by RC, Steph
I never imagined that my wedding day would be like this. To be honest, I did not really think about it because I enjoyed more just having fun with women. Who would want to settle down with one single women when there were an infinite of possibilities out there. I spend a lot of hours lifting weights because I know women love my muscles.
Let me start with the beginning. I met Mabel five years ago and she seemed like the perfect match for me. I own a motorcycle repair shop and this way I can mix pleasure with work. She is a career woman and I am not ashamed to admit that she earns a lot more money than me. Getting rich was never my goal. I just like to live the moment. She is perfect for me because I need someone to keep me in reality. However, our relationship is not at all exciting. She never wants to just be in the moment and enjoy life. Mabel’s idea of fun is making a list with goals and sticking to it.
I don’t need a list of steps and tips to show me how to enjoy a motorcycle ride or a swim in the lake. She is also the one always thinking about the future. As time went by, I became comfortable with having her in my life. I kept on waiting for love to come but it never did. Most of the times, I was not even sure that I liked her.
A couple of months ago I decided that it was the best thing for both of us to end this relationship. I told her that we needed to talk and she said that she has something important to tell me too. I was hoping that she had the same idea as I did and I decided to let her speak first.
What she had to say though, was a total shock for me. She was pregnant and she wanted to get married. Given the circumstances, I could not say no. So instead of breaking up, we started planning a wedding I did not want. I was about to start a new life I did not want. However, there was a baby on the way and I was going to be a responsible and loving father.
I never told Mabel that I was about to break up with her. She was pregnant with my child and I did not want to do or say anything that could cause her distress. The big day was here and I managed to go through it without a panic attack. Mark, her best friend was there to give her away and he looked really sad. If I didn’t know better, I would think that he was in love with her.
A couple of months later she gave birth to my son. He is the only positive thing from our marriage because ever since the wedding day we did not stop arguing. If before she was okay with my bad boy style, now she wants to change me completely. She asked me to sell my motorcycle shop, start wearing business suits and find a real job. I am definitely not going to do any of that. Motorcycles are my life and I am not going to let her change who I am.
Mabel got back to her business right after giving birth. She hired a nanny and this was something I did not agree with. I felt our baby needed his mom not some stranger. I took as much free time as I could to be with him.
One day I had an emergency at the moto shop and I because I already sent the nanny home, I had to bring the baby to her work. To my surprise, she was not in her office. I called her and she said she was at the office. I didn’t tell her I was already there. I didn’t want to start another fight. However, her lie made be become suspicious.
Another night she was brought home from the office by a stranger. He had a luxurious car and from the window it looked like she gave him a quick goodbye kiss on the lips. I could had followed her to find out if she was having an affair for sure but to be honest, I really didn’t care about it. Since I did not love her, she could do whatever she wanted with her time and body.
All I cared for was Daniel, our son. He was the reason I wasn’t already out of the door. If it wasn’t for him, I would had started a new life already. However, he was too young and I was not sure what type of custody agreement I could get in case of a divorce. I said to myself that I just had to be patient for a few more years.
I met Alice at my bike shop. A hot girl entered my bike shop and all eyes were on her. It is not like we see every day such a hot girl on a motorcycle. It was like a fantasy and I was not the only one fascinated by her hot body and sweet smile. When she took off her helmet, I could admire her long dark hair.
Her white skin and blue eyes came in contrast with her black hair. I always loved a girl with long hair. I knew it was wrong to flirt with her but I could not help it. After all, what did I have to feel guilty about? Mabel was having her own life and she was obviously cheating on me.
Her name is Janice and I cannot stop thinking about her. In a perfect world, there would be no Mabel and she would be my wife and mother of my child. Before we knew it, we were both in love with each other. She started to come by almost every day even though her bike was long time fixed. We got very close and we started to go on bike rides together.
One day she brought me to a magical place. She told me that was her special place and I was the first person to see it. When we arrived, I was speechless. We were in a forest that looked more like a corner of heaven. That was the place where we first made love. After that, I regretted not telling her the truth about myself before. The last thing I wanted was to make her feel like I was using her.
After I explained her that I stayed with my wife just for the child, she told me that she understood. It took some time to convince her she was not separating a happy family. I was going to be there for my son no mattered what happened with my marriage. Since I was spending a lot of time with my boy, Janice got to meet him too. He loved her right away as I knew he would. Janice was great with him and it made me wish to have a child with her someday.
A few weeks later I decided that Mabel and I needed to be honest with each other. Our marriage was not working and since we were both in love with someone else, we should get a divorce. I hope that she would be okay with sharing custody for our son. When I told her though, I had the surprise to see that she was angry. She told me that indeed she had someone else but only because I was useless. She also told me something that broke my heart. She said that I was not even the father of my child.
