by Wendy Smith
I walk out of the door and cross the street. Every step of the way, I’m watching where I’m going and looking all around me. My confidence is waning.
When I reach the end of the block, I freeze.
This is where it happened.
I walk past here by myself on the way to work every day. Now my head spins, and I feel faint. Why can’t I remember?
Fear curls around my chest and pulls it tight.
A car drives slowly through the intersection. I can’t make my feet move. It’s like I’m stuck to the spot.
I look around. Apart from the car that just passed, there doesn’t seem to be anyone out here, but that doesn’t help.
My eyes prick with tears.
Cole. I need Cole.
It’s instinctive. I pull my phone out of my bag and dial. He answers straight away.
“Brooke?”
“Marcus let me go home early, and I’m halfway home. But I’m stuck. I can’t move. I’m where it happened, and I’m frozen in place.”
“I’ll get in the car and come to you.”
Tears stream down my cheeks. “This is so stupid.”
“Not at all, sweetheart. Maybe it’s a sign your memory’s coming back?”
“I’m not sure.”
“I’ll be there really soon.”
“Can you stay on the line with me?”
In the background, I hear the car door close. “Of course I can. Give me a second. This might cut out when I switch it to Bluetooth, but if it does, I’ll call you right back.”
“Okay,” I whisper.
I palm my forehead. How embarrassing. I know Cole won’t tease me, not about this, but I’m a grown woman who can’t move from the spot she’s in.
The car starts up. “On my way.”
“Don’t rush. I don’t want you having an accident.”
My head pounds. I’m not sure if it’s stress or not, but my brain feels like it’s expanding in my head.
“Remember when we were sixteen, and your mother grounded you for sneaking out of the house so I helped you out your window, and we spent the night on the beach?” Cole asks.
I smile, letting out a small laugh. “We were trouble.”
“Yeah, we were. I should have known then we were destined to be together for life.”
“Bonded in rebellion.” For life? Is that how long we’ll be together?
“Something like that.” He pauses. “Are you okay?”
“Talking’s helping.”
“I’m not too far away. How was work?”
I lick my lips. “Busy. But it died off really quickly, so Marcus sent me home early.”
“That doesn’t sound like him, from what you’ve told me.”
I laugh. “It’s not. But I think what happened to me gave him a fright.”
“He’s not the only one.”
Talking to Cole makes me less self-conscious. Butterflies take off in my stomach at the anticipation of seeing him. I want his arms around me.
He keeps me talking, and the time passes quickly.
I gasp when a hand touches my shoulder.
“Brooke, you okay? I’m nearly there,” Cole says.
Turning, my eyes widen as John staggers toward me.
“What are you doing out here? You should be home.” John slurs his words, and lifts his hand.
“My husband’s coming to get me.” My heart pounds.
He smiles. “Good. Don’t want to be out here after what happened. You need to be safe on the way home.”
“Brooke? What’s going on? Who’s that?”
I turn my attention back to the phone. “It’s John. From the bar. I’m okay.”
“I’ll be there any minute,” Cole says.
John nods. “I’ll wait here if you want me to. It’s better to be safe than sorry.”
My eyebrows nearly take off of their own accord. I’ve only ever known John as the sleazy guy at the bar. I’m still scared, but it’s weirdly reassuring that he’s prepared to wait with me. “Thank you.”
For a second, I’m blinded by the lights of Cole’s car, and my heart leaps when he gets out. He came for me.
“Ready to go?” There’s so much love in his smile.
I nod.
“You take care of our Brooke. She’s had a hard time, you know,” John says.
Our Brooke. I bite down on my lip to stop myself smiling.
“You’d better believe it.” Cole smiles. “Thanks for waiting with her.”
“If I’d known she was out here, I would have been here earlier. You be careful.” John brushes his hand against my arm, and for the first time ever I don’t recoil.
“Thank you, John.”
“You’re welcome. Glad to see you back.” He waves, and wanders off down the street.
Cole stares after him. “That was a bit random.”
“He gave me a fright. I thought … I’m just glad you’re here.”
Cole runs his fingers through my hair. “How about we get you home?”
“I feel so stupid.”
“Come here.” He wraps his arms around my shoulders. “I’m glad you called. And it’s not stupid to be scared. Not after what happened.”
I close my eyes.
“Let’s go. Rosalyn will be worried.”
I nod, wrapping my arms around his waist. “Just hold me for a minute.”
“Of course.”
In his embrace, I fight back tears at how good this feels. How normal.
He kisses the top of my head. “Let’s go.”
I pull away from him, but I’m reluctant to do so. Rosalyn will worry if I’m home later than usual, and I need to be near Kaia.
The car’s warm, and I lean back in the seat. It feels silly to be driving a block and a half to home.
“Call me any time, day or night, if you need me. I’ll always come.” Cole holds my hand in his. This takes me back. So many times he’d drop me off home, and I’d linger in his car as long as possible. But this time, he’s the one lingering.
And I don’t mind at all.
“Wait there.” He gets out of the car and rounds it, opening my door and holding out his hand. “My lady?” He grins.
