Mai Tai One On

by Jill Marie Landis

  “Roland is probably arresting Sophie.” Em wiped her eyes. Blew her nose. She told them how she reluctantly admitted that Sophie had kidnapped her and about what the police had found in the Honda.

  “The evidence was convincing enough to press charges.”

  “Oh, great!” Kiki shot to her feet. “Now we won’t have anyone to finish teaching us our dance for the Slug Festival.”

  “Kiki!” Trish admonished. “Sophie kidnapped Em! Try to think about something besides hula for once in your life.”

  “Hula is my life,” Kiki shot back. “Besides, how could she have kidnapped Em and dumped her out when Sophie was at our meeting this morning?”

  “She got there late, remember?” Trish reminded her. “After telling us she had to hitchhike to the Goddess. When she pretended her car was stolen she was covering for dumping Em.”

  “Have a drink and sit down.” Flora passed Kiki the Gatorade bottle. Kiki took a swig and sat. She didn’t look happy and kept mumbling something about Marlene.

  “I didn’t want to believe it either,” Em admitted. “In fact, I still can’t believe Sophie did it, but I was definitely in her car and when I felt those acrylic nails against my face…”

  In a hula worthy move the Maidens all raised their arms and flipped their hands up, palms in, showing off their fake nails.

  “Kiki makes us wear press-ons. But I only wear them for shows.” Lil walked in carrying a cup of tea for Em and a wooden bowl full of rice crackers. “Hope Louie won’t mind that I raided his pantry.” She set the calabash in the center of the coffee table.

  “Acrylics and press-ons make your fingers look longer.” Kiki grabbed a handful of rice crackers. “I’m so damn pissed off right now. It just can’t be Sophie.”

  “She stuffed me into her car trunk and dumped me out near the end of the road,” Em said.

  “But her car was stolen.” Kiki countered.

  “Very convenient, don’t you think? She’s young and strong. She’s been arrested before. Who else could it be?” Em really didn’t want to argue with them anymore tonight.

  She was sick of wearing her trust like a welcome mat for hurt and betrayal. She felt terrible about implicating Sophie until she reminded herself that she was lucky to be alive.

  “But what about Marlene? If she got rid of you, then Louie would have no next of kin. No one to inherit the Goddess.”

  Em sighed. “Roland is fairly certain she was in a tow truck when I was kidnapped.”

  “What does ‘fairly certain’ mean?”

  “It means the truck driver has a very casual attitude about logging in pick up and delivery times.”

  “But why would Sophie do it?” Kiki still wasn’t convinced.

  “That’s something Roland is determined to find out.”

  Flora started digging in her huge lauhala purse. Woven in the shape of a rectangular box with handles, it was the size of a small television and held everything but the kitchen sink. Em thought Flora was looking for another Gatorade bottle until she pulled out a small serrated garden sickle. From tip to handle it was about a foot long.

  “Keep this with you.” She handed Em the sickle.

  “You think she’s going to be weeding any time soon?” Suzi rolled her eyes.

  When Flora shook her head, her jowls jiggled. “No. It’s for protection. That t’ing is sharp. You never know.” Flora shrugged. “Mebbe you don’t feel safe for a while. Carry that. No worries.”

  Em stared at the sickle in her hand. There were Chinese characters carved into the handle.

  “Mahalo, Flora.” She set it on the coffee table.

  “The Estelles sent this over,” Trish handed her a small canister.

  Em turned it over. “Pepper spray?”

  “They carry half a dozen of them in the van. Little Estelle’s afraid crazed fans might recognize her from her Rockette years and rush the vehicle.”

  “If any of them are still alive, I doubt any of her fans have the strength to rush anything,” Kiki noted.

  “It’s a lovely gesture, though.” Em set the pepper spray beside the sickle. “I’ll thank them tomorrow.”

  “I don’t have anything deadly.” Lil opened her purse and stared inside.

  “Surprise, surprise,” Kiki mumbled.

  “But you can have this.” She withdrew a foot long needle.

  “A lei needle?” Suzi shook her head. “How is she supposed to protect herself with a lei needle?”

  “Well, you never know…” Lil started to tear up.

