The Perfect Christmas

by Caroline Anderson

  ‘Morning, gorgeous.’

  She jumped, caught unawares by David’s quiet footsteps, drowned out by the hubbub of the ward. ‘Morning,’ she said, turning round with a smile coming naturally to her lips. ‘And it’s Sister Revell to you.’

  ‘Sorry, Sister.’ He smiled, but he looked preoccupied, she thought, cocking her head on one side.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ she asked softly.

  He sighed, his smile fleeting and a little sad. ‘Mr Burrows. He’s been fretting in the night, apparently. My SHO didn’t know what to tell him. I need to talk to him now and let him know the score—could you come, too?’

  ‘Sure. He was asking for you a minute ago. I was going to page you, actually, but I was fairly sure you’d be here soon.’

  ‘Is he over the anaesthetic?’

  She shrugged. ‘Ish. It was quite a long op, wasn’t it? He’s still feeling a little groggy, but that could be the pain relief. Whatever, he wants to know what you found.’

  David dragged a hand through his hair and sighed again. ‘I hate doing this. It doesn’t matter how many times I have to do it, it never gets any easier. In fact, I think it gets harder, because you’re more than ever aware of just what you’re telling them.’

  ‘I think he knows.’

  He nodded. ‘So do I—but thinking you know and being told are two different things. Until I talk to him, he’ll still have a lingering glimmer of hope. My words will extinguish it, and he’ll have to start the grieving process. Still, it has to be done. Let’s see how gently I can do it.’

  Very, Julia was to discover. He was kind and patient and answered all Mr Burrows’s questions about the surgery and what he’d found. And then he asked the final question.

  ‘I’m going to die, aren’t I?’ he said, and David nodded slowly.

  ‘Yes. I’m afraid, ultimately, you are. The oncologist will talk to you about the palliative care he can give you—that’s treatment to hold the cancer at bay for as long as possible and keep you comfortable, but at the end of the day that’s all we can do now. I’m very, very sorry.’

  Mr Burrows nodded pensively. ‘I thought as much. Well, thank you for being honest. I need to know—things to do at home, you know? Preparing. Don’t want to leave a muddle for the family to sort out. Still, at least the pension’s taken care of and my wife won’t have to worry about money or the house, and my children are all taken care of—I don’t have to feel guilty for letting them down, at least.’

  He cracked then, his face crumpling and his shoulders heaving, and Julia perched on the edge of the bed and put her arms round him and held him while he cried. He didn’t indulge himself for long, just a few moments to release his pent-up emotions, and then he pulled himself together and apologised. He scrubbed away the tears on his cheeks with the back of his hand, and Julia gave him a tissue and they left him alone for a while to come to terms with his news.

  Julia found herself tearing up a little as they left the room, and David shot her an understanding look, propelled her gently into her office and hugged her. ‘OK?’ he murmured after a moment, and she nodded into his shoulder.

  ‘Yes. It just seems so hard—he’s such a nice man, all he’s worried about is that his family don’t have to suffer or worry.’

  Unlike Andrew, who had never given that a moment’s thought. Odd, how men could be so different.

  ‘Death, or impending death, tends to bring out the real person, I’ve found,’ David said quietly. ‘It’s amazing how the silliest people seem to have huge inner strength, and the ones you’d expect to cope go completely to pieces.’

  ‘I wonder how his wife will be.’

  ‘I don’t know. I’ll come back and talk to him again later. He’s bound to have more questions. Perhaps you’ll keep an eye on him and talk to him if he needs reassurance.’

  ‘Of course. Do you want to see his wife?’

  He shrugged. ‘We’ll play it by ear. He may have definite views on what he wants her told. We have to respect that.’ He eased away from her and looked down into her face, his eyes searching hers. ‘You OK now?’

  She nodded, smiling self-consciously. ‘I’m just a softie.’

  ‘I noticed. That’s fine by me. There aren’t nearly enough softies in the world. Everyone’s busy being hard and tough and independent. We need to lean on each other.’

  ‘That’s fine until you lean on someone and they aren’t there any more,’ Julia pointed out.

  ‘I’m here—and I’m going nowhere,’ he said softly. ‘Actually, that’s a lie. I’m going to my clinic. I’ll see you later. Ring me if you need me.’

