Picking Up The Pieces

by Brenda Adcock

  “Certainly, Ms. Shelton. What can I do for you?”

  “I know you ran tests on Athon after she arrived and I was wondering whether you had received the results yet.”

  “Have a seat, Ms. Shelton.” Campbell rubbed her forehead with her thumb and forefinger as if gathering her thoughts before speaking. “From the MRI we believe Major Dailey may have suffered a stroke at some time following one of her concussive injuries.”

  “How serious was it?”

  “It was a significant event, but until she wakes up we simply don’t know what systems of her body, if any, may have been affected.” Campbell paused for a moment. “I wish I had better news for you, Lauren, but there is a possibility Athon may never wake up,” she said in a soft voice.

  “She will!” Lauren insisted. “She would never leave me like this and she wouldn’t want to exist like that,” she said jabbing a finger toward the ICU.

  “She’s breathing on her own and that’s always a good sign. Her EEG shows brain activity, so I’m hoping for the best. You need to be aware of the possible outcomes. You need to be prepared in case it’s less than optimal. That’s assuming you plan to stick with her, of course.”

  Lauren sprang from her chair and glared down at Campbell. “How dare you! Nothing, nothing would make me abandon Athon!”

  “It could be a long road back for her.” Campbell studied her hands before meeting her eyes solemnly. “No matter how much you love the warrior who left to do her duty, most families aren’t prepared for how they’ve changed when they come home, especially if they’ve been badly injured.”

  “I don’t care. I promised I’d be there when she woke up. I lost her once and won’t do it again.”

  For the next month Lauren was a daily presence at the hospital. Athon was stable enough to be transferred out of ICU and put into a private room, which allowed Lauren to be with her all day. Campbell arranged for a recliner and gave permission for her to remain at night as well. She held Athon’s hand and continued reading to her. Gradually, the bruises covering her body began to fade and her feet and toes had pinked up as the badly lacerated tissue healed. A physical therapist appeared twice a day to prevent Athon’s arm and leg muscles from atrophying and a feeding tube was placed in her abdomen for nutrition. Despite that Athon’s weight steadily dropped. Lauren couldn’t stand to watch as the slightly thickened liquid keeping her body alive was administered and oozed through the tube. Instead, she took the opportunity to go for short walks outside, stopping from time to time to soak up the sunshine and cold, fresh February air. She found a private place and called Bridget. It was the first time she’d spoken to anyone else close to Athon. Bridget offered to fly to Maryland to relieve Lauren, and while she appreciated the offer, she knew Athon wouldn’t want anyone else to see her yet. Lauren promised to call every week to let her know if there was a change in her condition.

  Lauren rode the elevator back to Athon’s floor and stopped to get a cup of coffee. It seemed that she lived on the substance. When she returned to Athon’s room she set the cup down and resumed her position next to the bed. She took Athon’s hand and gave a light squeeze. “I’m back, baby,” she said. “Did you enjoy that prime rib dinner with all the fixin’s you had this evening?” She laughed. “It’s still cold outside, but it will be spring soon. I called Bridget to let her know you’re okay. Probably hot as hell down there already.”

  Lauren felt the hand in hers tighten, accompanied by a groan. She stood up quickly and stared down at Athon. With her free hand she stroked her cheek and forehead. The corner of Athon’s mouth curled up slightly. “L–Lauren?”

  “Oh my God! Athon! Open your eyes and look at me, baby. Please.” Lauren grabbed the call button to summon the nurse.

  “Can I help you?” came over the tinny sounding speaker over the bed.

  “She’s awake, she’s awake,” Lauren sobbed. “Call Colonel Campbell!”

  “I’ve got a headache from hell,” Athon said as she struggled to open her eyes and keep them open.

  She tried to release Athon’s hand as nurses entered the room, followed moments later by Colonel Campbell, but Athon refused to let her go. Campbell smiled and said, “I can work around it. It isn’t much of an obstacle.” She looked down at Athon. “Welcome back, Major. How do you feel?”