  Em reached over and squeezed her hand and took the needle. “Thanks, Lillian. I appreciate the gesture.”

  Suzi reached into her vinyl designer knock off. Out came a fifteen-inch hunting knife in a worn sheath. She slipped it out of the sheath and held it up to the light.

  “Good gravy!” Em reared back. “Where did that come from?”

  “It was my brother’s pig sticking knife. Once when he was hunting he almost sliced off the end of his thumb with it.” Suzi sheathed the knife and tossed it on the coffee table.

  “I really don’t think I’ll need these.” Em turned toward the window facing the Goddess. “At least I hope I won’t.”

  “Keep them handy for a while anyway,” Suzi patted her knee, “just until you’ve got your confidence back.”

  Last but not least, Kiki opened the huge leather bag she toted everywhere. When she pulled out a .9 millimeter Glock, everyone reared back.

  “That thing looks big enough to blow a hole through a tank,” Suzi said. “Why didn’t you just bring an Uzi?”

  “Because I couldn’t find it.” Kiki set the automatic on the table beside the rest of the arsenal.

  “Where did you get that thing?” Trish picked up her camera.

  “It’s Kimo’s from when he was the bouncer at the Nawiliwili Tavern. I took it out of his workshop after Em was kidnapped. I was thinking we might all be in danger.”

  “Is it loaded?” Suzi eyed the piece as if it might go off on its own.

  “I couldn’t find any bullets. It’ll sure give somebody second thoughts, though.”

  Trish took a photo of the weapons pile. “For your scrapbook,” she winked at Em.

  “What scrapbook?”

  “The one I started the night you went missing. Clippings from the Garden Island. Photos of the search at Fernando’s. The ad for Louie’s reward. The memorial shrine on the Goddess lanai. This and that. I’ve documented all of it.”

  Em looked at the faces of the women gathered around her. Most folks thought the group was borderline certifiable, but she knew without a doubt that she could count on them anytime, anywhere. Her eyes unexpectedly filled with tears again.

  The heavily scented pile of lei around her neck had begun to weigh her down and make her sweat. Em tried to lift them over her head but Trish had to help. The photographer carried the pile of flowers into the kitchen. The house was filled with their cloying scents.

  “I’ll just put these in the fridge,” Trish called out. “You might want to wear them tomorrow.”

  Em didn’t feel like celebrating anymore. She knew she should be happy to be alive, but the sickly sweet smell of the flowers, not to mention the sight of the weapons pile, served as reminders of what she’d been through and Sophie’s betrayal.

  “I hope you all don’t mind, but I’d really like to get some sleep,” she said.

  Kiki stood but wasn’t happy. “I still think you’re wrong about Sophie.”

  “I wish I was,” Em said. The rest of the Maidens began to collect their purses and prepared to leave.

  “Would you like me to stay until Louie closes up the bar?” Trish asked.

  Em hoped Louie didn’t hand out more free liquor or hard money loans than they could afford.

  “I’ll be fine.” To prove it she got up to walk them out to the edge of the lanai. It was a balmy night, the sky crowded with stars. Everyone had to hug and air kiss cheeks and say aloha.

  The chatting continued u
ntil the women started toward their cars over in the parking lot, all but Kiki who headed for the Goddess where aromatic smoke still rolled off the grill.

  Em let herself into the house and walked over to Letterman’s cage.

  “What’s up, Dave?”

  The big bird stared at her without blinking. If only my life was easy as the Macaw’s, she thought. He spent as much time outside enjoying a perch in the shade of a big avocado tree as he did in his cage. He was well fed and enjoyed a constant flow of free drinks. Louie even let the bird watch his favorite television shows.

  “Anything you need, David?” Em smiled.

  Letterman began side-stepping back and forth on his perch and bobbing his head up and down.

  “What do you want big boy?” She cooed.

  He shrieked, “Survivor! Survivor!”

  She couldn’t believe it. The bird was trying to cheer her. Letterman was right. She was a survivor. It was time she threw off her sadness, her doubts, and celebrated life.

  “Why, thank you, Dave. Thank you so much for reminding me, you pretty big boy. You good boy.”

