The Adventurer's Guide to Dragons (and Why They Keep Biting Me)

by Wade Albert White

  The shed’s interior was dank and musty. Shelves filled with odds and ends lined the walls. Anne’s curiosity, however, settled on the object sitting in the center of the shed. The giant contraption consisted mainly of two wooden rowboats lashed together. Each rowboat had a wide bench across its middle and a large storage trunk at the rear. Attached to the stern of each boat was a large fan, and each had a set of pedals in the bottom, just in front of the bench.

  “What is it?” asked Anne.

  “It looks like some kind of weird sled,” said Penelope.

  Hiro glanced around nervously. “I-it’s not a wolf sled, is it?”

  Emmanuelle laid a hand on the gunwale of the nearest boat. “It’s an airship, actually. Of my own design. No antimagick plating, but there are two balloons that attach to give it lift. It also runs on human sweat. Not my preferred form of travel, but it will do in a pinch.”

  First, Anne, Penelope, and Hiro grabbed shovels and cleared away the snow in front of the shed. Then they looped a rope through iron pins on the front of the rowboats and hauled the airship into the bright sunlight. Following Emmanuelle’s instructions, they pulled the two deflated air balloons from the back of the shed and, using a series of ropes and hooks, attached one to each rowboat. Emmanuelle rigged a metal contraption that resembled a weird oil lamp beneath each balloon. She explained that the lamps would heat the air inside the balloons to create the necessary lift.

  It took them most of the day to prepare the airship and load provisions. Valerian eventually returned, and while they waited for the balloons to inflate, Emmanuelle took him aside and they had a long talk. Anne, Penelope, and Hiro huddled together on a fallen log in the cool air of early evening and ate a cold dinner consisting of dried meat, cheese, nuts, and berries. The time compression feature of a fireball might trick a person’s mind into thinking only a few seconds had passed, but the body still felt the full effects of the passage of time. This meant they hadn’t had a solid meal in well over a day, and they gobbled their food hungrily.

  “So, do you think it’s safe?” Hiro asked between bites.

  Anne brushed a few crumbs off her cloak. “What do you mean?”

  Hiro pointed to where Emmanuelle and Valerian were sitting. “Do you think we’ll be okay traveling with them?”

  “Why wouldn’t we be?” asked Penelope.

  “Are you forgetting it was Valerian who stole Anne’s gauntlet and started this whole mess in the first place?”

  Penelope shrugged. “He was upset.”

  Hiro fumbled his cheese. “Upset? He might be responsible for starting a war between humans and dragons.”

  “The queen hurt his mother. You’d do the same.”

  “If my mother caught me activating an illegal Dragon Slayer quest, she’d lock me away in a secret prison on the top of some mountain surrounded by assassins, no matter what my reason was.”

  “So you’re not concerned at all, Pen?” asked Anne, who found herself agreeing more with Hiro.

  “Look, I’m not saying we should hand him the sword when we find it, but give the guy a break,” said Penelope, an edge creeping into her voice. “And even if we can’t completely trust him, look at Emmanuelle. She tore out her own eyes to protect the sword. We should at least trust her.”

  “You’re right,” Anne said in a conciliatory tone. “Those are all good points. I think Hiro is just being cautious.”

  “Caution is fine, but backing out of a quest isn’t an option,” said Penelope.

  “No one said anything about backing out,” said Anne.

  “Good.”

  The three friends lapsed into an uneasy silence until Emmanuelle and Valerian joined them.

  “Time to go,” said Emmanuelle. “It will take us several hours to reach the monastery, so the sooner we get under way, the better.”

  Valerian and Emmanuelle sat on the bench in one rowboat, while Anne, Penelope, and Hiro squeezed together on the other. Valerian passed them a long pole and showed them how to hook it to the fan in their rowboat.

  “For steering,” he explained.

  “Here we go,” said Emmanuelle. She released the ropes holding the airship, which were tied to wooden pegs in the ground. The ship rose rapidly into the air. Soon the tier was far below, visible only by the lights reflecting off the snow in the village where they had first landed.

