Picking Up The Pieces

by Brenda Adcock

  “I want you,” Athon breathed in her ear, moving onto her elbow to pull Lauren onto her back.

  Tears flooded Lauren’s eyes and she knew she should push Athon away, reject her. But when Athon’s hot mouth sucked in her breast and her hand stroked down her abdomen, Lauren pressed her hand against the back of Athon’s head to deepen the contact. The muscles along her abdomen twitched and she gasped as tears ran from her eyes.

  “I need you,” Athon whispered as she began claiming Lauren’s body.

  Chapter Thirty

  Duvalle, Texas November 2010

  AS USUALLY HAPPENED following one of Athon’s outbursts, there was a relatively peaceful period for the next couple of weeks. Lauren never knew what awaited her when she entered their home at the end of each day. The continual roller coaster that had become her life was beginning to take a toll on her. She was certain others had noticed it despite her efforts to conceal it. She needed someone to talk to, someone who would allow her to vent, give her a chance to step back and observe her life.

  Perhaps she was overreacting or was unrealistic in her expectations. She had spoken to every doctor available, but she’d never been able to meet with Dr. Cortez. As a civilian, as well as the lesbian lover of a member of the military, she would never be privy to anything Athon discussed with her doctors or, unless Athon told her, know what they had advised. Civilian doctors were of no help because Athon was not their patient and they only had Lauren’s account of her lover’s behavior. The one advice they all gave without hesitation was to be patient. Just be patient, but there was never a hint of how long she should remain patient. There was never any advice about how to make the pain of being cursed, ignored, belittled, and unwanted go away. Apparently there wasn’t a pill for that. Despite her love for the Athon she remembered, and as much as she longed to be touched, she had begun to remove herself mentally from being touched by the new Athon who saw her body as nothing more than an object to relieve her anger and frustration. Aside from patience, the only other solution was to leave and start her life over as if the past had never existed.

  LAUREN WAS PREPARING to leave at the end of a very long day when Pat tapped on the door to her office. “Got a minute?” she asked.

  “Of course,” Lauren answered with a nod.

  Pat tossed a packet on Lauren’s desk and sat down. “I think we need to attend that,” she said. “We would be gone three days, but I think the time would be worth it. The district is willing to pick up the tab for the hotel, registration, and give a daily food allowance that wouldn’t feed a chipmunk, but it’s still more generous than I expected. We’d have to pick up the tab for transportation though. Interested?”

  Lauren pulled papers out of the packet and looked through them. A dozen reasons why she couldn’t, or wouldn’t, leave Athon at home alone for three days sprang to her mind immediately. She flipped through her calendar.

  “We can reschedule any meetings we might miss,” Pat said as if she could read Lauren’s mind.

  “Can I have a day or two to talk to—” Lauren started.

  “Tell her the district wants you to go. It’s required as part of your position,” Pat said with a shrug. “Do you really need her permission to do your job?”

  “Of course not, but I won’t lie about it,” Lauren said, an edge in her voice.

  Pat stood and looked down at her. “Every job has some degree of responsibility that comes with it. Anyone should understand that.”

  “Do you have any idea what the transportation cost might be?”

  “The most inexpensive flight leaves here at four-thirty in the morning and arrives in Minneapolis about nine with one layover in Dallas. Round trip is three twenty-five. That rate remains the same for the next couple of days. Let me know in the morning and I’ll have Lucinda make the reservations. Have a good evening.”

  Early the next morning, Lauren walked into Pat’s office and dropped the packet on her desk. “Everything’s filled out,” she said. “Lucinda can make the reservations.”

  Pat picked up the packet and tapped the corner of the envelope on her desk. She looked up at Lauren and smiled. “I think you’ve made a wise decision, Lauren. Our students will benefit from what we learn and implement.”