For days I couldn’t get out of bed because I was so depressed. I loved my son more than anything in the world. Janice advised me to take a paternity test. Before I got the result, I already knew that no matter what that result was, I was still his father. The result negative as she said. I managed to convince her to share custody any way since I was on his birth certificate. At first she didn’t want but even she could see that he was very attached to me. She couldn’t do that to her own child.
A couple of years later I pick up my son from school and we hurry to the hospital. Janice is giving birth to our daughter and we could not be happier. Daniel was proud to be a big brother. I have a surprise for Janice: a Vegas wedding. She always said that she didn’t want a big wedding so I prepared everything for a quick and fund Vegas wedding. When I told her about it, she said I made her the happiest woman in the world.
The Bad Boy is Back
I am watching her from the back of the church and my heart is beating like crazy. The white wedding dress comes in contrast with her long black hair and dark eyes. She looks like a creature from another world. Her beauty makes my heart ache because I cannot go to her and take her in my arms.
She smiles and for everybody else, she looks happy but I know better. There is a deep hidden sadness in her eyes that only I can see. I remember 5 years ago, when everything was perfect, she told me that I was the only person who could really see the real Ana. Even after so much time apart, I could still see into her soul.
I shouldn’t be here and I know it. I try to hide myself behind the happy people dressed up for a wedding. I am wearing a tank top and jeans. I didn’t have time to change because this was what I was wearing when I arrived in the city and I met one of our old friends, Mark. He told me that he was in a hurry because Ana was getting married. I could not believe it.
I knew that most probably a woman like her could not be single. She was the dream of any man and I could bet that some lucky jerk was her boyfriend. I didn’t expect her to marry and the fact that she was getting married the day I arrived, was almost like a cruel joke from above.
When I left her, I didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye. I cannot even imagine how much she must hate me. In the past five years I’ve changed a lot. I joined the army and from a slim young man I transformed into a huge muscled man. I was the fantasy that women had in their minds whenever they had sex with their husbands. The naughty ones would even replace their husbands with me for a night or two.
I did not mind being used that way by women. I was not looking for something serious. I already found love once in life and I knew that I could never find it again with another woman. I hoped that I could get her back but here she was, more beautiful than I could remember, marrying some lucky man.
At first, I could not see his face clearly from the back of the church. When he turned to kiss her, I could see him. He was Jack, my old best friend. I knew that I had no right to feel jealous or betrayed but I could not help it. Did they always have a thing for each other? Did they go behind my back or did he take advantage of my disappearance and started to comfort her. I think the later version is the real one. Ana loved me so much that I could put my hand in fire for her loyalty.
The ceremony is finally over and I have no idea what was I doing there. I guess I just had to see for myself. I needed to see her but I hoped she would not see me. After all I did to her, it was unfair for me to show up out of the blue and ruin what was supposed to be the happiest day from her life. I knew though that she could not be happy. Not with Jack, she needed a bad boy, she needed me. I should had been there with her. It should had been me…
As I back out and try to get out before anyone recognizes me, her eyes are looking directly at me. I can see them filling with tears and it takes all the self-control I can get to stop myself from running to her and kissing her. I could never stand seeing her cry and yet, I was the reason why she cried most of the times. I hated myself for all the misery I caused to her. She was crying but no one was surprised. It was her wedding day and brides were supposed to cry. Everybody else, including her new husband, probably assumed those were happy tears. I knew better…
She was looking straight at me and I could see all the hate but also all the love she still had for me. It was like a sea of emotions that she could not keep hidden anymore. Ana was always a master of hiding what she really felt from the outside world. Not this time though…
I smiled, a sad smile, turned around and exited the church before my old friends saw me. I did not want to cause any trouble. I bet some of my old friends are now my enemies. They probably are on Jack’s side and I do not blame them. When I left I dumped them all without a word. Nobody knows the reason why I had to go in such a hurry. I had to leave but that does not mean it was not my own stupid fault.
Ana was the only woman that could convince me to settle down but even so, I did one stupid mistake. One night, after a fight we had, I went for a couple of drinks in a bar. It was a silly fight I cannot even remember now. There, after more than just a few drinks, Suzanne, a girl who was trying to seduce me for some time, managed to convince me to take her in the parking space. We were both wasted and we didn’t even get to the car.
The next day, I really regretted it but I knew that by being honest to Ana, I was only unloading my guilt. It was a selfish thing to do and I knew that the best would be to keep it to myself. I thought that was the end of that when a couple of weeks later, Suzanne showed up with a positive pregnancy test. From that day on, my nightmare begun.
