The Perfect Christmas

by Caroline Anderson

  Julia thought she’d fall apart, but David had a vice-like grip on her hand and from somewhere deep inside her came the strength to hang on.

  ‘I was a bit worried,’ she said, wondering how it was possible to make such a massive understatement without giving herself away. ‘You should have stayed where I told you, you know.’

  Her little face fell. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘Mummy, come and see the toys. They were Jenny’s. They’re really nice.’

  Jenny’s? ‘Not now, darling,’ she said as steadily as she could manage. ‘We have to go and decorate the tree—remember? And anyway, Avril’s busy. The police need to talk to her.’

  Katie looked around at all the police standing there, and her face creased in a little puzzled frown. ‘Did she do something wrong?’ she said, and beside her Avril started to cry.

  ‘I never meant to hurt her,’ she sobbed. ‘I only wanted to talk to the children, but she was so like Jenny…’

  ‘Jenny died,’ Katie explained innocently. ‘This was her teddy. Here…’

  She pressed the teddy worriedly into Avril’s hands, then reached up her little arms and pulled the woman down to kiss her. ‘Bye,’ she said. ‘I have to go now. Thank you for having me.’

  For a second the woman clung to her, then she let her go, and Katie ran down the path to Julia and took her hand. ‘Can we go and do the tree now?’ she said innocently, her guileless little face shining up at her mother.

  ‘I think that’s a good idea,’ Julia said, trying not to give in to the urge to sweep her up into her arms. She couldn’t believe Katie was back with her and unharmed. It was like waking from a nightmare, but finding you were still in the place you’d dreamed of.

  They sat in the back of the police car, her and David with Katie in between them, and drove back to the police station while Katie chatted happily about Avril and Jenny and the toys, and all Julia could think was that Katie was alive and poor little Jenny was dead, and how sad Avril had looked.

  ‘That poor woman,’ she murmured, and David squeezed her arm supportively.

  ‘Are you all right?’ he mouthed, and she nodded.

  Yes. Yes, she was all right. Katie was alive and unharmed. Nothing else mattered.

  At the police station it was agreed that they should go home and that a WPC with special training with children should come and talk to them on Boxing Day to get Katie’s story, although it seemed fairly cut and dried from the video evidence and what she’d already said.

  ‘It’s just a formality, really,’ Tony Palmer explained, ‘and with it being Christmas, we don’t need to do it now.’

  ‘I’ll be at home,’ Julia said, but David cut in.

  ‘No. She’ll be with me at my family home for the next few days. I’ll give you the address and the phone number.’

  ‘Really?’ Katie said, bouncing on the spot. ‘Are we going there for Christmas?’

  ‘Would you like that?’ he asked, and she nodded vigorously.

  ‘Will the puppies still be there? Can I still play with them?’

  ‘Of course you can, half-pint. They’ll be expecting you.’ He ruffled her hair, and she giggled and put her arms around his hips and hugged him as he jotted down the details of the farm.

  Julia stared at him, torn between wanting to be near him and the need to maintain her independence at all cost. ‘But—David—you don’t want us—’

  ‘Don’t tell me what I feel,’ he said, his voice deathly quiet. ‘And anyway, it’s irrelevant. You aren’t spending Christmas alone, and that’s that. Besides, they’d have my guts for garters if I didn’t take you there.’

  She didn’t bother to protest. She didn’t want to be alone with Katie, her feelings were too fragile, and she didn’t want to turn what seemed to have been a pleasant experience into one of horror for the child by overreacting.

  And Christmas with David’s warm and loving family would be just what they all needed.

  If only things hadn’t gone so badly wrong at the weekend, she thought. If only things hadn’t got out of hand and propelled them into that wild and tempestuous physical relationship, then they could still have been friends, instead of hurting each other and making the situation impossible.

  Still, their feelings didn’t matter at the moment. It was Katie she was concerned about, and she and David were both old enough to put their relationship on one side for the sake of the child.

  ‘Don’t forget your parcel, Mrs Revell,’ the WPC said as they were leaving, and handed her the pictures that had caused all the trouble. ‘Have a good Christmas. I’m so glad everything worked out all right.’