  Lauren nodded. “I agree it’s a program worth exploring.” She glanced at her wristwatch. “Well, I need to get to bus duty.” She smiled. “Thanks, Pat.” Lauren’s smile fell from her face as she made her way toward the bus loop. The only thing she hadn’t told Athon the night before had been that she wouldn’t be traveling alone. There was no reason to go through another argument because she would be traveling with Pat Stanton.

  AN UNACCUSTOMED BLAST of frigid air greeted Pat and Lauren as they walked through the concrete parking structure of the Minneapolis airport searching for their rental vehicle.

  “This conference better be worth it,” Lauren said, her teeth chattering. “You couldn’t find one in Florida?”

  “Reminds me of home,” Pat said, holding her hands folded in front of her mouth to warm them with her own breath while they waited for the vehicle to warm up. She looked at Lauren. “Please tell me you know how to work the GPS on this thing.”

  “Didn’t it come with instructions?”

  “Check the glove box.”

  “That means I’ll have to take my hands out of my pockets,” Lauren said with a frown.

  “Well, look at the bright side.”

  “And what would that be?”

  “We’re not at home listening to sniveling little kids with runny noses sneezing all over us,” Pat said as she shivered and began laughing. “You needed this trip, Lauren.”

  “Me? This was your bright idea!”

  “Yeah, well, the same conference is in Phoenix next month,” Pat said.

  “And you chose this!”

  “Next month is Christmas break. It didn’t seem like a good time and I was afraid you’d kill someone by snapping their head off if I waited much longer.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Let’s just say you’ve been a tad testy since open house. Problems at home or has my sparkling personality and witty banter worn thin faster than usual?”

  Lauren looked at the lines of mid-size cars parked around them. “Has the engine warmed up yet?”

  Pat crossed her fingers and switched the heater on. A stream of cold air was quickly followed by a rush of warmth. “Now look for the GPS instructions,” she said as she glanced behind her and began backing up. “If it isn’t in the glove compartment then watch for signs for the University of Minnesota. Our hotel is supposed to be only a block or two away.”

  As soon as Pat turned out of the parking garage, Lauren pointed to a large sign over the highway running adjacent to the access road. “University of Minnesota exit four miles.”

  “Can’t get any easier than that,” Pat said. As soon as she turned toward the college campus she said, “Now find us a place to get a cup of coffee and a lumberjack breakfast. My stomach is gnawing on my backbone.”

  After locating their hotel, Pat drove past it to an IHOP a couple of blocks farther down the road that ran along the perimeter of the university campus. The sun was shining brightly, but any heat it might have generated was quickly blown away by the brisk wind. They made their way inside an A-frame building and were assaulted by warmth, mouth-watering smells, and an abundance of patrons. The wait wasn’t too long and they were soon seated in a booth, both grabbing for the thermos container of coffee. They sighed contently and placed their orders before shrugging off their coats and relaxing.

  “I might need a serious nap after my stomach is pacified,” Lauren said. “Getting up at two to catch a four-thirty flight is not my thing.”

  “Fortunately the flight back isn’t at the ass crack of dawn,” Pat said. “But a nap before lunch definitely has my vote. We don’t have to pick up our registration materials until three. I think there’s a mixer tonight. Other than that we’re free until tomorrow morning.”


  “Isn’t the Mall of America near here?”

  “You got up at two in the morning so you can go shopping in Minnesota?”

  “At least I could say I’ve been there,” Lauren answered as the waitress set two platters of eggs, bacon, pancakes, and biscuits in front of them.

  Conversation came to a halt as they both scarfed down the first three or four bites. Once their stomachs were temporarily mollified, they slowed to a more moderate pace of consumption. Pat picked up a piece of bacon and nibbled at it. “So, are you ever going to answer my question?”

  “Which one?” Lauren laughed. “You’ve asked a dozen.”

  “What’s making you so out of sorts lately? It can’t be moi so it must be a problem at home. Am I right?”

