Reckless Memories

by Catherine Cowles

  I wanted to ask him what his plans were, but that felt a little too serious after having sex for the first time. We were just starting to find our way. I didn’t need to put added pressure on Ford.

  “I don’t have pancake mix, but will you settle for an egg and cheese sandwich?”

  I slid onto a stool at the counter. “Sounds perfect. Can I have—?”

  “Extra cheese on yours? Already done.” He placed a plate in front of me with a bagel sandwich that looked like it had more cheese than egg.

  “You know the way to my heart.”

  He grinned. “You want OJ or coffee?”

  “OJ, then coffee.”

  “Coming right up.”

  Ford set down a tall glass of orange juice before settling onto the stool next to me. “So, what do you want to do before work today?”

  I tore off a bite of bagel and then proceeded to rip it into small, even shreds on my plate. “I was thinking about going to visit Violet. Maybe you could come with me?” I flicked my gaze up to Ford. “Is that too weird? I just don’t want to feel like we’re hiding something.”

  He reached over and squeezed the back of my neck. “It’s not weird. I’d love to go with you.”

  The tension in my shoulders eased a bit. Maybe this wouldn’t be as hard as I’d thought. I had been sure that I would be swamped by guilt this morning, but I hadn’t. I felt…happy. At peace. Like so much of my life was slipping into place. But I wanted to make sure Violet was still a part of that life, even if she was gone. “Thank you.”

  “We’ll stop at the florist and pick up some flowers to take.”

  I picked up my sandwich. “They have to be potted.”

  Ford turned, studying me. “Why?”

  “I kind of have a thing about cut flowers.”

  “Okay…” Ford took a sip of coffee and waited for me to explain.

  I set my bagel back on the plate. “After Violet died, our house and my hospital room, they were full of flowers. So many, I lost count. Don’t get me wrong, it was kind of people to send them. But they all started dying around the same time. And soon, my hospital room, and our house, they looked exactly like what they were. Shrines to the dead and damaged. Every time I looked at them, I remembered that Vi was gone. What I had lost. I wanted to remember the life she lived, not everything else.” I gave a little shrug. “So, no more cut flowers.”

  “That’s why you put all of the pots at Vi’s grave.”

  I nodded. “I like having something to tend there, too. It gives me something to do while I talk to her. And it feels like, I don’t know, like I’m taking care of her somehow.”

  Ford placed a hand on my thigh, squeezing. “You’re honoring her, Bell. It’s beautiful.” He glanced down at the small piece of my tattoo that peeked out of my tank top. “Your tattoo is honoring her, too, isn’t it?”

  I smiled. “Violets and bluebells.”

  “And you designed it, didn’t you?”

  I placed my hand over his, linking our fingers. “I drew it out, and the tattoo artist put it on me.” As much as Ford had said he thought my scars were beautiful because they were a part of me, I knew they still hurt him. Hurt him because they marked the pain I’d been through. “I didn’t want to cover up the scars. I wanted to make peace with them. With all that had happened. This was my way of doing that.”

  Ford slid off his stool and wrapped his arms around me. “You are so damn brave. And always so wise beyond your years.”

  “I’m healed, Ford. I’m safe. Those scars aren’t your fault.”

  He held me tighter, and I wrapped my arms around his waist. “I know it’s not my fault. I really do. But I hate that I wasn’t there to help you through it. It’s hard for me to forgive myself for that one.”

  I fisted my hands in his t-shirt. “But you’re going to have to. Just like I have to forgive myself for my anger towards you. We were lost in our own world of hurt. And doing our best with what we had at the time. Now, we’re doing things differently because we have new tools.”

  Ford pressed his lips to the top of my head. “I can promise you this much. You’ll never have to face the hard stuff without me again.”

  It wasn’t a promise to stay on Anchor, but it was close.

  I’d take it and run.

  36

  Ford

  “I don’t think all of these are going to fit, Cupcake.”

  I looked at the back of my SUV, full to the brim with potted plants. They were all different sizes, shapes, and colors. Bell was right, they would never all fit at Vi’s grave. “I might’ve gone a bit overboard.”

