Daddy Secrets

by Mia Carson

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  I didn’t want to go home. I wanted to stay here, with her in my arms, for the rest of the night, but I knew there would be questions if we didn’t get home soon. With a sigh and one last long, slow, kiss, I ushered her into my truck, the nagging background fear that she would find someone else silent for the first time in weeks.

  3

  Ella

  The sky dark and heavy as nature gave life to our fields, the droplets of life giving moisture patting softly against the window of my room. The sky suited my mood perfectly. Levi had been gone for almost a week and I missed him desperately. I’d been tempted to open one of his letters but had resisted. It was going to get worse, much worse, once I was in Wichita Falls, and I was saving them for when I really needed them.

  I was still dreaming of the night I’d lost my virginity to Levi. It had been magical, better than I’d dreamed it could be. I’d been apprehensive that our first time would be uncomfortable, but I was one of the lucky few and felt nothing but mind-twisting pleasure. I had been taking care of myself with my fingers for some time, to give me the strength to wait, which was probably why it hadn’t hurt, but all my playing in the deep of night hadn’t fully prepared me for the experience. The feel of him inside me had been exquisite, his manhood filling me to perfection. Girls talked, and all during my senior year and afterwards, I’d heard about how some guy had wound some girl’s clock. I had nothing to compare Levi too, but I’d be willing to put him up against any man, anywhere, for his ability to please a woman.

  I’d held his penis in my hand before, but I hadn’t realized how well-endowed he was until he was inside me. We’d made love twice more before he left, and each time, he was better than the time before. Our first time, on the seat of his truck, had been wild, hard, and fast. Exactly what I’d wanted at the time, my need for him making me eager. The next time had been much slower and loving. His parents had traveled to Dallas to spend the day with Kamron, their youngest daughter, and we’d made good use of the time as we made slow, sensual, love in his bed.

  The third time, only three days before he left for BMT, we’d returned to our spot at Stamford Lake with a blanket and made love among the cottonwoods by the water. That one had been the best of all, our passions fueled by his imminent departure as we softly cried our pleasure to the world and soaked the blanket with our sweat. We’d started experimenting with different positions and techniques. His stamina had improved immensely, and the results had been explosive. I’d also decided that condoms were a pain in the ass because they broke the mood when we had to stop and sheath his sword. As soon as I was out on my own, I was going on the pill. When he came to see me, he could enter me without pause or hesitation, and I’d be able feel him come inside me.

  I’d ached for two days after the fucking he’d given me under the trees, but I couldn’t stop smiling. Now he was gone. I couldn’t even call him, not while he was in BMT. I’d watched him board the bus that carried him away, and I’d cried, shedding silent tears with Judy as the vehicle disappeared.

  I’d cried a little each of the next three days. I was okay during the day, when I was busy and we rarely saw each other anyway, but in the evenings, when we’d normally be together, his absence weighed heavy. I was past the tears now, but the ache inside at his absence was as strong as ever.

  After eight weeks of BMT, I could see him. He couldn’t come home, but I was driving to San Antonio with Will and Judy the weekend before I started school, and that was the only thing keeping the darkness at bay.

  I was staring out my window as the rain pattered against the pane. Dad was busy in the shop maintaining some piece of equipment, and Mom had run into town to do some shopping. If Levi were home, he’d either be here with me or I’d be at his farm with him since the fields were too wet to work. The dreary weather was only serving to make my melancholy worse when my phone rang.

  “Hey, Cat,” I said after seeing Catherine Meyer’s face pop up on my phone.

  “Hey, Ella! You still moping around?”

  “I’m not moping,” I protested.

  Cat giggled. “Sure you’re not,” she said, drawing the first word out in a long drawl. “Listen, a bunch of us are going to meet at the Caswell barn this evening. Why don’t you come?”

  The Caswell barn, or simply ‘the barn,’ was an old barn that had belonged to the Caswell family years ago, before the Calhouns bought their land. The barn was tucked into a grove of trees south of town, long abandoned and leaning to the right like a drunk as it fell into disrepair, but it served as a gathering place where kids for generations went to have a beer, get loud, make out, and shoot the shit. The rule was, ‘what happened at the barn, stayed at the barn,’ and so long as nobody got hurt, the cops left people alone there.

  “I don’t know,” I said. The last thing I felt like doing was partying.

  “Oh, for Christ’s sake. Are you going to spend the next four years sulking? Levi isn’t going to care if you go have a beer with friends. Do you think he’s not going to have a beer or three with his friends?”

  “It’s not that.”

  “What, then?”

  “I don’t know. I’m just not in the mood.”

  “And you say you’re not sulking? Come on, it’ll do you good. Get out and forget your troubles for a little while. In less than two months you’ll have your nose in a book for four years. This may be your last chance to get wild. You need to learn to live a little.”

  Cat had a well-earned reputation as being a party girl. She was always up for a good time, no matter the occasion. If beer or boys were involved, she was in, and would put out for any guy willing to spend money on her.

