The Banished Highlander

by Keira Montclair

  “Aedan,” he said, wiping the sweat from his brow from the short walk. “I’d prefer to handle this myself.” He’d never admit it to his brother, but he was in worse shape than he’d guessed. Perhaps he needed more guards.

  “Like you did when you came back near death? I wasn’t sure you’d survive this one. Is Munro the guilty party?”

  “Aye, in a way. He never touched me, but he ordered his men to beat me. I tried to call him to a man-to-man swordfight, but he refused. I had hoped to uncover something as proof of his black heart, but I failed. Nonetheless, it’s my right to go after the fool. I will gladly accept some help. Seems you’re correct on that,” Ruari admitted sheepishly.

  His brother’s face creased into a frown. “You shouldn’t be out of bed, Ruari. Jennie said you needed another three days to recover.”

  “Juliana is leaving by midday and I have to stop them. I wish to make her my wife and she has already accepted my suit. I’ll not relent.”

  Neil, standing beside Aedan as always, was quick to interject. “And you handled your last attempt to gain her hand brilliantly. Will you never learn, laddie?”

  Ruari had listened to years of criticisms and barbs from this man, but suddenly he’d had enough. He grabbed his brother’s second-in-command by the throat. “Keep your thoughts to yourself and stop interrupting me while I’m speaking with my brother.”

  To his surprise, Neil laughed. “’Tis about time you got some bollocks on you.”

  “Put him down,” Aedan said, although he didn’t sound angry. “At least your last move convinced me of your feelings for the lass. I’ll agree to send twenty guards with you so you can catch her sire before he leaves to plead your case.”

  “Many thanks,” Ruari said as he pushed Neil away and hurried toward the stables, moving as fast as his injuries would allow him. At least he’d gained no broken bones from his beating.

  “Ruari!” His brother’s voice echoed across the courtyard.

  He spun around briefly but continued to move backward. “What?”

  “Try not to get yourself killed this time. You are my only brother.”

  Ruari couldn’t promise that at all.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Juliana’s eyes burned with unshed tears as she rode along. The conversation she’d overheard earlier tormented her. Before they’d left the abbey, her sire and Munro had gone off to talk to the abbey guards about the safest way to travel back with a possible storm coming. They’d left her and Winnie with Munro’s men, who’d acted as if she didn’t possess ears.

  “Haven’t seen the Cameron’s brother around, have we?” one of them had said in an undertone.

  His friend barked out a guffaw, then said, “Nay, we took care of him for a while.”

  “He was more of a fighter than I thought. He was a fool to think he could convince our laird to give up such a beauty. I’d like to slip between her legs myself.”

  “Shut your mouths,” another warned. “If Aedan Cameron wishes, he could flay all of us.”

  The first guard, the chatty one, scoffed and said, “Aedan Cameron doesn’t have the bollocks to come after us.”

  One that hadn’t said a word yet said, “But if his brother were able, he’d storm over with two dozen Cameron guards and beat you all for what you did to him.”

  “You had a hand in beating him, too,” the guard cajoled.

  “Not the way you did. Your blow nearly killed him.”

  Juliana had bitten her lip to keep from crying out. She’d thought about riding away from them, but they would have caught her. If she wanted to help Ruari, she’d have to figure out another way, although she had no notion of what she could do.

  At least she knew he hadn’t abandoned her, and he was still alive, from what they’d said, although she hated the thought that he’d been hurt because of her.

  Munro had swaggered over then to give his instructions to his guards. Everything had been a whirlwind after that. Joan had come out to say goodbye, and Juliana had hugged her close, doing her best not to shed any tears. The oddest thing had happened then. Joan had whispered in her ear, “Do not worry. I’ll take care of everything.”

  There was no time to ask her what she meant. Her sire had moved them along, Munro guards and all, and an aching void had opened in Juliana’s chest.

  They traveled for over two hours with no incidents at all. They had stopped for a break when a sound caught her ears, and she turned to see the source.