I roll my eyes, but I’m pretty sure my grin matches his. “What are you doing?”
“Trying to impress you.”
“You’re doing pretty well already.”
“Gotta make sure my lady and my baby are taken care of.”
My heart clenches as I take his hand and step out of the car. He pushes the door closed behind me and taps his key to lock it.
He squeezes my hand, and we walk into the building. No more words are said as we ride in the elevator hand in hand, and walk to my apartment door.
“Cole?”
He turns, and my heart’s in my throat when I see how sad he looks. My emotions are muddled as it is, but even more so in his presence. “Yes?”
“I just wanted to say thank you.”
He gives me a small smile. “Like I said. Call me any time of the day or night. I’ll always be here for you and Kaia.”
“I really appreciate it. And I appreciate the financial support. I’m not sure if I’ve said that.”
His smile grows. “It’s the least you deserve. I want to provide for my family. Especially when I failed last time.”
“That wasn’t your fault.”
There’s hope in his expression. “Did you remember that? We haven’t had that conversation.”
I shake my head. “No. Your father came to see me.” Shifting my gaze to my apartment door, I take a deep breath. “Want to come in and talk? Rather than doing it in the hallway?”
He nods. “I’d like to hear about this visit. He promised me he wouldn’t harass you.”
“That’s not what he did.” I turn the handle, and Cole follows me through into the living room. Rosalyn’s sitting on the couch, her head bowed. She’s fast sleep. I can’t help but smile.
“Ros.” I touch her arm.
“Oh.”
She jumps. “I was just resting my eyes.”
I grin. “I’m sure you were. I’m home now.”
She looks up at Cole and smiles. “It’s so good to see you, Cole.”
“You too, Rosalyn. Has that girl of ours been good?”
Rosalyn nods as she stands. “She’s always good. I’m glad you’re here.” She gives me a pointed look, and I fight the urge to roll my eyes. I appreciate how much she cares, but I don’t need any more pressure. I’m giving myself enough of that.
“Good night, Ros.”
She smiles. “Good night. See you tomorrow.”
And then it’s just us, Cole and me, standing in my living room. Something’s familiar about this. We’ve been here before. But I just can’t reach the memory.
“I’ll make some coffee,” I say.
“Is that good for you?”
I narrow my eyes. “Are you really doing that?”
“No. Shit. I meant as a general question. Not as in telling you what to do.” He smiles. “It’s been a long night. You deserve a coffee.”
“I didn’t give it up last time.”
He nods. “You did. And you replaced your coffee habit with cookie dough ice cream. I swear that’s where half the grocery money went.”
I laugh.
“It wasn’t all bad, was it?” His eyes shine.
“Not all of it.” I pause. “I’ll go make that coffee.”
When I come back with two cups, Cole’s sitting on the couch. I like him being here. I can’t deny it. While I’m still confused about him, his presence calms me.
“Thanks,” he says as I hand him a cup. “What did Dad want?”
I place my mug on the coffee table as I sit. “He wanted to apologize. I learned a lot about his relationship with my father, and then he bought us dinner and hung out with Kaia.”
Cole smiles. “He did?”
“Clearly he didn’t tell you.”
Cole lets out a loud breath. “I haven’t spoken to him. We agreed he’d keep his distance until you got your memory back, and we could work out where to go from there.”
“Give him a call. I think he misses you.” I lick my lips. “He asked me to give you another chance.”
“He did?”
I nod. “He has a lot of regrets, and I think the way he handled our relationship from the start is weighing on his mind.”
“Did you tell him about the baby?”
“No. He wants us to get back together as it is. I thought that would just add to the pressure.”
“You’re probably right there.”
“Thank you for tonight.” I rest my elbow on the back of the couch and run my fingers through my hair. “I don’t know what that was all about.”
“You were scared. And that’s okay.”
“I need to move on. I need to get over this and find a way forward.”
Cole drains the rest of his coffee and places the cup on the table. “I’ll walk you home every night.”
I shake my head. “You don’t have to do that.”
He nods. “I think I do.”
My lips twitch as I fight a smile, but I cave, and Cole’s eyes light up as one crosses my lips. “I won’t say no, then.”
He reaches for my arm. “I’m not trying to push you. I wouldn’t have stayed away these weeks if I was. But your safety is really important to me. Especially now. It’s hard enough dealing with the impact this thing has had on us, but I won’t risk losing you altogether.”
I place my hand on his. “You were the only person I thought to call tonight. I knew you’d make me feel safe. Maybe I can’t remember what happened between us, but there’s something, Cole. I want you to know that.”
“It’s so hard to walk away from you.”
My eyes mist over looking into his.
“I don’t know what to do. There’s this connection that I feel to you, but I don’t know how to process it. The last thing I want to do is to hurt you when you clearly care about me, and that’s all I seem to be doing.”
He cups my cheek with his other hand. “I’m tough. And I put you through worse for no reason. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I don’t want to drive you away.”
“That’s impossible. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Brooke.”
