A Gray Life: a novel

by Harvey, Red

  “College?” Ashley was shocked. “Did you graduate?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  For the space of two breaths, Ashley couldn’t think of what to ask. Then, “What…did you study?”

  “Theology.”

  Ashley had heard of the word, but she could have been confusing the meaning with anthropology. “What is that?”

  “It’s the study of religion.”

  “Were you gonna be a nun?”

  Juniper thought that funnier than anything. “Maybe. I’m not sure what I thought I could do with my degree. Most of my life, I’ve been lost.” She looked at Ashley hard, and she was afraid she had done something wrong. “I’m still lost, but at least I get my bills paid.”

  “All done!” Christopher announced.

  Ashley was glad for the interruption from the very adult conversation. Her new friend was talking about life as if she understood it, and Ashley did not understand. She didn’t understand why her grandparents hired help had murdered them. She didn’t understand why a group of men had come into her house, killing her father and abducting his girlfriend. She didn’t understand why she kept meeting mean, ugly people, and she didn’t know how Juniper (a non-ugly, non-mean person) fit into it all.

  Ashley got up and walked to Christopher’s workstation. From underneath his desk, he pulled out a tray of new leather wallets.

  “Pick one.”

  She grabbed the pink zebra one.

  “Hey! That’s my favorite one.” A smile showed off Christopher’s dimples.

  Ashley could imagine what sort of a friend he was to Juniper.

  He handed her a set of papers and a warm rectangular piece of plastic. It was a driver’s license, freshly printed. Her birthday was off by four years, but if the plastic card said she was sixteen, then she was sixteen.

  “You can check in with that ID without a parent.” Juniper told her. “But you’ll still need a parent to call in and confirm. That I can do.”

  “My mom died when I was born.”

  “They won’t know that.” Juniper said.

  Ashley blinked. Christopher looked uncomfortable. He mumbled words resembling “I’m sorry”, while Juniper stood waiting for a reply. Another roar in Ashley’s ears came and went, and then Juniper’s face changed, like someone had just whispered an answer to her.

  “Nevermind.”

  Ashley crossed her arms over her middle. She wanted to cry, just to cry, but she didn’t want the strangers to see it. The embarrassment of nearly crying made her want to cry all the more.

  “I’ll do it.” Christopher said.

  She choked down her tears. Slowly, she nodded.

  ****

  September 10th

  It happened in the middle of my dream.

  Mom and Dad were bickering over the fuel economy of SUV’s versus sedans. Even though sedans were less of a gas guzzler, my dad pushed for an SUV. The back and forth between them comforted me. My parents were with me, and I was safe.

  In the end, Dad convinced Mom to test-drive his car of choice. We all piled in and strapped our seat belts on. The window pane beside me was clear, shiny, and new. A single hairline scratch stood out among the perfection. With a life of its own, the scratch branched out, spreading and creating a noise as it went. Soon, the once perfect pane of glass was a cracked mess waiting to give way.

  Mom saw the damage and screamed. Her lungs were powerful, and I could’ve sworn her scream is what shattered the glass.

  I woke up. Glass had broken outside of my dream world, but I wasn’t sure where. Darkness held the basement. A month ago the street lights had stopped working, and The Man had hooked up a generator to his house/prison. The switch for the basement lamp was on the ten feet from me, an ocean of space in the dark.

  I squinted my eyes and forced my eyes to adjust. Through a gray haze, I could see the small window was completely open. The smell of fresh air was pouring in, and it was driving me crazy. I wanted to get out, get more air, free air. My mind wasn’t moving forward. If anything, I assumed someone had escaped from the basement, and I was happy for them. It never occurred to me something could have come inside.

  I was the only one awake. My sister was on her side, curled up and comfortable in sleep. Next to her lay Michael, light snores curling his lip. I couldn’t see Louise, but I knew her bed-space was close to ours. Maybe she’s the one who got out, a voice told me.

  In her condition, I doubted it.

