Narcissistic Tendencies (Dating by Design Book 3)

by Jennifer Peel

  “Then why are you using one?”

  “Like you, I have my reasons.” His tone said not to press.

  “Good night.” I was going to hang up.

  “Kate . . . that came out harsher than I intended. I know how all this may appear. I’m hoping you can separate the two. Good night.”

  I lay staring at my phone in the dark. Separate the two? I didn’t know what that meant. I didn’t even know if I could separate fiction from reality anymore, because more and more my life seemed like my twenty-year-old dreams.

  I guess it was a good thing that I knew better now than to follow them.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  There was a lot of office buzz going around the next day. Unfortunately, I was part of the annoying chatter. I heard things like, “Did you see how cozy Kate and Nick were last night? Maybe she’s managing more than his relationships.” It was embarrassing for me when I walked out of the bathroom stall and Eva and Cara didn’t know I was in there while they gossiped about me.

  “Maybe I’m just doing my job.” I tried to keep my voice steady.

  Both of their faces turned bright red before they rushed out of the bathroom.

  I’m not sure if the other relationship managers and admin employees were talking about me behind my back, but I got a lot of those wondering glances. I knew what they were all wondering, and they were wrong. I didn’t care what that director thought. There was no chemistry or angst between us. Perhaps that wasn’t exactly true. There was something. I felt it each time we touched. I would be a fool to deny it, but I was working through it.

  The other bit of news on the grapevine was much more pleasant. At least, I thought so. Kenadie seemed unsure when I overheard her and Zander talking outside his office while I tried to pay attention to Todd asking me my thoughts on his client date the night before. Kenadie was cautious about her mom and Jack, who apparently had a lunch date today. They were bringing along Lana and Skye. I thought that was a cute touch.

  Zander had put his hand on her shoulder. “Relax, Kenz. This is good for Nan. And for Meg and me too. Hell, I think she’d move in with us to take care of Meg right now if we’d let her.”

  Kenadie laughed. “Just wait until the baby comes.”

  Zander turned a shade of green.

  She rolled her eyes at her best friend. “You’re going to be fine.” In a softer move, she gave him a hug. “You’re going to be a great dad.”

  Zander seemed to take comfort in the hug and words.

  I slipped into my office after speaking to Todd. I had to get ready for Janelle Whitman’s evaluation. Because I needed more people connected to Nick in my life.

  I pulled up the single mom’s file. She had three kids ranging in age from seven to eighteen. My heart broke knowing their tragic loss. She was a nurse for a local doctor’s office, and from reading her profile and staring at her picture, she gave off the vibe of a beautiful soul. She reminded me of a grown-up Disney princess with cascading brown hair and jewel-toned eyes. She didn’t look old enough to have an adult child.

  I was more impressed with her volunteer work. She was PTA president, a court-appointed special advocate, and she taught English to immigrants in her spare time. I’m not sure how a mom, much less a single mom with three kids, had spare time. I felt ashamed at how little I gave back in comparison. Maybe I should increase my time at the clinic. I should ask her about becoming a CASA volunteer. It’s something I had thought about. I loved helping children at the clinic; this would be one more way.

  Janelle was on time and in her scrubs. She was taking an early lunch. Cuteness rolled off her as well as some nerves as she sat in the chair in front of my desk.

  “I never thought I would use a matchmaking service.” She looked around my office. “I think my Caden would be laughing at me.”

  “Is Caden your husband?”

  She sighed but smiled. “We’d been together since high school. Broke up at least a dozen times, but there was something about him that kept me coming back. He drove me crazier than anyone I know, but I miss him.”

  “I’m sorry for your loss.”

  “He died trying to protect someone; I can’t fault him for that. But sometimes I want to. I knew the risks of his job, but somehow I never thought it would be us.”

  “It wouldn’t have been easy to live with that kind of anxiety every day.”

  “Maybe I should have worried a little bit more.” There was a hint of Southern sass to her voice. I liked it and her.