  A lone horse came straight at them. To her surprise, she recognized the rider as her sister. Joan had a wild expression on her face, and for a moment Juliana thought she’d come to scoop her up into the saddle, but instead of heading toward the spot where Juliana stood with her sire, she rode hard for the group of guards talking with Munro.

  The rest happened as if in slow movement. Joan leaped from her horse with a screech, directly toward Ailbeart Munro, her arm outstretched. That’s when she noticed the reflection off the metal in the sun.

  Joan held a dagger in her hand, and it was aimed at Ailbeart Munro’s heart.

  “Nay,” Juliana screamed, running toward her sister, so afraid she’d be hurt. The rest happened in a matter of seconds. Joan’s dagger embedded in the flesh of Munro’s shoulder. He reacted with a roar, as did his guards. Two guards wrestled her away from Munro, easily taking her weapon from her, but the bastard pulled a dagger from inside his tunic and buried it in Joan’s belly.

  “Joan!” Her cry came out in a screech.

  So many raised voices filled the clearing, but her attention was solely on Joan. She raced to her sister and gathered her bleeding body into her arms. Blood spurted from Joan’s belly, and even as Juliana tried to stem the bleeding, she knew it was a lost cause.

  Joan clutched Juliana’s mantle, her mouth trying to form words, but she couldn’t. Juliana set her carefully on the ground so she could apply pressure to Joan’s wound, something she’d learned from Ruari’s niece.

  “Joan, nay. Why did you do that? Nay! I cannot lose you.” She sobbed as she watched the life fade from her sister’s eyes. “Why, Joan? Why? I could have found another way. I hadn’t given up. Joan, don’t you give up either. You can’t leave me. Please.”

  Her sister tried to tell her something, but she couldn’t understand her words. She put her ear to Joan’s mouth, and still, she could only make out occasional words.

  “Please…go back to the abbey…vows…letters.”

  And the light went out of her sister’s eyes.

  Juliana screamed and screamed and screamed, her arms wrapped around her sister’s body as she rocked back and forth like a wee bairn.

  ***

  Ruari and his guards finally caught up near a burn. It was a logical place for them to have stopped, but he knew at once something was wrong.

  He heard the screaming as he approached.

  Then he saw the blood and the chaos.

  His gut clenched as he prayed the woman he loved had not been hurt. “Juliana!” he shouted, hoping to be heard over the din as he jumped off his horse.

  He shoved guards out of his way until he reached the middle of the group, then he tried to process the horrible scene before him.

  Juliana knelt on the ground next to her sister, who was covered in blood.

  She lifted her head and screamed and screamed, a desperate, mournful sound that ripped his soul to shreds.

  What the hell had happened?

  When he reached her, he saw that her sister was dead, or nearly so. He could do nothing for Joan, and so he had to do what he could for Juliana. He gently freed her hands from her sister’s gown, then lifted her into his arms and carried her away from the group. Her father had staggered over, meanwhile, and he fell to the ground next to Joan, while Munro cursed the woman for having sliced him somewhere.

  What the hell had happened?

  He carried Juliana away from the melee, getting her somewhere where she could hear his voice and his voice only. Although the Munro’s guards
attempted to stop him, Aedan’s men held them back easily. “Sweetling, hush, hush,” he crooned, trying to get through her hysteria. “Juliana, ’tis me, Ruari. The one who loves you. You remember me? I look a sight, but ’tis me.”

  She stared up at him, gripping his tunic, and finally stopped screaming. Reaching a hand up to cup his cheek, she asked, “Ruari, what happened? My sister is dead. How could that be?” Her voice was so soft and small, he wished to take all her pain and suffering from her. “Tell me ’tis not true. It cannot be. I held her in my arms while she took her last breath. Oh, Joan. Oh, my dear sister…”

  He sat down on a fallen log and settled her on his lap away from the crowd. He motioned to Padraig, not far from them, to keep everyone away from them until he could form a better understanding of the situation.

  “Can you tell me exactly how it happened, Juliana?”