  I noticed movement at the open window. There was a shadow hovering, covering up what little light the moon had created. The shadow rolled in and dropped down to the concrete floor. I could feel a charged energy in the air. Everything was crackling and grating.

  The shadow unfurled itself. At first, it appeared to be human. When it shifted its weight, reptilian skin glittered in the moonlight. Two red eyes floated in the monster’s face, complemented by a zipper-mouth full of razors.

  “Erin.” I tried to shake her awake, but she could sleep through her own death, as my mom used to say. The thought chilled me, and I didn’t want Erin to sleep through my death or hers, so I shook her harder.

  “What do you want?”

  Her question woke up the others. Hardly anyone could see It in the dark, but a few could. Their gasps and whimpers told me they could see It.

  The monster charged at the sickly Wasters that had no chance. Weak as they were, they had strength in them to scream. It shred one Waster with bear-like claws, grabbing for a second victim. The second Waster flailed helplessly as the monster lowered the zipper-mouth to eat her alive.

  Erin cried out, taking Its attention away from its meal. She was of no interest to It; I was the smaller, tastier choice. It dropped the dying Waster, and leapt for me instead. As it’s barely visible but very ugly face came nearer to me, I thought, This is it. I get to see my mom and dad again. I’m tired. I’m ready. When It was inches from me, It collapsed like a deflated sack. It was a dark ozzing mess on the concrete. Though I was relieved, I was a bit disappointed. I wanted my life, but I didn’t want the life I had.

  The Man stood in the middle of the stairs, shotgun still smoking. “Thanks” rose to my lips and died there. What did I care if He had saved me, anyway? My oppressor was not my friend, and he had not saved me from much.

  He made his way to the downed-demon. To see if it was dead, He gave it a few curious kicks.

  When The Man was satisfied, He gave us another speech.

  “It’s time you knew. The world Outside is no longer safe. There are things in the dark. Things you couldn’t even imagine as a small child. Stay down here and you’ll live. Leave, and you get to meet this guy’s extended family.”

  Another kick, and then He dragged its body up the stairs by one of Its hind legs. We all sat back after His speech and agreed with it. Basically, we all said His kidnappings were akin to a divine form of intervention, and really, a saving grace. The added rape, torture, and occasional murder were nothing compared to what awaited us on the Outside.

  In the end, we agreed with Him not because he was right, but because of the uniform he still wore day in and day out. His clothes and badge were a symbol of safety and authority that were hard to turn away from. Though He was a monster, He was our monster, and we were compelled to listen to that authority.

  For all we knew, He could have been a serial killer who bludgeoned a real cop to death, stealing his uniform and patrol car. Although, the truth was much scarier: He was a cop who lusted for violence, one that loved to kidnap unwilling participants to assuage His masochistic cravings. A man who was meant to serve and protect preferred to maim and kill His citizens.

  Yet, He assured us, we’re safer with Him.

  * * * *

  September 12th

  After the demon break in, The Man boarded up the basement window. We all knew boards nor glass would hold back any demons of the like that we saw. It was a relief when we heard the Man outside a few days later, soldering steel bars onto the window.

 
; * * * *

  11

  “I can’t say you sounded like my dad, but you sure sounded like somebody’s dad.” Ashley said when Christopher was done with the phone call.

  He stood up, and the girls did the same.

  “Right. Let’s go upstairs and I’ll take you to the guest rooms.”

  Back on the main floor, there was a grand staircase. Like the main floor, the third floor was as big as another house entirely. Three different hallways led away from the loft landing at the top of the stairs. At least four doors were in each hallway. Twelve rooms? It was a ridiculous extravagance for a bachelor, or even a family of six.

  “Some of these are closets, and bathrooms.” Christopher said, reading Ashley’s mind.

  He walked down the middle hallway and opened up the second door. “You can sleep in here, Ashley. The door on the left is the bathroom.”

  Across the hall, he opened a third door and gestured inside. “This other door is where you’ll find towels, blankets.”