  Bell laughed, the sound catching on the breeze and taking root in my chest. “Might’ve?”

  I gave her a mock scowl. “We can put the rest at my place.”

  She smiled, the movement causing the green in her eyes to catch the light. “I like the idea of having plants to tend at your house.”

  “You’re going to have to teach me how to keep them alive. I have a black thumb when it comes to growing things. My gardener back in LA actually asked me not to do anything to the plants there. I kept killing them.”

  Bell choked on a laugh and patted me on the back. “I’ll teach you how not to be a plant murderer.”

  “Thank you.” We each took two pots from the SUV and headed for the church. As we wove our way through the headstones, there was no unease this time, simply peace. I’d like to think that Vi would be happy that Bell and I had found each other in this way. That was the kind of girl she’d been, wanting everyone she loved to be happy.

  My footsteps faltered as we approached Vi’s grave. All that peace that had been building inside me was ripped apart in a single breath. Every pot and plant that Bell had so tenderly cared for had been destroyed. Smashed into a million little pieces.

  “What in the—?” Bell couldn’t even finish her sentence.

  My eyes immediately began scanning the area, looking for anyone who might still be lurking nearby. I saw nothing. But as my gaze tracked over the destruction on the ground, it caught on a piece of paper amidst it all. A worn piece of notebook paper with thick, angry slashes for handwriting. They’re liars. The flowers are lies. They betrayed you, but I’ll always love you.

  My gut twisted. This wasn’t just someone angry. This was someone sick. I set down the pots I was carrying, careful not to contaminate any evidence. Then I took Bell’s plants and did the same. She stood in shock, just staring at her love for her sister shattered on the ground. I wrapped an arm around her. “We need to get back in the car and call Sheriff Raines.”

  She nodded woodenly, letting me drag her away. My eyes kept scanning the cemetery the whole time, looking for anything out of place. I kept one hand wrapped around Bell and used the other to pull out my phone. I hit Parker’s contact. “We have a problem.” I quickly filled him in. When I was done, I shoved the phone back into my pocket.

  “He’s on the island, so he’ll be here in five.” I opened the passenger door for Bell, helping her in. She nodded again, that same stiff movement that had my gut twisting. I stood at the side of the vehicle, not able to leave her, even to just walk around the damn SUV.

  Bell turned to face me, but her eyes weren’t focusing. “Who’s doing this, Ford?”

  I reached out, cupping her face, and Bell let her head fall to my chest. “I wish I knew, baby. I wish I fucking knew.” My back molars ground together. The creep wasn’t slowing down, and his anger was escalating, I knew that much from what my friends Austin and Carter had gone through back in LA. The twisting in my gut deepened. What if this guy hurt Bell again? Tried to kill her? The vise around my chest was back. No more easy breathing just because Bell was with me. I could lose her. And if I did, I knew I’d never recover. I pulled her tighter against me. “Maybe we should get out of town for a little while. Just until they find this guy.”

  Bell jerked back. “We can’t do that. The bar is just starting to pick up business. We’ll lose all of the progress we’ve made.” />
  I felt a muscle in my jaw tic. “I don’t give a flying fuck about the bar. I care about your safety.”

  Bell’s expression hardened, her hands fisting in my tee. “I’m not letting someone scare me away from my home. And what happens if we leave? They stop doing this, and we’re no closer to finding out who they are.” She paused for a moment, studying my face. “Would you be okay with staying away forever? With never coming back?”

  Bell seemed to hold her breath, waiting for my answer. I swept her hair back from her face. “No. I’m not looking for reasons to run. I just want you safe.”

  Her shoulders eased a fraction. Shit. She was still worried that I was going to take off on her. I needed to tell her I was going to stay. It was the worst possible timing for sharing the decision, but I couldn’t handle the doubt in her eyes a second longer. I pressed my lips to her forehead. “I’m moving back to Anchor.”

  She pulled back, gaze boring into mine. “What? How?”

  “I’ll either have my manager take over the day-to-day of the bars permanently, or I’ll sell.” I’d do whatever it took so I didn’t lose Bell.