His words take my breath away, and hot tears spill down my cheeks. Cole loves me. It’s written in his every word and action.
Remember.
“Hey. Don’t cry. You need to feel safe with me before you let that barrier down again. I know that. I’ll wait as long as I need to.”
He doesn’t say anything else, but gathers me into his arms. I close my eyes as his head rests against mine.
I do feel safe with him.
But I’m still afraid to take the leap of faith I think I need to.
8
Brooke
I’m still tired. I feel like I’m not in my own skin. There’s a gap in my memory, and with everyone treating me differently, it’s pressing on my mind.
Jenny still can’t do enough to help me. The other day I was a few minutes late and she didn’t get upset, and she’s been bending over backward to make sure I get my proper breaks. Maybe there’s some guilt going on there over how harsh she was before. I’m just glad I still have a job.
Back at the bar, things are just as strange. Eric and Katie are fighting, which doesn’t make anything easy. And Craig hovers over me like a concerned parent.
I’m almost thankful things are normal when I feel John’s hand on my ass while leaning against the bar. At least some things are back to normal.
“What do you want, John?”
“Just another drink, sweetheart.” He leans closer. “If there’s anything I can ever do ...”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” I slide out from his grasp. He was so nice the other night, but at times like this, I’m still repulsed by him.
“I’ll get you that drink.” Craig speaks from behind the bar. “Brooke, table six just left.”
I nod. Table six only had drinks, but there’ll be glasses to collect. It’s not a busy night, so there’s no real hurry, but I appreciate his quick thinking.
An hour later, there are barely any customers, and I stand by the bar sipping water. I can’t wait to get home and off my feet.
“Brooke, can I ask you something?” Craig tops up my water.
“Sure.”
“So, I was wondering … He swings on his heels. “I thought maybe we could go out sometime.”
I do nothing but blink rapidly, his suggestion blindsiding me. “I appreciate it, Craig, but I don’t think so.”
“Are you back with Cole?”
I chew the inside of my cheek while I decide whether any of this is his business. “Not yet, but who knows what will happen?”
He nods. “Let me know if you change your mind.”
“Sure.”
I turn, and see John looking at me from his table. His eyes are so sad, and while he’s his usual gross self, something about him feels different. I’m not sure whether to be scared of him or not.
The police haven’t worked out what happened. I’m in the dark about who to be afraid of. Maybe it was a random attack, but the thought of that doesn’t make me any less frightened.
I am so grateful to Cole that he’s taken to walking me home. Every night I hope that something will prod my memory, but nothing has yet. My heart’s warmed by the fact that he walks me home with no expectation. He just cares.
He was right when he said I needed to feel safe with him to let my barrier down. For someone I thought I’d never trust again, he just keeps on proving how dedicated he is to us. Feelings that never really went away begin to bloom, and it gets a little harder every night to say goodbye at my door.
I don’t know what feelings are lingering from five years ago, and which are recent. Remnants of memories nag at me, but not enough for me to grab hold of and be sure.
“Hey, babe.” I turn to see Cole walk through the do
or of the bar. “Ready?”
“Let me grab my coat.”
His eyes are so full of love. It radiates from him, and I don’t need him to tell me how he’s feeling to know. I can see it. It’s scary and wonderful, and it makes me feel worse for not letting him in to see Kaia.
Even if Cole’s not a part of my life, he should be a part of hers. She misses him so much.
Grabbing my coat from my locker, I head back through the bar. Cole helps me put the garment on, and takes my hand in his. No matter our past, he makes me feel safe.
As he usually does, he holds my hand all the way home.
“I’ve been thinking …” I say.
He nods. “I’ve done nothing but think.”
“You should come and see Kaia.” I suck in a deep breath. “Maybe she could stay a night at your place.”
His grin lights up his whole face. “I’d love that. I’m not sure if she’d come to my place without you though.”
“Well, we could both stay? I’m not working Saturdays anymore, so we could both come.”
He reaches for my other hand. “That would be amazing. I can’t think of anything I want more.”
“Baby steps.”
Cole nods. “Whatever it takes.”
He plants a lingering kiss on my cheek. I inhale him. Again, it’s confusing. He smells the same as he did when we were teenagers. Is the familiarity an old or a new thing?
“See you tomorrow,” he murmurs in my ear.
I could cry at how much I want to remember. Instead, I nod. “Tomorrow.”
He lets go of my hands, and I pluck my house key out of my bag and slide it into the lock.
“Good night, Brooke.”
“Good night.”
I close the door, and stand there for a few moments, looking at it. I’m not sure what I’m doing anymore. I don’t know if spending a weekend with him is the right thing to do, but it feels like it is.
The thought of telling Kaia puts a grin on my face. She’ll be over the moon at the thought of spending time with her daddy. And I’ll be happy about it too.
When Ros leaves, I shower and climb into bed, exhausted and ready to sleep. My bed seems cold and empty. Cole.
“Mommy.” Kaia snuggles under the covers beside me. She wraps her little arms around my neck and hugs me tight. This whole thing must be unsettling for her. She just found out she has family, and I’ve taken it away from her.
