Mai Tai One On

by Jill Marie Landis

  “It’s on the way. Is anyone else missing?” He faced the driveway as more patrol cars arrived.

  “Not that I know of.” Kiki reached up and pulled off her pearl and feather headgear. “You can’t possibly suspect Em now, Roland.”

  “She was at the last two murder scenes. Maybe the killer is afraid Em saw something.”

  Kiki sighed. “Or maybe our snooping around has led to this.”

  “What do you mean ‘our snooping around’?”

  Kiki looked everywhere but at Roland. “We had to do something to get Sophie and Louie off the hook. You guys weren’t getting anywhere so we decided to do a little detecting ourselves.”

  “We who?”

  “The Hula Maidens. Sophie. Em.”

  “What did you do, Kiki?”

  “We had just a couple of meetings…and we phoned everyone on Harold’s client list.”

  “Exactly how did you get a hold of his client list?”

  She didn’t like the way his dark eyes bored holes into her. She hesitated, hating to tell him, but Em was missing. Kiki swallowed and shrugged.

  “Somehow Sophie came up with it.”

  28

  Still in the Dark

  Em drifted in and out of consciousness. Her wrists and ankles ached. Trussed up like a turkey in a roasting pan, she needed to stretch her legs, not to mention pee.

  Lying there in the dark and in pain, she had no concept of time. She heard voices call her name and they sounded close. Once, she even thought she heard footsteps. She tried drumming her heels against the cement to make noise, but that proved too painful and didn’t produce a sound.

  She was thirsty, but not hungry and wondered if the few bites she’d sampled before the party might be her last meal. She imagined Roland reading the coroner’s report. The meager contents of the victim’s stomach included ahi sushi and bar-b-qued ribs.

  She struggled like a beached whale every time she rolled over. The concrete, cold as a slab in the morgue, was killing her shoulders. She pictured Harold, smoldering face down in the imu and then Fernando floating with the koi. She imagined Uncle Louie trying to come up with a cocktail to honor her memory, heard him mumbling to himself.

  “Something the color of duct tape. Maybe Quervo Silver tequila. I’ve got it! The Tape Worm!”

  Not only was she convinced she was losing it, but her bladder was about to burst so she practiced doing Kegels. She was up to forty-five and almost enjoying it when she heard what sounded like a key turning a lock. She went completely still and broke out in a cold sweat.

  She heard hurried footsteps somewhere in the dark seconds before someone grabbed her by her pony tail and jerked her to a sitting position. Her joints screamed in pain. Her captor remained behind her. Em felt long fingernails pick at the edges of tape across her mouth. Without warning, the duct tape was ripped off.

  “What do you want?” She croaked. “Why are you doing this?”

  No answer.

  She tried to turn her head and earned another jerk on her ponytail to keep her facing forward. There was a rustle of clothing and then her captor let go of her hair with one hand and held a bottle of water to her lips. Em refused to drink. The bottle was shoved against her mouth again.

  Em took a few sips and then turned her head away. Water spilled down the front of her Goddess tank top.

  A long, taut silence ensued. Too long, considering Em still had to pee.

  “I have to go to the bathroom.”

  There was no response other than the sound of duct tape ripping off the roll.

  “Please don’t—”

  Her assailant slapped a fresh strip of tape across her mouth again.

  Em made a mental note to herself. Whoever was holding her captive had long fingernails. Very long acrylic fingernails.

  29

  Maidens Unite

  Em had been missing for two nights when Kiki gave up on the KPD and called an emergency meeting at the Goddess—attendance mandatory.

  All the Maidens were there on time as everyone was desperate to find Em. As far as they were concerned, she was their hero. She had single-handedly brought the Goddess back from the brink of bankruptcy. She was keeping Louie focused and the books balanced.

  Since Em came to town, things had been looking up for all of them. Their dancing venue was secure but now—unless they found Em alive—they were facing disaster on what Kiki considered a global scale. If anything happened to Em, Louie would fall apart and Marlene, The Defector, would step in and take over.

  Flora was already so drunk when she arrived that she barely made it through the front door. Kiki had Suzi and Trish prop her in the corner of a long bench seat.