She started harassing me and making history crises. She was following like a shadow wherever I went. She was drinking and smoking whenever I didn’t want to do what she said. For example, one day I didn’t want to come to her house when she called me, and she got drunk. I knew then that she was able to do something stupid and hurt my unborn child. I couldn’t even image how things would after the baby would be born. My solution was to ask her for the custody. By then, I knew for sure that she needed help. Suzanne had psychological problems and I didn’t want my baby anywhere near her. He was just an innocent child who deserved a good life with a parent that could love him and protect him
She agreed to give me custody but she had one condition. I had to leave Ana and move to another city with her. We had to live together for the first 5 years of my son’s life and then I was free to leave. I knew that living with an insane woman was going to be hell but I could not let my son live that hell by himself. I had to be there to protect him. I made her sign an official document that said that once my son was 5 I had to full custody and we could separate.
Those were 5 long years but I am glad I did it. Now my son is with me and he is a happy little boy. I left then without telling anything to Ana. Back then I considered that if she knew that I cheated on her and that I had a baby, would hurt her even more. So I just left…
There is a stranger in the back of the church. He is easy to spot because he is the only one who is not dressed up. He wears a cream tank top that hugs his 6-pack and jeans. He looks like he should be on a magazine or something. But that is not why I feel like I am dreaming. His eyes, there is something there that make me cry with hot tears. He smiles a sad smile and then I know. It is really him…the man that stepped all over my heart…the man I never stopped loving.
A second later, he is gone and all my guests are cheering happily for the happy couple. I am part of the happy married couple but I don’t feel at all happy. I dreaded this day but I knew it was the right thing to do. Jack was a good man and he was there for me during my darkest moments. I don’t know what I would had done without him. When I say that he saved my life, I really mean it.
When Damian left without a word 5 years ago, I could not see the point in living anymore. He was my air, he was my life. Without him, I didn’t care about myself anymore. It started with isolating myself and making from my bedroom my whole world. I never left my bed except to go to the toilet and my tears were always there. When the tears stopped, my friends thought I was getting better. They had no idea that it was only going to get worse. I stopped crying because I knew that soon everything would end. All my suffering would come to an end though the sweet release of death.
Jack used to visit me daily but I hardly talked to me. It was like I was not even there. In my mind, I was already gone to another world. One day I took a lot of pills and the next think I knew was that I was in a hospital. When I opened my eyes and realized that I was still alive, I felt a big disappointment.
From then on, Jack never left my side and eventually he became my boyfriend. I never loved him the way he loved me and he knew that. I always wanted to be honest to him because I knew how it felt to be lied to by the one person you love. I could not hurt another person the way Damian hurt me.
I hoped that time could heal wounds and it did. It made me feel numb and I managed to have some kind of normal life. I could almost say that I was happy even without love or passion. I was happy being a teacher and painting in my free time. I was happy to have my best friend as my boyfriend and I thought that marrying him was only right. Jack deserved to be my husband because he saved me.
Before I accepted his marriage proposal, I made sure I reminded him that I could never love him and that in some way, my heart will always probably belong to Damian. As always, he was very understanding. He looked at me and said:
“Don’t worry honey, I don’t need you to love me that way I love you. All I need is some affection and your friendship. I have more love than we need and I know that we can be happy together.”
Those words were enough to convince me. After a long engagement, here I was, marrying him. During the ceremony, I could not stop thinking about him. I could not stop wondering what it would feel like to be marrying Damian.
I knew this was not fair to Jack but I could not help myself. When I saw that man standing in the back of the church I thought I was dreaming. It was only my heart that made me see things. The mysterious stranger with a smile just like his was gone and now I am wondering if I am losing it.
I try to start my motorcycle and the damn t
hing doesn’t want to start. This is the worst time to make me problems. If I delay one minute more, everybody will see me and maybe it will cause trouble. Ana used to joke saying that trouble followed me wherever I went but this time I wanted to do anything in my power to avoid it. I caused her enough heartache.
As I was starting to start my motorcycle, I hear a soft voice behind me.
“So it is really you…I am not going crazy.”
“Ana…you look so beautiful! Congratulations…” I try to say before she slaps me as hard as she can.
She is still crying and I cannot blame her. She must have been dreaming at this moment forever. I owe it to her.
“How dare you show up and ruing my wedding day? How dare you disappear for 5 years without a message, without even a note…I thought that you loved me…You broke my heart! You broke me!”
She is screaming those words while hitting me with her small hands in my chest. She is small but I can feel the anger in her punches. I packed my motorcycle behind the church and the guests must be waiting for the bride in front. They all must be wondering where the bride disappeared.
