Sanctified

by Maggie Blackbird

  Dad’s residential school experience always left Jude’s stomach tight from the suffering his father had endured.

  “Annie Keejik was there, too.”

  “Really?” Jude leaned in closer. Dad hadn’t mentioned this.

  “Annie liked to drink as much as I did. I wasn’t a faithful boyfriend. I wasn’t any kind of a man.”

  “Dad, you were seventeen.” Jude raised his finger. “Eighteen. Nobody’s a man at that age—”

  “It’s still no excuse for how I treated... Arlene.”

  “You mean you and Annie... “ This was surreal. “Old Annie? Darryl’s aunt? Darryl’s dead aunt?”

  “She wasn’t always old. Annie, in her days, was a pretty girl. Not as stunning as Arlene, mind you. And booze can make a man do a lot of awful things.” Dad glanced back at the coffee mug. He hunched over in the chair. “Arlene lasted two years. She went back home. Angry. Hurt. Then she married Ernest. And you know the rest. Children came along. Ernest had also attended the school. So he was also drinking. Poor Arlene...”

  Dad shook his head back and forth slowly. “She couldn’t escape it. Everywhere she looked, the nightmare of the school was around her.”

  “Does Mom know about Arlene? Annie?”

  “No.” Dad’s answer was as hushed as his shoulders rounded in regret. “There’s no need for me to tell her. It’s in the past.”

  “You said even after what you did to Arlene, you’d still choose Mom.” This was worse than making a wish like Noah had—unable to handle his father loving anyone other than Mom.

  “I love your mother very much.” At least Dad’s dull eyes had brightened when mentioning Mom. “She’s everything to me.”

  Jude brushed at his bangs, although they didn’t reach near his eyes. He’d loved Charlene the same way once.

  “I know Arlene’ll never forgive me.” Dad pushed out a breath. “If she learns about you and Raven...”

  Jude’s legs fell open, and he sank against the back of the chair. “I don’t wanna come between Raven and her mom.”

  “Sometimes it’s out of our hands. This is Raven’s decision to make. And she doesn’t feel right about what her brother’s doing.”

  “No, she doesn’t.” Jude’s words came out supple. “I... I wasn’t looking for anything when I came up here. I just—”

  “Wanted to start over? Get away from everything?”

  “Yeah.”

  “God grants us free will, but He also has a plan for our life. Have faith.” Dad reached over and patted Jude’s hand. “There’s something else we should discuss.”

  “What’s that?”

  “How you feel. You told me you sincerely started praying again.”

  “Oh... that.” Jude picked up his mug and sipped. Coffee Coffee sure wasn’t living up to its name of a roast so rich you’ll float away. More like fall into a dumpster. “Maybe I don’t need to talk about—”

  “Jude, please...” It was rare when Dad used this tone, concern, even pleading. Worry rimmed his pitch-black eyes. “Don’t shut me out. We both tend to shut out others. And it’s hurtful to them.”

  Jude again picked apart the cupboards Emery had repainted. Little brother had done a great job. New hardware, too. A fine nickel finish. Maybe he’d ask Emery to refurbish the cabinets at the principal’s house.

  “I apologized to Emery.” The words were quiet, so unlike Jude’s usual forceful tone. “I told him I sort of wished he could join us.”

  “Really?” Dad arched his black brow.

  “Yeah.” Jude traced the rim of his mug. “I recognize he’s great at spiritual guidance. I guess part of me... Aw, shit, I wanted to be like you. Not needing anyone. Not relying on anyone to fix my... problems.” What a kick to the ego. “I was... I was wrong.”

  “I see too much of me in you.” Dad thumbed the coffee mug. “I’m an old dog. It’s hard to change. But you’re young. There’s still time. I hate to say this, but we’re not easy men to live with. We... must be in charge. We want everyone to listen to us. We rarely seek or take advice.”

  Jude leaned forward and palmed the coffee mug. “Charlene said that to me. We were fighting. She told me she was sick of... she called me bossy.”

  “That, too.”

  “Then if we’re so awful—”

  “Everyone has their good traits and traits they need to work on.” Dad raised his finger. His tone became one of authority. “It seems you and Raven are finding common ground, are you not?”