  Juniper cleared her throat. “Uh, that’s a bathroom.”

  Christopher looked inside the open door and then shut it. “I knew that.” He opened another door. “This is the closet---damnit.” Inside the door was a bedroom. “Nevermind. You’ll find the towels you need, somewhere.”

  Ashley bit her cheek to keep from laughing. Her host seemed nervous, and not a person to laugh along with his mistakes.

  “I’ll be fine, thank you.”

  “Okay.” He tripped over his feet as he walked away, and made a bad attempt at playing it off. “June?”

  “I uh, I’m gonna sleep up here.” Juniper sounded as if there were cotton in her throat.

  “Oh, I knew that. I only, um, I only meant, uh, I thought um, that you wanted to, uh, talk.” Christopher’s sentence came to a thankful halt.

  “No, I’m tired. I’m gonna go to sleep, if that’s all right with you.”

  “Of course. That’s fine. We can talk tomorrow.” There was something more they both wanted to say, but neither of them said it.

  Ashley knew Christopher was going to sleep in the basement, but she wanted to know “Why don’t you sleep in a room up here?’

  “The master suite is actually on the main floor.”

  “Okay, why don’t you sleep there, then?”

  One foot was on the stairs. Christopher looked as though he didn’t want to answer any of Ashley’s questions.

  Slowly, he said, “Down in the basement, it reminds me of my college apartment. I can work uninterrupted and sometimes I forget I’m in this big house. I forget---,” He stopped, and quickly added, “I like it downstairs.”

  Christopher went down the stairs. After the basement door opened and closed, the girls walked to their separate rooms. It was five a.m. Ashley should have been exhausted but she wasn’t. She was bursting with more questions.

  “Why are you helping me?”

  Juniper didn’t face her.

  “Because Christopher helped me, and now it's my turn to pay it back.”

  It wasn’t a good enough answer, but after all, it was five a.m. Ashley dropped her other questions. Did it matter why Juniper had helped her, and was continuing to help her? She was lucky anyone was helping her at all.

  They went into their guest suites, closing the doors behind them.

  ****

  September 15th

  No.

  God damn it.

  Why did he have to----

  Why did she have to----

  You fucking asshole. I hate you. I would kill you if I could.

  Why am I writing in this stupid book? Doesn’t matter. Nothing else matters.

  No more.

  Just…no.

  * * * *

  September 22nd

  It’s been about a week, and I think I’m ready to write again. My last entry was probably confusing, and it’s no small wonder. I was in a bad place, an angry place.

  Erin’s dead. She…

  Okay, I may not be as put together as I thought. Crying now. Mommy, Daddy, I’m scared.

  * * * *

  12

  Ashley put her new wallet with her new life in it on the nightstand. She had stared at the birth date over and over, but the date wouldn’t stick. If someone asked her for the date off-hand, she would fudge it up. I’ll be fine, she lied to herself.

  In a large oak dresser, she found sweat pants and sleep shirts. Ashley wondered what other clothes might be in the suite.

  The closet was a playground of colors and designs. One side held frilly, silky, flowing clothing while the other had suits, jackets, and ties. The closet was outfitted for either a man or a woman. Christopher was very thorough in his wealth.

  A closet full of new clothes didn’t hold the allure it would have the day before. The world was different, and clothes were of minimal consequence for Ashley. She stared at the clothes, seeing little more than rags on hangers. She shut the door without another thought.

  Suddenly, she had an overwhelming urge to leave. Ashley’s stomach heaved, and she clutched at it with both arms. She was empty, and she was in a strange house with very strange people. It’s only for a night. And you have no other choice.

  Her inner adult was full of wisdom, but her lack of knowledge about her saviors made her uneasy; Juniper was a prostitute, and Christopher was a rich computer tech with no worries about printing false identification papers for strangers. There were details that made Ashley less apprehensive about the two, like Juniper’s intelligence, bravery, and willingness to help a person in need. There was also the matter of Christopher’s demeanor. He was shy and kind, and more than handsome when he smiled. In truth, Ashley had a passionate crush on the man.

