Mai Tai One On

by Jill Marie Landis

  “Where were you when Fernando disappeared, Wally?” Kiki could care less about offending him. If Louie went to jail for murder, there goes the Goddess.

  “In the little boys’ room.”

  Little Estelle raised her head. “What little boys?”

  “No little boys, Mother,” Big Estelle shouted to her mother. “He’s talking about the bathroom.”

  “I don’t have to go right now. Stop badgering me.” Little Estelle sat up, put the Gad-About in reverse, backed away from the table and ricocheted off the stage before heading for the lanai.

  Kiki turned to Lillian thinking it was time to make the pitiful woman’s day.

  “Lil, would you mind driving Wally out to my place? I’ve got to head straight to Secret Beach and meet the tent people. Kimo will see that Wally gets settled in comfortably.”

  Lillian grabbed her purse. “I’d be happy to. Anything, anything at all for Fernando’s dear friend.”

  “Great. Maybe you two should get going.” Kiki urged Wally. “You look exhausted.” His comb-over was listing to one side.

  Wally gingerly touched the bags under his swollen eyes. “Well, it’s no wonder.”

  “If you want, make yourself an ice pack,” Kiki advised. “Kimo will help you find whatever you need.”

  Wally slid out from behind the banquette. He folded his hands at his waist and sighed. “Can he bring back Fernando?”

  “Kimo’s good, but not that good.” Kiki reached under the table for her purse.

  Wally exited the room. Lillian trailed behind. Suzi’s cell phone rang. She fled to the lanai to talk real estate. Big Estelle was the only one who tried to pay for breakfast. Em waved her off.

  “On the house. For last night.”

  “But we didn’t even dance,” Big Estelle reminded her. “I can’t help but think if Mother hadn’t gone missing, Fernando might still be alive.”

  “Oh, Big Estelle, get a grip,” Kiki snapped. “Not everything is your mother’s fault.”

  Big Estelle ignored her, thanked Em and left. Sophie collected the dirty plates and headed for the kitchen.

  Kiki was glad when they were all finally gone. She wanted to talk to Em alone.

  “You thinking what I’m thinking?”

  Em nodded. “Wally certainly had a motive.”

  “You think Roland knows about the inheritance?”

  Em shrugged. “If he doesn’t now, he’s sure to find out soon enough.”

  “Maybe you should call and tell him about the fishbone thing and how much Wally stands to gain.”

  “You think?”

  “Personally, I think they’re both great excuses for you to call Roland.” Kiki slung her purse strap over her shoulder and winked at Em. “If I was twenty years younger and single, I’d use them myself.”

  18

  The Show Goes On

  After the way the Hula Maidens had stood up for her, Sophie decided she’d repay them by showing up to help at the Chill Out Shave Ice truck blessing.

  By the time she drove into Hanalei from the Goddess, the official blessing, an oli, or chant, was over. Kahuna Puana Kimokane was already in line waiting to order his complementary shave ice.

  Seeing the Maidens huddled all together arguing about whether the seam in their pa’u skirts should be worn to the side or in back, Sophie sighed.

  They were nothing like the halau she had danced with before her life started going down the wrong track. Her kumu was well versed in the art of hula, tested both spiritually and physically and proven worthy of passing on the art of the ancient dance. Hula, he said, was a way to perpetuate the culture, a visual way to tie Hawaii’s past to its present.

  Sophie let the woman go on a minute longer and then, fed up with the bickering over where best to perform she clapped her hands to get the Maiden’s attention.

  “You have to get it together, ladies. Em only gave me a couple hours off. Besides, your crowd is thinning.” She handed the group’s boom box to Suzi, along with an extension cord. Without live music, the Maidens relied on CDs.

  “Plug this into the outlet on the side of the wagon.” Sophie pointed to the rusting white RV with a take-out window cut into its side. “Then come back and line up right here.” She scanned an ominously gray sky and hoped it didn’t rain until the dancing ended. If it did, they’d have to unplug the boom box and run for cover.