  The bird grew more and more agitated. He opened and closed his beak and paced side to side on his perch and then screamed, “Survivor Island! CBS! CBS!”

  So much for moral support. Em sighed, found the remote and turned on the television. Sure enough, Survivor was just starting.

  36

  Kiki and Suzi Talk Story

  The next morning, Kiki and Suzi were stretched out on chaise lounges on Kiki’s huge lanai finishing up a breakfast of macadamia nut waffles with coconut syrup. Though the only ocean view was sandwiched between two houses across the street, it still added value to the price of the house.

  Kimo was busy building Kiki and the girls a hula platform in the back yard. With Marlene still on the loose, Kiki wasn’t entirely convinced they’d always have the Goddess.

  Suzi polished off her pancakes in record time. She pulled a bottle of nail polish out of her purse and shook it, then propped her foot on the end of the chaise and applied a coat of Tamarind Tangerine to her toes.

  “Pretty sorry news, eh?” Suzi said.

  “What news?” The very idea that she’d missed something always gave Kiki an instant headache.

  “You know. About Sophie. And Em.”

  “Old news now, but I still can’t believe it.”

  “Me either.” Suzi capped the bottle of polish, leaned back into the overstuffed chaise and burped. “Good breakfast.”

  “Kimo’s the best.”

  “Yeah.” Suzi sighed. She was between husbands at the moment but was convinced that number four was out there somewhere.

  “I still don’t get why Sophie would kidnap Em. Or why she would kill Harold. Or Fernando, for that matter.” Kiki finished off her coffee, set the cup on a small table beside her.

  “We really know nothing about her. Maybe she’s a psycho like the guy in Halloween. Psychos can’t help themselves.”

  “Yeah, right. But not Sophie. Now, take Marlene. I can see her being a psycho. But Roland insists she left for Maui and couldn’t have kidnapped Em.”

  “You’ve gotta get over the fact Marlene left us, Kiki. Besides, she’s not the only one who has gone on to another group. We’re better off without her.”

  “Left us? She’s lucky we didn’t vote her out. Besides, I’ve got more than one reason to hate her. She’s trying to steal my business.”

  “Speaking of business, Shark Lady sure has a lot of for sale signs up around here,” Suzi noted. “I don’t get one quarter that many listings up here in Haolewood. Did you see there’s a sold sign on the place next to Fernando’s?”

  “Shark Lady strikes again,” Kiki said. “I heard she sold it to friends of his.”

  “I don’t like her. Never did.” Suzi said. “Not even when we were small time kids. Maybe now it’s just professional jealousy, but she does work hard. Gotta give her that.”

  Just then Flora’s gold Camry came hurtling down the road. She stopped in front of Kiki’s driveway. They watched Flora park, grab her woven bag and climb out. When she wiped her brow with the back of her hand, the move set off seismic ripple of underarm flab.

  She shaded her eyes, leaned back and spotted them on the upstairs lanai.

  “Hey, I’m comin’ up,” Flora called out.

  “Come. Get breakfast,” Kiki yelled back.

  Flora started up the steps. Like Trish’s house, Kiki’s was elevated on pilings. By the time Flora joined them on the lanai, she was wheezing and her face was bright red.

  “You got Medicare, eh?” Kiki asked.

  Flora flipped her off.

  “I’ll get you some pancakes.” Suzi volunteered. She stared to get off the chaise.

  “No need.” Flora waved her back down. “I’m not hungry. But I been t’inking.”

  Kiki waited. Flora thinking wasn’t necessarily a good thing.

  Flora reached through the fabric of her muumuu to adjust her bra. “Em heard Fernando say that Harold told him something about koi punda. Everybody t’inks he was talkin’ about fish, but koi punda is not a fish. Far as I know it means nu’ting.”

  Kiki and Suzi nodded. Flora was definitely on a roll.

  “And that bone, the one in the drawer at the Goddess? One leg bone.” Flora tapped her temple. “Last night I start t’inking. Finally, I get it. Mebbe Harold was talking about kupuna. Not punda or koi punda. Kupuna. Ancestors. Old Hawaiians. Old Hawaiian graves mebbe. With bones. Get it?”