  The anxiety that had crippled her diminished. Ashley realized she wasn’t holding onto herself anymore. She felt normal enough to yawn, and then she remembered what time it was. The nightstand read 5:30. Time for sleep.

  She got into the queen-sized bed, luxuriously lost in a down comforter. This was a bedroom that she could trust to use the sheets under the comforter. Ashley pulled the blankets on and fell asleep as soon as her eyes were closed.

  ****

  September 27th

  Alright, things feel a bit clearer. Pain is still large in my guts, but it’s not as blinding. I’m well enough to write out what happened, and how.

  On the last afternoon of her life, Erin left the kill room in tears. Most times, she walked out with her head down, or wouldn’t look anyone in the eye, but she hadn’t left the kill room crying since our first few weeks in captivity. I asked her what was wrong, but she didn’t say. I noticed blood running down from her inner thigh.

  She saw that I saw, and tried to cover it up with her skirt.

  “Are you on your…period-thingy?”

  My question brought on the angriest look from her I’d seen.

  “No! Leave me alone!”

  As she had for weeks, she ignored me the rest of the afternoon. She was starting to remind me of Louise, or Mom. For hours at a time, she would rock on her knees, and stare. It was as if she were listening for somethin’, and considering what happened, I’m certain now that she was.

  The Man took Gabriella in the kill room with him next. When He finished, He went upstairs like always. Except that day He neglected a vital part in the routine, and Erin heard it when no one else did.

  “He forgot. He FORGOT!” She screamed.

  After her outburst, everyone was silent. They assumed she could be referring to things He had made her do only hours before, and they didn’t want to know.

  “Forgot what?”

  Michael and Erin hadn’t spoken since their last encounter. He tone was insecure, but curious.

  My sister was drunk with her delusions, and didn’t mind at all that Michael was speaking to her.

  “He forgot to lock the fucking door!”

  Everyone understood what she meant then. All eyes shifted to the door at the top of the stairs.

  “He couldn’t have left
it open.” Marc said.

  “How do you know it’s open?” I asked.

  Erin hadn’t gotten up to check the door. She hadn’t left her spot on the floor for hours.

  “There was no click. I listened. A few weeks ago, he forgot, but I was too scared to say anything. But today, I’m leaving. No more of that.” She pointed at the kill room door. “No more.”

  “We all would love to leave, but how could you consider it, knowing what’s Outside?” Gabriella asked her.

  “I don’t care what’s out there. I’m going!”

  Erin crept toward the stairs, expecting me to join her. When I didn’t come right away, she whispered, “C’mon.”

  “I can’t.” An image of the demon came to my mind. “I’m scared.”

  “Damnit, get over here now!”

  I didn’t budge. Louise put her hand on my shoulder to let me know she was there. Erin was angered by Louise’s actions, and said so.

  “He’s not staying here. His place with his family.”

  Louise lifted her chin. She was still recovering from starving herself, but right then she looked strong. “He can stay here with me. You can’t force him to go out there.”

  “You’re just trying to get back at me for fucking your husband, but you can’t stop me and my brother from leaving.”

  The kid part of me wanted to cover my ears, but if Louise was being strong, I would be too. I couldn’t believe Erin was saying such ugly words to our friend.

  Louise didn’t pick up the opening Erin had left for a petty argument.

  “I won’t deny that we all have to leave here, even with the new dangers that face us Outside.” She paused. “But, we should plan, prepare, and not leave on a whim. Let’s do this right, Erin. We should wait.”

  Indecision flashed on my sister’s face, but her words were final. “No, I can’t.”

  “If he left it open once, he will again.”

  Louise tried to reason, but Erin was past being sensible. She was already at the top of the stairs. One ear was pressed against the door, listening for Him. After a few moments, she tried the doorknob, and it turned.

  I wanted to scream, “Don’t go!”, but I was worried it would draw attention to her escape. Maybe I should have. It could have saved her life.