My Little Secret

by Anna J.

  As I go further down the fold-out, my warm smile turns into an ugly shriek as I lay eyes on a nude picture of Barbara, the head nurse in Ray’s department.

  I take the picture out, so I can study it closer. I can’t believe the audacity of some people. Here this old wrinkled bitch is stretched out with her legs cocked wide open, smiling into the damn camera. When I flip the picture over, I am even further stunned. Under a sweet little message she wrote on the back of the picture, it is dated for December 18, 2006—Ray’s birthday.

  Thinking back, I remember all I had to go through to make that day special for him. Jaydah and I had gotten into an argument because she wanted me to go to Norfolk with her to some book signings she had at the Military Circle Mall and other local bookstores over the weekend. Her biggest concern was having to take the six-hour drive by herself, but when she informed me that her publicist and someone she was cool with from her book club and another author agreed to go, I felt a lot better.

  She couldn’t understand that it was my husband’s birthday, and as his wife I didn’t have a choice in the matter. His birthday was that Monday, and I couldn’t see spending an entire weekend out of town then having to rush back to set things up for him.

  Long story short, she left for Norfolk, but not before giving me a key to her spot and requesting that I be there when she got back. That weekend I went all out shopping for candles and sexy lingerie, as well as setting up a meal plan for dinner that night.

  I left for work that morning like I usually did, so as not to draw attention to my surprise later that evening. Ray agreed to be home by eight for a dinner date that I told him I set up for his birthday at his favorite restaurant in Center City. I left the house long enough for him to leave before I doubled back to set everything up.

  Ray’s favorite color was burnt orange, so I pulled out all of the new linen and window treatments I purchased from Bed, Bath & Beyond, and worked on creating a romantic atmosphere with candles to match. I purchased a bag of peach petals to float on top of the bath water I would run later, and after setting up my dinner menu, I went up and got ready for him, slipping into lingerie that matched the bedroom.

  I had a trail of rose petals and candlelight leading from the front door to the bedroom. When he walked into the house, there was a shot of Hennessy on the table at the door with instructions for him to drink it before he came upstairs. I chose Hennessy because I knew after drinking that I was guaranteed an all-nighter . . . hopefully.

  Everything was perfect. I had the serving tray set up in the bedroom, all of the candles were lit, and I was smelling and looking delicious as I lay stretched across the bed. I made sure to give our housekeeper the night off, just in case we got into something kinky and it got loud up in there.

  The house was completely dark, except for the light from the candles that led a trail to the room. I heard Ray pull up to the house at five of eight, so I stretched out on the bed in a sexy pose for him.

  Within a couple of seconds he was upstairs flicking on the lights and pulling clothes out of the closet. My entire mood was cut dead short, and it was like he didn’t even see me lying there. I turned off the radio as I got out of the bed because I didn’t even want the smooth sounds of Luther Vandross to be mixed in with the words I was about to spit out.

  “Ray, is this how you come in? What’s all this about?” I asked, trying to stop him from pulling more clothes out of the closet in the process.

  “Babe, I’m so sorry. I have to be in L.A. in the morning, and I have a redeye flight scheduled for midnight,” he said, finally stopping to look at me.

  “But it’s your birthday, and I did all of this for you,” I said as I turned in a circle pointing to all of the things in the room and myself.

  “I know, and I’m sorry. Just put the food and stuff in the fridge. I’ll be home on Wednesday night. You can reheat it and we can eat then—”

  “You can’t reheat lobster, you idiot! I can’t believe this!”

  “Jaydah, I didn’t know I—”

  “Fuck you, Ray! Just go on about your business.”

  He was saying some shit, but I didn’t hear anything that came out of his mouth. I was dressed in no time, leaving him in the house. He called my cell phone the entire time, but I didn’t bother to answer.

  Jaydah had gotten back in town that same morning, and even though I knew she was upset, I went over there anyway.

