Reckless Memories

by Catherine Cowles

  Crosby leaned closer to me. “I love it when she cracks the whip like that.”

  “Not the time, Crosby,” Hunter warned.

  I laced my fingers behind my head, pressing my hands against my skull, trying to hold back my desire to punch something. “She was doubting how I felt about her.” Saying the words out loud sliced at my throat, ravaged my chest. The last thing Bell had felt in regard to me was doubt. And that would stay with me forever. I cleared my throat. “Lacey Hotchkiss showed up at the bar.” Kenna let out what sounded like a growl. “She was trying to hit on me. I shut it down. But Bell was still upset.”

  I inhaled, the air seeming to have jagged edges, the way it felt when temperatures were below freezing. “We fought. She stormed outside. I gave myself a couple of minutes to get it together, and then I followed. I knew she’d be pissed, that she likely wanted to be alone, but I was worried. By the time I got out there…she was gone. I heard a vehicle peeling out of the parking lot.” I swallowed back the burning in my throat that was somehow creeping up behind my eyes.

  Crosby squeezed my shoulder. “We’re going to find her.”

  Caelyn leaned forward. “Hunt, have you called Ethan? Maybe he saw something and just hasn’t put it together because he doesn’t know that Bell’s missing.”

  Hunter nodded and hit Ethan’s contact. The room was so quiet, I could hear the ringing on the other end. It went on and on, no answer in sight. Garbled words sounded, and Hunter hit end and dialed again. This time, it rang once, and then a muted voice answered. Hunter’s brows drew together. “He sent me to voicemail.”

  I began pacing. “Call him again. Maybe he thinks you’re trying to drag him out of bed for a ride.”

  Hunt nodded and hit Ethan’s name again. “Same thing.” A flicker of something passed over my brother’s features.

  I stopped pacing. “What is it?”

  “Nothing.”

  My muscles tensed, and I fought the urge to deck Hunter. “That doesn’t sound like nothing.”

  He let out a frustrated breath. “I swear it’s nothing, my mind is just looking for zebras when I should be thinking horses.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I stepped towards him, but Crosby put a hand firmly in my chest.

  “It’s stupid. I just remembered something from high school.”

  “What thing from high school?” I gritted out.

  Hunter toyed with the cell phone in his hands, spinning it in circles. “Ethan had a massive crush on Violet.”

  Dread slid through my veins, thick and suffocating, like tar, slowly drowning out my ability to breathe.

  “Don’t freak, Ford. He’d crushed on her forever, even gave her flowers in middle school, violets, but he never actually made a move. I told you, paranoia is getting to me.”

  Caelyn pushed to her feet, her body seeming to tremble. “He was around a lot, and for no real reason, especially after Vi died.”

  Kenna’s brow pinched. “He came by the hospital a few times, even offered to drive Bell to physical therapy if her parents couldn’t.”

  “You guys, it’s called being a good person,” Hunter argued.

  Crosby held up a hand. “You had that moment of doubt for a reason. It doesn’t cost us anything to check it out. You know where he lives, right?” Hunter nodded slowly. “We’ll go knock on his door. No harm, no foul. We need to know if he saw anything regardless.”

  “No.” My vision was going unfocused as that dread sank its claws in deeper. “We have to go somewhere else first.” This was about Vi, her death. Whether it was Ethan or someone else, there was only one place they’d take Bell.

  “Where?” Kenna asked.

  “The cliffs.” Where the nightmare began.

  45

  Bell

  Over. Ethan wanted to toss me off a cliff. Like a rock or a piece of trash he’d kick over the side. His eyes seemed to gleam unnaturally in the moonlight. Garbage was exactly what he thought I was. “W-why?” I couldn’t help the slight tremble in my voice.

  Ethan stopped his pacing and turned to look at me. “Someone has to put Violet first.”

  “How is sending me over a cliff putting Violet first?” Yes, I was buying time, but I also genuinely wanted to know. Needed to understand how a mind had twisted things to such an extreme.

