The Adventurer's Guide to Dragons (and Why They Keep Biting Me)

by Wade Albert White

  “We never even saw you go,” said the second guard.

  The guards moved off to the side, and Penelope led Anne and Hiro from the library. They retraced the route back through the palace’s many winding hallways and up the central corridor to the palace’s main entrance.

  As they walked, Anne said, “That was amazing, Pen.”

  Penelope puffed out her chest. “When you train with Captain Copperhelm, you pick up a few things.”

  “I’m impressed you knew the proper regulation to cite,” said Hiro.

  Penelope smirked. “I have no idea what regulation that is. But Copperhelm says most guards don’t know them, either. It’s all in the delivery.”

  More guards were milling about the palace entrance, but they either didn’t spot the three young adventurers or else didn’t care. Anne, Penelope, and Hiro hurried over to the alcove where the mine entrance was located. Anne tried the handle, but it didn’t budge. She fished out her new multitool pocketknife (which she’d crafted after losing her old one in the eye of a zombie shark), knelt in front of the keyhole, and began picking the lock.

  “Anytime now,” whispered Penelope.

  “I’m working on it. I’m working on it,” Anne said.

  One of the guards at the security gate glanced in their direction. “Can I help you kids with something?”

  The lock clicked.

  “Got it,” said Anne, and the door swung open.

  “Hey, stop!” yelled the guard. “That area is off-limits!”

  The three adventurers quickly slipped through. Anne closed and locked the door again just as the guard grabbed the handle outside.

  On the other side, they could hear the guard yell, “Somebody bring the key!”

  Inside the mine entrance, a steep staircase illuminated by torches descended farther than they could see. Anne and Penelope started running down the stairs, taking them two at a time, but Hiro remained on the upper landing, staring at the doors.

  Anne stopped. “Hiro, come on!”

  Hiro licked his lips. “If they come through, it won’t take them long to catch up to us. I have an idea.” He pulled a thin green book from inside his cloak. Anne recognized it as the latest edition of the Special Order Spell Catalog that served as his spell book. Hiro said, “This month’s catalog includes the Sunspot Spell. I can use it to melt the lock and weld the door shut, just like those knights did with the library gate.”

  Anne and Penelope ran back up to the landing. “I have a bad feeling about this,” said Penelope.

  Hearing more shouts from the other side, Anne said, “I don’t know if this is the right time to try your magick.”

  “Trust me, I can do this,” said Hiro.

  If somewhat reluctantly, Anne nodded. Hiro was the group wizard, after all, and he wasn’t wrong: They wouldn’t be able to outrun the guards for long. Hiro raised one hand toward the lock and began chanting. A pinpoint of white light appeared, and the lock began to glow.

  “Huh, it’s actually working,” Penelope said in a tone of surprise.

  The lock glowed brighter and brighter. Then it began to sag a little. Then a lot.

  “Um, great job,” said Anne. “But I think that’s probably enough.”

  Hiro ceased his chanting, but the spell didn’t stop. There was a hiss as a blob of melted lock dripped onto the floor and began burning the floorboards of the landing. Seconds later, the rest of the lock completely melted and ran down the side of the door. The intense heat from the molten metal caused the thick oak doors to burst into flames.

  “Whoops,” said Hiro.

  “Let’s go!” yelled Anne. Penelope grabbed Hiro by the arm and pulled him along. They took the stairs three at a time as the door behind them became a roaring inferno.

  “Well, the fire should delay them for a few minutes, right?” said Hiro.

  At the bottom of the stairs was a long hallway. They ran to its end and were confronted with two doors. A sign on the first door read:

  Welcome to the Cave of Marvel

  That door was locked.

  They tried the second door, which opened and led into a large cavern. Dozens of mining-cart tracks led into tunnels in every direction. Remembering Nana’s instructions, they ran to the one labeled WEST TUNNEL.

  Footsteps echoed from the stairs and down the hallway. The guards were coming.

  “We’ll never outrun them on foot,” said Anne.

  Beside the western track, a mining cart was lying on its side. Penelope ran over to it. “Help me tip this up.”