  “Like a half-track backed over me,” Athon croaked.

  “Do you know where you are?”

  “Hospital.”

  “That's right. You’re in Maryland at Walter Reed Military Hospital.”

  “How long?”

  “A little over a month. You had us worried for a while.” Campbell smiled at Lauren. “Except for Lauren. What can you remember about what happened to you?”

  “Frank found me.” Athon frowned. Tears filled her eyes and spilled over. “Lost my crew.”

  Campbell proclaimed Athon on the road to recovery physically and made notations on her chart. “Are you hungry, Major?”

  “A little.”

  “How about a milkshake?”

  “Sounds good.” Athon leaned her head back to look at Lauren. “Will you stay with me?”

  “Wild horses couldn’t drag me away.”

  The room seemed to empty as quickly as it had filled. Campbell gave orders to remove the feeding tube and ordered a liquid diet for the next twenty-four hours. If she tolerated it without difficulty she could be moved up to a soft diet. She also ordered more tests as well as additional therapy sessions. She motioned for Lauren to follow her into the hallway.

  “She still has a long way to go, Lauren,” Campbell said when they were alone. “She looks good enough, but we can’t know her status until we know what the long-range effects of her brain injury might be. It was obviously a traumatic brain injury that was further exacerbated by seizures and a stroke. Fortunately, neither of those events affected vital systems like her respiratory or circulatory systems. It’ll take a while to rebuild her muscles, but I’m sure she’ll be fine there as well. I’d like you to keep a journal or diary or something like that.”

  “For what?”

  “I want you to record what she tells you about what happened to her. It’s possible she doesn’t remember and it could be a permanent memory loss, which is not necessarily bad. Or it could come back in pieces that don’t make sense to her. Considering what we know, it’s also possible she will eventually show symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. If that’s true, she will require counseling to deal with it. It’s not something you can take care of at home. It’s probable the Major Athon Dailey you knew is not the same Major Athon Dailey who just woke up.”

  “She knew who I was.”

  “And she knows who she is. But she might not be as sure about the relationship between the two of you right now.”

  “I need to do some research so I’ll know what to expect,” Lauren sighed.

  “A wise decision. I’ll schedule an appointment with a counselor who’s dealt with many brain injuries. He can probably give you some useful information. Let me know if there’s anything else I can do to assist you.”

  “Thank you for everything, Colonel. Dr. Stephens said you were the best.”

  Campbell laughed. “That’s because she’s been overly fond of me for the last seventeen years,” she said with a wink.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Walter Reed Army Hospital, Washington D.C. February 2010

  THAT NIGHT LAUREN held Athon’s hand while she tried to go to sleep. Every time she glanced toward Athon she could see that her eyes were still open. She ran her thumb over the back of Athon’s hand and sat up.

  “Having trouble sleeping?” she asked.

  “According to the doctor I’ve been asleep for a month. How tired could I be?”

  “Good point.” Suddenly Lauren felt uncomfortable. After so much time had passed she didn’t know what to say the Athon.

  “I’ll never fly again,” Athon said flatly. “Too damaged.” She turned her head toward Lauren. “I love you.”<
br />
  “I love you, too, baby,” Lauren said as she brought Athon’s hand to her lips. “I’ve been so lonely without you.”

  “Sorry I worried you.”

  “It wasn’t your fault. All that matters now is that you’re home again.”

  “Once I get out of here I’ll file my paperwork to retire. I’ve given my twenty.”

  “Where do you want to go then?”

  “Back to Duvalle, I guess.” She smiled. “I own a pretty nice house there,” she said, as if Lauren was unaware of that.

  Lauren ached to take Athon in her arms and tell her everything would be all right, but she couldn’t. She closed her eyes for a few moments, remembering the last time they had been together. She felt the muscles in her abdomen clench as she remembered the touch of Athon’s hands on her skin, pressing into her. Would she ever feel that again?

