Mai Tai One On

by Jill Marie Landis

  Kiki turned on her, arms folded, and jutted out her chin. “And why not?”

  “For one thing, to make skirts big enough to fit everyone,” Suzi glanced at Flora’s girth and then away, “we’ll have to deforest half the island. And besides, I hate crafts. I’m not stringing ti leaves.”

  “Wili. The word is wili.” Kiki pronounced it ‘vili.’ “To twist. We’re twisting them onto a waistband. It’s simple. I’ve made millions of them. All we have to do is hike up the mountain, pick enough ti leaves for everyone—I’m thinking close to eight hundred total—then we tie the skirts together.” She punched the play button on the CD player and the music started. End of discussion.

  Suzi pouted but fell into line with the rest.

  “Where’s Louie?” Em asked Sophie as she reached the bar.

  “Out surfing. Said he mastered Great Balls. It’ll be the featured drink at the next luau.”

  “I guessed as much when I saw Letterman sleeping it off.” She glanced around the bar. Everything appeared to be under control. “While it’s relatively quiet, I’m going into the office to pay some bills.”

  Sophie said she had things covered and added, “Some guy called and left his number. It’s on the desk. He wanted you to call back asap.”

  Em shut the door to the office, barely muffling the strains of the recorded hula music. She recognized the mainland area code from the LA area and was relieved it wasn’t Phillip. She sat behind the desk and placed the call.

  A male voice answered. “Wally Williams.”

  “Aloha, Mr. Williams. This is Em Johnson of the Tiki Goddess. You left a message for me to call?”

  “Em Johnson?”

  “From Kauai. The Tiki Goddess Bar on Kauai.”

  “Oh! The Goddess. Yes.” He sounded way too impressed to have ever been here. Em leaned her elbow on her desk and rubbed her forehead as he went on. “I’m Fernando’s assistant. He’d like to talk to you about catering his housewarming party week after next.”

  “Fernando?” Em drew a blank.

  “Yes. The Fernando. Singer. Pianist. Las Vegas’s latest legend. That Fernando.”

  Suddenly the lights went on.

  “Oh, that Fernando. I’m sorry. I had a tough night.”

  “Oh honey, didn’t we all?” Wally laughed.

  That Fernando had stepped into the vacuum left by the passing of Liberace. He was young, handsome—in a swarthy-man-in-rhinestones-and-floor-length-feather-boa sort of way—and he played one hell of a piano. That Fernando, the Fernando, wanted the Goddess to cater his party.

  “Next week, you say?”

  “If it’s not a problem.”

  “No. It’s no problem.” She hoped. Kimo would definitely need Kiki and some of the other Maidens to pitch in, depending on the menu.

  “Hold please and I’ll put Fernando on the line,” Wally said.

  Em held. She doodled on the back of an unpaid liquor distributor’s invoice. Finally a breathless voice with a thick Spanish accent came over the line.

  “Fernando here. Fernando was rehearsing. Fernando is so thrilled that you can help us.”

  “We’d be happy to try. Your assistant mentioned this was a housewarming. Are you thinking of pupus or a full meal? A Hawaiian luau? Asian fusion? I can also line up entertainment,” she said, hoping to throw some business Kiki’s way. “And I can suggest a great photographer.” Might as well keep Trish working, too.

  Fernando sighed. “So many choices. How about if Fernando comes to your establishment next week to meet you? Perhaps you will make some suggestions? Perhaps have sample platters for us to taste?”

  “I’ll come up with something fabulous as well as a list of contacts.” She wrote down the date he planned to be on island. “Exactly where is the housewarming going to be held?” If it was on the other side of the island, it would have to be worth their while to haul food and servers all the way around Kauai to Po’ipu.

  “Fernando has just purchased a compound near Limahuli. Do you know this place?”

  “I do. It’s right up the road.” She knew where Limahuli was. Compound? She pictured razor wire and iron gates.

  “We’ll look forward to meeting you, Fernando.”

  “Please keep our meeting secret. I do not want to have to deal with paparazzi. So tedious.”