  Anne and Hiro joined her at the side of the cart and lifted with all their strength. Slowly, the cart tipped up and over, and with a great clang, it landed perfectly on the rails.

  Penelope reached inside. “I’m pretty sure I know how this works,” she said. She grabbed hold of the lever on the floor and pushed it forward. As Penelope had guessed, this was the brake, and the cart’s wheels unlocked.

  However, the cart didn’t move on its own, at least it wouldn’t until it reached the tunnel entrance, where the tracks sloped down. Anne, Penelope, and Hiro got behind the cart and pushed it along the rails. The stiff wheels squeaked loudly, but not loud enough to cover the shouts of the arriving guards. The three adventurers turned around to see ten guards emerge from the hallway and head straight toward them.

  “Faster,” grunted Anne. They leaned into the cart, pushing harder, and the cart picked up speed. They were moving at a decent jog by the time they reached the mouth of the tunnel, but the guards had closed in.

  “They’re here!” shouted Hiro.

  Just as the guards reached them, the cart hit the slope. Penelope and Hiro jumped into the cart, but Anne stumbled. Penelope grabbed her arm and helped her into the cart as a hand closed on Anne’s shoe. She kicked out with her other foot, and the guard yelped and let go.

  The cart instantly picked up speed and hurtled down the tracks.

  Penelope wiped her forehead. “Well, that was close.”

  “I think it’s still close,” said Hiro.

  He pointed behind them. Another cart filled with four burly guards was now pursuing them. Anne studied the path ahead. In the distance, she could make out a switch where the track split. If she hit the switch just after they passed by, it would send the second cart onto another track.

  “Quick,” said Anne. “We need something we can reach that switch with.”

  Penelope handed her a metal rod. “How about this?”

  Anne took the rod and leaned over the side. The switch was coming up fast, and she would only get one shot. They whipped past the track junction, and Anne swung the rod with all her might, scoring a direct hit. The impact tore the rod from her grasp, stinging her hand, but she had done it. The rails changed position, and seconds later the second cart reached the junction and was sent speeding off in the wrong direction.

  Their own cart stayed on the main track, swaying and creaking with every bump and threatening to derail. After a few more precarious minutes of travel, a light appeared at the end of the tunnel.

  “There’s the dock,” said Hiro. “You should probably slow us down so we don’t fly off the end.”

  “I can’t slow us down without the brake,” said Penelope.

  “What happened to the brake?” said Anne.

  “Um, remember that rod I handed you? That was it.”

  Anne gripped the sides of the cart as they hurtled toward the dock. She was about to suggest they jump for it, when a huge, dark shape appeared on the track directly in front of them, blocking out the light.

  “Hit the deck!” shouted Anne.

  All three of them dove to the floor and braced themselves for the inevitable impact with whatever was out there. Before the cart struck anything, though, there was a deafening roar, and tendrils of red flame licked at the sides of the mining cart.

  And then a sudden flash of green.

  ACCORDING TO THE DEPARTMENT OF ROCKSLIDES, MUDSLIDES, SNOWSLIDES, AND WATERSLIDES, THE TOP THREE CAUSES OF AVALANC
HES ARE AS FOLLOWS:

  1) Strong winds

  2) Heavy snowfall

  3) Crashing your fireball into the side of a mountain

  Note: Never start an avalanche without a proper permit.

  The Blacksmith and the Bladesmith

  Something was wrong.

  The interior of the fireball crackled with energy, which was perfectly normal and not the thing that was wrong. Green flames danced along the inner surface, which was also fine and not the thing that was wrong. What was wrong were the dozens of red sparks ricocheting back and forth, scorching Anne’s uniform and stinging her hands and face. Before she had time to work up to a really good panic, though, the fireball struck solid ground and began bouncing—once, twice, thrice. Anne tumbled over and over, trying desperately to stay upright. Fortunately, on the fourth bounce the fireball came to a stop. Unfortunately, it did so by exploding. Anne skidded along the rocky terrain and plowed into a snowbank, spraying white fluffy powder in every direction. She leapt to her feet and brushed the icy snow from her clothes.