  “Kupuna.” Kiki nodded. “Kupuna sounds like punda. Fernando could have heard wrong, for sure. Flora, maybe you’re on to something.”

  “Yeah? I t’ink so, too.” She folded her arms across her purse.

  Suzi sat up in her chair. “Gravesites are nothing but trouble around here lately. Property owners have every right to build on their property—”

  “Spoken like a Realtor. What if someone wanted to build a house on top of your grandpa’s grave?”

  “Shush.” Flora glared at Kiki. “You nevah let me finish.”

  “Go on, then.” Kiki insisted. “Hurry it up and get to the point.”

  “Maybe Harold found a grave at Fernando’s.”

  “While he was working on the yard,” Kiki finished for her. “Maybe planting pakalolo.”

  Suzi picked up the thread, “And he knew Fernando’s construction would have to be halted while the Burial Council met.”

  “Maybe forevah,” Flora finished.

  “Maybe Fernando had Harold killed so he wouldn’t tell anyone,” Kiki mused.

  “Then who killed Fernando?” Suzi’s face was scrunched so tight her eyes nearly disappeared.

  “Who would want to kill them both?” Flora wondered. “And what’s it to Sophie? Unless she knew Harold better than we t’ought.”

  “Maybe she was his drug connection,” Suzi said. “She was arrested once on Oahu, remember?”

  “So why kidnap Em and not kill her?” Kiki shivered. “If Sophie did kill the other two, why not Em? Unless maybe her conscience got to her at the last minute.”

  “Sophie said her car was stolen,” Suzi reminded them. “Maybe it was. Maybe someone else used it to dump Em. Besides, you think Sophie is stupid enough to leave all that evidence in the car? The duct tape and stuff?”

  “Maybe someone set her up.” Kiki put her coffee cup down and got off the chaise. She slapped her fist into her palm. “That’s it! Somebody set her up. The kid it sitting is jail and we’ve got to get her out.”

  “First we have to figure out who did it. We need proof,” Suzi started piling dirty dishes on a bamboo serving tray. “And please, Kiki, don’t say Marlene. Try thinking outside the box.”

  Flora was rooting in her purse. She found her Gatorade bottle, pulled it out and took a sip.

  “What do we do next?” She asked them.

  Kiki took the tray from Suzi and headed for the living room. “First, we talk to Roland about your kupuna theory. After that, we’ll wait and se
e what brilliant idea comes to us next.”

  37

  Roland Snoops Around

  Kiki made a few calls, then loaded Suzi and Flora into her car and headed out to meet up with Roland at Hale Pua, House of Flowers, the estate next to Fernando’s.

  When they drove past Fernando’s Hideaway they saw the place was still locked up tight. Wally Williams had been too afraid to stay there since the murder. The two huge estates, side by side, were both sitting empty.

  Clouds were piling up against each other along the mountain ridges and rain was imminent. Hard rain. They could feel it coming.

  Kiki pulled in and parked on the gravel drive at Hale Pua and spotted Roland on the lanai. The women piled out and began to walk the perimeter of the house.

  “Hey Roland,” she called out.

  “Hey Kiki.”

  “I called the substation and they said you were here. We need to talk to you.”

  “What are you ladies doing out here?”

  Kiki noticed he didn’t look pleased to see them.

  “We searched this place thoroughly but I wanted to double check to see if we missed something. Em is certain she was locked up close to Fernando’s. She could hear us calling for her but didn’t think she was inside Fernando’s anywhere. She couldn’t have been at the place on the other side of his either.”

  A local couple in their seventies lived on the opposite side of Fernando and were the original owners of the modest wood frame home. They had been there the night of the kidnapping and a thorough search had been conducted. Em definitely hadn’t been hidden there.

  “You find anything here?”

  “Some healthy pakalolo plants hidden between a couple of hibiscus bushes. Harold’s supplementary income. I phoned in a report.”

  A light mist was falling, not just a passing trade shower but the prelude to something bigger. They all decided to take shelter on the lanai and had just made it before the rain started pouring.

  “Has Sophie confessed?” Suzi asked.

  He shook his head. “She’s not talking.”