  “This is Kauai, Fernando. We don’t have paparazzi.”

  “Perhaps,” he said before he hung up, “you should get some.”

  Em paid a few bills and tried to organize the mess on Louie’s desk before she went back into the bar where the Maidens were taking a break. Big and Little Estelle had finally arrived. Little Estelle was snoozing on her Gad-About with her chin on her chest. She was drooling on the yoke of her purple muumuu. Em waved Suzi the Realtor over.

  “Do you know anything about the recent sale of a compound at Limahuli?”

  Suzi climbed up onto one of the tiki totem bar stools and shook her head no when Sophie asked if she wanted a drink.

  “All I know is that the escrow is about to close. It might have already. It was all very hush hush. There are two big properties for sale side by side out there. Shark Lady has both listings.”

  As Em digested the information Suzi added, “Harold worked out there, you know. I remember seeing him riding that chrome- plated lawn mower of his, the one that’s the size of a Humvee.”

  “Really?”

  “A few years back he was nothing but a mow, blow and go gardener with a sit down mower. Then every time Leilani sold a piece of property, she got him jobs with the new owners. He went from being a gardener to Landscape Architect overnight. Instead of making ten dollars and hour he was making a hundred and twenty five.”

  “You ever hear of the entertainer Fernando?” Em asked her.

  “The guy with platform shoes? Feathers and rhinestones?” Suzi rolled her eyes. “What about him?”

  “He bought one of those properties.”

  “No kidding.”

  Em nodded. “It’s not widely known, but it will be soon. He wants us to cater a housewarming.” Em was beginning to see dollar signs herself. Tiki Goddess Bar, the Caterer to the Stars.

  “Maybe Fernando did away with Harold,” Suzi chuckled. “That shiny lawnmower was stealing the spotlight.”

  “Fernando isn’t on island yet,” Em told her.

  Suzi shrugged. “It would be pretty hard for him to hide.”

  Apparently over her ti leaf costume tiff for now, Kiki walked over to join them.

  “Do you know anything about Roland Sharpe being involved with Shark Lady?” She asked Suzi.

  Suzi thought a minute and then shook her head. “Not since high school, but they were an item back then, for sure. He was the most handsome guy in the class and the most popular. Leilani was head cheerleader, class president and homecoming queen. Her ambition didn’t just appear, she’s always had it. She dumped Roland when he decided to go to the police academy and she figured out he wasn’t going to be pulling down big bucks.”

  “Did he ever get married?”

  “Roland? Never. He likes women too much to settle for just one.”

  “You think they might be having an affair?” Em tried to sound as if she was only making a casual query but if Roland was playing around with a married woman, then he wasn’t worth admiring, even from across the room.

  “I seriously doubt it,” Suzi shook her head. “Roland always did the right thing.”

  Bored already, Kiki wandered over to call the Maidens back on stage and Suzi hurried to join them. Sophie set down a dishrag and walked over to Em.

  “Maybe this guy Fernando hired a hit man.” It was the first time in two days that Sophie had mentioned the murder.

  “What’s the motive?” Em wondered.

  “You sound like a crime show.” Sophie leaned on the bar, thought for a minute. “Maybe one of Harold’s other clients had a beef with him. We should get a hold of his list of accounts. Talk to them. Check them out.”

  “How?”
Em figured she was only considering it because yesterday’s pakalolo binge still clouded her mind.

  “He probably kept a list in his house.”

  “What are you suggesting? A break in?”

  “It’s not breaking and entering if the door is open,” Sophie said. “Oh, and speaking of detectives…”

  Em followed Sophie’s gaze. Roland Sharpe had just walked through the door and all six foot plus inches of perfection was headed straight for Em. He gave Sophie a nod that said leave us. Sophie picked up a broom and hurried out to the lanai.

  “I thought you were missing,” Roland said to Em. “Glad I didn’t call Search and Rescue right away.”

  She shrugged. “I knew where I was all the time.”

  “Funny. So what’s up? Where were you?”

