Memory of Morning

by Susan Sizemore

  "Met the love of your life yet, Henner?" I asked him.

  He blushed and grinned. "There is a young lady I would like to call on. We've had a whirl twice now." He glanced around, hoping to see her again.

  "Well, you can't settle for only one girl at the beginning of the Season."

  "No, indeed. How are you doing?"

  "I have promised dances at the Dowager's Ball to three gentlemen so far." But I had not agreed to let anyone call at the house yet.

  Our whirl ended. We bowed and turned to face a new partner in the next ring of dancers.

  The tempo of the music changed to a raucous country air. Hands clasped my waist, warm and strong, and I was hoisted into the air. I shouted, "Hie!" with all the other women, and didn't actually look at my new partner until he set me back on the floor.

  "You!"

  "Me."

  He was wearing white. This obligated Lord North to take part in the dancing as much as it did the rest of us.

  We turned our backs to each other, leaned against each other, took a step, turned back and moved to my right. Having to remember the details of the dance movements helped me avoid the necessity of speech for a few seconds.

  After things quieted down to our standing facing each other while we sidestepped around the circle, Lord North said, "This is a Scoshia dance. I can do these steps in my sleep."

  Since he had spoken, it was incumbent upon me to reply. "I have only learned the steps recently." I then needed to learn something personal about my partner. "Is Scoshia your home island?"

  "Dalraida, but Scoshia is the capital of the North."

  "Of course you would have property there."

  He was Adrew Osprey, Lord of the North. How many hundreds of islands hailed him as their liege lord after the Emperor?

  "The Osprey keep a small palace on Scoshia, a fortress with a few bedrooms. We are a primitive lot. I spend most of my time at sea."

  Turn in a circle, curtsy and bow. Curiosity grabbed my tongue once more when we sidestepped again. "Aren't marriages among high nobles arranged affairs? What are you doing here?"

  "Aren't gentry offspring auctioned off by family lawyers?" he questioned back. "Why are you here? Besides, I thought you and Dr. Heron--?"

  "No." How did he know about me and Danil Heron? "Please tell me you are not the admiral relation he mentioned?"

  "Alas, I cannot tell you otherwise."

  Heron related to North? What a shame. Unfortunately, this knowledge put a black mark against my suitor's chances. I disdained the notion of even the faintest relationship with this man.

  When would this dance round end so I could escape him now?

  We stepped closer together, our right arms above our heads. We touched fingertips in this position, and Lord North suddenly grasped my wrist. He held my arm up while he leaned forward to peer beneath my sleeve.

  He laughed. There was a note of triumph in it that sound which confused me.

  I recalled the navy emblem Mr. Vine had secreted among the roses.

  "Well, well," he said. His fingers brushed across the embroidered anchor, accidently running along the side of my breast. "You may be a white rose of Ang, but that belongs to me."

  "Sir!" I complained, and he finally let me go.

  Our twirl together came to an end. I moved on to my next partner and he to his. As I did I was completely confused about what he meant.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Needless to say, we slept in the next morning. Season hours are notoriously long, not that we Cliffs and Owls ran off to bed the moment we got home. We lolled around in the hot bath, with Belladem and Rassi and Aunt Gwin joining us, and drank wine and gossiped for a good long while. No mention was made of my Imperial Incident and I escaped to bed hoping no mention would ever be made.

  The next day the family did not gather for a meal until midday. Mail and messages had arrived and envelopes waited for us at our places. The day's circulars had also been delivered and were being passed around. Cousin Corle was reading aloud from one of the social papers when I took my place. I ate egg pie and sipped tea and thumbed through my correspondence. There were letters from Dr. Heron, Erbesqe, Alix, and several other friends and relations. Even one from a cousin across the ocean in the faraway Cliff colony. There were two cream-colored envelopes bearing unfamiliar names that I hoped might be invitations. I must remember to look through calling cards I had collected last night and send out some notes myself. There was a packet of documents from my banker, and a letter from the Mistress of Mercy Home. I opened the packet from the bank first.

