Desire the Night

by Amanda Ashley

  “The funeral’s on Saturday,” Kay said, sniffling. Had her father purposely arranged it then, knowing the moon would be full? Her mother would have hated that.

  Gideon nodded. His immediate inclination was to tell Kay she couldn’t go, but it wasn’t his decision to make.

  “You think I should stay here, don’t you?”

  “Are you reading my mind now?”

  “No, just your silence.”

  “I think it’s a big risk. Victor’s bound to be there, too.”

  “I know it’s dangerous, but I have to go.”

  “Kiya, your mother died so you could get out of there. How can you even think of going back?”

  “I have to see her one last time. I have to tell her good-bye. I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t.” She stroked his cheek with her fingertips. “The moon will be full. The pack will run that night. I’ll slip away and find you like I did before.”

  “Yeah,” Gideon muttered dryly. “I remember how well that turned out.”

  “Well, we won’t be distracted this time.”

  “Is that what I am to you?” he asked, his voice suddenly husky. “A distraction?”

  “Yes, but only in a good way. Oh, Gideon,” she sobbed. “I’m going to miss her so! And the funny thing is, we were never that close,” she said, sniffling. “I always envied the kind of mother-daughter relationship that Wanda has with her mom. They share everything, spend time together, gossip, go shopping. My mother and I never did anything like that. I hardly ever told her that I loved her, and now it’s too late.” She looked up at him, her eyes brimming with tears. “Forever too late.”

  Murmuring her name, Gideon wrapped Kay in his arms again. At times like this, words were useless. He just hoped his being with her was enough.

  Kay slept late the next day, and woke feeling as if she hadn’t slept at all. Her eyes were swollen and gritty, her throat hurt from all the tears she’d shed. She glanced at Gideon, sleeping beside her, loosed a soul-deep sigh. Life had been a lot less complicated before she met him, but looking at him now, she didn’t know what she would do without him.

  Or how she was going to live with her guilt.

  Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she stared at the floor. If she hadn’t fallen in love with Gideon, her mother would still be alive. She blinked as tears stung her eyes. She told herself she wasn’t entirely to blame, that her mother had been unhappy for years, but it didn’t help. Her mother was dead and it was all her fault. And even though Gideon didn’t want her to attend the funeral, Kay knew she would never forgive herself if she didn’t go.

  Once the decision was made, she felt a little better. She couldn’t change the past, but fear of the future would not keep her from telling her mother good-bye.

  Hunger drove her out of the apartment. Emotionally, she didn’t feel like eating, but the wolf inside demanded nourishment. She was always ravenous before the full moon. She had asked her father once why that was, and he’d told her it was because it required an amazing amount of physical energy and stamina to shift from human to wolf and back again.

  Kay thought about that while she ate, wondering why she was so much hungrier this time than she had ever been in the past. She devoured four double cheeseburgers, two orders of fries, and two chocolate shakes and she was still hungry. She ordered a cheeseburger to go and left the restaurant.

  She wandered down one side of the street and up the other and then, feeling the need to connect with another human being, she ducked into a bookstore and called Wanda, who was her only real friend in all the world.

  “Girlfriend!” Wanda exclaimed. “Where on earth have you been? We’ve all been going crazy around here wondering what happened to you. I thought … we thought …”

  “I’m so sorry,” Kay said. “I should have gotten in touch with you sooner to let you know I’m okay, but … well, my life has been sort of … strange, lately.”

  “You could have called.”

  “I know.” Kay shook her head. With everything that had been going on, she’d completely forgotten about her job and just about everything else. “I need you to tell Dr. Saltzman that I won’t be coming back.”

  “What? Why not? What’s happened? Are you all right? Should I … ?”

  “One thing at a time,” Kay said, interrupting her friend in midsentence. “A lot’s happened. I got married… .”

  “Married!” Wanda exclaimed. “To who? That hot guy you mentioned?”

  “Yes. It was kind of sudden. And my mother …” Kay swallowed the lump rising in her throat. “My mother … she passed away.”

  “Oh, Kay, I’m so sorry.”

  “Thanks, Wanda.” Kay took a deep breath. “Anyway, I just wanted to say hi.”

  “I’m glad you called, although I almost didn’t answer the phone. Did you get a new number?”

  “No, this one belongs to Gideon. Listen, I’ve gotta go.”

  “All right. Keep in touch, Kay. I want to hear all about that new husband of yours. And if you ever get back here, stop by and see us, okay?”

  “I will. I promise. Take care of yourself, Wanda.”

  “You, too.”

  Kay closed the phone, then stared out the window. She could sense the night coming, feel the darkness whispering over her skin in a way she never had before.

  Feeling suddenly uneasy, she left the bookstore and hurried back to Gideon’s lair.

  The sun was setting when she let herself into his apartment.

  * * *

  Chapter 34

  Gideon paused in the act of transporting himself out of the apartment when he heard the key in the lock.

  He was in her face when she closed the door. “Where in the hell have you been? I was just coming after you.”

  Kay stared at him, uncharacteristically annoyed by his tone. What was wrong with her? All things considered, it was only natural for him to be worried.