  Julia hugged her, grateful for her support during the ordeal. ‘Thank you. You’ve given me the best present in the world,’ she said emotionally, looking round at them all. ‘Thank you all so much.’

  ‘Our pleasure. You take care, now,’ Tony Palmer said.

  She hesitated. ‘About Avril—she needs help.’

  He nodded. ‘We’ll see to it. She’ll be all right, don’t worry about her. You get on home now and have your Christmas. We’ll see you afterwards.’

  David ushered them out into the car and strapped Katie into the car seat, while Julia tried to fasten her own seat belt with fingers that trembled with reaction.

  ‘Let me,’ he said, sliding in beside her. ‘Are you all right?’

  She nodded. She didn’t dare speak for a moment, and he squeezed her hand in understanding and started the car.

  ‘Right, let’s go to your house and pick up some things for you on the way,’ he said briskly.

  She hadn’t even thought of it. There were a million things she hadn’t thought of, but none of them mattered. She dropped her head back against the headrest and let him take over.

  ‘Here we are,’ he said, dredging up a smile for Katie’s benefit. ‘Have you got your keys?’

  She nodded. ‘Do your parents know what’s happening?’

  He cut the engine. ‘I rang them on the way to the police station and told them what had happened. I need to phone them and tell them we’ve found her.’

  ‘Call them from my house while I pack,’ she suggested, and he nodded.

  As she ran upstairs with Katie to gather their things together, he went into the kitchen, picked up the phone and dialled the number. His fingers were trembling slightly, and at the sound of his mother’s voice he had to swallow hard before he could speak.

  ‘She’s all right, we’ve got her back and we’re coming over,’ he said gruffly.

  ‘Oh, darling,’ his mother said, and burst into tears. His father came on the line, more controlled but no less anxious, and David appealed to them for calm at the house.

  ‘Katie’s fine, but she’s totally unaware of the havoc she’s caused. I’ll tell you all about it when we get there, but just don’t say anything, all right? All she can talk about is playing with the puppies.’

  ‘Fine. I’ll prime them all. We’ll expect you soon.’

  He put the phone down and closed his eyes, breathing slowly and deeply and struggling for control. He had to be strong for Julia and for Katie—and if she could do it, so could he.

  He couldn’t believe how controlled she’d been when Katie had come out of the door. He would have grabbed her and run, and as for her attitude to Avril—where did she find so much compassion? He would have killed the woman for taking his daughter, and if Katie had been harmed, his daughter or not, he probably would have done so.

  But she hadn’t been harmed, and it was all going to be all right, and all he had to do was get through the next few days without falling apart.

  They arrived at the farm shortly before six, only three hours after Katie had disappeared. It had been the longest three hours of Julia’s life, and nothing could have prepared her for the agony of that wait.

  Still, it was over, and all she wanted was to put it behind her. She walked slowly down the path to the front door, Katie running ahead and throwing herself into Mrs Armstrong’s waiting arms, and she l
ooked at Julia over the child’s head and smiled tearfully.

  ‘Hello, my dear,’ she said, and putting Katie down she drew Julia into a warm and motherly embrace. ‘I’m so glad everything’s all right,’ she murmured, hugging her hard, and Julia hugged her back.

  ‘Thank you.’

  Mrs Armstrong held her at arm’s length and studied her closely. ‘Are you all right? You poor child, it must have been awful. Come inside—I expect Katie’s in with the puppies already. She’ll have to share them today, because David’s sister’s children are here. Jeremy, open a bottle of wine, we need to celebrate.’

  And just like that they were absorbed into the warmth of the family. They all crowded round the big kitchen table for supper, with the three children sitting together across one end and the adults all squeezed up on odd chairs, and Julia was sandwiched between David and his mother and plied with food and drink.

  She could see Katie bubbling with excitement, and gradually she felt the tension in her start to ease.

  ‘She’s fine,’ David said, intercepting an anxious look, and she laughed unsteadily and nodded.

  ‘Yes, she is. I know. Thank you—it wouldn’t have been nearly so easy at home. You were quite right.’