  Pulling up to her condo about forty-five minutes later, I haphazardly parked my car and ran up the steps to her front door. When I walked in, she was busy typing away on her laptop, looking like she had a good groove going. I instantly felt bad about disturbing her because I knew it was hard for her to sometimes even write a sentence.

  I set my bag down on the coffee table and reached into the pocket of my trench coat to silence my ringing cell phone. Seeing that Ray was calling from his cell phone meant he had already left the house, so I didn’t even bother to answer. I just turned the phone off.

  “What are you doing here? I thought you were celebrating your husband’s birthday.” Jaydah said to me, not bothering to look up from her task. She had a habit of doing that, and she knew I hated that shit.

  “Ray had to work,” I said, walking toward her spot on the living room floor. I stepped out of my house shoes at the door so I wouldn’t track snow on her carpet, suddenly embarrassed that all I had on was the lingerie I brought for Ray.

  “Oh, so you came here because your man dissed you, huh? Ain’t that something?”

  “No, it’s not like that. Just like I spent your birthday with you, I had to do it for him. It’s only fair.”

  “Yeah, I hear that. Well, make yourself comfortable and drop that outfit in the incinerator. You bought that shit to wear for him, not for me.”

  How could I have been so stupid? I know Ray is stepping out on me because he isn’t pressuring me for sex at home, and he doesn’t care that I stay nights out. I wonder if that bitch has ever been at my house? He specifically told me he had to leave for business, and he was laid up with this bitch?

  I can’t believe it. I fold the pictures back up into his wallet, taking that one and putting it inside my purse. I will be confronting her as soon as we get back to Philly. I can’t believe this shit. I could have been chilling with Jaydah, and here I am stuck on a damn island with this lying-ass nigga.

  I tried calling Jaydah back, but she wasn’t taking my calls. At this point I am just fed up with everyone. I called the airline to see if I can leave today, but the earliest flight out is Friday afternoon. I’m cool with that. All I have to do is bide my time until then.

  I get dressed in a basic terry cloth jumper so I can run downstairs to the front desk. The attendant is nice enough to let me make a copy of the picture after I tell him I am a doctor and need some files copied for a client. I have a few of Ray’s papers to make it look official, but I really only copy the picture.

  Like he promised, two hours later Ray is back in the room. He walks in on me watching a movie from the payper-view listing. I act like everything is normal, allowing him to kiss me on my forehead. He goes into the bathroom to shower and change because he wants us to have lunch with a few people from his office.

  Since I hadn’t gone anywhere, I just changed into a cute pair of peach capris with a white halter-top and sandals to match. I pull my hair up into a ponytail since it is hot as hell outside, and when he is ready to go, we meet everyone in the dining room in the hotel.

  Imagine my surprise when I see Barbara sitting at the table with her husband, laughing as if he’d just told the funniest joke of all time.

  It takes everything in me not to drop-kick her ass up out that chair. She gives me the phoniest smile when we approach the table, and I don’t even bother to return it. This bitch is sleeping with my husband, and I want her to know that I know. When the time is right, she will know. Two more days and I will be up out of this joint, and with the only person who truly cares about me.

  A Sucker for
Love

  Jaydah

  By Friday, Nevaeh is working my damn nerves. I couldn’t blame her because she loves hard, but she doesn’t give a sister any breathing room. When I told her that we should take it one day at a time, I thought she got it, but when I tried to leave New Jersey without her, that caused a glitch in the matrix that could only be fixed by letting her come home with me. I told her she would have to leave by Thursday night, but here it is Friday morning and her ass is still here.

  Another thing that kind of got on my nerves was her being naked all the damn time. I don’t know if that’s a model thing or what, and I understand that she has a beautiful body, but I don’t need to see it twenty-four–seven. Damn, let me miss it first. This bitch just insists on having her pussy out and in my damn face whether I want it there or not.

