by Wendy Smith
“Daddy.” She doesn’t say anything else, but she snuggles in against his chest. There’s nothing else to say, I guess. She’s got her father here, and all is right in her world.
I wish I could say the same for mine.
Guilt hangs over me as I watch them. I did this to them. I kept them apart when they wanted to be together. I’m the odd one out right now, and it hurts so much.
“You have to be good for Mommy,” Cole says. “She’s still getting better after being in the hospital, and she needs you to take care of her. This isn’t taking care of her, is it, Kaia?” He lets go of her, and she rolls over to look at me.
I force a smile, and plant a kiss on her forehead.
“I just miss Daddy.”
“I know you do, sweetheart. And I’m sorry. I know how much you love him.”
She nods. “I love you too.”
I cup her cheek. “We both love you very, very much.”
She rolls back and snuggles in tighter with her father. I stare at the ceiling as Kaia’s breathing evens out.
“Brooke,” Cole whispers. “Want me to leave?”
“You don’t have to. Thank you for coming back.”
He reaches over Kaia, and runs his hand down my arm. “I know things are hard right now. I’ll try and make them easier when I can.”
“I appreciate it.”
“If you want to move into my place, you’re always welcome. You need to get your rest, and I’ll always be there to be with Kaia.”
“I’ll think about it.”
We spend the night sleeping in the same bed with Kaia between us.
And I sleep better than I have in weeks.
When I open my eyes, it’s morning. And a lot lighter in my room than it should be.
I turn to look at the clock.
Shit.
It’s 10:05 a.m.
Cole and Kaia are nowhere to be seen.
“Cole?”
I scramble from my bed, darting down the hall.
He’s sitting at the dining table with a smile on his face.
“I’m so late for work. Why did you let me sleep so long? Where’s Kaia?”
“Relax. Kaia’s at day care. You were clearly exhausted. I called Jenny and told her you weren’t coming in. Then I called Marcus and told him the same thing.”
My hands fly to my hips. “Why would you do that? You can’t make that kind of decision for me.”
“You look so much like your mother.” He laughs, and I know he’s not meaning anything malicious, but it doesn’t help my mood. “We get to see our baby today, and I thought it might be better if you were more relaxed. I don’t know. I was only trying to help.”
“By causing me stress over missing work?”
“Come here and have some breakfast. How’s the morning sickness?”
I sit at the table and cross my arms. “Fine.”
“Toast? Or do you think you can stomach some bacon? There’s plenty there. I stopped at the store on the way home.”
“Were you this pushy before?”
He nods. “I’ve always been pushy. You know that.”
His easy manner and the smile he has on his face relaxes me. My anger diminishes. I can’t stay angry with him when he’s showing me how much he cares.
I laugh. “Well, that much is true. And toast would be good. I’m feeling okay, but I don’t want to risk upsetting my stomach.”
“Fair enough. I’ll make you a coffee too.”
“Thanks, Cole.”
He walks around the table, and places one hand at the back of my neck. I close my eyes. “You’re welcome. If you’re really lucky, I’ll rub your back when we get home from the hospital. You’re so tense.”
Tears prick my eyes as he walks to the kitchen. It still pisses me off that he made the decision to leave me to sleep, but he’s trying to be sweet and protective.
Besides, the extra sleep was nice.
“Was Kaia okay this morning?” I ask.
He nods. “She was fine. I think she had a big weekend, and she was tired last night.”
“She’s feeling the strain of all of this. It’s not fair on her.”
Cole walks toward me, placing a cup of coffee on the table. “No, it’s not. But we just have to work through this like we have been. It’ll take time.”
I nod. “I guess you’re right. You’re so good with her.”
“I hate that I wasn’t a part of her life for so long. There’s so much I want to make up to you both.”
“You’re doing well at that. I really do appreciate you coming back yesterday.”
“I’d do anything for her.”
“I know you would.”
He sits beside me at the table. “We’ve got some time until your first appointment. Have your coffee and go back to bed if you want. I can just watch TV or something until you wake up.”
I smile. “You know what? I think I might.”
Cole places his hand on mine. “I’d do anything for you too.”
“I know.”
The neurologist doesn’t keep us waiting long. He smiles as we’re shown into his office. “Brooke, it’s good to see you. You’re looking well.”
“I’m not feeling too bad, though the morning sickness is a bit up and down.”
His smile widens. “That’s right. You’ve got an appointment with an OB today too, haven’t you?”
I nod. “After this.”
“Well, I won’t keep you too long. If you could sit on the exam table, I’ll just check a couple of things and run a few tests.”
He tests my reflexes, and shines lights in my eyes. His smile tells me he hasn’t found anything to worry about.
“Hop down. Everything’s looking good. How’s the memory?”
I take a seat next to Cole by the doctor’s desk. “I still have this gap. Sometimes it’s like things try to break through, but it’s more feelings than anything solid.”
“What’s the last thing you remember before waking up in hospital?” he asks.