  “Line up, ladies,” Kiki snapped. She stepped in front of Sophie to start a front row.

  Little Estelle pulled her Gad-About into position at the end of the line and practiced a couple of 360’s. Once they were ready, Sophie gave them thumbs up and punched play on the boom box. Unfortunately for them, fortunately for the audience, they had only finished three numbers when it started to drizzle.

  Sophie walked along beside Little Estelle as the woman rode the Gad-About over to an awning that partially covered a picnic table where Little Estelle waited while Big Estelle and the others got in line for their shave ice cones. With Little Estelle safely out of the way, Sophie headed over to the line by the RV. She noticed Marlene Lockhart approaching. She didn’t like the woman any more than Kiki did. Marlene didn’t try to hide her contempt for the Goddess even though the place was Louie’s pride and joy. The woman was definitely after Louie, and Sophie just didn’t trust her.

  Sophie neared the line and heard Kiki say, “So, Marlene. Fancy seeing you here. Did Roland interrogate you this morning? I’m surprised he didn’t cart you off to Lihue like he did Sophie.”

  “Actually, he stopped by my place where we had a very nice chat and a cup of coffee.” Marlene patted her perfect hair. Today she was outfitted in a lemon yellow sheath with lemon yellow accessories.

  “What excuse did you give Roland for running off last night? The rest of us had to stay until the police gave the okay to leave,” Kiki informed her.

  Marlene’s eyes suddenly filled with tears. “I was so shocked to see Fernando like that—I was right there a second after Em found him. It reminded me of the day my fourth husband died.” She lowered her voice to a hush. “He drowned, you know.”

  By now not only Sophie but everyone else standing in line was listening.

  “Fourth husband?” Kiki’s jaw fell open. “I thought you only had three.”

  “I was only married to number four for eight months,” Marlene said softly. “So distressing.”

  “Probably just long enough to collect the insurance,” Flora muttered.

  Just then there was a strong gust of wind. A passing cloud opened up and dumped a heavy squall of rain. Except for two or three folks at the front of the line, everyone scattered.

  “I’m heading back to the Goddess,” Sophie told the Maidens. “Anybody need a ride back to Haena?”

  Flora raised her hand. Big Estelle was running for the handicap equipped van so she could collect Little Estelle and the Gad-About. Kiki stared after Marlene as the woman ran through the rain, headed for the parking lot holding her yellow purse over her head to protect her hair.

  “Come on,” Flora tugged on Sophie’s arm. “Let’s get outta here.”

  Sophie bid Kiki goodbye but as she walked away, Kiki was still focused on Marlene.

  “Four husbands,” Kiki muttered. The rain was smearing her make up. “I hate to think poor Louie might be number five.”

  19

  Nancy Drew Gets Boned

  The next day dawned sun kissed and radiant. The sky was brilliant blue and cloudless. The aquamarine ocean beyond their front door was so crystal clear Em could see every grain of sand on the bottom.

  She took advantage of the perfect morning to work out with a swim. Afterward she showered in Louie’s outdoor shower. One of her favorite luxuries of living in the tropics was showering behind the tall bamboo wall he had built around a showerhead on an exterior lava rock wall. He’d filled the interior garden with ferns, flowers, and hanging orchids.

  As she stood on the shore, towel-drying her hair and wondering why Roland Sharpe hadn’t returned
her calls, she watched the gentle lap of the waves against slabs of worn rock that lined the beach. Louie walked out of the house and brought her a tall ice tea.

  “Louie,” she hoped she got an answer that made sense. “What were you looking for the day you went into Harold’s house?”

  “Harold’s house? When?”

  “When Sophie had to bring you out and Leilani showed up. You said you were after something of yours.”

  “I did?”

  “This is serious, Louie. Think.” This was no laughing matter. He’d been at two murder scenes in three weeks.

  Then again, so had she. So had most of the Hula Maidens.

  “You can remember how to mix every drink in that Booze Bible of yours. Surely you can remember why you snuck into Harold’s place.”

  “Sometimes my ship is out of port, I guess.”