  WHEN HER LESSER injuries were completely healed, Athon began re-training her brain to do things which had once come naturally. The physical therapist quickly discovered that because much of the damage done to her brain affected the left side, she had a tendency to list slightly to the right. Her balance and equilibrium had been compromised, which created problems walking. The stroke had left her with some weakness on her left side and difficulty swallowing which caused her to choke occasionally. Her eyesight had also been affected, requiring that she now wear corrective lenses.

  While Athon went to her physical therapy sessions, Lauren met with a counselor who had spoken to Athon. Lauren had noticed some changes in Athon’s behavior and was concerned about what she could expect.

  The counselor, Leeanne Patterson, greeted Lauren at the door. After spending a few minutes chatting about the length of time Athon might need to recover, Leeanne finally got to the crux of their meeting.

  “I’ve diagnosed Major Dailey with PTSD, Ms. Shelton. That, combined with her brain injury, will make her recovery time longer than normal. I, unfortunately, can’t tell you what you can expect. Every case is different.”

  “We’re returning to Texas as soon as she’s released. She’s been placed on terminal leave pending her retirement.”

  “Will she be retiring in San Antonio?”

  “Not far from there. It’s close to the medical facility at Fort Sam in case she needs it. Duvalle is only a few miles away.”

  “Have you noticed anything unusual about the major’s demeanor?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Does she act or speak any differently than she did prior to her injury?”

  “From time to time. Sometimes she pauses when she talks as if she’s searching for the right word. She doesn’t remember much about what happened to her. I’m hoping that’s a good thing.”

  “Eventually, she might remember. If she does, it may not be a happy memory. How long did you live together before she was hurt?”

  “About a year. I arrived in Germany before last Christmas and she deployed the first of November this year. I’ve contacted some friends in Germany who will pack our household goods to ship home. Athon owns a house in Duvalle.”

  “Has she talked about any plans for the future?”

  “She knows she’ll never fly again. Otherwise, she doesn’t have any plans beyond recovering as much as possible.”

  “Have you noticed any anger or irritation, impatience, anything like that?”

  “I know she wishes her rehabilitation was going better.”

  “Do you go to the physical therapist with her?”

  “Occasionally, but she doesn’t like me to see her like that.”

  “Like what?”

  “I don’t know. She has always been strong and confident. She doesn’t want me to see her as weak, I guess.”

  Leeanne leaned forward slightly. “She might never be like she was, Lauren.”

  “I know that.”

  “What about intimacy between you?”

  “You know I can’t discuss that.”

  “Anything you tell me is confidential, Lauren. It can’t be used against either you or the Major. Have you kissed one another?”

  “No, but she has told me she loves me.”

  “Has she tried to initiate physical contact with you?”

  “No.”

  “How does that make you feel?”

  “Why are you asking these questions?”

  Leeanne leaned back in her chair. “It might not become a problem, but returning soldiers with PTSD or a traumatic brain injury, not to mention a combination of the two, sometimes have issues with intimacy. They also have anger management issues which seem to come on suddenly for no apparent reason.” She smiled. “But since they have problems with short-term memory, they tend to forget why they were angry in the first place fairly quickly. That doesn’t stop their outbursts from hurting though.”

  “Is it possible that Athon doesn’t remember that we lived together or our relationship?”

  Leeanne thought about the question for a few minutes. “I’m not sure I can answer that. Does she object if you touch her?”

  “No.” Lauren shook her head. “She almost seems ambivalent about it. I’m not sure what to do.”

  “Do you want her to touch you?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Have you told her that?”

  “I don’t want her to feel pressured. She has enough problems to deal with.”

  “Unfortunately, only time will tell. Until she’s physically better, it’s too early to treat her psychological problems. Are you keeping a journal?”

  “I started a couple of weeks ago.”