  Little Estelle rolled in on the Gad-About looking happier than she had in a long time. Big Estelle came dragging in behind her on crutches with her foot in a cast.

  “What happened to you?” Kiki demanded.

  “My mother ran over my foot. It was no accident, either.”

  “Prove it!” Little Estelle revved her engine.

  Suzi fielded business calls even though Kiki shot her a dark glance each time her cell phone went off.

  “I could fine you for that,” Kiki threatened.

  “I’ll pay a fine. I’ve got three places in escrow right now and can’t afford to lose a deal,” Suzi countered. “Besides, you aren’t the boss of me, Kiki. Get over yourself.”

  Lil had been too upset to drive so MyBob had accompanied her. They squeezed onto the bench seat.

  Trish had brought in photos from Fernando’s memorial and spread them out on the table. No one saw anything that might lead them to Em. Trish also brought in clippings from the Garden Island newspaper where the front page headline screamed NORTH SHORE BAR MANAGER MISSING.

  Louie had offered a reward of an unspecified amount for Em’s safe return. He also took out a half page ad reading “Have you seen this person?” Trish had provided a photo of Em. She looked confident and happy, smiling in the doorway between the office and the bar. Louie couldn’t resist including a small headshot of himself with David Letterman perched on his shoulder. “From my pirate phase,” he said.

  Anyone with any information was to call Detective Roland Sharpe or the KPD.

  Goddess patrons, locals and neighbors had set up a shrine of flowers and candles on one end of the lanai. Yellow ribbons were tied around everything that didn’t move—chairs, lanai railings, tiki barstools.

  Kiki clinked the side of her martini glass with one of her diamond rings as a call to order. Everyone fell silent immediately. She slowly got to her feet and looked them all squarely in the eye—all but Flora whose eyelids were at half-mast anyway. Kiki called out to Louie who was tending bar.

  “Where’s Sophie?”

  “She phoned to say she’d be a late. She sounded pretty upset.”

  “You all know why we’re here.” Kiki picked up a newspaper clipping and waved it around. “Em is missing. She came to our aid without question and now something terrible may have happened to her. The police haven’t found her and apparently have no clues, so it’s up to us to go where no man dares venture.”

  “Big Estelle’s bedroom!” Little Estelle shouted.

  “Mother!”

  Everyone burst into howls of laughter.

  “Shut up. All of you. Please.” Kiki waited for silence.

  Louie came shuffling across the room carrying a cocktail shaker filled with a deep purple concoction. He filled Kiki’s glass. “We’ve got to find her,” he mumbled. “Got to.”

  “We will, Uncle Louie,” Suzi assured him. “We’ll bring her home.”

  Kiki took a sip and spit it back into the glass. “What is this?”

  “Kauai Kooler.” Louie shrugged. “Purple is the color of Kauai. You know, pink for Maui, yellow for Oahu, red for the Big Island.”

  “I know that,” Kiki said. “I want to know what’s in this?”

  “It’s grape juice, Cointreau, and brandy.”

  “It tastes like som
ething they’d serve at a Jonestown reunion.”

  “That’s was Letterman’s reaction, but I’m really partial to the color.”

  Kiki handed him back the glass. “So, where is Marlene? Was she at the memorial? Has anyone seen her?”

  Louie’s smile faded. “She’s at a hula retreat on Maui.”

  “Aha! So she says. She could be anywhere.” Kiki was convinced The Defector was behind Em’s disappearance. “Did anyone see her the night of the memorial?”

  “That’s when she left town,” Louie said. “I know what you’re thinking. You’d like to pin Em’s disappearance on her.”

  “Even though no one saw her, she could have been slinking around at the memorial.”

  He shook his head. “I told you, she had already left for the hula retreat.”

  “Have you actually talked to her? Do you know she’s there for sure?”

  He shook his head. “No, I haven’t talked to her, but I know she’s there. They’re out of cell range. Up in Makawao. Meditating. Dancing. Pounding poi or something.”

  Kiki snorted. The fact that Marlene left the Maidens still irked her.