  “We are.” Jude kept palming the cup. “She’s easy to talk to. I enjoy her company. She stands up for herself. I don’t wanna compare her to Charlene. It’s not fair to either of them. But Raven’s the kind of woman who won’t let me get away with... err, I guess being bossy.”

  He rested his chin in his palm. The tightness in his chest uncoiled. “She’s a great person. I’d say we’re pretty good together.”

  “What about the church?” Dad peered.

  “She respects it. She’s the one who told me to get my act together. I gotta admit, I was pretty pissed at God.”

  “What you experienced is only natural,” Dad said gently. “And I’m glad to hear she respects your beliefs.”

  “It surprised me, too.”

  “How’re you feeling about our Lord now?”

  Jude stood. He sauntered to the counter and lifted the pot off the burner. “I asked to pray today ‘cause prayer’s been... well, it’s been absent. At church, there’s no connection.”

  He refilled his mug. “I’m not feeling it.” He finished fixing his coffee and swiveled. “Refill?”

  “Please.” Dad held out his mug.

  While Jude poured, Dad kept speaking. “Every Catholic faces this problem. Losing their connection with God or the Church. Even both. It’s a true test of faith. Don’t think I didn’t feel removed from our Savior and His Church during times in my life.”

  Jude almost dropped the pot on the burner. Dad? A deacon? Lost his faith? “Really?” He scooted back to the chair and sat.

  “What happened with Emery is a fine example.” Dad sat back. Melancholy filled his weary stare. “I believed our Lord had truly called Emery to the priesthood. My own ego was involved and to blame.” He exhaled deeply. “I’ll admit I disliked Darryl very much at the time. I believed he was at fault. That he... he made Emery gay.

  “When Emery withdrew from seminary, I was very angry at our Lord.” Dad lips moved into a straight line. There was no sound in the rectory. Only Dad staring beyond Jude’s shoulder. “But I learned I had to change. This is what God wanted. And it wasn’t easy. I had to take a lot of baby steps. The first was to acknowledge my tendency to... control.

  “Bridget and Adam... that was another tough one.” Dad lifted the mug and sipped. “Now, I understand the Lord wanted my faith to grow. The night you called and told me your marriage was finished, I swore to myself I’d handle your problem differently. I made a mess with Emery and Bridget, but I won’t with you.

  “If Raven makes you happy, then I’m happy.” The small smile on Dad’s lips, the gentle look in his eyes was enough to engulf Jude in an embrace he’d experienced as a child from his father.

  “Thank you.” Relief swooped through Jude’s chest.

  Dad reached over the table and clasped Jude’s hand. “As I said, have faith. The Lord brought you this far, he’ll be there for the whole journey.”

  “I sure hope so. Raven’s probably making her decision right now. About... us.”

  * * * *

  Having used Darryl and Emery’s shower earlier, Raven sat at the kitchen table sans makeup, which was a little strange. Oh well, she couldn’t be made up all the time, and this was how she finished a sweat with her female relations. As for the meal, Emery should enter one of those reality TV shows for cooking. The roast, mashed potatoes, green beans, and bannock sat pleasantly pleased in Raven’s stomach.

  She shoved the last of the pie between her lip
s. The rich sweet blueberries and whipped cream slid along her happy taste buds.

  Darryl poured another round of black tea.

  Basil burped and patted his stomach. “Good.”

  “Very good.” Raven finished off the last of the pie. “Thanks.” Her mug was full, so she added a dash of honey.

  Too bad Tyrell couldn’t have stayed, but right after the sweat, Emery had driven the boy to the diner for his evening shift.

  “I need a little nap to digest.” Basil rose and shuffled to the recliner. He engaged the handle to set back the chair.

  “You need anything else?” Darryl stood at the sink rinsing off the dishes.

  “No. Sleep. Tired and full.”

  “Don’t die on me over there.” A snicker came from Darryl.

  Basil also chuckled. “I won’t die. Not yet. It’ll happen when my work’s done.”

  “Are... is... Jude eating at your parents’?” Raven stirred her tea.

  “Probably. Mom’s watching the kids. He’ll go over there after he leaves the church,” Emery said.

  Basil’s quiet snores carried from the small living room.