  Em sighed and thought, way out of port. She downed the rest of the ice tea and polished off the mint sprig. Calling Harold’s client list had proven to be a dead end so far. Kiki, MyBob, and Flora had nothing to report other than the fact that some of Harold’s clients had found a stray marijuana plant or two hidden in their gardens.

  “That hedge needs trimmed,” her uncle said.

  Em followed his gaze. The thick mock orange hedge between the Goddess and Harold’s house was leggy and out of shape. Harold had planted it and maintained both sides. Now it was up to them. Em found it easier to think while her hands were busy working on mindless projects.

  “I’ll trim it a bit,” she volunteered. “Where are the clippers?”

  Louie disappeared into his garage and came out with some rusted, long handled garden shears. “You sure you want to do this?”

  “Exercise,” she said. Back in weight conscious Orange County she had had a home gym and a personal trainer. Here she stayed in shape without trying. She rarely sat down and when she had any time off, she liked to walk, swim, or putter around Louie’s yard.

  “Don’t get over-heated,” he warned. “I’m heading in to watch The View with Letterman. He wants to see who that skinny blond chick pounces on today. Speaking of blonds, Marlene might come over later,” he told her.

  It didn’t take long for Em to build up a sizeable pile of cuttings. She was working her way around the end of the hedge and onto Harold’s side when the bolt that held the clippers together fell out.

  “Oh, doody.” She’d worked up a good sweat and hated to stop now.

  She wiped her forehead with the back of her arm, pulled the front of her tank top away from her breasts and fanned it in and out. Harold’s carport and open garage were just ten feet from the hedge. Amid his other clutter, it contained an array of yard tools.

  Harold certainly wasn’t going to mind if she borrowed his clippers to finish the job.

  The garage doors were always wide open. Inside it was cool and shady. Stacks of mildewed cardboard boxes lined one wall. A workbench covered with piles of scrap metal, nuts and bolts, automotive products and paint cans lined the other.

  There were four huge trash bags filled with recyclable aluminum cans. Harold’s humongous sit down lawnmower was on a trailer hooked up to his shiny blue pick-up. Most of his power tools, rakes, and a weed whacker were inside the trailer, but there were no clippers in sight.

  Em looked around and spied a pair of long handled hedge clippers shoved onto a shelf over his workbench. She stood on tiptoe and used a fruit picker to try and pull them down. The clippers teetered and came clattering off the shelf, barely missing her. Then suddenly, what appeared to be a two-foot long bundle of burlap came tumbling after them. Protruding from the ragged, stained fabric was what appeared to be the joint end of a bone. A very large bone.

  Em stared at the bone for a second before she picked up the bundle and gingerly unwound the cloth. The worn burlap was a coffee bean bag stamped Kauai Koffee. She opened it all the way and pulled out a very long arm—or maybe a leg—bone.

  She didn’t know if it was animal or human. One thing was certain, it was long and it wasn’t fake. It appeared to be old and was stained with brown-red dirt. There were bits of sand embedded in the end. She turned it over and over in her hand.

  Then she looked up and scanned the shelf again. There didn’t appear to be anything else up there. As she measured the weight of the bone in her hand, her last conversation with Fernando came back to her.

  “So, what are we talking about?” Wally wanted to know.

  “The last words of Harold to me.”

  “Ah. The fish bones.”

  “This is why we break the ground tomorrow,” Fernando had said. “Because Harold said the fish are upset. And so Fernando’s mind is made up.”

  At best this thing was something Harold found at the dump while picking over parts for his sculptures. Or it may have come from Fernando’s property. She glanced toward the Goddess. Or somewhere close by. She re-wrapped it quickly. Wherever the thing came from, it was definitely no fishbone.

  She reached for her cell in her pocket. She’d saved Roland Sharpe’s phone number and was set to call him, but suddenly stopped before hitting autodial.

  Harold had something of mine and I wanted it back.