  “Trish Oakely, our luau photographer and I went through all the photos taken the night of the murder. Shots taken both inside and out. We came up with a couple of hikers who were here early but didn’t stay to eat. Your officers questioned everyone else. I hiked into Hanakapi’ai to ask them if they remembered seeing anything out of the ordinary.”

  “Above and beyond. Why didn’t you call me? Let us handle.”

  “I figured you were too busy to spend the day hiking just to chase down a lead that might go nowhere. Which it did.”

  “Did it? You sure?”

  “Pretty much. They didn’t see or remember anything odd.”

  He pulled out his little notebook again. “You want to give me their names?”

  “Professor Nelg Nelson and a young woman. Namaste.”

  “She have another name?”

  Em thought of Fernando. “One name seems to be enough these days.”

  “You so sure of your bartender that you gave up a whole day to track down useless information?”

  “I am,” Em nodded. “Sophie had no motive for killing Harold.”

  “Maybe she just went off. Went nuts.” He paused for a second. “Harold was into a lot of things. Maybe they were doing a drug deal and it went sour.”

  “What do you mean?” Em asked.

  “Apparently almost everybody around here knew the old man was growing pakalolo on quite a few of the properties he took care of. A couple of plants here and there hidden in the gardens and the outdoor showers.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  “I don’t kid about stuff like that.” He glanced over at Sophie. “Maybe she was somehow connected.”

  “Look,” she lowered her voice, “I know Sophie looks hard core with all the tats and the piercings, but she’s just a kid who’s had some real rough times. Like you said, she made some bad choices. In the three months I’ve known her, she’s never shown me anything but respect. She’s conscientious. She’s never been late for work.”

  “Except for the night of the murder,” he reminded her.

  “She doesn’t do drugs. She doesn’t even drink.”

  “In front of you.”

  Exasperated, Em sighed. “You can’t tell a book by its cover. I thought you were a detective—as in somebody who wants to solve crimes.”

  “Maybe I already have,” Roland told her. “You think you and the dancing Nancy Drews can do better?”

  “At least we’re trying.”

  “Stay out if this, Nancy. And keep those nuts in line.”

  “Then hurry up and find the real killer,” she shot back.

  The hot fire dancing detective did his smooth eyebrow lift and walked out.

  12

  Big Plans Afoot

  Since no one wanted to eat anything that came out of the old imu, as soon as KPD gave the okay, Uncle Louie came up with a plan to move the entire luau staging area. That meant a week without ticket sales, but Kiki suggested making a big deal out of dedicating and blessing the new pit when it was finished. They’d make it a memorial of sorts for Harold and a celebration of a new beginning. The occasion was sure to bring in locals as well as tourists.

  Kimo and the husband Lillian constantly referred to as MyBob, volunteered to dig up the posts and move the old luau hut across the parking lot. They hired some strapping young men to dig the new imu.

  The hard bodies worked bare-chested and glistened with sweat. The Hula Maidens were more than happy to make sure the beefy guys had plenty of water and sodas to drink. In between, the women practiced dancing on the shady side of the building. Car loads of tourists on their way to snorkel at the end of the road noticed the dancers and, unable to tell good hula from bad, they stopped to watch and ended up ordering drinks and lunch.

  In the middle of the commotion, as Em carried an order of fish and chips out to the front lanai, she noticed Leilani Cabral pulling into Harold’s driveway in her black Mercedes. Leilani got out and made a beeline for the Goddess.

  Em waited for her near the steps, happy just to be outside on such a lovely day. Music from the Maidens boom box filled the air with strains of the Hukilau Hula. Leilani joined Em on the lanai. Though they’d never met, Leilani filled Em’s expectation of a Realtor worthy of the name Shark Lady. No doubt Ms. Cabral would be every bit as successful in the O.C.

  Leilani was more beautiful than the photos on her For Sale signs. Her raven hair was cut in a stylish retro wedge worthy of Posh. Dressed in upscale designer resort wear, she accessorized with plenty of gold and jade bling. Her toenails were painted Mandarin red.

  “I’m sorry about your uncle,” Em said after she introduced herself.

  “Mahalo.” Leilani shook her head. “It’s still such a shock.” She looked around. “I’m surprised your business hasn’t suffered.”