  “Maybe,” I allowed.

  “It’s settled then. I’ll be by at eight to pick you up. You can ride with me so you can take me home after I get shit-faced. Deal?”

  I couldn’t help but giggle. “Okay, sure.”

  “Great! Wear something sexy. I don’t want you cramping my style!” she teased and was gone before I could protest.

  I gave my head a little shake. Cat was a mess, but maybe she was on to something. Maybe that was just what I needed, to be surrounded by friends. Levi and I had paid more than one visit to the Caswell barn. It was the place where, when we were sophomores in high school, he first kissed me to much whooping, hollering, and jeering by our friends. The rumors we were fucking were thick after that, but we didn’t care, and I think most people who really knew us knew they weren’t true.

  Dress sexy, Cat said. I stood and walked to my closet to see what I had available. I selected a new shirt. It wasn’t the most revealing thing I owned, but it was the shirt I was wearing when Levi made me a woman, and there was nothing sexier than that. Besides, if Levi couldn’t go to the barn with me, I wanted to wear something to remind me of him. Just holding the shirt and thinking about the last time I wore it made me smile. Maybe I needed to wear this shirt more often if it was going to improve my mood this much.

  -oOo-

  The rain had stopped hours before. That was the nice thing about the barn. Even if it was raining, you could stand inside, and so long as you avoided the leaks in the roof, you could stay dry. Rascal Flatts was blasting from somebody’s truck, and I was feeling a little better about myself. The only thing that could make it better was if Levi and I were sharing a beer like normal.

  “Better?” Cat asked as she walked up and handed me another bottle, the beer already opened for me.

  I smiled. “Yeah, I think so. Thanks for inviting me.”

  “Hey, we girls got to stick together and take care of each other, right?” I nodded.

  “You ladies doing alright?” Steve Calhoun asked as he sauntered up.

  Steve was the son of Raymond Calhoun, the owner of Calhoun Farms. He was the same age as me and had been the quarterback of the football team, class president, and was still an all-around jerk. His parents gave him everything he wanted, so he was spoiled and en
titled. He drove a new truck his daddy bought for him and had plenty of money to spend. He might be good looking, and a lot of girls were drawn to him, but I never understood what they saw in him. What I saw was a loud-mouthed, petty blowhard who pouted and could be vindictive if he didn’t get his way.

  During his senior year, he’d bragged how Texas A&M was recruiting him for a football scholarship, but here he was, still in Hamlinton, with no scholarship and no interest in doing anything except riding around in one of his daddy’s trucks trying to impress people.

  During school, he’d made a couple of attempts to seduce me away from Levi, but I wouldn’t trade Levi and his beat-up old Chevy for Steve, his new truck, and his free spending ways, no matter how much Steve tried to convince me. I’d always suspected he’d been the one spreading rumors that I was putting out for Levi, but I didn’t care what he thought. He’d bagged Cat, though, while we were still in high school, but she’d confided in me later that he was lousy in the sack. Score another win for Levi.

  I smiled at Steve. I didn’t care much for him, but I could be polite. “Fine. I haven’t seen you around in a while.”

  “Yeah, been busy. I hear Levi joined the Army.”

  “Air Force. Toughest of all the services to get into,” I corrected, not liking Steve’s slightly sneering attitude, like serving his country was beneath him.

  He waved his hand dismissively. “Whatever. I’m surprised he ran off and left you. I thought you two were joined at the hip. I have to tell you, if I had you warming my bed, I’d never leave town.”

  “Yeah, well, I admire him for making something of himself on his own, and for being willing to do something for the greater good…unlike some.”

  That stung, and Steve’s mouth hardened. “Yeah, well, some of us have more important things to do than become a grunt.” He nodded at Cat. “Be seeing you around.”

  Cat giggled as Steve sauntered away. “That was brutal,” she murmured so he wouldn’t hear.

  “He’s an ass,” I growled, taking a deep pull on my beer.

  I mingled with the others as I finished my second beer. There were about twelve us there, more or less evenly split between boys and girls. I was feeling relaxed and comfortable, the beer hitting me harder than normal. I was a lightweight, but normally two beers wouldn’t knock me on my ass like this. I smiled as I saw Cat and Greg, a guy that Cat would bang occasionally, disappear into the barn. I knew what they were going to do, and the thought made me ache to feel Levi between my legs.

  I felt out of sorts, sleepy, and relaxed, and I wanted to see what Cat and Greg were doing. Maybe I could pick up a trick or two for Levi. I moved quietly to the barn following the quiet sounds of passion. When I found them, Greg was standing behind Cat, her pants down around her knees and her shirt off as she braced her hands against a post. Her ass was in his crotch, and his pants were around his ankles as he fucked her from behind. He bent over her back and squeezed her breasts through her bra. I was mesmerized, and I watched them for a moment before I tore my gaze away and stumbled out of the barn.