  I was pleased to know that my investments and savings were doing well, and very gratified at the news that the navy had finally deposited my salary and share of prize money from my time aboard Moonrunner. My salary of forty plumes a month certainly did not add up to a huge sum, but the three hundred crowns that came to me thanks to Captain Copper and his intrepid crew's ability to capture rather than sink enemy ships left me almost breathless with pleasure. Sail with Copper and come home rich, if you live, was a saying in the Southern Fleet. Dane Copper also did his best to keep his crew alive, as those of us who served with him knew.

  "Listen," Abethe whispered from the seat beside me, interrupting my reverie.

  Corle was reading aloud from a circular account of last night. "...agreed to speak to us of what she saw, as she was standing near the Emperor. The Duchess, dressed in a stunning waterfall of aquamarine spangled silver, graciously..."

  I remembered that dress. She'd witnesses my...

  "...described the receiving line as being full of handsome young men and beautiful, modest girls. A gentry girl did speak out of turn, but not to the Emperor, thankfully. Her bow was so deep and graceful, however, that her mistake is quite forgivable..."

  "Why did it have to be a girl from the gentry making a mistake?" Aunt Edime sighed.

  "Did the duchess give the girl's name?" Mother asked.

  "Of course not," Corle said. "A duchess wouldn't care about such a thing."

  I tried not to sigh too loudly with relief. I think my name was mentioned by Lord North at the time, but Corle was right that a duchess would pay no attention to a nobody's identity. Thank the All. I was safe from a family lecture as well as public ridicule.

  Cousin Corle went back to reading from the circular. I went back to perusing my correspondence. I found out that Dr. Heron would soon be in Loudon. Alix replied to my last letter to him suggesting that I knew a very nice young woman he might like to meet. Erbesqe replied to my letter about meeting my brother Alix, who like her had a great deal of artistic talent. Alix started his naval career as a contractor, a cartographer mapping the unknown coasts of the New Islands. He ended up an officer in the regular navy due to horrible circumstances including months as a prisoner of war in a Framin prison hulk. His answer to my matchmaking attempt was annoyed. Erbesqe showed interest. I decided to keep hoping to introduce them. It would be up to them after that.

  The message from the mistress of Mercy Home set a time for a meeting with her later in the week. One of the invitations included all the Seekers in the household to a craft exhibit and reception sponsored by one Lady Harrier. I passed this around the table. The other invitation was for a riding party in the central park from one of the young men I'd met yesterday. This invitation, plus the knowledge of my increased finances, reminded me of something.

  "I am thinking of purchasing a bicycle," I announced to the table in general. I looked at Aunt Gwin. "Would learning to ride a bicycle be considered radical behavior for a Seeker?"

  Debate ensued. I piled sweet rolls onto my plate, ate, and let the "elders" talk.

  Mercy Home's administration had recently been taken over by the Gray Women, an order of celibates. The institution is located on the edge of the East Canal section of Loudon. Rassi's old neighborhood. My sister-in-law dropped me off at the Home and continued on in the horsecab on a visit to her mother's bakery several blocks away. I promised to meet her there when I was fi
nished.

  I was met at the door by Mistress Reed herself, and immediately taken on a tour of the rambling old brick structure. From the outside the building looked forbidding and dreary. I feared the inside would as well, but was pleasantly surprised to discover this was not true. There was a run-down appearance to the place, but everything within was also scrubbed and neat and as clean as any modern healing home in better-funded regions of the city. The Gray Women's ideas of sanitation were as modern as their philosophy of celibacy. Along with all the usual medical services on offer, there was a surgical ward, as well as two surgical rooms where I would be working. I would also be on call six nights a month in the walk-in ward, which handled any emergency case brought in from the district, from brawl injuries to burns, births, appendectomies, and anything else. The Home contained an isolation ward strictly for Red Fever victims. I was surprised to see more than half of the beds in this ward full. The Mistress told me of a plague outbreak among a group of unvaccinated refugees new to the area. I immediately volunteered to take part in the effort to get people vaccinated. This is when I found out that Tennit and Rassi were already involved in the effort. I knew they'd been spending time visiting Rassi's mother, and now I knew that that hadn't been all they'd been doing in the East side of town. I love my family.