  “Do you feel like you are ready to date again?”

  “Nick sure thinks I am.”

  My body twitched at the mention of his name. “And you value his opinion?”

  A cat-like grin appeared on her pretty face. “Not as much as he thinks I should, but he’s been one of our best friends for ages now, and he’s helped us more than anyone since Caden was killed.”

  “Really?” That piqued my interest.

  “He flew in as soon as he got the call. He paid for both funerals and anytime my boys need a man to talk to, they call him.”

  “And you let them? . . . I mean, that’s nice.”

  Her smile only grew. “I know he comes off as a real hind-end of a mule sometimes, but there’s a soft side to him. He only needs the right woman to bring it out in him a little more often.”

  I cleared my throat and tucked some hair behind my ear. “Maybe you’ll both find a match here.”

  She spat out a laugh. “Heather and I have been making fun of him for using this place. Like he needs more women to fall all over him. Rumor has it, though, that one woman isn’t all that impressed with him.” She gave me a telling grin.

  I pointed at my chest. “You don’t mean me, do you?”

  “You are Kate Morgan, right?”

  I nodded.

  “You have Nick so wound up.” She gave me an appraising look. “I can see why too.”

  Blushing was becoming a regular occurrence lately. “Our relationship is professional in nature.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “We should probably get back to the interview,” I fumbled over my words.

  “Would you mind if I gave you some advice first?” she asked in the sincerest way.

  I couldn’t refuse. “Okay.”

  “Maybe this is more insight than advice, but Nick’s ex-wife really did a number on him, and Skye too, though Nick’s done his best to shield Skye from the real ugliness. He hasn’t been so smart over the years when it comes to women, but I think it’s because he’s afraid of getting hurt. He’d never admit it, but I think he chooses the wrong women so he doesn’t have to worry about getting his heart broken again.”

  I found myself leaning in, absorbing what she was saying.

  She scooted her chair closer. “Or maybe . . .” A twinkle flashed in her eye. “He’s been holding out for the woman he met at the bookstore a long time ago.”

  Words. I had none. Feelings. I had a million, ranging from numb to electrified. He was telling people about my moment, our moment. He wasn’t supposed to do that.

  Janelle sat back in her chair with a satisfied expression. “I just thought you might want to know. Now, ask away.”

  ~*~

  Janelle left my office, but her words and presence lingered. She was as lovely as her questionnaire said she was. I think she was ready to begin dating, and I agreed that starting off in the not-anything-serious category was a good start for her to dip her toes back into the dating scene. She asked if we could reevaluate in a few months and I thought that was reasonable and sensible on her part. Nick had paid for an annual plan for her, so she had plenty of time to test the dating waters. She obviously missed her husband, but she was someone who had a lot to give and she missed companionship.

  Her words, though, kept ramming into me like a Viking’s ship. Did that moment mean something to Nick? He had read the book and had come looking for me. He also dated Academy Award–winning actresses.

  Who was I? I was his relationship manager
, that’s who, and too smart for the thoughts of Nick that kept popping up like a jack-in-the-box and scaring the heck out of me. Maybe I should suggest to Kenadie that Nick get placed with a real relationship manager. Proximity all on its own could lead to attraction.

  What frightened me more, though, was after everything I’d been through with Douglas, and every rule I’d made that Nick broke, I found myself wanting to believe in magic. Not supernatural powers, but an ineffable experience where my heart, body, and soul came together to connect me to another human in a way that was unexplainable. The way I’d felt that day outside the bookstore. The way I felt every time Nick touched me.

  Magic was an illusion.

  Though many of my fellow psychologists would disagree with that statement. Many of them believed that when it came to being in love, to have the fullest experience you must bring with you your fantasies and illusions. They would argue the magic of love is real.

  I used to believe that too. But when you trusted someone and surrendered all your vulnerabilities to them only to have them use them as weapons of war to assail and assault the very essence of who you were, it was a natural conclusion that love shouldn’t be so reckless. That I shouldn’t have been so reckless.