  “That’s two questions,” Lauren said in an attempt to divert the discussion to a topic she was more comfortable with.

  “Are you still having problems with your partner? There, I can’t get any blunter than that,” Pat said picking up her coffee cup.

  “It’s not always bad, Pat. Athon’s not a bad person. Sometimes she can’t control what she does.”

  “Has she hurt you, physically?”

  “Not really.”

  “You’re waffling, Lauren. Yes or no, has she hurt you physically?”

  Lauren set her fork down and wiped her mouth, “I was enjoying breakfast. No, Athon has never hurt me physically. She’s never struck me.”

  “I’ve seen the bruises on your arms even though you’ve tried to hide them.”

  “She’s grabbed my wrists or arms when we’ve argued and she’s always released me when I told her to.” Lauren looked down at the remains of her breakfast and pushed it away. “She’s shoved me a couple of times and jabbed me in the chest, but she’s never struck me, even though I probably deserved it a couple of times.”

  “No one deserves to be hit, Lauren. Listen to yourself. You’re making excuses for her and it pisses me off.” Pat reached across the table and covered Lauren’s hand with her own. “The first day I met you, you were so happy, excited about what you were doing, friendly, inquisitive, but in three and a half months you’ve changed into this nervous, irritable woman looking for a victim to take your anger out on. I depend on you and wouldn’t want to lose you. You’re more than just another co-worker to me, Lauren. You’ve become my friend and I can’t stand seeing you so unhappy. Tell me how I can help you.”

  Lauren looked down and sniffed. She picked up her napkin and wiped her eyes.

  “Just having someone to talk to helps, Lauren. I’m a good listener.”

  “Something terrible happened to the woman I loved and she went away. I think she’s trying to find her way back, but can’t. I met her when I was sixteen years old,” Lauren began. Over the next hour and despite many looks from their waitress, Lauren told Pat about her life with Athon before and after their twenty year separation. She told her what she knew about the events in Afghanistan and the injuries Athon suffered. She told her about the long wait for Athon to awaken and her final diagnoses. She told Pat about the name-calling, the verbal and emotional abuse, and the accusations. Lauren smiled sadly. “Her body came home, but she left a part of herself over there. It wasn’t her fault and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it. It’s unfair for me, or anyone else, to blame her.” She met Pat’s steady eyes. “I miss her, but every now and then I still catch a glimpse of her. Some days are better than others.”

  “What do her doctors say?”

  Lauren laughed. “You know that ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ thing the military has?”

  “Yeah.”

  “For me it’s, ‘don’t bother asking because we ain’t gonna tell you a damn thing’. The choices I’ve been given are to just pull up my big girl panties and deal with it or leave her alone and lost. Big whoop.”

  Pat exhaled a long breath. “You’re a better woman than I am, sweetie. I’d’ve been out the door a long time ago.”

  Pat motioned for their check and laughed when she looked at it. “We’ve just eaten our entire food allowance for the day,” she said. “Color me shocked as shit.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Minneapolis, Minnesota November 2010

  BEFORE SHE UNPACKED and took a nap, Lauren sat on the edge of the bed and called home to let Athon know she had arrived in Minneapolis safe and sound. She was surprised when Bridget answered the house phone.

  “How was your flight?” Bridget asked cheerfully.

  “I don’t know,” Lauren answered. “I fell asleep as soon as we took off. I just got into my room and thought I’d grab a nap, but wanted to let Athon know I made it safe and sound. Is she there?”

  “Sounds to me like you’re planning to sleep the whole time you’re gone,” Bridget laughed.

  “I could do that. I need to catch up on my sleep.”

  “Athon and Marty are workin’ on that damned old camper. It finally sprung a leak. Want me to go get her?”

  “No, just let her know I called. I hate to ask this because I know you’re not a babysitter, but can you make sure she takes her meds while I’m gone. And I think she has an appointment with Dr. Cortez tomorrow.”

  “She’s not a baby, honey.”