  “I...” The words seemed to stick to Raven’s throat. She squeezed her hands together. “I... I made a decision.”

  “Oh?” Emery shoveled a helping of pie between his lips.

  “Could... could I speak to you privately.” She gazed at Darryl.

  “Sure.” Darryl set the last of the rinsed plates into the soapy water. “We can take a drive, if you want.”

  “It’s okay. I got homework to finish. I’ll take this to the spare room.” Emery stood. He picked up his plate and disappeared into the room behind him and shut the door.

  Darryl sat at the spot he’d used while they’d eaten dinner. “You’re ready?”

  Raven nodded. She ran her big toe along her calf covered in black leggings. “You three are so... generous. So nice.”

  “It’s the way of our people. We give away what we have.”

  “Yeah, we do. It’s what the twelve-step program follows, too.” She’d simply spit it out. “I tried to reason with Clayton, but he wouldn’t listen.”

  “Reason about what?”

  The words sat in Raven’s gut, seeming to press against her esophagus, fighting to stay inside while she worked for what she had to say outward. “Clayton knows.” Heat infiltered her veins.

  “Knows?” Darryl’s small eyes rounded. “Knows what exactly?”

  Again, Raven forced the words from her gut, forced out the horrible assumptions Clayton had revealed to her that she told Darryl. The pain and humiliation on his face cut at her stomach.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I couldn’t tell him the truth. He’d know then that I always knew.”

  “He’s going around saying I ch-cheated on Emery with a h-h-hooker?” Darryl gasped out in heavy breaths.

  The words rushed from Raven’s mouth to reassure Darryl. “He’s not saying anything to anyone. It’s part of his strategy at the debate.”

  “What debate?”

  “He wants to hold a debate at the end of March. And at the debate he’s going to... accuse you of what he assumes to be true.”

  “Son of a bitch.” Darryl’s thin lips clamped together. “That son of a bitch.” He shoved away his tea and stood. Hands on hips, he faced the kitchen window. “I shouldn’t be surprised. Man, he really is coyote.”

  Raven melted into the chair. She locked her fingers together into a ball so tight, her joints pinched. As a traditional man, Clayton was failing to follow the teachings. A man she’d looked up to, admired, and respected. “I’m sorry...”

  “There’s nothing to apologize for,” Darryl ground out through clenched teeth. “This is your brother’s doing. Not yours.”

  “I know, but...” She squirmed. “When Clayton finds out, Mom’ll boot me out. They’ll all hate me.”

  “You don’t know that. I’ll talk to him. I’ll text him right now and arrange a meeting.” Darryl swiped his phone off the table.

  Chapter Twenty-eight: I Know, You Know

  Jude rested on Mom’s sofa, feet up on the coffee table. Rebekah cuddled next to him. He’d forgotten how many times he’d seen this cartoon. But after this evening’s tough talk, his daughter’s cuddles had turned his clammy skin to a fluffy marshmallow of warmth.

  “We gotta go soon, kiddo.” He patted her delicate back. “Still got baths. Prayers before bed.”

  “It’s only seven.” Rebekah’s little-girl voice that matched her mother’s was a full-on pout mirroring her disappointed blue eyes.

  “You got the rest of the week to come over.” Mom folded her arms, staring down at them.

  “But then we gotta go to Kenora.” Rebekah buried her face into Jude’s chest. “Do we have to go, Dad?”

  “Yep. Your mom’s expecting you. She misses you when you’re not there.”

  “But we don’t know anyone.” Rebekah’s words were muffled, and her breaths penetrated Jude’s sweater, toasting his skin beneath.

  “You will. It takes time to make new friends. Mom said she’ll bring you to the recreation center for snow week. You’ll meet other kids there.”

  “But I have friends here.” Her voice remained a pout.

  “It doesn’t hurt to—” Jude’s cell phone buzzed. He scooped it from the end table and checked the message. Darryl. His brother-in-law had learned the truth. This meant Raven had chosen... had chosen to...

  Jude scrambled to sit up.

  “Dad... what’re you doing?” Rebekah had come along for the ride, half on his lap and half holding his back.

  Holy shit, Raven had chosen him. She wanted them to...

  “Woohoo!” He spun Rebekah around, who still clung to his back.