  Magic needed to be taken out of the equation. Love needed to be born out of mutual interests, circumstances in life, friendship, and a healthy dose of realism. My mom called it a sterile breeding ground where love would never bloom. She believed magic was what made love grow, and all the other stuff was what it took to make it last.

  Sterile was a good way to describe my life and any relationship I’d had since Douglas. It’s not that I didn’t miss the passion and emotion, but my heart needed the shelter from the carelessness of my younger days. At times, though, I felt like my heart had grown weak and begged for another chance to call the shots once in a while, or at least to be heard above the sensible arguments my brain was so good at winning—until very recently.

  I sat at my desk and rubbed my chest, trying to calm my heart, begging it to listen to reason, reminding it of the damage it had caused. Out of nowhere, my brain turned on me and tossed a zinger out there. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “Thank you, darlin’.” Jack kissed my cheek.

  “My pleasure.” I already had my arm wrapped around Skye.

  “Nick’s a little over protective and—”

  “A little?” Skye complained. “I’m almost sixteen. I don’t need a babysitter.” She gave me the half smile she’d inherited from her dad. “No offense. I like hanging out with you.”

  I liked hanging out with her too, and it’s why I agreed to it against my better judgment when Nick had asked me last night if I would mind if Skye hung out with me while he did some research at the police department for the screenplay he was working on. I really shouldn’t be entangling myself more with his family, but my heart felt more alive around them.

  “None taken.” I gave her a squeeze. “Have fun on your date.” I smiled at Jack.

  Jack flashed that debonair grin of his. “I plan to.”

  “Gross, Grandpa.” Skye held up her hand. “Don’t say anything more. It was bad enough watching you on Tuesday make a fool of yourself with Lana’s grandma.”

  Jack laughed and kissed his granddaughter’s head. “You’ll understand someday, kid. Love you.” He stepped off my doorstep with a spring in his step. “See you ladies later.”

  Skye and I waved our goodbyes to Jack and watched him drive off. I turned to Skye. “You ready to have our fun?”

  “As long as it doesn’t involve old people kissing.”

  My head tilted, surprised. “Kissing?” Jack and Nan were moving fast.

  “Not like making out, but more like old people pecks.”

  “Old people pecks? What are those?”

  “You know, where they’re like birds pecking each other’s beaks.”

  Not sure if I wanted to, but I tried to visualize it. My parents were around Jack’s age, but they never kissed like that. My dad, when things weren’t so tense between him and my mom, would press his lips against hers and breathe her in for a small moment. He never parted her lips in my presence, thankfully, but the emotion was always felt. I never doubted how much my dad loved my mom. I wanted a man like that.

  “Did they do that a lot?” I was curious.

  “Just once that I saw when he walked her to her door, but it was enough.”

  “There will be no kissing tonight unless you count loving on some puppies and kittens.”

  Her green eyes lit up. “Where are we going?”

  “I talked to your dad’s friend Janelle about some volunteering opportunities and she mentioned that her son Liam . . .” I paused to see if that elicited a reaction and it did. I found it interesting that Janelle was the mom of the same Liam who Skye had told me about. Skye’s porcelain cheeks tinted pink. I continued, “Volunteers at an animal shelter once or twice a week.”

  “Is Liam going to be there?” She bit her lip and refused to make eye contact.

  “I heard a rumor that he might be.”

  She threw her arms around me. “Thank you.”

  I reciprocated and hugged her back. “You’re welcome. I thought afterward you and I could do a late dinner before your dad picks you up.”

  She nodded against me.

  I felt a piece of my heart connect while holding her. I wasn’t sure if I should back away or hold on tighter. What was it with the Wells family? “We better get going.”