  She sniffled, still clutching his tunic, but nodded her head. “Joan…Joan…she came at us from behind. She stopped her horse and swung her dagger at Ailbeart…caught him in the shoulder…” Her breath hitched three times as she stared over his shoulder, looking back toward the place where it had happened.

  A quiet calm came over her, but raw fury filled her gaze—something he’d never seen in her before. “He did it,” she whispered. “Munro took out his own dagger and struck her in the belly. His men had already pulled her away from him, but he didn’t care. He stabbed her, pulled the knife out, and cleaned it on her dress. Cold. He was so cold when he did it, as if he hated her, hated me. I grabbed her…I don’t recall much else until she died in my arms. Oh, Ruari,” she said, her voice shaking. “It was awful. I’ve lost my sister.” Her head fell on his shoulder and she sobbed, her whole body shaking with the force of it. He didn’t know what else to do but hold her.

  Her father appeared in front of him. “Juliana, you must go with him. He’s leaving now.”

  She stared at the man in open disbelief. “Father, how could you even suggest such a thing? I will never marry that man.”

  At least he had the grace or sense not to argue with her. Juliana’s next words shocked Ruari to his core.

  “Papa, Joan wished for me to take my vows. Those were her last words to me. Take me home. I’ll gather all my things and return to the abbey. I wish to be a nun.”

  ***

  Poor Ruari. He and his guards had escorted Juliana and her sire back to Clavelle Manor, but her father had forced him and his men to sleep outside. Ruari had convinced her that he didn’t care, he was just concerned for her.

  She knew he still wished to marry her. She wanted that too, but the memory of Joan’s face, twisted with pain, was enough to convince her otherwise.

  Two mornings after Joan’s death, she packed her things and brought them into the great hall. The time had come to return to Lochluin Abbey and do as she had promised.

  Her sire sat by the hearth, brooding, smelling of whisky. A cask of it sat on the table beside him.

  “So this is it, then,” he said. “You’re off to desert me like your sister did. Make me look like a fool to Ailbeart Munro. He already paid me good coin for you, and if you choose to become a nun, I’ll have to give it back.”

  “Papa, did you spend that coin?”

  “Nay. I still have it all.”

  “Then give it back,” she said in disgust. Was his coin worth more to him than his two daughters had been?

  “Nay. I deserve a portion of it. I’m not giving it back after all he’s done to me.” Her father’s fist slammed down onto the table and she jumped at the violence of it. But she did not intend to back down. Not anymore. He was hiding something about Laird Munro, she knew it, and the time had come for him to tell her. After what had happened to Joan, after what had nearly happened to her, she deserved to know.

  “This is about that night, is it not?” she asked “The night when I was eight and I woke up because I heard Joan crying. Laird Munro did something to her, didn’t he? Tell me, Papa. I’m not a wee lass anymore. I want to know what happened!”

  “Naught happened that you need to know about,” he yelled back.

  “Tell me!”

  Dead silence fell between them, but she would not let this go. He had to be honest.

  In a low voice, she said, “Papa, Joan is dead. Tell me what happened that night.”

  Her father broke into tears and his head hung as he sobbed. The only time she’d ever seen him cry like this was after her mother passed on. But she couldn’t stop… She needed the truth.

  He picked his head up and wiped his tears on a nearby linen square. “I’ll tell you, even though I swore the truth would go to my grave with me.”

  She waited, giving him the time he needed.

  He cleared his throat, mopped his eyes, and began the tale. “Ailbeart Munro took your sister’s maidenhead. She was carrying their bairn, and I told her she had to marry him. When he found out, he was ecstatic. They were to marry three days after that night. But she refused.”

  She moved over to the chair and slid into it, unable to believe what she’d just heard. “He was to marry Joan?”

  “Aye, but she refused. Said she hated him and wished to be a nun.”

  Something dawned on her. “But the bairn…I have a niece or nephew somewhere? Where is her baby?”

  Her sire reached over and clasped her hand. “She lost it soon after she went to Lochluin Abbey. She was there a year before she took her vows.”