  “Whoever is assigned to her case in Texas will want to read it before they meet to get an idea about how she reacts to various things, whether she has any flashbacks, that sort of thing.”

  “Would it be possible to take Athon out of the hospital for the night sometime? Just to start getting her accustomed to being away from this place.”

  “I can recommend it, but that would be up to her primary physician.”

  By Friday, Colonel Campbell had agreed to give Athon a weekend pass. Lauren bought her a t-shirt and cargo pants, along with new underwear, socks and sneakers. When Athon complained about the length of her hair, Lauren arranged an appointment for a haircut. She gave a picture of Athon to the stylist to show her what Athon’s hair had looked like. They spent the better part of the afternoon doing light shopping and sightseeing before locating a restaurant close to the hotel. A slow stroll after dinner to help their food settle ended the evening.

  “I’m going to take a quick shower,” Lauren said as Athon stretched out on the king-size bed. She pulled her top over her head and sat on the edge of the bed to remove her shoes. She felt movement behind her and her breath caught when Athon’s hand touched her back. Goosebumps prickled over her skin.

  “I remember the feel of you,” Athon said, drawing her fingers slowly along Lauren’s spine.

  Lauren turned and wrapped her arms around Athon. She felt Athon stiffen slightly as their lips brushed together for the first time in months. She leaned back and swept her hand through Athon’s newly cut hair before standing and walking into the bathroom. When she returned Athon was curled into a ball and sound asleep.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Duvalle, Texas May 2010

  LAUREN WAS RELIEVED as their plane descended toward the San Antonio International Airport. The stay at Walter Reed seemed to linger forever, followed by almost a month of intense rehabilitation. Athon still had occasional balance problems, but nothing that would prevent her from leading a reasonably normal life. Lauren had caught Athon looking at her, but she didn’t recognize what she saw in her partner’s blue eyes. Athon would return a hug when Lauren initiated it and hadn’t seemed uncomfortable or distant if Lauren held her hand and leaned against her to whisper words of encouragement or endearment. They talked about their life together in Germany and the friends they had made. Athon had seemed excited when she spoke to Frank. He had been promoted and, due to his leg injury, was also rem
oved from active flight status. The good news was he was being transferred to the Pentagon and he and Mandy would be returning home. He promised they would attend Athon’s retirement ceremony scheduled for mid-July at Fort Sam.

  Lauren rented a vehicle at the San Antonio airport and was soon negotiating their way through noon rush hour. Athon watched everything they passed with interest.

  “Everything looks so different,” Athon said.

  “It’s because you haven’t lived here in twenty years.”

  “I came back to visit,” Athon said, looking insulted. “It’s your fault I never got out of my hotel room.”

  “And I suppose you were completely innocent.”

  “I was an officer and a lady despite your blatant sexual advances,” Athon said with a smile.

  “Yeah, for five whole seconds.” Lauren laughed. For a few seconds she caught a glimpse of her lover as she had been.

  When they reached the turn-off to Pudge’s house, Lauren signaled and waited for an opening in the traffic. “I called to tell Bridget when we would be here. She promised to get the house cleaned up a little and stock a few things in the kitchen.”

  “Probably bought enough food to feed a platoon.”

  The house was located at the rear of the property and the drive curled around toward a large two car carport.

  “My Jeep is here!” Athon exclaimed.

  “That’s faster than normal, isn’t it?” Lauren asked as she stopped the rental and stepped out.

  Athon waited for her before starting toward the front door. “Wonder if our household goods are here too,” she said as she used her cane to steady herself on the uneven drive.

  Lauren moved to Athon’s side and wrapped an arm around her waist with an affectionate squeeze. She knew Athon hated the idea of anyone helping her. Lauren kissed her lightly on the cheek and released her. “It’ll be fun setting up another house together,” she said.

  Bridget exploded through the front door and ran down the porch steps. She collided with Athon, wrapping her in a tight embrace. Tears streamed down her face as she released Athon and held her at arm’s length to examine her.