  On the drive over to the shelter I was able to learn more about Skye. Her birthday was the second week of September, which she hated because she was the oldest person in her class. She was still mad that her dad didn’t let her start kindergarten a couple of weeks early. She went to a private all-girls school, which she was also not a fan of. And her best friend’s name was Hensley, who she could text incessantly with while she conversed with me. I admired the talent. I imagined she was telling Hensley she was on her way to see Liam.

  I hoped it would be okay. I supposed I should have mentioned it to Nick, but the less I talked to him, the better. I was hoping tomorrow night he would hit it off with Chanel when he took her to a Braves game. I guess he hadn’t taken my advice. He’d asked what I would like to do on a first date, and I recommended the improv club because it wasn’t too intimate, but you could sit at a table alone and talk between performances. Not only that, you could gauge the other person’s sense of humor to see if it matched your own.

  Topgolf was also on my favorite lists for dates, not like I had a lot, but I’d been there before and the food was good and my date and I had a great time playing the interactive golf games. I mentioned he could even help her with her swing if she needed it. That was romantic. Then there was always Friday night jazz night at the art museum, a favorite of mine. What was better than art and live jazz? Apparently, baseball. I wasn’t a huge fan.

  What he did was his own business. But I really needed him to hit it off with Chanel. I didn’t care that he said he wouldn’t. The sooner he found love, the better for all involved. I would no longer have to be his relationship manager and my heart would get the message that he was never a contender, and we weren’t breaking the rules, especially the mother of all the rules.

  Though I wasn’t sure he broke that particular rule. The people in his life, from family to friends, seemed to love him even if they all thought he could use a little work. But who didn’t need some work? I wasn’t thinking to repair him. And people could only be repaired if they wanted to; no one could do it for them. Sure, you could help. It was my job to help people in that process. But you should never enter a relationship with the intention to “fix” someone. You would only end up broken.

  The thing with narcissism was it wasn’t curable, and for any change in behavior it would require extensive amounts of psychotherapy. It would be an arduous task. And narcissists rarely felt the need to change.

  Regardless of what Nick was or
wasn’t, we weren’t meant to be. My job was to help him find his last first kiss, as the commercial was going to say. And we were never kissing. You should never kiss men like Nick. My books backed me up. There was even a chapter titled, “You Should Never Physically Bond with Bad Boys.” You thought ovaries were loud, they had nothing on saliva. The chemical makeup of saliva could tell you if your partner in question would give you beautiful babies.

  And really, was that even a question in Nick’s case? He would give anyone beautiful babies. I had living proof next to me in the car. So her mom was a supermodel. Nick had passed on plenty of his gene pool to her.

  Mix that saliva with all the happy chemicals kissing released in your brain and you’d be throwing out every rule you’d ever made to be with him. And if that didn’t do it, the flush of pheromones rushing through the both of you would make the other person seem even more sexy. If Nick got any sexier . . . well . . . I couldn’t think of it. And unfortunately, I had thought about it, many times in my past, present, and probably my future.

  I focused on Skye. “Do you have any pets at home?”

  She took a second to stop texting. “We had a cat once. My dad brought her home to me in his jacket pocket,” she smiled, but it faded quickly, “after my . . . mom . . . Alessandria . . .”

  That was telling. She called her mom by her first name, her only name. I tried not to draw attention to it or react one way or the other. I waited to see if she wanted to continue, and she did after a pause.

  “Decided she didn’t want to keep pretending to be a mom anymore.”

  I was able to safely sneak a glance at her and it didn’t take a degree to recognize the pain on her beautiful face. “How old were you?” I reached for her hand.

  She took it and that bond appeared again. “Six. I mostly lived with my dad anyway . . .” She tried to sound brave.

  “It’s okay that it hurts.”

  She shook her head and looked out the passenger-side window. She was obviously trying to pretend the hurt had healed. “I overheard her tell my dad that if it wasn’t for him, she would have never had me in the first place. All I was for her was publicity. Every interview and article written about how much she loved being a mom was all a lie. She used me,” her voice cracked, “to further her career. I hate when people at school show me old magazine covers they’ve found online with her and me on them.”