  Louie was an “unofficial” suspect. So was she. Sophie had already been taken for questioning once. The last thing Em wanted was to be the one to hand Detective Sharp a piece of human remains which may or may not have something to do with her uncle.

  Em stared at the thing in her hand. What if this is what Uncle Louie was looking for? There could be any number of logical explanations. She didn’t dare show the thing to Roland until she found out whether or not her uncle had anything to do with it. Maybe it was a stolen artifact. Or, God forbid, it had something to do with Harold’s murder.

  If someone could just identify the thing, tell her how old it was—

  The image of Professor Nelg and his turtle headed penis popped into her mind.

  He was an anthropologist. He knew old bones.

  There was no way she could hike into the Kalalau with so much going on. Besides, Nelg promised that he and Namaste would stop by when they were back on the North Shore. With any luck, they could show up any day. Until then she’d hide the bone.

  She grabbed an empty utility bucket, turned it upside down, stood on it and slipped Harold’s clippers back onto the shelf. Evidence tampering came to mind as she picked up the burlap package and headed out of the carport. Her busted clippers were lying next to the hedge. As she stooped to pick them up, a flash of white caught her eye.

  Across the parking lot, Roland Sharpe tucked his unmarked white police car into a slot near the entrance to the Goddess.

  Hi there, Detective. Wanna take a peek at the hopefully very old and possibly human bone I found while I was in Harold’s carport snooping around?

  She quickly stashed the burlap sack under one of the bushes in the hedge, dusted off her hands and started across the lot.

  Harold had mentioned “bones” to Fernando. Something had upset the old man.

  This is why we must break the ground tomorrow.

  Had Harold been in a hurry to dig something up? Or keep something hidden?

  “Nice to see you, Detective, but you could have just called,” Em tried to smooth her hair into place.

  “The notion of torturing you in person was too tempting. This is the first chance I’ve had to get out here.”

  “Is that a bit of humor I detect?”

  “What are you up to?” He glanced at the hedge and then his gaze traveled over to Harold’s and back to her.

  “I was trimming the hedge.” She knew she must look flushed and hopefully not too nervous. “Lemonade, Detective? Or some iced tea?”

  “I’ll take a lemonade. Thanks.”

  Em walked him inside. Sophie was at the bar and watched Roland as Em grabbed a handful of napkins and ushered him to a table in the back corner.

  “Are you keeping me away from your bartender or hiding me from potential customers?” he asked.

&nbs
p; “Both.”

  He settled back in his chair. Studied her. “Why’d you want to see me?”

  “Talk to you. I wanted to talk to you. Like I said, you could have just called.” She swabbed off her forehead with a couple of napkins. Without thinking she balled them up and used a couple more to mop her cleavage.

  “And miss this?”

  She flushed, instantly dropped the napkins and sat back.

  “I didn’t see you out by the hedge when I pulled in,” he said.

  “You’re very observant.”

  “That’s what they pay me for. Where were you?”

  “I told you. I was trimming on the other side.”

  “Harold’s side? Very convenient. Were you snooping around a little, too?”

  She crossed her arms beneath her breasts, caught him stealing a glance. She refused to look away when he met her eyes again.

  He lowered his voice and leaned closer. “Be very careful, Nancy Drew. I don’t want to see you hauled off in the coroner’s wagon.”

  “I’m a suspect, remember?” She almost smiled. “How do you know so much about Nancy Drew?”

  “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

  She switched subjects. “Trish said you didn’t see anything out of the ordinary in her housewarming photos.”

  “Nothing stood out. So why did you call?”

  “Because that night at Fernando’s I had a conversation with Wally and Fernando about Harold.”

  “You just now remembered it?”

  “I called you two days ago.”

  “All you said was that you really needed to talk to me. It kinda sounded personal.”

  “You wish.”

  Sophie served the lemonade. Roland downed half a glass before he took out his notebook. “Okay. So what did you hear?”

  “They were talking about koi punda and fish bones. Fernando said that was why he had to break ground right away. Something about the planning department.”

  “Koi punda.” He wrote it down.

  “Do you know the word? Or what it means?”