  A swift breeze carried them along for the first hour, which made flying easy, but eventually the wind died down and they had to pedal. They continued in this manner, passing dozens of tiers. Although most were uninhabited and blanketed in snow-covered hills and forests, at least half contained a village or small town or sometimes even a castle or palace with spiral towers. They saw fields of grain, herds of cattle, sheep, and ostriches. As they passed an ocean sphere, flying crabs buzzed around the airship. On one mountainous tier, a large city filled with brightly colored roofs sprawled across the slope.

  Eventually, they passed beyond the more populated tiers into a much bleaker region with fewer signs of life. Still, Emmanuelle instructed Valerian to stick to the shadows as much as possible, lest they be seen. She wasn’t taking any chances. Well after midnight, drowsiness threatened to overtake Anne. The wind had picked up again, so no one was pedaling. Both Hiro and Emmanuelle had dozed off in their seats. Valerian was staring at the stars, seemingly lost in his own world.

  Anne rested her chin on the side of the boat and stared down at the BGFM—the Big Glowing Field of Magick at the center of the Hierarchy. At nighttime, as now, it was much darker, like red embers in a dying fire.

  “How does it know?” asked Penelope, leaning over Anne.

  “How does what know?” asked Anne.

  “The BGFM. It’s bright during the day and goes dark at night. But how does it know what time of day it is?”

  “I don’t know,” said Anne. “I guess it’s magick.”

  Anne closed her eyes and began to drift off.

  Penelope suddenly sat up straight. “Do you smell something?”

  Anne shook off her sleepiness and sniffed the air. “Not really.”

  “Take a deep breath.”

  Anne did, and this time she caught the hint of an odor like rotten eggs. She also noticed in the lamplight that the air was filled with small particles, like tiny gray snowflakes.

  Anne put her hands over her nose and mouth. “What is that stuff?”

  “Beats me. But it’s getting worse.”

  Anne reached across to the other boat and tugged on Emmanuelle’s sleeve. She roused quickly. “What is it?”

  “Something’s wrong,” said Anne. “There’s a bad smell, and the air is filled with some sort of gray dust.”

  The smith’s eyebrows rose. “Impossible.” Emmanuelle turned to Valerian. “Take us out to where you can get a view of things.”

  Valerian gave the oil lamps a sustained burst, and the airship rose. A group of small tiers were clustered together ahead of them, but Valerian deftly steered the airship through them, almost like he’d been born to fly. The cloud of flakes grew thicker, and there was a strange red glow coming from just beyond the small tiers.

  “Do you know what that smell is?” asked Anne.

  “Sulfur,” said Emmanuelle. “From the volcano.”

  Penelope coughed. “Did you say ‘volcano’?”

  Emmanuelle nodded. “That’s where the monastery is.”

  “You built a monastery on a volcano?” said Anne.

  “A dormant volcano. Or at least it used to be.”

  As they navigated past the cluster of tiers, the sky lit up in red and orange. A massive tier lay directly ahead. At its center, a huge mountain was erupting. Streams of lava crept down its slopes as jets of gas and rock exploded out of the top.

  “We have to turn around,” said Emmanuelle. “Now.”

  “But what about your eyes? And the sword?”

  Emmanuelle didn’t answer. She reached for the steering pole, but her hand had barely touched the lever when Penelope let
out a yelp.

  “Incoming!” shouted Penelope.

  Anne looked up just as a bright flash of orange streaked by, whistling as it passed.

  “Lava rocks,” said Emmanuelle.

  By now, the airship was traveling above the tier, and another explosion from the volcano below sent more rocks streaking toward them. This time several struck the side of the boats and bounced away, leaving scorch marks. Hiro woke with a shout as one lava rock landed in the rear of their rowboat.

  “The trunk is on fire,” Anne shouted.

  “Dump it,” Emmanuelle instructed.

  Anne and Penelope tried to lift the trunk, but it was too heavy. Penelope yanked the steering rod out of the fan. “Try this,” she yelled.

  Using the bench for leverage, Anne, Penelope, and Hiro managed to jam the rod under the trunk and lift it up and over the side, snapping the rod as they did so. The trunk tumbled through the air, spilling out its contents of food and other supplies.

  A third explosion was so massive the blast rocked the little airship. Everyone ducked as a spray of lava rocks streaked past. Valerian yelled something no one could hear.