  She took a deep breath, stilling the angry words that rose in her throat. “I needed to get out.” She ran her hands up and down her arms. “I called my friend.”

  Gideon nodded. “You needed to talk to someone who’s, for want of a better word, normal. I understand.”

  “You do? Have you ever felt that way?”

  “Sure, now and then.” He shrugged at her startled expression. “I’ve had—I guess you could call them lady friends—from time to time in the last few hundred years. Not for prey. Not for sex. Just for companionship. Just for a chance to feel human for a week or two.”

  He stepped away from her and she moved to the sofa and sat down. “Did you ever love any of them?”

  Brow furrowed in thought, he shoved his hands into his pants pockets. “No, but I cared for them because they served a purpose.”

  “Did you compel them to be with you?”

  “Hey! Don’t you think I could get a girlfriend without resorting to tricks?”

  “Of course I do. I … oh! Very funny,” she muttered when she realized he was teasing her. “Did you ever have any men friends?”

  He shook his head. “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “I’m not sure. Probably the whole male macho thing. Vampires, especially old ones, are notoriously territorial.” Taking a seat beside her, he slipped his arm around her shoulders. “Are you all right?” he asked, feeling the tension humming inside her.

  “Of course. Why do you ask?”

  “You’re lying to me, Kiya. If you don’t want me reading your mind, then tell me what’s wrong.”

  “I don’t know. I just feel … strange.”

  “Strange how?”

  “Just … strange.” She made a vague gesture with her hand. “Like my skin is too tight. And I’m hungry all the time.”

  “Nothing strange about that. You’ve eaten like a truck driver on steroids ever since I met you.”

  She glared at him.

  “Sorry. What else?”

  “I just don’t feel like me. You don’t think it’s because I’ve
tasted your blood, do you?”

  “No. The little bit you’ve had wouldn’t have any ill effect on you. Might even make you stronger.”

  She lifted a hand to her brow. “Maybe I’m coming down with something.”

  “Do werewolves get sick?”

  “Rarely.”

  Gideon eased back a little, his gaze moving over her face. “You look all right to me.” Leaning forward, he scraped his fangs over the skin alongside her neck. “You taste the same.”

  She frowned at him. “Are you telling me you’d know if I was sick?”

  He nodded.

  “How can you do that?”

  “You’d taste different. Smell different.”

  “Hmm. Maybe I’m just imagining it.”

  “Probably. I know you’re stressed out about going back home. Maybe that’s all it is.”

  “It shows, huh?”

  “Oh, yeah.” He slipped his hand under her hair and lightly massaged her neck. “Are you sure I can’t talk you out of it?”

  “I’m sure.”

  “Maybe a glass of wine and a warm bath would relax you,” he suggested.

  “It’s worth a try.”

  Moving to the sideboard, Gideon poured a glass of wine for Kay, then went into the bathroom to fill the tub.

  Kay sipped her drink, thinking how thoughtful Gideon was and how much she loved him. No one else had ever made her feel the way he did. With him, she felt cherished, protected. Important. But, most of all, he respected her wishes, let her make her own decisions.

  She smiled when he appeared in the doorway. “Your bath awaits, my lady,” he said, bowing at the waist.

  “Thank you, kind sir.” Setting her empty glass on the end table, she moved past him and went into the bathroom. She glanced over her shoulder when she realized Gideon was behind her.

  “I thought I’d wash your back,” he remarked, flashing a smile.

  “Why didn’t I think of that?”

  Gideon stood with one shoulder braced against the doorjamb, watching appreciatively as Kay undressed and stepped into the tub. Venus slipping into the sea.

  Kay looked up at him, one brow raised as the deliciously warm water closed over her. “Jasmine bubble bath?” she asked with an impish grin. “Who knew?”

  “Very funny, Wolfie. I made a quick trip the drugstore while the tub was filling.” Kneeling, he picked up the washcloth and ran it over her shoulders and down her back.

  “It’s a big tub,” Kay remarked.

  “Yes, it is.”

  “Big enough for two.”

  “Is that an invitation?”

  “If you want it to be.”

  He was undressed and in the tub before she finished the sentence and proved, rather inventively, that the tub was indeed, big enough for two.

  Late the next afternoon, Kay went shopping for a dress and shoes to wear to her mother’s funeral. She found a simple black jersey knit and shoes to match, along with a black bra, panties, and a silk slip, also black.

  She was famished when she left the department store. She ducked into a coffee shop and ordered a turkey club sandwich, a double order of fries, and a large chocolate shake.

  She ate quickly, her nerves humming with tension at the thought of going home. Maybe Gideon was right. Maybe she shouldn’t go. But staying away wasn’t an option. She’d never forgive herself if she chickened out now. She was going and that was that. She would deal with her father and Victor after her mother had been laid to rest.

  With her mind made up once and for all, she ordered another shake, strawberry this time. Good thing her werewolf metabolism burned up the calories, she mused as she drained her glass, or she would soon be as big as her horse.

  “Barika,” she murmured, and wondered who, if anyone, was looking after the mare.