  “When did she take off? Right after she kidnapped Em probably.”

  “You know, Kiki, I’m tired of you slandering Marlene. Why on earth would she want to hurt Em?”

  “You’re blind, Louie. Because she wants this place. She almost had it in her hot little hands before Em came and got in her way. That’s motive.”

  “Your brain cell count is way down, Kiki.” He drank half of the Kauai Kooler she’d rejected.

  “I’ll worry about my brain cells. You just get me a Chardonnay. House.”

  Louie polished off the rest of the purple Kooler on his way back to the bar.

  Just then Sophie came walking in. Her usually spiked hair was pancaked flat. Except for the row of silver rings through her left eyebrow, Kiki thought Sophie could pass for one of those starving sad-eyed waifs in a television infomercial begging viewers to “Send This Kid Money For Food.”

  “Sorry I’m late.” Sophie sank in to the only empty seat at the table. “My car wouldn’t start and so I had to hitch a ride.”

  “I should have waited. You could have come with me,” Trish said.

  “No worries,” Kiki said. “We haven’t gotten very far yet, as usual.” She eyeballed the Maidens. “Let’s go around the table and everyone take a turn telling us where Em was the last time you saw her. And what she said. We’ll start with Suzi.”

  Suzi shoved her cell phone into her purse and zipped it shut. A second later the muffled strains of “Tiny Bubbles” floated out of the bowels of the purse. Kiki gave her such stink eye that Suzi ignored the call.

  “Em was in the kitchen helping Kimo fill a tray for the buffet. I asked if she had any aspirin anywhere. Em stopped what she was doing and got one for me from a pill box in her purse. She warned me to be careful with the flaming coconut oil.” Suzi’s eyes teared up.

  Kiki never cried. She thought crying was way over the top. Dismissing Suzi, Kiki turned to Trish.

  “Go ahead. Your turn.”

  “I was moving around the house taking photos. Everything was almost exactly the same as the night of the housewarming—except that Fernando was in an urn instead of his Elvis outfit.” She waited for Big Estelle to stop snickering. “Em told me to head down to the beach to take photos of everyone once they assembled.” She thought for a second. “She was on the back lanai then, near the stairs overlooking the trail to the beach.”

  “Anything else?” Kiki waited.

  “Em kept gazing out over the lawn and seemed kind of distant,” Trish said.

  “I thought she seemed troubled, too,” Lil chimed in. “I told MyBob that night. I said, ‘Bob, Em seems troubled.’ Didn’t I Bob?”

  MyBob nodded. Kiki noticed MyBob nodded on cue.

  “Big Estelle?” Kiki said. “Go ahead.”

  Big Estelle stared forlornly at the cast on her foot. “Do you think I’ll be able to dance again?”

  “You couldn’t dance before. Maybe by some miracle, this’ll help,” her mother said.

  “Shut up, you two. I’ve about had it,” Kiki warned. “I’m about to fine you both.”

  “Bat poop,” Little Estelle mumbled.

  “I heard that.” They were definitely giving Kiki a migraine. She yelled across the bar. “If you don’t have Chardonnay, Louie, then bring me anything but that purple crap.” She turned her attention back to the table full of women and MyBob.

  “Go on,” she prodded Big Estelle. “Where did you last see Em?”

  “I was having low blood sugar so she stopped what she was doing to bring me a glass of oj. It was right before we all trooped down to the beach to perform. She told me to take better care of myself.” Big Estelle glared at her mother. “Caregivers get the short end of the stick, you know.”

  “Em said that?” Trish frowned. “About caregivers?”

  “I added that last part,” Big Estelle confessed.

  “Where was she?” Kiki wanted to know.

  “Who?” Big Estelle blinked.

  Little Estelle shouted, “Em, damn it! Where was Em when you last talked to her? Keep track of the conversation. Sometimes I think you are really losing it.”

  “She was in the hallway, near the bathroom.” When Big Estelle burst into tears. Lil patted her on the shoulder.

  “What about you, Lil?”

  “My cape came apart. It completely exploded. There were ti leaves everywhere. Em stopped what she was doing to fasten it back together for me.” Lil started snuffling again.