  ‘You ought to learn to trust me,’ he said softly, and she looked into his beautiful quicksilver eyes and wished she could dare to believe in him.

  Supper finally came to an end, and they all helped to clear the table and do the dishes. David’s sister’s husband washed, and his brothers and younger sister dried and put away and cleared the table. David went into the drawing room and put logs on the woodburner and went out to fill the log basket.

  Julia found herself with Mrs Armstrong and David’s sister, supervising the children so that the puppies didn’t get too exhausted, and while they watched over them Mrs Armstrong said, ‘Shall we put Katie in with the other two for the night? I’m sure they’d love to bunk up together, if you’re both happy with that?’

  ‘Sure, fine,’ David’s sister said, but Julia felt a moment of panic.

  ‘Oh. I thought—Can’t she share with me?’

  David paused beside them. ‘I thought you could have my room,’ he said to Julia. ‘There’s a day-bed in the study. I’ll sleep on that. The kids are just next to my room, so she wouldn’t be far away, and she’ll have more fun in with them. It’ll keep her mind occupied, as well.’

  Julia nodded. He was right, of course, but the thought of her being out of sight—

  ‘She’ll be safe,’ Mrs Armstrong said softly. ‘No harm will come to her in this house.’

  She felt the tension ebb out of her. ‘You’re right. Of course you are. Yes, let her sleep with the others, she’ll love it.’

  And she herself would be in David’s room. What sweet irony.

  The children were packed off to bed by nine, protesting through their yawns, and then the Christmas stocking fillers came out.

  ‘I wasn’t sure if Katie would be here, so I got her a few things,’ Mrs Armstrong explained. ‘I don’t know if you do the Christmas stocking thing, or if after today—well, maybe you don’t want references to Father Christmas.’

  But Katie had been happily telling everyone of her adventure with one of his helpers, so Julia didn’t think it would do any harm.

  Not to the child, at least, and nothing would remind Julia herself of the events of the day because there was no way they were out of her mind for more than an instant.

  ‘I’m sure she’d love a stocking, she always has one at home,’ Julia agreed, touched that Mrs Armstrong had thought of Katie in the midst of all her family preparations. And so had her son, of course. ‘David gave me a present for her the other day,’ she told them. ‘Should I put it under the tree with all the others?’

  ‘That would be nice for her.’

  ‘And I need some wrapping paper—I don’t suppose you’ve got any, have you? I’ve just got a couple of things to do.’

  They found her some paper and tape and pretty bows, and she sat at the kitchen table and wrapped David’s picture while Mrs Armstrong stood guard and made sure he didn’t come in.

  ‘Oh, it’s perfect—how appropriate!’ she said, looking over Julia’s shoulder at the print of Little Soham. ‘Oh, Julia, you clever girl, he’ll love it.’

  ‘I hope so,’ she said wistfully. She wasn’t convinced. She thought of all the terrible things they’d said to each other at the weekend, and wondered how he’d managed to be so kind to her today.

  Still, maybe it was appropriate, as it had been his picture she’d been buying when Katie had disappeared. Well, his and Katie’s, to be fair.

  She finished wrapping it, did Katie’s puppy picture and managed to slip them both under the tree ready for the morning while no one was looking. She just hoped no one else had given Katie anything, because she felt very guilty about having nothing to give any of the others after all their kindness.

  Still, under the circumstances it was unlikely, she thought.

  They spent the rest of the evening by the fire in the drawing room, with all the usual banter of a large family surrounding Julia and wrapping her in its warm friendliness, and then at eleven the party broke up and they started to drift off to bed. Mr Armstrong took the dogs out, Mrs Armstrong gave the puppies a last feed and cleared up after them, and the others all disappeared upstairs.

  David’s sister went off with the three Christmas stockings in hand to put on the children’s beds, and David took Julia up to his room.

  Her case was on the bed, and he showed her the switch for the bedside light, and asked if she wanted the window open or closed, and then he stopped talking and looked at her for a long, considering moment.

  ‘Are you all right?’ he asked gently, and she nodded.