  Em shrugged. “You know how people are. The tourists have no idea what happened and the locals have a dark sense of humor. We’ve filled in the old imu and moved the luau hut across the parking lot. We’re having a dedication and a memorial to your uncle next Wednesday. I hope you’ll come.”

  “I’ll try. I suppose I should sit down with your uncle soon and discuss the parking lot easement—since I’m inheriting the property.”

  Em hoped there wouldn’t be a hassle. A corner of the two properties contained Harold’s driveway. The easement had always been a bone of contention between Louie and Harold.

  “That shouldn’t be a problem,” Em said, though she figured Leilani wasn’t dubbed Shark Lady for nothing. “Just let us know when it’ll be convenient to meet.”

  She wondered what Leilani planned to do with the place. More than likely the old plantation cottage would be torn down and replaced by another MacMansion on the beach. Even after just a few months living here, Em could understand why the locals were so discouraged by what was happening on Kauai.

  Just then a KPD cruiser pulled into a parking stall closest to the lanai and Detective Sharpe stepped out.

  “I’d better be going,” Leilani said. “I’ll call to set up a meeting.”

  Em’s attention was drawn to the tall, mocha skinned detective heading for the steps. “Great,” she told Leilani. “Whenever.”

  The smile Roland and Leilani exchanged was telling. Apparently Kiki’s suspicions were right—Shark Lady and the Fire Dancer definitely had a history. Was it really over? Em wondered.

  “Nice to see you again so soon, Roland,” Leilani smiled as she passed him on the steps. “Are you getting anywhere with the investigation?”

  Roland glanced at Em and then away. “Sure. But these things take time. I’ll be in touch when we come up with something concrete.”

  Em watched Roland’s gaze trail Leilani as she walked across the lot toward Harold’s.

  “She inherited the place,” Em informed him. “Maybe that’s motive.”

  “There you go again playing detective. I’ve already looked into that angle. Leilani’s got more money than she can count.”

  “I’ll be sad to see the old house go.”

  “Inevitable. What’s all the commotion out back?”

  “New luau hut going up. Would you like something to eat? Lunch? A soda?” she offered.

 
; “Most owners think cops are bad for business.”

  She noticed a few of the tourists watching them. “Around here it just gives people something to talk story about.”

  He stepped up onto the lanai. “I’ll take a burger, if you throw in fries.”

  “You got it.”

  He followed her into the dim interior. Kimo had been called in off construction duty to fill lunch orders in the kitchen. Sophie was behind the bar, laughing with a local surfer. She lost her smile the minute she spotted Roland. Em walked Sharpe to a small table in back.

  “So business is still good, I see?” He said.

  “Definitely. We’ve moved the luau hut and the imu, which means we had to skip the luau this week but there’ll be a big dedication next week with a blessing and all. A memorial for Harold.”

  “Making lemonade out of lemons?”

  “I guess you could say that.”

  His dark eyes scanned the crowded room. “Looks like things are still going great.”

  “They are.” She refused to be embarrassed about the fact that Harold’s murder had spiked business. It was what it was.

  “Did you know your uncle was turned down for a second mortgage on this place a short time before you moved here?” He asked.

  “No. I didn’t. What does that have to do with anything?”

  “The business was sinking fast until you arrived with a boat load of fresh ideas.”

  “If you’re accusing me of killing Harold I’ll take back the burger and fries.”

  Roland left as soon as he polished off his lunch but things didn’t settle down until 4:00. Most of the Maidens had drifted off to their homes as soon as the hunks were gone and the luau hut was secure in its new spot in back.

  Em was in the office putting the finishing touches on the menu she’d worked up for Fernando when Marlene Lockhart, aka The Defector, breezed in. Em was tempted to throw herself across her notes so the woman wouldn’t find out about Fernando’s party. Kiki was convinced Marlene was always trying to steal her event bookings. If Marlene knew they were catering Fernando’s affair she’d probably want all the details. Em wouldn’t put it past her to call Fernando and try to persuade him to use her services instead.