  “You can’t do that. You worked so hard to build those bars into what they’ve become.”

  I had. There’d been blood, sweat, and probably some tears along the way. But Bell was more important. She always had been. It had just taken me way too long to see it. “They’re businesses, Bell. You…you’re everything to me.” It was on the tip of my tongue to tell Bell that I loved her, but the words seemed to get stuck in my throat, anxiety gripping me.

  Her expression softened, and she pushed a lock of hair away from my face. “I love you, Ford.”

  I wrapped my arms around her, guilt eating at me for not being able to give her those words in response. I forced levity into my voice. “Glad you do, because I’m going to be stuck to you like glue.”

  She gave a hint of a laugh. “And that will be such a hardship.”

  I grinned against her hair. “It will definitely have its perks.” My head snapped up at the sound of an approaching car. My muscles relaxed a fraction when I saw the lights atop the SUV. “Sheriff’s here.”

  Bell sighed. “I bet we’re his two favorite people.”

  “It’s his job, Bell. He doesn’t mind.”

  Parker climbed out of his SUV. “You guys okay?”

  I gave a quick nod. “We’re fine. I can’t say the same for Violet’s grave.”

  “I’m going to check it out really quick, and then I’ll be back to talk to you and wait for the crime scene techs.”

  I inclined my head in assent and rubbed a hand up and down Bell’s back. I wanted the right words to give her, ones that would ease her mind and bring comfort, but nothing I came up with seemed adequate. I could only promise one thing. “I’ll keep you safe. I’m not going anywhere.”

  She tipped her head back to look me in the eyes. “I need you to be safe, too. Promise me.”

  “I’ll be safe, too.”

  Within a few minutes, Parker was striding back towards our SUV. “I’m really sorry you two had to find that.”

  “Thanks.” Bell’s voice was soft, almost timid, and I hated the tone with everything I had in me. There was no sass or spunk, none of the usual life force that ran through everything Bell did and said.

  I met Parker’s gaze. “It’s safe to assume now that this is definitely about Violet.”

  “I’d say so.” He scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “Have you two come up with names for anyone I should talk to?”

  Bell nibbled on her bottom lip. “No one seemed angry enough to do something like this. Or hurt Ford. But maybe I’m just not seeing things clearly.” She paused for a moment. “Did my parents have alibis?”

  My heart broke for the girl who had to ask that question. I hated that there was enough doubt in her mind to think they were capable of it.

  Parker rested his hands on his gun belt. “They said they were both home on the nights in question.”

  “Can anyone verify that?” The question had to be asked.

  He shook his head. “Neighbors can’t confirm either way.”

  “And are you talking to anyone else? Any other suspects?” I was losing my patience with how slowly this investigation was moving. I needed Bell safe, and I needed it now.

  “I’m afraid I can’t share a list of who we’ve talked to, but we’re working our way around to some classmates of Vi’s, plus teachers, coaches, anyone who had a relationship with her that still lives on the island.”

  My jaw hardened. “And what the hell are we supposed to do in the meantime? Just wait around like sitting ducks?”

  “Ford.” Bell placed a hand on my chest, trying to calm me. But not even her touch could ease me right now.

  “Tell me, Parker. How am I supposed to keep Bell safe when I have no idea who’s coming at us? When it could be someone we trust? Tell me.”

  A muscle in Parker’s cheek flickered. “Trust me, Ford. I know how you feel. It’s the worst feeling in the world when you can’t protect the ones you love. But we’re doing everything we can. I’ve got two deputies on the island ’round the clock, and they’re doing regular drive-bys.” He paused for a moment. “You know how to shoot?”

  Bell bristled. “Oh no. No guns.”

  I quirked a brow at her. “Trouble, there’s a Glock in a gun safe in my bedroom.”

  She sighed, rubbing her temples. “At least it’s in a freaking safe.”

  Parker met my gaze. “Good. You might look into getting a concealed carry permit. I’ll do what I can to fast-track it for you. In the meantime, get both of you Tasers.”

  “I already have one in my purse.”