  I was shown the laundry, the extensive herb garden and greenhouse, the medical preparation room for making herbal remedies, the stillroom for brewing potions and tisanes, storage rooms, and the dormitory, dining room, and chapel for the Grey Women. I was assigned a tiny private chamber for the nights I would be on call. I was introduced to a the doctors currently on duty. I was not introduced to any of the gray-clad and veiled nurses. It was explained to me that the Gray Women keep to themselves and are as quiet as their duties allow.

  Eventually the Mistress ushered me into her office, where she served me tea. It was chamomile, which I consider medicinal rather than social, but I managed to spoon enough honey in to the cup to make the drink acceptable.

  "I have noticed a certain reticence in your bearing, Dr. Cliff," Mistress Reed said now that we were alone. "Your mother assured me you were eager to take up charitable duties among us. Your parents have been most generous with their financial support of Mercy Home. I had hoped you would be equally generous with your time."

  Oh, dear. I hadn't thought it showed.

  I chose my words carefully. "I mean no disrespect, Mistress Reed. I have promised my skills and time to Mercy Home and I fully intend to fulfill my promise. It is only that - I need time to get used to the idea of working with the nursing staff."

  "You object to the Gray Women? You would certainly not be the first recently. We were visited by a member of the Committee of Grace before you arrived today. I find it tries my patience to have to defend our existence to anyone else today."

  While I inwardly cringed at my own prejudice, I held up a conciliatory hand. "I apologize, Mistress Reed, for my own ignorance. I have had my own dealings with these Gracers. If they disapprove of the Gray Women, I am sure that we will get along just fine."

  This very serious woman's lips twitched in a tiny, brief smile. "What is your objection to the Gray Women, Dr. Cliff?"

  I supposed she was correct to pursue this subject even though I had tried to deflect it. If I was going to work with these women there needed to be mutual respect between us.

  "I have no specific object-- All right, I do not understand why anyone would voluntarily choose a life of celibacy. There was a time when people were sentenced to the Gray abbeys, but I didn't think these institutions even existed anymore."

  "They do not," Mistress Reed said. "Our order is a modern revival of an ancient concept. A revival and an improvement, and hardly a cult of the All as the Gracer accused. But, in a way, some of the order are under a sentence of celibacy, though this is only required for three years. Serving with the Gray Women is a condition in the granting of a petition of divorce," she explained.

  I stared at her while I tried to make some sense of her words. Divorce is such a foreign concept to me that I really know very little about it. People do not have to marry, but when marriage is sought and agreed upon by the people of Ang, the vows are so strong and binding that dissolving those vows makes no sense. At least not to me or anyone I know.

  "Very few women seek a divorce," Mistress Reed said. "Most of those who do are victims of abusive husbands. They--"

  "But there is counseling available and legal--"

  She lifted a hand to halt my interruption.

  "Sorry, Mistress."

  "Abusive relationships are not subject to normal methods of resolution, Dr. Cliff. There is madness in a man who beats the woman he has vowed to care for. It is not easy to escape such men. They have the delusion that they own their wives - as though the world had not changed generations ago. To try to break the tie of the man's obsession, women who are granted divorces agree to spend three years living within the protection and obscurity of the Gray Women. Some stay when their time is up, but most return to the world. In fact, any woman who wishes may leave the Gray Women after three years if she finds the rigors of our life too difficult."

  "But the men--"

  "The men do not want the divorce. Since they are not voluntarily dissolving their vows there is no social consequences for them. We women are not yet even theoretically equal to men. There are reasons that some of us want nothing at all to do with them."