  She nearly laughed out loud at that, but stopped herself in time and produced what she hoped was a sensible smile. ‘Will do.’

  She watched him go, his long stride eating up the corridor as he headed towards Outpatients, and she turned back to her work with her heart in turmoil again.

  ‘I’m here—and I’m going nowhere,’ he’d said. Could she dare to believe him?

  ‘Mummy, it’s time to go! I’m going to be late!’

  ‘No, you aren’t. David said he’d drive us there and then park his car somewhere and come back. He’ll be here,’ Julia promised, trying to inject confidence into her voice, but it was hard. Andrew had always been late, arriving with a cheerful excuse and brushing aside her concerns.

  She checked her watch. David was late—only three minutes, but they were cutting it fine as it was. If they left now, they could just about walk there in time. Any later—

  The peal of the doorbell cut across her fretting, and she whisked the door open to find David there, looking apologetic. ‘Sorry I’m on the drag—I had to go back and talk to Mr and Mrs Burrows. Are you both ready?’

  She nodded, hating herself for having doubted him. ‘Yes. Are you all right for tonight, or do you need to go back to the hospital?’

  ‘No, not tonight. I’m OK.’ He smiled past her at Katie. ‘All ready, littlest lamb?’

  She nodded and giggled. ‘Yup.’

  ‘Let’s go, then.’

  He bundled them into his car, settled Katie on the new booster seat that seemed to have appeared as if by magic in the back of it, and slid behind the wheel. Three minutes later they were at the school, and Julia pointed out the entrance he should come through when he came back.

  ‘I’ll go and get her ready and come back to meet you,’ she promised, and they left him on the kerb and ran inside. There was a fine drizzle falling, and they arrived in the hall slightly damp and breathless, just as the year-one teacher was calling for her lambs and shepherds.

  ‘Anything I can do?’ Julia asked, but she was cheerfully dismissed and sent off to enjoy herself, so she kissed Katie for good luck and went back out to wait for David, arriving at the door just as he did.

  ‘That was quick!’ she exclaimed, and he chuckled.

  ‘I had a stroke of luck. There was a space just around the corner, so I nabbed it. Thought it would be easier for afterwards.’

  ‘Absolutely. Come on in, we need to find a seat.’

  They were just settling themselves down, and she was wondering if she’d get away without having to see anyone she knew, when Nick and Ronnie Sarazin appeared and waved. Nick did a mild double-take at David, and they squeezed into the row behind them.

  ‘Hello, David,’ Nick said, eyeing him assessingly. ‘I didn’t know you had children here.’

  ‘I don’t. I’m here with Julia,’ he said, deadpan, and Julia’s heart sank. Of all the people to meet, it had to be them! Now there was no chance of keeping it quiet in the hospital.

  Nick eyed her thoughtfully, then smiled. ‘Good. About time. Ronnie, I don’t believe you’ve met David Armstrong. David, my wife Veronica.’

  ‘Ronnie, please,’ she said with a grin, and shook his hand. ‘Nice to meet you.’

  ‘So, how did Julia talk you into coming to this dreadful thing?’ Nick asked, sotto voce, and David chuckled while Ronnie told him off.

  ‘It’s
not dreadful! It’ll be lovely.’

  ‘You’re just a softie. They’ll all forget their lines.’

  ‘And you’ll get pink-eye like you always do.’

  Nick coloured slightly and gave a rueful grin. ‘Very likely. So?’ he added, looking pointedly at David.

  ‘So I’m a sucker,’ David said with a smile. ‘Katie asked me. I couldn’t refuse a beautiful girl, could I, now?’

  ‘Evidently not,’ Nick murmured, and his eyes met Julia’s and twinkled.

  ‘We’re just friends,’ she said firmly, and Nick snorted softly and sat back in his seat.

  ‘If you say so.’

  They were spared any further discussion by the dimming of the lights and the arrival on stage of one of the older pupils reading the usual passage from the Bible about the decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.

  Then the curtains opened and there were children milling around on the stage, making preparations for the journey.

  It was a colourful little pageant, with all the usual mishaps. A headdress skidded sideways and fell off, one of the shepherds wet himself, a lamb cried and had to leave the stage, and the innkeeper forgot his only line, but apart from that it was perfect, and at the end David clapped as loudly as any of the fathers.