I shrug. “It’s difficult to say. I’ve kept to the same routine for so long, the days kind of blur into one another. I remember going to work, dropping Kaia at day care, picking her up, having dinner, going to my night job ...”
He nods. “It might take a while for the detail to come back. And then again, it might not come back at all.”
I shoot a glance at Cole. “I just feel like I’ve missed out on so much. Cole and I got back together, and I can’t remember any of it.”
“That’s the difficult part. The things we want to remember are buried with the things we don’t. Something traumatic happened the night you were hit by the car, and your mind could be shielding you from that.”
I lick my lips. “And there’s nothing I can do about it?”
“Time is the best medicine. The scans looked good when you were discharged. Everything’s healing the way it should. It’s a matter of the brain making those connections it dropped when you had the bleed.”
“I thought so. I just hoped there was some shortcut.”
“I’m sorry, but there’s not.”
I let out a sigh. “It was worth asking.”
“So, from here, we’ll do another CT scan and a checkup in three months. Please contact me if you do have your memory return in the meantime.”
I nod. “Of course.”
“Good luck, Brooke.”
When we leave the office, Cole grabs my hand. “That was good.”
“Was it? What if I never remember?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“I want to remember. Not just because of us, but because I want to know who chased me that night. What if it’s someone I know? Or what if whoever it was comes back to make sure I don’t tell anyone who did it? I want the police to be able to do something.”
Tears roll down my cheeks.
“Hey.” Cole opens his arms and I fall into them, the tears escalating into full-blown sobs.
I stand in the hospital
corridor, crying, with my husband’s arms around me.
“How about we go and see our baby?” he says softly.
I pull back. His eyes are so full of love.
“I could do with something good.”
“It is good. Isn’t it?” His eyes search mine.
Nodding, I take a deep breath. “Scary, but I’m not as freaked out as I was.”
He takes my hand in his. “I’m right here the whole way.”
“I know.”
“How far along do you think you are?” Doctor McGregor asks.
“Nine or ten weeks? It must have happened just before the accident because I haven’t had sex since then.”
“If we perform an ultrasound, it’ll help us firm up the dates for you. I know you must be anxious after everything you’ve been through. It’s still early days, but it’s a good sign that you’ve got this far.”
I nod. “Seeing the baby might make this feel real too. It’s all crazy right now.”
“I’m sure.” He gives me a reassuring smile, and Cole reaches over to take my hand. I’m so glad he’s with me. But it’s weird when you can’t remember the activities leading to conceiving a baby.
“Come this way.” He walks around his desk and opens a door to an adjoining room.
I take a deep breath, and Cole squeezes my hand as we step through. When we were having Kaia, we had a scan much later on.
I climb onto the bed, and the doctor lifts my shirt.
“I’ll just put some gel on and we’ll get started.” He smiles.
I nod. “I remember from when I had Kaia.”
The gel hits, and I suck in a breath. This is it. We’re going to see the baby.
“Everything okay?” Doctor McGregor asks.
I nod. “Fine.”
“This shouldn’t take too long.” He runs the wand across my stomach. It’s hard to believe there’s anything in there. I move my gaze to the monitor above the bed.
It takes a moment.
“Here we go.”
The ultrasound is grainy, but there’s definitely something there. There’s a flash on the screen. A heartbeat. A sign of life.
Our baby.
“Right now, your baby is an inch and quarter long. Your ten week guess is pretty close.”
I blink rapidly. This is overwhelming. I never had a scan this early with Kaia, but then again, I remembered everything when it came to her creation.
I’m going to be a mother again.
I shift my gaze to Cole.
We’re going to be parents again.
There’s still this gap in my mind that’s driving me crazy. I want to remember. I want to feel the love this baby was created with. It’s unfair. It’s so unfair.
Cole grips my hand tight, and I smile at the grin on his face. He’s happy. He’s proud. We might be apart, but I feel closer to him than ever. This is my husband and the father of my children, and I can’t deny that I love him. Not anymore.
The thought alone makes me giddy.
We’re patching our family back together, piece by piece.
11
Brooke
We drive back to my place in silence. Seeing the child growing inside me has been overwhelming, and I lean against the car window, looking out of it but not really seeing.
“Want to pick Kaia up on the way? We can if you want.”
I look at the car clock. It’s 3:30 p.m. “We could do.”
“Or I can drive you home, and come back and get her. Give us some time alone at home.”
I nod. “That’d be good for just a little while.
“The ultrasound was amazing. The technology, I mean. Being able to see something that small. And that heartbeat. I wish we’d seen Kaia at that stage.”
“Kaia’s going to be over the moon when we do tell her about the baby.”
He laughs. “She’ll make such a good big sister.”
“If she doesn’t smother the baby with love.” I smile. “She’s going to be so happy and excited. Maybe it’ll distract her from everything else that’s going on.”
“Or it could confuse her further. Let’s wait a little longer to tell her.”