  It was near dark when Kay returned to Gideon’s lair. More and more, she was keeping his hours—staying up until the wee hours of the morning, sleeping later and later every day. But then, she thought with a grin, it was a small price to pay to spend time with him.

  When she went into the bedroom, he was still asleep. Moving quietly, she hung her dress in the closet, put the rest of her things in a drawer, then crawled into bed beside him. Her gaze moved over his face while her fingertips traced lazy eights on his stomach.

  She smiled when his hand covered hers and guided it lower.

  “What will you do while I’m gone?” Kay asked.

  They were lying in bed, wrapped in each other’s arms, their bodies still damp from their lovemaking. A fire crackled in the hearth.

  “Worry about you,” he said. “What else?”

  “I’m serious.”

  “So am I. Besides, I won’t be far away.” He ran his knuckles along the length of her neck. “Kiya, please reconsider. You know once your father has you back in his control, he’ll never let you go.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  He had one last argument, one he would never have used if he hadn’t been so desperate to keep her from returning to the Shadow Pack’s compound. “Your mother sacrificed her life so that you could get away from your father. Would she think it was a good idea for you to put yourself in harm’s way again?”

  He wanted to take the words back as soon as they left his mouth. Kay stared at him, mute, her eyes dark pools of pain.

  “Kiya, I’m …”

  “Don’t talk to me!” She pushed him away and scrambled out of bed, stood with her back toward him, her arms tightly folded over her chest. “Don’t you think I’ve thought of that?”

  Sitting up, he raked a hand through his hair. Dammit, why hadn’t he kept his mouth shut? Or ripped out his tongue? What kind of heartless, thoughtless monster was he, to say such a thing out loud?

  She was crying now, silent tears that wracked her body from head to foot. If she never forgave him, he wouldn’t blame her.

  Slipping out of bed, he moved up behind her, tentatively placed his hands on her shoulders.

  She stiffened at his touch, but didn’t move away.

  “Kiya, forgive me. That was a rotten thing for me to say. I don’t have any excuse, except that I’m worried sick about you going back home.”

  “I know.” She drew in a deep, shuddering sigh, then slowly turned to face him. “But I have to go.”

  “You’re a stubborn woman, Kiya Alissano.”

  Nodding, she got into bed again.

  Gideon stayed where he was, not moving until she held out her hand. Sliding in beside her, he drew her gently into his arms. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Forgive me?”

  “You didn’t say anything I haven’t thought a hundred times myself.”

  “That doesn’t excuse me.”

  “I don’t know how to explain it, but there’s something deep inside me, some kind of pack instinct, that’s calling me back home, something besides the funeral. I don’t expect you to understand.” She shook her head. “I don’t understand it myself. I just know I have to go.”

  “You’re a strong woman, capable of making your own decisions. It’s one of the things I like best about you. I’ll be nearby if you need me.”

  “I know. Make love to me again. I want to forget everything but you for a little while.”

  “Always my pleasure, darlin’.”

  He kissed her then, his hands gently caressing her, arousing her, his own desire growing with the sweet seduction of skin against skin.

  Kay raked her nails down his chest, then bit him on the shoulder. She bolted upright when she drew blood. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to bite you so hard!”

  “Hey, don’t worry about it. It didn’t hurt.”

  “But … you’re bleeding all over the sheets.”

  Swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, Gideon went into the bathroom. After wetting a washcloth, he pressed it over the bite.

  He grinned at Kay’s reflection in the glass when she came up behind him.

  “I’m sorry,” she said again.

&nb
sp; “It’s okay, as long as I get to bite you back.”

  “Gideon …”

  Turning, he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. “Forget it, Kiya. You didn’t hurt me.”

  “But I’ve never done anything like that before.”

  “I guess I’m a bad influence on you.”

  “It’s not funny!” she exclaimed.

  “It’s not the end of the world, either. Lighten up, Wolfie.”

  She rested her forehead against his chest. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

  Gideon stroked her hair. “There’s nothing wrong with you, sweetheart. It’s natural for you to be upset over your mother’s death, and all things considered, I’d be surprised if you weren’t more than a little edgy about going back home.” He put his hand under her chin and lifted her head. “I won’t let anything happen to you, Kiya.”

  “I love you.”

  “I know.” Cupping her face in his palms, he kissed her gently. “I love you, too, sweetheart. Believe that if you believe nothing else.”

  “Are you ready?”

  Kay closed her suitcase, then looked across the bed at Gideon. “I guess so.”

  She had put this moment off as long as possible, but it was time to go. Her mother’s funeral was tomorrow afternoon. Gideon was going to transport them to their favorite bed-and-breakfast in Bondurant tonight. If they didn’t hurry, it would be dawn before they arrived.

  They had made love several times last night, clinging to each other in silent desperation. She knew the risk she was taking by returning to the pack, but, regardless of the consequences, it was something she had to do. If she stayed away from her mother’s funeral, she knew she would regret it for the rest of her life. But, like she’d told Gideon, it was more than that. It was as if the pack, the land itself, was calling her home.