  Actually it was a lie. She suddenly felt very emotional and raw all over again, and as if he realised that, he took her hand and led her out onto the landing and opened the children’s bedroom door.

  ‘She’s fine. Look—fast asleep.’

  Katie was, absolutely out for the count, exhausted by all the fun she’d had that evening with the other two and all the puppies. Julia bent over her and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek, and she sighed softly and rolled onto her side.

  For a long moment she stared at her daughter, and then everything seemed to blur, and she stood up and stumbled blindly towards the door.

  David’s arm came round her shoulders and he led her back into his room, turning her into his arms and holding her while the scalding tears fell. Then he mopped her up and gave her a slightly strained smile.

  ‘Better now?’

  She nodded. ‘I’m sorry. It’s just been one of those awful days.’ She bit her lip, and he cupped her face in his hands and brushed her tears away with his thumbs.

  ‘I don’t know how you’ve been so brave,’ he said gruffly.

  ‘I couldn’t have done it without you,’ she told him with painful honesty. She looked away, unable to meet his eyes after all the dreadful things she’d said. If only she could undo them, go back to the beginning of the end and stop them before everything had gone so horribly wrong—but she couldn’t.

  ‘Will you be all right?’ he asked quietly.

  She nodded. ‘I think so. I’ll have to be, won’t I?’

  ‘I’ll say goodnight, then.’

  She nodded again, and he opened the door and took one step through it before her courage deserted her.

  ‘David?’

  He stopped. ‘What is it?’ he asked softly.

  ‘Stay with me,’ she said in a rush. ‘I know it’s too much to ask, but I really can’t face being alone. I’m sorry…’

  He was motionless for a minute, then he let out his breath on a ragged sigh. ‘Don’t be sorry. I’ll be back in a minute. You get ready for bed.’

  He left her, and she changed quickly into her nightshirt. It was a little tired and washed out, but it was the only one she’d been able to find and anyway, it didn’t matter. She wasn’t tryi
ng to dress up for him.

  She cleaned her teeth at the basin in the corner of the room, and then there was a knock on the door and David came in. He was dressed in pyjamas, and he hardly looked at her.

  ‘All right?’ he asked.

  She nodded. ‘I just need the bathroom.’

  ‘It’s next door,’ he reminded her, and she slipped out of the room and glanced along the corridor. Would his parents object to them being together, she wondered, or would they be pleased? Not that it was significant. She’d dealt a death blow to any hopes she might have had in his direction.

  David was sitting on the edge of the bed when she got back, and he looked up at her unsmilingly.

  ‘Which side do you want?’ he asked.

  She shrugged. It didn’t matter. She was so used to sleeping alone that either side would feel odd. ‘I don’t mind.’

  ‘Then I’ll have the left,’ he said, and turned back the quilt for her. ‘Get in—I’ll put out the light.’

  She slid between the cold sheets and lay down as he flicked off the light, then she felt the mattress dip as he got in beside her. For a moment all she could hear was her own heartbeat, loud in the silence, and the even, quiet sound of his breathing, then the bed shifted as he turned towards her and he reached out his arms.

  ‘Come here,’ he said gruffly, and she found herself enfolded in a warm and undemanding embrace. ‘That’s better. Now, go to sleep.’

  ‘I can’t. I keep thinking about today.’

  ‘It’s over, Julia. Let it go. She’s safe.’

  He was right, and she was suddenly exhausted. She let herself relax into his arms, and after a few seconds she felt sleep claim her.

  It didn’t last. She woke at some time in the middle of the night with a start, and slipped out of bed to check Katie. She stubbed her toe in the dark, and hobbled next door as quietly as she could, feeling relieved and yet foolish to find her daughter exactly as she’d left her.

  ‘Is she all right?’ David asked as she came back in.

  ‘She’s fine. I’m just being silly.’

  ‘I don’t think so. You’ve had a hell of a day.’

  She slid back into bed and lay there, a few inches away from him, afraid to move closer in case he thought she assumed too much. She hoped he’d take her in his arms again, but he made no move towards her. Strangely dispirited, she fell asleep, but when she next woke it was to find herself in his arms once more, her head pillowed on his chest and their legs entangled.