  The Essence photo shoot went extremely well, and the photo is slated to be on the cover of the June issue. I thought Nevaeh was going to wild out at the photo shoot on some diva shit, but surprisingly she just sat in a director’s chair in the corner and flipped through previous issues of Essence while we took pictures and went through wardrobe changes.

  I was ready to jet then, but I stayed with her Tuesday night to shut her up. By Wednesday, I knew I had to go home because I didn’t bring my laptop, and I had to get cracking on the script I was working on, so I wouldn’t have to hear Nathan’s mouth, come August. Rich Chicks is going to be my next best-seller. I can feel it. I just hope that people feel me on it, since it is so different from She Belongs to Me and Second Time Around. People just can’t get enough of Melissa, but I have some new characters I hope the readers will love just the same.

  When I wake up Wednesday morning I breathe a brief sigh of relief because Nevaeh is at the gym. That allows me the opportunity to stretch out on the bed, since she slept right under me during the night. When I get up to get a drink from the kitchen I see the note she left for me on the refrigerator, letting me know she would be back by ten. It is 8:45 A.M. at the moment.

  Deciding to take that opportunity to get some more sleep, I dive back into the bed, only to be disturbed by my cell phone ringing. I start to ignore it, but if it was Nevaeh, she would rush back there thinking I jetted on her. Grabbing the phone I see that it is Midori, and I start to hit the reject button on her ass, but a part of me still wants to curse her out. I answer the phone with major attitude, and instead of telling her how I feel, I just end it all. I ain’t anybody’s second choice.

  For like four seconds I feel bad, but I deserve better. I give her all of me just to be treated like a second-class citizen. Damn the jokes. I just wasn’t in the mood to be strung along anymore. We all know that when you’re fooling with a married person they never leave their spouse, so there would be no difference with us.

  After hanging up on her, I turn over and prepare to go back to sleep. I really couldn’t sleep outside the house anyway, so I hadn’t had a restful sleep since I’d been out there.

  Finally getting comfortable, I am able to close my eyes, just to be disturbed again by Nevaeh busting through the damn door a half hour early. Giving up any hope of rest, I get up to hop in the shower. I have to get out of here.

  While in the shower I am thinking about all the shit I have to get done. Three days was way too long for me to have not done anything.

  When I get out of the shower I smell breakfast cooking, but I would be taking it out the door. Hurrying to dry off and get dressed, I could hear Nevaeh fussing around in the kitchen. She would put up a fight, but I had to go. It is just that simple.

  “Nevaeh, I’m about to be out. Can you wrap my breakfast up in some foil? I’ll eat it on the road,” I call from the room while I unwrap my shoulder-length tresses from the beehive it had been in since the day before. I already had what little stuff I brought there packed away, and I double-checked to make sure I didn’t leave any panties or personal items. Not that I thought Nevaeh was anything like my character Melissa, but you just never know about people.

  “I already set you a plate at the table. Why can’t we eat before we go?” she says, suddenly standing in the doorway with a sad look on her face.

  I wasn’t falling for that shit this time. I had things to do.

  “We? I need to get back on the road to beat that rush-hour traffic. I should’ve brought my laptop, but I didn’t and I have mad work to get done,” I respond, looking at her through the mirror. We go through this shit every time. I already know she would be crying in a few seconds.

  “Okay, well, give me a second to grab a few items and we can go.”

  “What? Hold on, Nevaeh. We didn’t discuss you coming home with me.”

  I run behind her in the bathroom to talk some sense into her. Couldn’t she sense I have an attitude, and I need some alone time? I knew this shit was going to happen, and I should’ve stayed at the hotel Essence was providing for me. Between her being clingy and Midori not doing enough, I am ready to scream my damn self.

  “Nevaeh, you can’t go. I told you I have things to do. You know I can’t concentrate with you on my heels. Didn’t we already talk about this?”

  She doesn’t miss a beat, continuing to throw stuff haphazardly in an overnight bag. I can’t believe this chick. It’s like what we talked about didn’t even matter. I finally had to go up to her and grab her so she would stop. Something is telling me to get out while I could, but I couldn’t tell her face to face.