  I glanced at Bell. “Really?” It surprised me. Bell had always been a bit of a pacifist. Hated guns and violence of any kind. I couldn’t picture her picking up a Taser.

  She grinned at me. “Your mom gave it to me before I went away to college. She didn’t want me without protection in a big city.”

  God, my mom was the best. I pressed a kiss to the top of Bell’s head, soaking in the way her body fit perfectly against mine, trying to grab hold of that peace she gave me. Bell would be safe. There was no other option.

  37

  Bell

  My head thrummed in a steady beat as Ford pulled out a chair. “Sit.” I scowled at him. He glowered right back. “Please.” It sounded like the word pained him. I sat.

  Caelyn’s eyes jumped back and forth between the two of us as if she were watching a tennis match. “Soooooo…Anything you want to tell us?”

  I turned my scowl on her. “Oh, you know, the usual. Vi’s gravesite being vandalized, threatening notes being left calling Ford and me betrayers.”

  Caelyn winced. “Sorry.”

  “Bell,” Kenna chastised.

  My shoulders slumped. I was such a jerk. My friends did not deserve me biting their heads off just because my day had been a nightmare. How a morning that had started off so perfectly could turn into such a disaster, I wasn’t quite sure. I reached out and squeezed Caelyn’s hand. “I’m sorry. It’s just been a shitty morning.”

  She gave me a small smile. “I know.” Her eyes flicked to Ford, who was heading to the side door of The Catch, and then she looked back at me. “It just seemed like there was some new energy brewing between the two of you.”

  Heat filled my cheeks, and I bit my bottom lip. There was definitely something new and different between Ford and me. I glanced over my shoulder, taking the man in as he pulled open the door. I didn’t want to lose him. Didn’t want to lose this new thing between us.

  “They slept together,” Kenna said matter-of-factly, but worry streaked across her expression.

  My head jerked in her direction. “How do you know that?”

  Caelyn gasped, and Kenna’s lips twitched. “It’s written all over both of you. If you want to hide it, you’re both going to have to work on your poker faces.”

  “I don’t want to hide it.” But did Ford? I didn’t t
hink so. He’d been more than openly affectionate around the sheriff. But would that change around the people we knew?

  Caelyn leaned forward. “What’s wrong, Bell?”

  I rubbed my temples, trying my best to clear the tension gathering there. “So, so much.” It felt like more and more was being piled onto my plate, and I had no way to deal with it all. There was no release valve for my life. And as wonderful as last night and this morning had been with Ford, it had only raised the stakes. Instead of enjoying this newfound relationship between us, I was second-guessing every word and action, worrying that one wrong move would send this house of cards tumbling to the ground.

  “You have got to be kidding me,” Kenna muttered. “What is he doing here?”

  “I missed you too, Brown Eyes.”

  I pressed my lips together to hide my chuckle as I waved at Crosby and Hunter. “Hey, guys. You know you’re welcome anytime”—I arched a brow at Kenna—“but aren’t you supposed to be working?”

  Kenna scoffed. “Hunter maybe, but we’re probably just interrupting one of Crosby’s paddleboarding sessions.”

  Crosby sent Kenna a grin that even I had to admit was devastating. “You know you’re always welcome on the back of my board.”

  She gave an exaggerated shudder. “No thank you. I prefer to stay disease-free.”

  “Don’t worry, Brown Eyes. Safety first. My board and I are always disease-free.”

  Caelyn choked on a laugh, and I felt the color rise to my cheeks. Ford pulled out a chair next to me, handing me a bottle of water. “Enough with the circus act, you two. Crosby and Hunter are here because I called them.”

  Hunt pulled out a chair on my other side, giving my shoulder a squeeze as he sat. “You hanging in there, Bells?”

  I nodded. I hated the worry that creased Hunter’s brow, and the dark circles under his eyes. “I’m fine, Hunt. Promise.” He didn’t look like he believed me.

  “I need your help.” Ford slipped a hand around the base of my neck, massaging the muscles that might as well have been made of stone. “This asshole isn’t slowing down, and I’m worried he might hurt Bell.”