  “What?” said Anne.

  He pointed upward. The balloon on Anne’s side had caught fire, and the airship became lopsided as the balloon deflated and the boat beneath it lost altitude.

  “Cut the lines,” said Emmanuelle.

  “But then there will only be one balloon,” said Anne.

  “Yes, but at least it won’t be on fire.”

  Emmanuelle held out a knife, but before Anne could take it, a much larger lava rock crashed through the middle of the airship, snapping the ropes and struts holding the two boats together. The instant the boats separated, they set off on different paths. The boat holding Emmanuelle and Valerian rose slightly, bobbing from the commotion, while the boat with Anne, Penelope, and Hiro spiraled downward at an increasingly terrifying speed, trailing flames and smoke. Even if they’d had the lever for the fan, there was no way to control their descent. All they could do was hold on and hope they weren’t flung into the night sky.

  “Emergency,” Hiro gasped.

  “That’s the understatement of the year!” shouted Penelope.

  Hiro pointed to the gauntlet. “Emergency. Signal.”

  “Oh my goodness, I completely forgot!” said Anne.

  For every quest, Jeffery was equipped with one emergency signal. If Anne sent the signal quickly, Nana might be able to rescue them before they hit the ground. Surely, Nana could still help them in an emergency.

  Anne held up her gauntlet-hand. “Jeffery!”

  Jeffery appeared in a flash of light. “Hey, not to sound like a backseat adventurer, but someone really needs to take flying lessons. Just between you and me, the piloting leaves a lot to be desired.”

  “Send out your emergency signal!” Anne shouted.

  “First of all, there’s no need to yell. I’m right here. Second of all, do you really think any dragon is going to respond to a beacon during a Dragon Slayer quest?”

  “Just send it!”

  Jeffery shrugged. “You’re the Keeper.” Jeffery’s eyes glowed and emitted two small orbs of light that rose into the air. The orbs shot into the sky and transformed into a giant dragon image.

  The spinning of the boat was making her dizzy, so Anne squeezed her eyes tight. “Come on, Nana,” she whispered.

  “Also,” said Jeffery, “just FYI, flying with your eyes shut isn’t recommended, either.”

  “Deactivate GPS,” Anne said in annoyance.

  “Hey, wait just a—” Jeffery said as he disappeared.

  “Anne, give me a hand!” shouted Hiro. “Pull on that rope!”

  Anne looked to where Hiro was pointing and saw the loose end of a rope dangling from the balloon. She grabbed hold of it and gave it a yank. As she did so, Hiro pulled another rope on the same side. This shifted the mass of the balloon back to the center, and the airship jerked out of its spin, continuing its descent in a more or less straight line. The bottom of the boat clipped the tops of a few trees and narrowly missed smashing into an outcropping of rock. They glided out over a meadow covered in tall grass that had a small toolshed at the end.

  “Not the shed, not the shed, not the shed,” Anne chanted over and over like a mantra, but it was no use.

  They hit the roof of the shed dead center.

  And exploded in a ball of orange flames.

  THE ADVENTURER’S GUIDE TO REAL ESTATE OFFERS THE FOLLOWING ADVICE:

  There are many excellent locations where one can build a home that will add tremendously to the home’s general appeal and overall value. An active volcano is not one of them.

  Statue vs. Lava Beetle

  Smoke hung in the air, and Anne covered her mouth with her sleeve. She was lying on the dirt floor of the shed, but other than a few minor bumps and bruises, she was uninjured. At least, nothing seemed broken. She rose on unsteady feet and wobbled over to the rowboat. The balloon was completely deflated and still on fire, the bench had snapped in two, and the fan attached to the stern was missing, no doubt sheared off when they crashed through the roof—which, as it happened, was also on fire.

  Hiro appeared on the other side of the boat, coughing and struggling to rise. Anne moved around to assist him.

  “Where’s Penelope?” Anne asked.

  Another coughing fit overtook Hiro, and all he could do was shake his head.

  Anne frantically scanned the room without seeing any sign of her friend. Then she spotted a pair of legs inside the rowboat. It was Penelope, lying in the front under a burning section of balloon canvas. Anne quickly tossed the canvas aside. Penelope’s eyes were closed, and her forehead was gashed.