  The fireball had deposited Anne on the side of a mountain. The sky was overcast and the wind howled all around. Behind her the ground was bare and steaming slightly where the fireball had melted the snow. The rest of the slope was covered in deep drifts. Penelope and Hiro were nowhere in sight.

  “Hello?” Anne called out.

  “Here,” came Penelope’s muffled voice.

  Anne looked down the slope. Penelope’s head popped out of a snowbank some distance below. Hiro appeared a little beyond that. Clutching her cloak tightly, Anne climbed over the nearest drift and trudged through the thigh-deep snow to reach Penelope. Hiro walked up from below.

  “Were either of your fireballs… different?” Anne asked once they were all together.

  “I’ll say,” said Penelope, holding up a charred sleeve. “Nana is off her game. This quest must really have her rattled.” She looked around. “Speaking of Nana, where is she, anyway? She’s usually right behind us.”

  “She can’t take part in a Dragon Slayer quest, remember?” said Hiro.

  “Except that she just did,” said Penelope.

  Hiro shrugged. “Maybe Copperhelm couldn’t get a ship after all, and she decided to help us this one time.”

  Not having Nana with them was a huge blow. Even worse, once word of their quest spread, it was likely that no dragons would be willing to help them at all.

  Anne raised her gauntlet-hand. “Activate GPS.”

  Jeffery appeared in a flash of light. “Wow, you finally brought us to visit the Great Marshmallow. Did you remember a gift? I hear he gets cranky if you don’t have something to give him.”

  “This isn’t a marshmallow,” said Anne. “Nana dumped us on the side of some snow-covered mountain.”

  “In that case, if we’re having a snowball fight, I want Penelope on my team. She has a wicked throwing arm.”

  “No snowball fights, either,” said Anne. “We need you to tell us where this is.”

  Jeffery shrugged. “Beats me.”

  “I thought you were good with directions.”

  “My access is still blocked.” He tapped the medallion for emphasis.

  “What?” said Hiro. “You mean you can’t help us at all?”

  “Well, I can still make inappropriate and sarcastic comments,” said Jeffery.

  Anne rolled her eyes. “Deactivate GPS.”

  Jeffery disappeared in another flash.

  Anne pulled out the guide. The title read: The Adventurer’s Guide to Places You Didn’t Expect to Be, and there was only one word written inside: Here. No amount of shaking changed it.

  “I guess we’re going to have to figure out where we are and where to go on our own,” said Anne, putting the book away.

  “I think a more pressing issue is where we’re going to find our next meal,” said Penelope.

  “Actually,” said Hiro, “I think the most pressing issue is: Does anyone else feel the ground shaking?”

  The moment Hiro mentioned it, Anne and Penelope felt it, too. The ground was trembling with greater and greater intensity, and there was a low rumble coming from above. Looking up, they immediately realized this was due to the fast-moving wall of snow that was about to greet them. Before they could so much as blink, the avalanche swept them down the mountainside. The snow carried them for a long time before it stopped, depositing them in the valley below.

  As she pulled herself out, Penelope said, “Well, that was bracing.”

  Hiro spat out a mouthful of snow. “I think I prefer the desert.”

  As Anne emerged as well, a shadow fell over the group. The shadow belonged to a man sporting a walrus mustache and dressed in worn leather armor. A sheathed sword hung from his belt. Although he looked shabbier than the royal guards in the capital, the man was unmistakably a Hierarchy soldier.

  “Is this your avalanche?” asked the guard.

  “P-pardon?” said Anne.

  “Do you have a permit to cause this avalanche?” he asked. “I’m guessing not, since any application for such a permit would have had to come through our local office, and I don’t recall approving any such requests.”

  Anne, Penelope, and Hiro could see that the avalanche had brought them to the outskirts of a small village, which was now half-buried in snow and ice. In a few buildings, disgruntled faces peered out through partially covered windows.

  “This avalanche isn’t ours,” said Penelope. “We only just arrived from the capital.”