  His face hardened. “You’re spitting on her grave. On Violet’s dead body. You say you love her, but you’re fucking the man who killed her!” Ethan began pacing again, muttering to himself about traitors and other things I couldn’t quite make out.

  My hands shook as I tested the ropes again. Too tight. They weren’t loosening. But my feet were free. That would have to be enough. Ethan was bigger and faster, but I had adrenaline on my side. Adrenaline and a desire to live. I just needed a chance to break away.

  Hands slammed down on the side of the SUV as Ethan’s face appeared in the smashed-out window. “Why did you do it? Why did you let her killer in?”

  I let out a shaky breath. “Because I love him.”

  Ethan’s hand struck out quicker than I could move, and he latched on to my hair with a viciousness that startled a yelp out of me. He yanked on the strands, bringing my face close to his. The pain had tears gathering in my eyes. “You’re so damn selfish. You love him more than your sister? Your blood?”

  “I love them both.” I did, there was no one on this Earth I loved more than Vi and Ford. I could feel it, rooted deep in my chest. It wasn’t a competition like I had feared. It was like trying to compare the sun and the moon. They both tugged at me like they pulled the sea, strong and swift, but I needed them each in different ways.

  Ethan’s face reddened as his grip on my scalp tightened. “You are sickening.”

  Spittle dotted my face as he cursed, throwing me back against the seat. My head rang with the force of it, a renewed beat thundering through my skull. Nausea swept through me in waves. I let myself close my eyes for just a moment, trying to still the riot of pain and sickness coursing through me.

  I took a deep, shuddering breath and forced my eyes back open. Ethan was back to pacing. Cursing. Kicking rocks. The stones went flying over the side of the cliff. In the same way I would if I didn’t get out of here. I straightened in my seat, wincing as I awkwardly pushed myself up to a sitting position.

  I doubted the doors with the smashed-out windows would even open, but when Ethan had thrown me, he’d scooted me towards the other door. Closer to freedom. I glanced at Ethan. He was still pacing. I eased my hands over to the door, onto the handle. It was difficult, but I could just get my fingers around the latch and—

  “Maybe we should call him.”

  I froze. “Call who?”

  Ethan’s face appeared in the window opening again. “The killer. Violet’s killer. Maybe we can get him out here and then send you both over. That’s how it should be.”

  My heart hammered in my chest, shaking my rib cage. “No. Don’t call Ford.”

  Ethan grinned, the smile sick and twisted, and pulled out his phone. He scowled at the screen. Time. I needed to buy time. To get free. To run. And he couldn’t call Ford in that time. My stomach roiled at the thought. “You loved my sister?”

  Ethan froze. I’d said the first thing that came to mind. I hadn’t had time to put all of the pieces together, but my brain must’ve been doing the work subconsciously. No one did something like this just for kicks. There had to be a reason. And at the root of this much hate could only be one thing…love.

  Ethan’s throat worked as he swallowed. “She loved me, too.”

  I stayed silent, hoping he’d continue. I searched my mind for any memories of Ethan and Violet together. Nothing other than football games and school events came to mind.

  Ethan took my silence as disagreement. “She did!”

  “Okay,” I hurried to assuage him. “I just—I didn’t know. She never told me. It’s hard to learn things about your sister after she’s already gone.” Ethan nodded slowly. “Did you get the SU
V because you loved her?” My mind had been going in circles on how the vehicle even still existed.

  “I get everything of hers I can.”

  I gripped the armrest as best as I could with my fingers that had lost all feeling. “How’d you get this?”

  “Wreck lot. They were going to take it to Shelter Island to crunch it. I bought it for two hundred bucks.” Who wouldn’t have asked any questions about a sixteen or seventeen-year-old buying a wreck of an SUV that had been part of a deadly accident? Why hadn’t his parents asked any questions? “I got it working again, just enough. I was waiting. Waiting for Ford to come back. I was going to kill him in this thing.” He blushed. “Got a little impatient, though.”