As we pull up outside my place, I look at Cole. “You’re right. There’s enough going on without adding something else to the mix. It’s confusing enough for me.”
We walk into my apartment, and I throw myself at the couch.
Cole chuckles. “Why don’t you take a nap?”
“I think I slept enough for the day.” I sit, and he joins me.
He leans closer. “I’m here. I can pick up Kaia and cook dinner if you want me to.”
“Cole, you don’t have—”
“I know I don’t have to. I want to.” He licks his lips. “There’s something else I need to run by you.”
“What?”
“I thought we might go out for dinner one night. It worked well last time.” He smiles.
“Worked well for what?”
“It gave us time to spend together. I mean, we can sit here and wait for Kaia to go to bed, but it’d be nice to get out. Just the two of us.”
“I like that idea.”
“Maybe Rosalyn could look after Kaia for a couple of hours. While we sneak off.”
Kaia.
I nod. “I like that idea. I’m not sure how Kaia’s going to react the next time you leave.”
He licks his lips. “I don’t have to leave. I could always sleep on your couch for a few nights.”
“She’ll still be upset the night you don’t.”
Cole sighs. “What do we do?”
“I don’t know.” I bite down tears. “I feel like I’m letting everyone down right now. You, Kaia, my work …”
He palms my cheek, and I close my eyes. “You’re really not. Kaia’s too young to understand what’s going on. She just got her father back and now she probably feels like she’s lost him again. But that’s not your fault.”
“I know, but it still hurts.”
Cole pulls me into his arms. “No one could have predicted what happened. My concern is to keep you safe. And I’ll do whatever I can to do that.”
“Thank you.”
“Why don’t you rest, and I’ll go and get Kaia? I might even bring home some takeout instead of cooking.” He stands, and I lie back on the couch. “Maybe you’re not my girl right now, but I think it’s still my job to take care of you. That’s my baby you’re carrying.”
I nod. “I appreciate it.”
His expression is pained for a moment. This whole thing must be a huge strain on him. He thought he had his family back only for it all to fall apart. The longer I dwell on it, the more selfish I feel.
I close my eyes, and drift off to sleep as he leaves.
I’m not sure how long I’m out, but I wake to the sound of the door opening.
Kaia’s all smiles as she walks in, hand in hand with Cole.
“Daddy’s going to sleep at his house tonight,” she announces as she snuggles next to me.
“Is he now?” I glance at Cole, who has his own wide smile.
She nods. “But he said he’ll read me a story before bed first.”
I lean over and press a kiss to her forehead. “That’s good. And you’re happy with that?”
She looks up at Cole and purses her lips. He cocks an eyebrow in return. They’ve done some kind of deal. It’s written all over her face.
“Kaia’s a big girl now, and she knows if she’s good then good things happen. Right, Kaia?” Cole asks.
Kaia nods.
“I’m going to unpack dinner. I got Chinese. I know you like that sweet and sour pork. Kaia, want to help me?”
“You didn’t have to get dinner.”
He leans over and kisses my forehead. “Stay there and rest. It’s been a big day.”
“So bossy,” I grumble.
“So bossy.” He chuckles as he follows Kaia into the kitchen.
As bossy as he is, it’s nice to lie back down on the couch. And it’s ni
ce to be fussed over.
I like it.
“I should go.”
Cole not only sorted out dinner, but he gave Kaia her bath and got her into bed while I laid on the couch. As annoyed as I was over him organizing for me to have the day and night off, I have to admit it’s nice not to worry about going to work.
“Thank you for everything today. But I do have one question.” I slip off the couch and stand in front of him as he walks back in after kissing Kaia good night.
“What’s that?”
“What did you promise her?”
“I told her we could have a movie day at my place. The three of us.”
I grip his arm. “Thank you. I don’t know if I could deal with the crying every night. Not at the moment.”
“Hopefully we’ll just ride this out, and things will all come together.” He pecks me on the cheek. “I’ll get going and let you get to bed. I’m sure you’re tired.”
“Thank you for everything.”
His eyes light up. “We saw our baby today, Brooke. I can’t tell you how excited and happy I am. Thank you for letting me come with you.”
“No matter what happens, we’re in this together.”
He nods. “Yes. We are. Good night.”
“Good night.”
I close the door behind him when he leaves and lean against it. I’ve been strong when it comes to our daughter until now, but then, Kaia is usually such a good little girl. Now she’s hurt and confused, though apparently open to bribery.
That makes me smile.
I just hope he doesn’t break her heart.
12
Cole
It’s Thursday, and tonight I’m taking my wife out for dinner. Brooke secured a night off while Marcus is still being lenient with her leave. She’s giving me another chance, and I’m not about to waste it.
I take a deep breath and knock on the door.
Brooke answers. She’s dressed in a white dress with red flowers all over it. I told her to dress up a little as we’re not going to that bar again.
“You look beautiful.”
She smiles. “Thank you.”