  “Joyriding an avalanche without permission, eh? Well, that’s normally five years hard labor and a hefty fine, but you’re new here, so I’m willing to let you off with a warning this time. Just don’t let it happen again.”

  “Thanks,” said Anne, still shaking snow out of her ear.

  “Wait a minute, though,” said the guard, and he took a piece of paper out of his pocket. “I almost forgot. A notice came into the office this morning. Completely slipped my mind until you mentioned the capital. You said you came from there?”

  “Yes,” said Anne, feeling suddenly nervous. “Why do you ask?”

  The guard unfolded the paper. “Because I believe I have a warrant here for your arrest.”

  “A warrant?” said Hiro.

  “That’s right,” said the guard. “Standard first-year adventuring group. Two girls, one boy. It’s all right here.”

  “How could there be a warrant out already?” Penelope whispered to Anne and Hiro. “We only just left.”

  “Except we didn’t just leave,” Hiro whispered back. “Standard fireballs take eight hours to reach their destination, remember?”

  “In that case, shouldn’t it be the middle of the night?” said Penelope. “It was only late afternoon when we left, but this guy said it’s morning.”

  If that was true, it meant they might have traveled for as long as sixteen hours—twice the normal amount of time. If that was the case, Nana really was off her game. Unfortunately, figuring out what had gone wrong wasn’t going to help them out of their current situation.

  Anne pointed to the paper the guard was holding. “Could I see that for a moment?”

  “Sure,” said the guard, and he handed it to her.

  Anne read the warrant with increasing distress. It did indeed have their names, ages, and exact descriptions. Then she spotted something near the bottom of the page that gave her a glimmer of hope. She took a second to compose herself and handed the paper back.

  “Everything seems to be in order,” she said. “We’d be happy to answer your questions, Constable…”

  “Stinkwater,” said the guard, and he stared at them intently as though waiting for any hint of a smile or a giggle or even a slightly amused hiccup. Satisfied, he held up the warrant and read from it. “Is your legal name Anvil?”

  “Yes,” said Anne. Penelope and Hiro seemed tense beside her, but she ignored them and focused on the guard.

  “And are you from Saint Lupin’s Quest Academy?” he continu
ed.

  “Yes.”

  “And are the names of your companions Hiro Darkflame and Penelope Shatterblade?” He paused. “Hmmm. Shatterblade. Say, is that any relation to that couple that got everyone killed on that quest all those years ago?”

  Penelope turned beet red.

  “Yes, those are our names,” said Anne, hoping to keep things moving and spare her friend any further pain and embarrassment.

  Hiro leaned in close and whispered sharply into Anne’s ear. “What are you doing? You’re going to get us arrested.”

  Anne shook her head. “Trust me.”

  The guard lowered the paper. “Well, you’re obviously the group I’m looking for, then.”

  Hiro was on the verge of hyperventilating, but Anne did her best to keep her face expressionless. “Shouldn’t you check our tokens, just to make sure?” she asked.

  The guard grunted, as though he didn’t appreciate a first-year student telling him how to do his job. “I suppose. Don’t want to get caught up on some technicality.”

  Anne turned to Penelope and Hiro. “Show him your tokens.”

  Hiro reluctantly dug his token out of his pocket and handed it to the guard. Penelope did likewise, while obviously fighting the urge to shout about how foolish this was.

  The guard examined the tokens. “This all seems to be in order. A fighter and a wizard, just like it says here in the warrant.”

  Anne suppressed a smile as she dug her own token out of her pocket. “And here’s mine,” she said, handing it over.

  The constable read the inscription. “Blacksmith?” He double-checked the warrant again. “But it says here you’re a thief.”

  Anne shrugged. “Hm, well, I guess we can’t be the group you’re looking for, then. Best of luck finding them. They sound very dangerous.”

  The guard harrumphed. “Now, see here. Are you asking me to believe there are two adventuring groups from Saint Lupin’s Quest Academy with the names Anvil, Penelope, and Hiro who fit your exact descriptions?”

  “I’m not asking you to believe anything, Constable Stinkwater,” said Anne. “I’m simply pointing out that the information on that warrant isn’t a match. I assume that means we’re free to go.”