  My hands spasmed. Ethan had been impatient when he’d smashed Ford over the head with a piece of driftwood and dragged him into the ocean. “Ethan,” I whispered. “The accident wasn’t Ford’s fault. A deer jumped out into the road. Ford tried to save us.”

  “It was his fault! Don’t you dare say different!” Ethan strode away to the back of the SUV. “It’s time for you to go. Time for this to end.”

  Shit, shit, shit. I’d pushed too far. There was no time for distraction or anything else. It was now or never. My fingers pulled on the door latch just as the vehicle began to roll forward towards the cliff. I scrambled out, tripping as I went. My bound hands caught the brunt of my fall, and I lurched to my feet.

  Ethan cursed. “No! You don’t get away. Not this time.”

  I ran—as fast as my muscles would allow. My head swam. I kept blinking, trying to clear my vision so I wouldn’t trip. Footsteps on gravel sounded behind me. Getting closer and closer. I pushed my muscles harder. I pictured Ford in my mind, running to him, into the safety I felt while in his arms.

  A hand snagged the back of my shirt, yanking me back. “I don’t think so.” I slammed into a hard chest. “You’re going over tonight. No more breaks for you.”

  Tears streamed down my face as I kicked and clawed, trying to get purchase on anything. I had no luck. The steep, rocky incline grew closer, the black sea swirling around the jagged rocks below. No, no, no. My life wasn’t going to end like this. But Vi hadn’t wanted hers to end the way it had either.

  My feet scrambled as rocks gave way along the cliff. It was too steep. I’d roll down and land on the rocks below. If the fall didn’t kill me, the mixture of injuries and the sea would finish the job. I had nothing, no one, not a single thing that could save me now. But as Ethan forced me over the edge, I wasn’t alone. My mind saw only one thing: Ford’s face.

  46

  Ford

  I slammed the door of my SUV, and my breath stuttered in my lungs. Memories hit me one after the other. Laughing with Vi and Bell as I drove. Bell yelling out. Me trying to swerve. The sickening crunch. The nothingness that followed.

  My SUV, the one from the accident… It was sitting before me. Same license plate. Same…everything. Except the side was completely smashed in. The damage that must’ve been done in the collision. My gut twisted and roiled.

  A scream jerked me out of my daze. I didn’t think, I just ran towards the terrified sounds coming from the woman I loved more than life itself. That familiar vise tightened painfully around my ribs again, each step seeming to twist it tighter. Footsteps behind me told me that Crosby and Hunter were close.

  I yelled, but it was drowned out by the ocean winds and the sound of the waves below. I pushed my muscles harder as the cliff’s edge came into view. Time slowed, seemed almost to stop, as if someone had pressed the Universe’s pause button. Bell was being held over a cliff by only a fistful of her shirt, flailing, searching for purchase, for anything that might save her. I was close, but not close enough. She was alone. I’d left her when she needed me most and now…Ethan released his hold.

  A guttural cry tore from my chest as Bell slid over the side of the rocky incline. Gone. She was gone. This wasn’t happening. The pain tearing through me was like nothing I’d ever experienced before, fire and ice licking through muscle and sinew, ripping me apart.

  “Go, Ford! We’ve got Ethan.”

  It was Hunter’s order that snapped me out of it. Maybe… Maybe the fall hadn’t killed her. Maybe Bell was in the water below. I ran towards the edge of the cliff, skidding to a stop just a breath away from going over. Black water swirled below. I strained to see any movement.

  “Ford?”

  The single word, shaky and uncertain, was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard. My gaze snapped down. “Bell.” I sank to the ground and lay on my stomach so I could lean over the side. The cliffside was made up of a series of steep inclines, and Bell was teetering on one of them, hands bound but hooked around a bunch of roots and rocks. My heart slammed against my ribs as rocks gave way under her feet.

  “Ford!”

  The panic in Bell’s eyes nearly broke something in me. I didn’t think, just reached, trying to ground myself with one hand and grab hold of Bell with the other. “I’ve got you.”

  Terror flashed in her eyes. “I’m going to fall.”