  There were refreshments in the back of the hall while they waited for the children to change and come out. They stood with Nick and Ronnie, and Julia tried to avoid the interested looks of the other mothers.

  Not that she’d escape for long, she knew that. The next time they were waiting to pick up the children at the end of the day, Julia knew the questions would start. In fact, she was surprised they were holding back now, some of them!

  Then Katie came skipping out and threw herself at David, and with the reflexes of a tried and tested uncle he scooped her up into his arms and plonked a kiss on her cheek. ‘Well done, lambkin,’ he said, and hugged her.

  ‘Did you see me?’ she asked, holding herself away from him so she could see his face.

  ‘Yes, I saw you. You were near the front.’

  ‘Next to Daniel—he cried.’ She said it with all the disgust of a five-year-old, and Julia saw David’s lips twitch.

  The two Sarazin children came running up then, a boy and a girl with Nick’s laughing eyes, and he put an arm around each and hugged them. ‘Well done, kids,’ he said, and then the party broke up and they headed for the door.

  The drizzle had turned to mist, and their breath fogged on the cold air. The streetlights made orange haloes high above them, and Julia was glad David was there with them. It was a little creepy, like something out of a Sherlock Holmes film, and she found herself moving closer to him, Katie between them.

  ‘Here’s the car,’ he said, flicking the remote control and lighting up the interior with a welcoming glow. Moments later they were on their way home, and as they pulled up outside Julia looked across at him, her heart in her mouth.

  ‘Coffee?’ she said, and he smiled slightly.

  ‘I’m starving, I haven’t eaten yet. I was going to go and get something. Have you had supper?’

  She nodded. ‘I had scrambled eggs with Katie at five.’

  ‘Could you force anything else down?’

  She smiled. ‘Possibly. What did you have in mind?’

  ‘A Chinese take-away?’

  Her mouth watered. ‘I can always find room for a Chinese,’ she confessed, and he grinned.

  ‘I’ll see you in a few minutes, then. Any preferences?’

  She shook her head. ‘None—just lots of fried rice. I love it.’

  ‘OK.’

  She took Katie in and put her straight to bed, still excited but almost asleep on her feet. ‘Was I all right?’ she asked her mother as she snuggled under the quilt.

  ‘You were lovely,’ Julia said honestly. ‘I was very proud of you. You were the best lamb.’ That last was probably poetic licence and maternal pride, but Julia didn’t care. She kissed the baby-soft cheek and went downstairs, lit the fire in the sitting room and put the kettle on.

  If she’d had a bottle of wine she would have opened it, but she didn’t, and anyway David was driving. She found a bottle of mineral water in the cupboard and put it in the fridge in the ice compartment, and then found herself looking in the mirror and finger-combing her hair.

  Her heart was pattering in her throat, and when the doorbell rang a moment later she felt it stop for a second.

  She closed her eyes for a moment and drew a steadying breath, then walked down the hall and opened the door.

  ‘Here we are,’ he said, holding a carrier bag up for her inspection. ‘Special fried rice, sweet and sour king prawns, beef in ginger and spring onions, pancake rolls and prawn crackers. Oh, and banana fritters for pudding.’

  She laughed in astonishment. ‘Good grief, we’ll be huge!’

  ‘Speak for yourself. I’m ravenous. Where’s the little one?’

  ‘In bed. She was bushed.’

  He followed her down to the kitchen, and they put the dishes out on a tray and took them through to the breakfast room with the still tepid mineral water. She’d laid the table with cutlery, but he produced chopsticks from the bag and insisted they use them.

  ‘Everything will be frozen by the time I can eat it!’ she wailed, but he just laughed and showed her how to hold them, and then came round behind her and held her fingers in the right position and fed her a prawn. She felt the heat of his body against her shoulders and a deep ache started inside her.

  ‘I think I can manage,’ she said breathlessly, and for a second he didn’t move. Then he dropped his hand to her shoulder and squeezed it gently before going round to the other side.

  He sat opposite her, watching her and laughingly teasing her when she dropped things, and she had more fun eating that meal than she’d had in years. She laughed so much she could hardly pick anything up, and in the end David took pity on her and fed her, and the atmosphere changed, becoming charged with the most incredible tension.