  “I know, I know,” Lauren said, rubbing her forehead. “I just worry about her, that’s all.” She felt the sting of tears building in her eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Bridget. How are you doing?”

  “I’m finer than Georgia peach fuzz, sweetie. Me and Marty are havin’ some renovations done to the house. Bein’ over here means I don’t have to listen to all that racket. Y’all will have to see it when it’s done.” She paused for a moment, then said, “Sounds like they’re comin’ in for a water break. Wait a sec.”

  Lauren heard voices and the phone receiver shuffling around as she swung her feet onto the bed and lay back.

  “Lauren?” Athon asked. Her voice sounded happy.

  “Hi, baby,” Lauren said. A tear rolled down the side of her face. “I miss you already.”

  “You’ll be back soon. Good trip?”

  “So far. I stopped on the way to the hotel and had breakfast. Now I’m drowsy. It’s freezing up here.”

  “Hot as hell down here. I’m running around in my shorts and a t-shirt.”

  “I’m jealous. Well, I’ll let you go and get back to whatever you’re doing. I only wanted you to know I arrived. The conference really gets under way in the morning. I’ll call when I can, okay?”

  “You don’t have to call tomorrow, honey. Marty talked me into going fishing with him before the weather turns colder.”

  “Catch a bunch and we can have them for dinner when I get back.”

  “With hush puppies and cole slaw?” Athon laughed.

  “Whatever you want, baby.”

  “I love you,” Athon said, her voice low.

  “I love you, too, sweetheart. Bye-bye.” Lauren disconnected and covered her eyes with her hand as she wiped away her tears. Pat was right. She did need to get away.

  THE JANGLING OF the phone roused Lauren and she groped around the nightstand to stop the annoying sound.

  “Hello,” she said, her voice raspy with sleep.

  “Sorry to wake you, but I thought you might want to grab a bite to eat before the mixer,” Pat's voice said.

  “What time is it?” Lauren mumbled.

  “Six-thirty. You must have been really tired. You okay?”

  “I’ll be awake in a few minutes. I promise.”

  “I’m down in the bar talking to a couple of other attendees for the conference. Put yourself together and join us. They have a pretty decent menu that won’t break the bank. I can personally recommend the sliders.”

  “Sounds good. Place an order for me and I’ll be down before they arrive.”

  “Good deal. See you in a few.”

  Pat stood and waved when she saw Lauren enter the bar and look around. Lauren wove her way through tables that had been moved to accommodate larger
groups and smiled when she reached a table occupied by Pat and two other women.

  Pat pulled out the chair next to her for Lauren. Once they were all seated and comfortable, Pat said as she pointed to the women, “This is Sylvia Jackson and Florence Simmons. Ladies, this is Lauren Shelton.” Lauren shook the women’s hands and then sat back as a waiter placed a platter with four sliders and a heap of curly fries in front of her.

  “Wow,” Sylvia said. “That was good timing.”

  “What would you like to drink, ma’am?” the waiter asked.

  “Jack and Coke, please. Not too strong,” Lauren replied as she picked up a curly fry. She looked at Pat and shrugged. “Since I’m paying I might as well get what I want.” She turned her attention to the other two women. “Where are y’all from?”

  Florence, who looked slightly younger than her companion said, “Milwaukee. We drove in after lunch today.”

  “Is it cold there, too?” Lauren asked with a grin. “I wasn’t expecting it to be so cold yet.”

  Sylvia laughed. “It’s Mother Nature’s reminder that we’ll be packing away the shorts and grabbing the long johns soon. It’s supposed to blow out of here tomorrow and be a balmy fifty-five.”

  While Lauren ate, the four women discussed their schools and what they hoped to get out of the conference. Even though their demographics varied, their problems seemed to be universal—how to keep students motivated, how to get families more involved, especially with homework, how to improve test scores now that states were demanding more teacher accountability for student performance.