  Kiki didn’t know anyone could produce as much snot and tears as Lillian had over the last couple of weeks and wondered if maybe all the pink hair dye was affecting her sinuses. By now the woman should be dry as a lava bed.

  “She…she was on the…on the stairs near the beach path. Everyone else was gone.” Lil covered her face and started sobbing.

  “So you might have been the very last one to see her,” Kiki said.

  “No, I was. I think.” Sophie finally entered the discussion. “Everyone was down at the beach by then. Lil had just had her cape repaired. We were watching Sharpe start the fire dance when Em said she had to use the lua. She said she’d be right back.”

  Exactly what Kiki had heard Sophie tell Roland.

  “I wish I’d gone with her.” Sophie’s voice was barely audible.

  “Don’t we all?” Kiki said. “Don’t we all.” She took a deep breath and inhaled half the glass of wine that Louie had finally handed her. “But we were dancing.”

  Trish was stacking her photos. “It doesn’t sound like anybody knows any more than we do. The police have spoken to all the guests. They’ve searched every inch of Fernando’s Hideaway, inside and out, as well as the empty house at Hale Pua and the Anderson’s place on the other side.”

  In the corner, Flora was conscious for the moment. “Mebbe we should have a bake sale.” Before her eyes drifted shut again, she muttered, “Bake cookies or make some lau lau.”

  “The fundraising discussion was three months ago,” Suzi said.

  Flora groaned, shifted around on the bench seat, belched and closed her eyes.

  “What’s up with you, Sophie?” Kiki had been watching the girl since she sat down. Sophie had been staring at the table, drumming her nails against the resin table top. Her acrylics were deep purple today, almost the color of Louie’s Kauai Kooler. There were gold lightning bolts painted on a couple of them. They matched the shock of purple dye in her hair.

  Sophie looked up, met Kiki’s eyes for half a second and dropped her gaze again.

  “Spill it,” Kiki said. “You’re hiding something.”

  “You know how Em said she tripped and fell on her nose to explain her black eyes?”

  Kiki nodded. Silent. Everyone sat up a bit straighter and leaned in so as not to miss a word.

  “She didn’t trip. Somebody knocked her out,” Sophie confessed.

  “What
?!” Kiki was furious. “Why wasn’t I told?”

  “Someone knocked her out?” Lil cried.

  Sophie nodded. “I found her in the parking lot, lying on the pavement by Harold’s hedge. I asked if she passed out and she said someone knocked her out.”

  Louie came running over. “Why didn’t she tell me?”

  Sophie said, “She wasn’t sure who did it, but she said she was definitely hit from behind.”

  “Why didn’t she say something before now? Why didn’t you?” Kiki demanded.

  “She told me not to.”

  “We’ve got to call Roland.” Kiki pointed at Suzi who quickly fished her cell out of her purse. Tiny Bubbles were bubbling again. Suzi shut off the ring tone and speed dialed the detective. The night Em went missing they all synchronized their cells with his number.

  “What should I tell him?” Suzi put her hand over the phone.

  “Tell him to get his sweet butt up here. I don’t care what he’s doing. Tell him to drop it and get up here asap.”

  30

  It’s All In The Details

  Kiki was pacing the bar by the time Roland finally arrived twenty-five minutes later.

  “Where have you been?” She stormed toward him, sloshing white wine out of a stem glass in her haste to give him what for.

  “I was in Kilauea. Rental cars are jamming the road in both directions. What’s with all the yellow ribbons strung around the lanai? Someone should take that makeshift memorial down, Kiki.”

  He sounded as mad as she felt. He lowered his voice. “We haven’t found a body. Besides Em might not even be in danger. Maybe she killed Harold and Fernando and took off.”

  Kiki snorted. “You don’t believe that any more than I do.”

  “No. But all those candles out there are pissing me off.”

  The bar was still closed to the public. The Hula Maidens had started munching on some edamami that Trish brought for them. They silently sucked the slippery white soy beans out of the fuzzy pods and tossed the empty shells into a communal bowl in the middle of the table.