  “Nevaeh, you can’t go.” I spoke to her like I was talking to a child. This was the irritating shit I was talking about.

  “Why not? I won’t bother you while you’re working,” she said with a pout on her pretty face she knew I couldn’t resist.

  “Just come on.” I looked at her after a second. Something was telling me to let it be, but I didn’t listen. Something I’d later regret.

  That was two days ago. I was hoping she would leave yesterday, but she gave me some bullshit about not wanting to ride back home so late at night in a cab by herself. Since when was that an issue? It’s been times when she left here two and three in the morning when it’s pitch damn black outside to get home, so that bullshit she’s trying to feed me is not going to pop off.

  I get up early this morning and pack her bags while she is sleeping, and set them shits by the door. I leave out an outfit and clean underwear, as well as a few toiletries so we could expedite this. Waking her up at eight on the nose, I rush her through her shower and breakfast like I really have somewhere to be.

  She is mad because I really wasn’t going to take her home, but if she was smart she would’ve driven that nice new Ford Edge she had parked in her garage, but she is too scared I’m going to jet on her ass on the turnpike to think about it. I don’t care how she gets home; I just want her ass out.

  By nine I shower and eat breakfast, and am finally able to sit back and clear my mind. I still need fifty thousand words in an eighty-thousand word script, and I only have five months to get it done. That’s not a lot of time, and I know I have to get cracking if I am going to have this script turned in on time.

  An hour later, I still haven’t written anything, and I decide to get a snack out of the kitchen. On my way past the door I hear a knock, and I instantly get pissed because I think Nevaeh turned back around. I open the door, prepared to break shit off with her, but I get the shock of my life instead.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask, holding my chest where my heart is, not believing my eyes.

  “I had to talk to you. I think we need to sit down face to face.”

  I open the door to let Midori in, still surprised to see her standing there. I didn’t expect to see her here since we got into that altercation the other day, but a part of me is glad she came. Walking behind her and seeing her thong at the top of her jeans makes me wet instantly, but I hold it down. I could watch her ass jiggle at any time; right now we had some serious talking to do.

  Escape Route

  Midori

  Yup, I straight left his ass right in Belize. W
hen he left out of the hotel room Friday morning, I got up out of there with the quickness, having a cab take me from the hotel to the airport. Before I left, I took the photocopy of the picture I found in Ray’s wallet and left it on the coffee table on top of all of his other papers, so he had no choice but to see it. At first I started to write him a nasty little letter, but I decided against it, instead letting him know that I would be moved out by the time he got home. I put my song by Heather Headley, “The Letter,” on repeat so he could listen to the lyrics. I was tired of his cheating ass, and if it weren’t for him cheating, I wouldn’t have turned to Jaydah in the first place.

  I had to take a connecting flight from Jacksonville, Florida, and by the time I got to the Philadelphia International Airport and turned my cell phone back on, I had twelve messages from Ray wanting to talk. I didn’t even bother to call; I just caught a quick cab to my house. And once I transferred my belongings from the cab to my car, I went straight to Jaydah’s house to set things straight.

  I know she said she wanted to end it, but a part of me just won’t let it be just that. I hesitated before knocking on her door because when I pulled up to her condo, I saw the woman who was with us at dinner leaving out to get into a cab. I didn’t really know what her and Jaydah’s relationship entailed, and I didn’t want any confrontation.

  I wait for about fifteen minutes to ensure she wouldn’t double back, and also to get my nerve up. Finally getting out of the car, I go ahead and knock on the door, instead of using the spare key she gave me a while back. That is another thing I have to do. Slow down and stop being so presumptuous. After all, I am still married.

  She answers the door with an attitude. Her first instinct was to probably shut the door in my face, but she doesn’t. She also doesn’t invite me in, which was different for her too.