  He fed her the banana fritter from a spoon, and when the syrup dribbled down her chin he wiped it up with a fingertip and then put it in her mouth. Her eyes closed on a moan, and she curled her tongue around his fingertip and suckled it gently.

  He gave a low groan, and she opened her eyes and met his in a blaze of heat, and her breath jammed in her throat.

  She lifted her hand and took his in it, their fingers meshing, and she looked at him and said unsteadily, ‘What’s happening to us, David?’

  ‘Nothing you don’t want,’ he murmured, but that didn’t help her, because she wanted him, even though she was afraid it might turn into another dreadful mistake.

  ‘I don’t know what I want,’ she said honestly.

  ‘I know.’ His hand turned and cupped her cheek, and he brushed his thumb gently over her cheek in a soothing, rhythmical gesture that slowed her heart and steadied her trembling limbs. ‘OK now?’ he murmured, and she nodded.

  ‘How about a cup of coffee before I go?’ he said, and she nodded again wordlessly and went through into the kitchen and put the kettle on.

  ‘I lit the fire,’ she told him in a strained voice. ‘I thought we could go into the sitting room.’

  ‘OK.’

  He helped her clear up while the kettle boiled, and then they took their mugs through to the sitting room and she looked at the sofa and the chairs and hesitated.

  ‘Sit here with me,’ he said, taking the initiative and settling himself into one end of the sofa.

  Julia sat at the other end, tucking her feet under her bottom and hunching over her mug, and he put out a hand and caressed her toes where they peeped out from under her thigh. Gradually she relaxed and wriggled down a little, so that his hand rested across her foot and the backs of his fingers touched her thigh, the heat of them scorching her.

  ‘Thank you for letting me come to the nativity play,’ he said softly after a while. ‘It was fun.’

  ‘You must be a masochist,’ she sai
d with a little laugh. ‘But thanks for coming. Katie was delighted to have you there. I think she misses having a father figure to parade on these occasions.’

  She wondered as she said it if he’d think she was hinting, but it was highly unlikely in view of her reluctance to get involved with him. In fact, it was the first time she’d thought of it herself, and she wondered suddenly how much of Katie’s invitation had, in fact, stemmed from that. Surely not.

  ‘Don’t worry about it,’ he said, reading her mind. ‘It was just a nativity play. I’m sure lots of children’s parents brought guests.’

  But male guests—eligible, single, personable male guests? ‘I don’t want her building up her hopes,’ she said worriedly. ‘If she gets some ridiculous idea into her head that we’re about to get married and starts telling her friends you’re her new daddy—’

  ‘Would it be so ridiculous?’ he said softly, and her jaw dropped.

  ‘Don’t be daft—I hardly know you!’

  David shrugged, and for an instant she thought she saw a vulnerability in his eyes that frightened her. Oh, no. Was he taking this more seriously than she’d realised?

  ‘Whatever,’ he said evenly. ‘I shouldn’t worry about Katie. You’re borrowing trouble. Tell her we’re just friends, if she says anything.’

  She nodded and turned her attention back to her coffee, but it was cold. She put the mug down, and as she straightened up again he reached out and caught her hand.

  ‘Come here,’ he coaxed, and she was helpless against the gruff appeal of his voice.

  She went into his arms, and he kissed her slowly, lingeringly, moving her so that she lay across his lap, her head cradled on his arm and his head bent over her. His lips were gentle but thorough, and she felt heat building in her.

  I shouldn’t be doing this, she thought, but she couldn’t help herself. Her fingers threaded through his hair, drawing him down against her, and he shifted so that his chest lay against hers and she could feel the ragged rise and fall of his ribs and the thunder of his heart on hers.

  ‘You taste amazing,’ he murmured, plundering her mouth again, and she almost wept with need.

  Touch me, she wanted to cry, and as if he’d heard her, his hand came up and cupped her breast, the fingers firm but gentle. ‘Oh, lord, Julia, stop me,’ he whispered, but she couldn’t. His hand slid under her blouse, finding the edge of her bra and working its way underneath, so that his hot, hard palm cupped the tender mound.