  “No. You’re not.” I gritted my teeth against the strain of gravity and my awkward position. I’d grabbed her with my weak arm, the same one that had been dislocated only weeks before. I willed my shoulder to stay in place. I would not let Bell fall. I would not lose her.

  There was a gasp behind me. “Oh, God. What do we do?” Caelyn’s panicked voice cut through the night air.

  “You and Kenna grab my ankles. I need weight to hold me in place.”

  They moved in a flash. Their arms and weight grounded me. I reached down with my left hand, grabbing hold of Bell’s other wrist. “Okay, Trouble, I need you to listen to me.” Bell’s eyes were wild, jumping from me to the rocks and swirling ocean below and then back again. “Bell! Eyes on me.” She obeyed, but the fear in them cut so deep, I knew it would leave a scar that would last forever.

  “Listen to me. On the count of three, you’re going to let go of those roots, and I’m going to lift you up.” I could’ve lifted Bell easily with an uninjured arm, she was a lightweight, but I had no idea if my shoulder would give out when I began to pull.

  Bell’s head shook back and forth frantically. “I-I can’t. I’ll fall.”

  “You can, Bell. You’re so damn brave. You can do this.” It all came down to one thing. Trust. I’d put her through so much. Left her when she needed me most. But I was here now. And I was staying. I locked my gaze with Bell’s. “I love you. I’m not going anywhere. You are stuck with me forever. Please…trust me.”

  Bell let out a shuddering breath. “Okay.”

  The word was soft, almost lost in the sound of the waves crashing into the rocks below and the wind whipping through the trees. “On the count of three.” She nodded. “One, two, three!”

  Bell released her hold, and I pulled with everything I had in me. I felt a tearing sensation in my right shoulder like someone had taken a blowtorch to the joint, but I didn’t care. She was closer. Almost to safety, nearly in my arms. With one more hard tug, I rolled us both over onto solid ground, Bell landing on top of me.

  Her body shook with violent sobs. I wrapped my arms around her and held tight, needing the feel of her against me, alive and breathing. “You’re safe, Trouble. You’re safe.” I said the words over and over as if I were incapable of saying anything else. Sirens sounded in the background.

  “I’m sorry, Ford. I’m so sorry.” Bell pressed her face into my neck as she wept.

  I held her tighter, uncaring that my shoulder was raging in pain. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”

  “I trust you.” She hiccupped the words on a half-sob.

  “I love you, Bell. More than anything or anyone. You are it for me.”

  “Good,” she mumbled against my throat. “Because I’m not letting go.”

  47

  Bell

  I braced myself against the shower wall, letting the hot water cascade down my body. It stung the cuts and scrapes, but I relished th
e sting. I would’ve doused myself with rubbing alcohol if it were possible. I’d scrubbed and scrubbed as if that might erase what had happened.

  I jumped at the sound of the shower door opening. Ford stepped inside, the tension running through him, causing his muscles to ripple. “Hi.” The word came out with a tremble, and I hated it, the uncertainty in my voice, the weakness.

  “Come here.” I went without hesitation, Ford wrapping me in his strong arms. “You’re safe.”

  “I know.” And I did. Ethan was locked up in jail with a black eye and broken nose courtesy of Crosby and Hunter, and he wouldn’t be getting out anytime soon. It wasn’t that. It was as if I couldn’t feel that my feet were indeed on solid ground.

  As if reading my mind, Ford pressed his lips to my wet hair. “It’s going to take time. But I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

  I melted into him at those words. I wasn’t alone. I never had been, and I never would be. The thing I hadn’t realized before was that even when Ford was gone, I still carried him with me, the same way I held Vi inside me now. The things they’d taught me, the encouragement and support they’d given, but most of all, I’d always had their love, and I would forever. No amount of cold could drown out that warmth.

  I tipped my head back, meeting Ford’s gaze. “I love you.”

  He closed his eyes as if soaking in every syllable and embedding it within him. When his eyes opened, they blazed with that blue fire I loved so much. “I love you too, Bell. I’ve always felt it in one way or another. I didn’t say it because—”