  “We need to put out the fire,” said Anne.

  “No time,” Hiro wheezed. “Have to carry her out.”

  Hiro grabbed the cushion from the bench and threw it down beside the boat to create a softer landing. Then they grabbed Penelope’s arms and tried to pull her out, but they couldn’t budge her. Anne noticed that one of Penelope’s feet was trapped underneath the bench. She reached over and tried to free it, but the bench had jammed itself against the side of the rowboat.

  Hiro coughed. “Smoke… getting thicker.”

  Ignoring the rising heat and creeping flames, Anne climbed into the boat and planted one foot against the side of the bench. She pulled with all her might, but the bench refused to move. Hiro jumped in next to her, holding one of the broken struts. He jammed it under the bench, and together they pushed on it with their combined weight, managing to move the bench a fraction of an inch. With several more heaves, they were able to shift the bench high enough to free Penelope. Once again, they grabbed Penelope’s arms and this time levered her over the side. She landed perfectly on the cushion.

  “Come on,” Anne said through gritted teeth.

  Anne and Hiro half-climbed, half-fell out of the boat. Hiro grabbed one corner of the cushion and Anne grabbed the other, and together they dragged Penelope across the floor. The shed door opened easily, and they pulled the cushion into the coolness of the night. They kept going across the grass until they were a safe distance from the burning building. Then they collapsed onto the ground and sucked in deep breaths. The air was still full of ash, but at least it wasn’t suffocating them.

  Anne and Hiro watched as the rest of the shed roof caved in, sending up a huge pillar of colorful flames that soon engulfed the entire building.

  Penelope coughed and her eyes fluttered open. “What happened?” she asked groggily.

  “We crashed and you were knocked unconscious,” said Anne.

  “What? Again?”

  On their first quest, Penelope and Anne had jumped from the drawbridge at Saint Lupin’s, and Penelope had struck her head and fallen unconscious into the moat. Now, she felt the new lump forming on her forehead. “Well, at least this one is on the other side, so it’ll be even now. But I need to be more careful or I’m going to get a reputation.”

>   “What now?” asked Hiro.

  The ash from the volcano was growing thicker, and a fresh stream of lava was flowing steadily down the mountainside in their direction.

  Anne scanned their surroundings. “Our first priority is to find Emmanuelle and Valerian.”

  “What about the eyes?”

  “They’re the only ones who know where the eyes are.”

  “I can’t believe we lost our Wise Old Woman,” said Penelope. “She was with us less than a day. That’s got to be some kind of record. Jocelyn’s going to mark us down for sure.”

  “Considering we’re technically on another illegal quest, I’m not expecting high marks in any category,” said Anne.

  “Copperhelm will be even worse,” Penelope continued. “I can hear him now: ‘In my day, we kept better track of our Wise Old Women.’”

  Anne rolled her eyes. “This isn’t helping.”

  Hiro pointed toward a set of twin towers. “I think the other half of the airship went in that direction.”

  Anne nodded. “Then let’s get going.”

  They headed toward the towers. To reach them, they had to cross a second burning field of high grass. The field was surrounded by a wooden fence, and on the far side lay the monastery grounds, which consisted of dozens of buildings connected by various courtyards and gates, all in a state of disrepair and mostly on fire. After a few wrong turns and a few dead ends, they finally reached their destination.

  The two towers were separated by a deep trench full of jagged rocks that extended as far as they could see in either direction. Anne, Penelope, and Hiro had arrived at the bottom of one tower, and on the other side of the trench, in the middle of an empty courtyard near the base of the second tower, sat the crashed airship. Though covered by a thick layer of ash, its half-deflated balloon flapping in the wind, the ship appeared surprisingly undamaged. However, they saw no sign of Emmanuelle and Valerian.

  To find them, they needed to reach the other side, but the bridge over the trench had been destroyed. High above, though, a walkway connected the towers directly, and so far it remained intact. Even though the doors of the first tower were ominously scorched and hanging loose from their hinges, the adventurers proceeded inside cautiously. The interior was one big open space with a staircase that spiraled around the inner wall. This led to the top—or it used to. Now the staircase was mostly a burning, smoking ruin, with only a few stray steps still jutting out from the walls.