had work to do. I kid you not, Lisa, I begged to die and God would not allow me to do so. When I became conscious in the hospital, I promised the Lord that whatever He had planned for me, I would willingly accept the assignment.”

  “Wow. . .It’s so awesome to hear you put a positive spin on it.”

  “I’m positive because God is positive. To be real, I still don’t understand why this has happened, but I’m no longer at a place where I need to understand, because no matter what, God will work this out. It’s a doozie of a job for Him, but He can do it. As long as I trust and serve Him, He’ll handle all the rest. God has given me a second chance and I’m embracing it. What the devil meant for evil, God will turn around for good. I don’t know how He will; I just know He will.”

  CHAPTER 26

  Water Under the Bridge

  As planned, Lisa returned home late Saturday afternoon after having an early morning breakfast with Callie. The two of them went to a twenty-four hour restaurant and had pancakes. Lisa wasn’t all that hungry, but she enjoyed watching her sister indulge in her favorite morning meal. RJ was there to pick Lisa up from the airport when she returned home.

  “How was your trip?” he asked.

  “It was great. Callie is doing really well. She said to tell you hi. Last night she was very emotional, but it was a good thing. Tyra surprised her and Bryan by bringing their daughter to see Callie. That was Cal’s first time seeing the baby. She didn’t think she would even get a chance to see her.”

  “Why?”

  “Tyra was paranoid about Naomi, that’s the baby’s name, getting HIV. Callie was supposed to stay with them for a while, but Tyra didn’t want her at the house. That’s why she came up here.”

  “Ouch. . .I know Tyra’s reaction had to hurt.”

  “It did, but all is well now. Tyra, bless her heart, was so remorseful. She apologized and cried so much that I started crying. This morning she and Bryan dropped me off at the airport on the way back to L.A. They were leaving the baby with Callie overnight and coming back tomorrow.”

  “How far is it to L.A. from Sacramento?”

  “About six hours. . .”

  “Whew, that’s a lot of driving in a day’s time.”

  “I know. . .”

  “I’m surprised that Bryan and Tyra would leave Callie with the baby so soon after her suicide attempt. I guess it’s okay since your parents are still with her.”

  “Mama and Daddy actually went as well.”

  “So Tyra and Bryan are leaving Callie alone with the baby?” He seemed worried. “I mean, I’m not saying she would try to hurt the baby or anything, but you never know what’s going on in someone’s head. Callie’s not the type of person I’d ever thought would try to kill herself.”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean, but spending time alone with the baby will be good for her. Depression is an ugly thing.”

  “How’s she doing now? Is she on any kind of medication?”

  “She’s taking things for her health, but not for depression. The doctor is concerned because most people don’t have such a quick turnaround, but Callie is doing great. She’s like a totally different person now.”

  “I figured she’d at least be on some type of antidepressant, but then again, I know firsthand how God can deliver a person.”

  “I hope He delivers Mama from gambling. She’s likely to find her way to a casino while she’s there. It amazes me that she doesn’t think she has a problem.”

  “A lot of times we’re blind to our own sins. We justify the things we do so we can keep doing them. It just goes to show that there’s always going to be some issue God is dealing with us on.”

  “Yeah, but after all the years Mama has been saved, she ought to know better. Seems to me like gambling was covered in Salvation 101.”

  “Maybe she was asleep during that course.” RJ laughed, pulling into Lisa’s driveway. He got out and helped her carry the bags inside the house as Lisa grabbed her mail on the way in.

  “Would you like some water or something?”

  “Sure.”

  Walking back into the kitchen, she asked him if he had heard anything else from Chanelle, but RJ had nothing to report. He took a seat at her kitchen table after she’d gotten some water for him.

  Lisa began flipping through her mail that had built up over the week. “I cannot believe this!” She laughed aloud.

  “What?”

  “Remember when Chanelle was brought home drunk by the police officer? I couldn’t figure out why the man was being so nice until he asked me to get him tickets to an Ohio State football game because of my connection with Olivia. Would you believe that officer put a friendly reminder in the mailbox for his tickets while I was gone?” She showed RJ the note.

  “He knows their first game is coming soon and wanted to make sure you didn’t forget. You better get on it. He gave you his telephone number and everything, so I’m sure he expects to hear from you,” he teased.

  Lisa rolled her eyes. “I’ll mention it to Liv when I talk to her. He did go out of his way to help, even if he did have an ulterior motive. Speaking of Liv, I need to see what she’s up to. I haven’t talked to her all week long.”

  “You’ve been away. I’m sure she understands.”

  “Yeah, but something’s going on with her. She’s been acting a little weird lately. I’m concerned that she may be having marital trouble. I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this, you couldn’t care less.”

  “I don’t mind listening to you. I’m surprised you’re talking to me about this and not your fiancé. Have you guys set a wedding date yet?”

  Lisa playfully glared at him. “Why are you asking me about him? Don’t even try to pretend like you don’t already know.”

  “Know what?” RJ smirked.

  “You’re not blind; you see that I’m no longer wearing an engagement ring.” She wiggled the fingers on her left hand. “Plus, as much as you and Mama talk, I’m positive she’s already told you about what happened with Eric.”

  “She said you should come forth and tell me yourself.” He chuckled.

  “Ha, ha, ha. . .,” she said blandly.

  “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry that things didn’t work out between the two of you.”

  “Yeah, I bet you’re all broken up inside.”

  He reached across the table and grabbed her hand. “I meant what I said. I love you, Lisa. I’m sorry for everything I did to you. If I could take it all back, I would. I do love you; I’ve never stopped loving you.”

  She sat frozen, unable to break his gaze or pull away from his grip. There was no doubt that part of her still cared for RJ. How could she not? They were married for fifteen years. He was her child’s father, first love, her first kiss.
. .her first everything, of course she cared about him, but love? Maybe in a godly way as Jesus commanded or like one loves a puppy. But there was no way she could open her heart to him after all he had put her through. How could she trust him after he’d betrayed her so devastatingly? Yet, she couldn’t explain why her heart fluttered when RJ spoke those words as if she had been waiting to hear them.

  Lisa jumped when the phone rang. “I-I better get that.” She fumbled with the kitchen phone receiver, hoping RJ hadn’t noticed. “Hello.”

  “Um. . . Hi, Miss Lisa.” It was Gericka, Chanelle’s best friend. “Did you get the messages I left for you to call me?”

  “No, honey, I’ve been out of town. Is everything okay?”

  “I promised Chanelle that I wouldn’t say anything, but—” She started crying, “I think you should know.”

  “Know what? Is Chanelle okay?”

  At the mention of his daughter’s name, RJ came over to where Lisa stood and leaned his ear to the phone. “She made me promise not to tell,” cried Gericka.

  “Honey, if something is wrong with Chanelle, I need to know so I can help her.”

  Gericka sounded like she was going to hyperventilate, but she managed to spit out the most shocking statement. “She’s. . .pregnant.”

  • • •

  Lisa was relieved to have RJ with her as Gericka relayed the heartbreaking information to them. Poor Gericka had held in everything, but when Chanelle told her she was pregnant, it was too much for her to handle. She told Lisa where Chanelle was staying and explained to her how to get there.

  RJ sped along the way while Lisa cried. “This is all my fault,” she sobbed. “I did this to her.”

  “Baby, don’t blame yourself. You’re not responsible.”

  “You don’t understand. . .” Lisa couldn’t talk anymore. She just closed her eyes while RJ drove as her guilt overwhelmed her. When they pulled up to the apartment building, Lisa said to RJ, “Let me go in by myself.”