  “Dad, you’re goofy.” She giggled. “What’s so funny?”

  Jude adjusted Rebekah so she faced him. Her little legs wrapped his waist, and tiny arms locked around his neck. “Something that makes your dad happy. I’ll let you know as soon as I can.” He pecked her cute upturned nose, which she’d inherited from Charlene.

  “Dad? Dad? What’s going on?” Noah raced into the living room.

  If only Jude could share his happiness, but the kids first needed a sit-down once they returned from Kenora to learn he had a new friend in his life, a very special friend. After their shock wore off, he’d then invite Raven over for dinner to meet them.

  Jude pulled up at Darryl’s place, having left Emery with the kids ten minutes ago, who’d get them bathed, prayers said, and off to bed.

  Although Raven had chosen Jude, she’d be grieving, because her family would never understand, so he simply walked the shoveled path instead of dancing up the stairs.

  Raven sat at the kitchen table, hands tucked between her thighs and head bowed.

  Darryl also sat at the table, nursing a cup of tea.

  “Hey...” Jude removed his parka and boots. He strolled up to Raven and stopped at the back of her chair. “How’re you?” He kissed her head that smelled of shampoo.

  “I’m okay.” Raven managed a half smile. “Darryl and I talked. I’m gonna tell Clayton. Tell him and Mom. Darryl and Emery are gonna let me stay here when I get the boot.”

  “You don’t know if they’ll ask you to leave.” Jude must reassure her to have faith. He pulled out a chair. “They might understand.”

  “Nope. You don’t know them like I do. Especially Mom. She’s always had it out for me.” For such a husky voice, Raven’s words were soft.

  “Are you sure you wanna do this, then?” He cupped her shoulder.

  “Yep. More than sure.”

  “Okay. I’m here for you.” He reached for the teapot on the table.

  “Everyone’s at bingo. And Clayton will be at the band office like he always is tomorrow. Thought I’d tell them late tomorrow afternoon once Clayton’s done for the day.” Raven scratched her bare arm.

  Jude poured a refill for a s
omber Darryl. “How’re you doing?”

  “Not good. Em wasn’t impressed when he overheard us.” Darryl’s scowl was darker than looming low gray clouds ready to unleash a blizzard. “I can’t believe Clayton thinks I was boning a hooker when I went to the ‘Peg for biz after the Christmas break.”

  A snicker tried to crawl up Jude’s throat, but he refused to laugh. This was not a laughing matter, no matter how absurd Clayton’s conclusion was.

  “What the hell kind of a man does he think I am?” Darryl swiped at his spoon. “I’m a married man.” He added honey to his fresh cup of tea. “Fuck, he upset Em again. He’s pissed. We keep trying to put this behind us and someone keeps bringing up hookers.”

  Raven ran her nails along the back of her thumbs. “My family sucks ass.”

  Jude couldn’t admit why Mrs. Kabatay had spent her life poisoning the minds of her children starting from childhood. Dad trusted him to keep his trap shut. “Nobody’s family’s perfect.”

  “No, they’re not. But none are like mine.” Raven stared into her tea.

  “You said you wanted to tell them first?” Darryl was still strangling his tea mug, from the way his knuckles whitened.

  “Yeah.” Raven nodded. “I didn’t mean to cause any trouble for you and Emery.”

  “You didn’t. Your brother made his decision, which doesn’t involve you.” Darryl lifted his tea and sipped.

  “I should get home.” Raven pushed away her mug. “And start packing. It’ll probably be my last night there.”

  A shot of guilt seemed to fill Jude’s veins. “Look, there has to be a solution to—”

  “Sexy, there’s not a damned thing you can do.” Raven patted Jude’s hand. “It is what it is.” She shrugged, but her shoulders remained sunken.

  “Err... sexy? Jude?” Darryl covered his mouth, snickering.

  “I see something got your mind off of your troubles,” Jude couldn’t help saying, smirking.

  Darryl dropped his hand, mouth open.

  “C’mon, I’ll take you home.” Jude pushed back his chair and stood. With a wink, he added to Darryl, “And you, enjoy another night in bed—alone.” He grabbed his parka off the back of the chair and strolled to the doorway, chuckling.