  Her father stared into space over her head.

  “When I think about what she did, trying to kill Munro for you, I realize mayhap she lost her mind many moons ago, and the abbey hid it from us.

  She reached for his hands on the table, covering them with her own. “Papa, why did you not tell me? Why didn’t Joan tell me? I don’t understand.” Tears began anew and she made no attempt to stop them.

  “Because it was just too painful.”

  Memories of what Joan had said about men pawing at women bloomed in her mind. She wouldn’t have said such a thing, she wouldn’t have hated him so, if she’d lain with him of her own free will. So he’d taken her innocence from her.

  Juliana’s hatred for Ailbeart Munro took on a whole new meaning.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Ruari had hoped Juliana would come around. That she would consider marrying him after all. They returned to Lochluin Abbey, without her sire, and laid her sister’s body to rest on sacred ground. Her father had said it was just too painful for him to go along.

  Ruari had thought that strange, but he didn’t ask any questions. He stayed by Juliana’s side during the ceremony, doing whatever she asked of him.

  Hoping she’d come back to him.

  It was nearly dark that night when the mourners, mostly other nuns, left to go to their chambers. The abbey was full because many had come from Stonecroft Abbey to express their sympathies.

  Her sister had been well-loved.

  When the great hall was nearly empty, Juliana stood from her seat at one of the trestle tables and held out her hand. “Will you take a walk with me?” She gave him a small smile.

  “Of course. Any time we spend together pleases me.”

  She led him out to the herb garden and they strolled hand in hand up and down the neat rows, the half-moon casting enough light for them to see the path that lay ahead. “Ruari Cameron, you know I love you.”

  He didn’t like the way she’d made that statement. “As I love you.” He squeezed her hand.

  She stopped and stared up at the cloudless sky, the stars luminescent. “You know that when I held my sister in my arms, she tried to tell me something.”

  “Aye, you’ve told me what you think she said.”

  “’Struth. She asked me to return to the abbey, which I think meant Lochluin Abbey, and then she said the words ‘vows’ and ‘letters.’ I don’t know how else to interpret her words than to think her last wish was for me to take my vows as a nun at Lochluin Abbey.”

  Regret washed over Ruari. He’d hoped
he could convince her that he’d be good a husband. He’d hoped it would be enough to change her mind, but he could see he was wrong.

  He leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. “I don’t wish to lose you, but I cannot disagree. I don’t think ’tis where you belong because I selfishly believe you belong with me. But I cannot interpret her last words any differently than you did.”

  “I know,” she said as she reached up and looped her arms around the back of his neck. She lifted her head and locked her gaze on his. “I will always love you, but I think I must pursue this course. I’ve talked with Mother Matilda, and she has encouraged me to take my time and be thoughtful about my vocation. She suggested that guilt may be driving me to interpret her words this way, but no one has come up with any other possible meaning. I don’t know what else to do other than to think on it. To pray for guidance.”

  He cupped her cheeks and kissed her, a soft kiss unlike their other passionate kisses. “I’m not happy about it, but I cannot fault you on your decision. ’Tis a preferable choice than being Munro’s wife. Promise me something?”

  “Anything.”

  “If you need anything at all, please send a messenger for me. Any time, day or night. I’ll not be far away.”

  “You should find someone else to love,” she said softly, her voice quavering.

  “Juliana, we’ve never spoken about this, but I wish to tell you something. I was married before.”

  She cupped his cheek, stroking her thumb across the stubble that had accumulated over the course of a long day. “I know. Joan told me. You need not say anything about her. It must have been verra painful for you to lose your wife.”

  “Aye, ’twas…but we were never…” How could he explain the way it had been between them so she wouldn’t think him heartless? “I didn’t love her the way I love you. She never loved me. I cannot explain it, but it was verra different. With you—” he reached up and covered her hand with his, “—I wish to have you by my side forever, to look in your eyes in the morn, to kiss you good eve every night. To hold you close and keep you warm on the coldest nights of winter. To make sweet love to you whenever you wish it…”