  Her vitriol was a bit daunting, but I could not completely disagree with her beliefs. "I see," I said. I stood. "Thank you for the tour and the tea, Mistress. I do appreciate your explanations. I look forward to beginning my duties here soon, and working with the nursing staff," I assured her.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  "Is your backside still hurting?" Seeli asked as I got up from the desk to walk around our bedroom.

  "Oh, yes," I said. I rubbed my rear. "And my thighs are not much better. I hadn't been on a horse in years. I enjoyed riding in the park, but I am so out of practice. Several of the other ladies in the party are much better riders than me. Thankfully, I didn't fall off."

  I'd soaked in hot water for an hour after returning from the morning's activity. I was now dressed in my chemise and stays and writing letters before dressing for the afternoon's entertainment. Seeli was already dressed and anxious to go. Abethe, dressed in pale green, sat in the window seat, her knees drawn up, a book balanced on them.

  "But did you enjoy Mr. Crow's company?" Seeli asked. "Did he enjoy yours?"

  "I did, and I believe he liked my conversation well enough. I shall invite him to the our musicale next week. And I shall include Miss Garden. There is quite a spark between the two of them."

  Seeli sighed loudly. "Meggie, the point is to find a husband for yourself, not for other young women."

  "The Season is young yet," I said. I stretched, then returned to my seat at the writing desk. I took up my pen. "There is so much news to send cousin Pel it might take me a week to finish this letter."

  Seeli got up to pace. "What dress are you wearing?" she asked.

  "The ecru with lace. Shall I send your love across the sea?"

  "Please do," Seeli said.

  "Please do not," Abethe said. "I find the idea of communicating with family we will never see again disturbing. It is very sad."

  "I've been to the New Islands," I said. "The journey is long, but not that difficult."

  "For now," Abethe said. "But what about when the Storm Tides return? There is no crossing the great ocean then."

  "Of course the Storm Tides will return with the Red Moon, but that's not for at least five or six generations. Surely someone will discover a way to sail through the storms by then."

  "Being long dead, we won't have to be concerned about it," Seeli said. "Will you get dressed, Meggie?"

  A knock sounded on the door as she spoke. A moment later Bell and Rhane came in, along with our maid from home, Ajaa Rose. We'd grown up with Ajaa and she was very dear to us. This was her
last months in service, as she would be starting university on one of Father's honeyherb scholarships in the fall.

  "You're not ready yet?" Belladem questioned. She threw up her hands.

  "Oh, no!" Rhane declared.

  I was amused by this show of panic, but I did not argue when Ajaa took my arm and led me to the closet. "Don't worry, misses," she told them. "I'll have her ready in a moment."

  "Just who is Lady Harrier?" Mother asked as the coach pulled up at the entrance of the exhibition hall.

  "She is one of the highest of the high nobles of the north," Aunt Gwin answered. "Her seat is on Dalraida, and she is the emperor's representative to the great northern houses."

  "That is impressive," Mother said. "What is she doing holding a party for a troop of Ang Seekers?"

  "The Season is being held for everyone in the Empire," Aunt Gwin said. "Most of the great nobles are sponsoring official functions. Besides, the craftspeople and merchants of the northern islands hold a cultural exhibit every few years. This year's show happens to coincide with the Season. Lady Harrier took the opportunity to blend the two occasions to serve a double purpose."

  I quite approved of this woman's sense of economy. We all alighted from our coach and made our way up a wide set of shallow marble stairs and into the building's entrance area.

  Aunt Gwin continued with her tale of Lady Harrier as we surrendered bonnets, jackets, and shawls and were shown the way to the first of several display halls.

  "Lady Harrier must have fifty of the northern islands in her fief. Of course, most of them are likely only a few acres in size, but she does possess great tracts of timber forests. She and Lord North have a son together, who is heir to both their properties, I believe."