  “Whoa, there, Ella, you okay?” Steve asked as he caught me.

  “I don’t feel so good.”

  He chuckled. “Two beers and you’re stumbling drunk. You need to work out more. Here, let me help you.”

  His arm closed around me, and he helped me to a log where the bonfire would be if it weren’t so wet. We sat down as his arm went around my shoulders. I was so lethargic. Something was very, very wrong. Two beers shouldn’t be doing this to me.

  “I need to go,” I said, brushing him off and stumbling to my feet again. I felt like I was in quicksand, every movement an effort.

  “Hang on there,” he said, taking my arm. “You’re in no condition to drive. Besides, you came with Cat, and I don’t know where she is.”

  I waved at the barn. “She’s in there fucking Greg.”

  He looked at the barn and grinned at me. “Well, we don’t want to interrupt that, do we?”

  It was hard to think. “No, I don’t guess,” I finally said.

  “I’ll take you home.”

  I didn’t want to go anywhere with him. I shook my head, but that simple movement made me feel unsteady. “No. I want to go with Cat.”

  “Okay. How about you just sit in my truck, until you feel better and Cat gets done? Then she can take you home. That okay?”

  My mind was like cold syrup. It was so hard to think. “Yeah, okay. Thanks.”

  He led me to his lifted Dodge and helped me inside. I sat for a moment, so sleepy I could barely keep my eyes open. He sat in the driver’s seat. “Why don’t you let me take you home? Levi asked me to.”

  All I wanted was to sleep. “Levi said that?”

  “Sure did. He’s busy and asked me to take you home.”

  Why couldn’t Levi take me home? It didn’t matter. I’d ask him tomorrow. All I wanted to do was to crash. “Yeah, okay, thanks, Steve.”

  The last thing I remembered was Levi, or was it Steve, starting his truck.

  -oOo-

  I stared at the two lines in horror. “No, no, no, no, no, no…” I murmured.

  I’d taken the test once already but didn’t believe it, so I bought another pregnancy kit and had taken it with the same results. I couldn’t breathe, and my heart hammered in my chest so hard I thought it might burst through my ribs.

  “How?” I asked the empty bathroom.

  Levi and I had been so careful! It was impossible! Then a sinking dread settled over me. I’d talked to Cat after my escapade at the barn. Cat said I left with Steve, but I didn’t remember anything after he sat me down on the log. She’d brought me a second beer, I’d watched her getting her butter churned by Greg, I was feeling wobbly, I’d bumped into Steve as I stumbled out of the barn, then the rest was nothing but a confused jumble. I remember Levi telling me Steve was taking me home, but that was clearly impossible as Levi was in San Antonio. I also remembered Steve bad-mouthing Levi and it pissing me off, but I couldn’t remember if that was before or after I got fucked up.

  What else had I done that I couldn’t remember? I picked up my phone with shaking hands and dialed Cat.

  “Hey, girl! What’s shaking?” Cat’s bubbly voice said from my phone.

  “I need to talk to you,” I said, struggling not to cry.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Can you meet me somewhere? It’s important. Please.”

  “Sure. I’ll meet you at McDonalds in an hour. What’s wrong?”

  “I’ll tell you when I get there,” I said and hung up.

  What was I going to do? I was supposed to leave for college in less than three weeks! My stomach twisted, and I leapt from the toilet where I was sitting, threw the lid up, and puked. It wasn’t morning sickness, it was nerves. Mom and Dad were going to kill me!

  Cat worked as a cashier at PayLess Foods. She only had a half-hour for lunch, so I made sure I was early. My hands were shaking as she slid into the booth across from me.

  “What’s wrong? You’re pale as a ghost.”

  It was all I could do not to cry. “I’m pregnant, Cat,” I whispered, and despite my best efforts, tears began to crawl down my cheeks. “It must have happened at the barn, but I don’t know how. Did I…?”

  The color drained from Cat’s face. She leaned across the table. “My God, Ella! Are you sure?”

  “Of course I’m fucking sure! I missed my period, and I checked twice! You think I’d be this upset if I wasn’t sure? I don’t understand it! I only had two beers, but I was completely out of it. Did I do… something?”

  Something was up with Cat. I expected her to be upset for me, but she looked horrified and unexpectedly guilty. “Steve,” she said softly. “He’s been bragging to his buddies that after you and he left, you came on to him and wanted him to give you a ride.”

  I felt like I was going to throw up again, and I couldn’t stop the tears. “I didn’t! I swear! I’d never do that to Levi!” I covered my face with my hands
and sobbed. “I don’t know how this happened.”

  Cat moved to my side, slid in beside me, and put her arms around me. “I’m so, so, sorry.”

  I twisted out of her arms. Something in her tone, and the way she looked when I told her the news was off. “What? What aren’t you telling me? What did I do?”

  Her eyes filled with tears. “I didn’t mean for this happen.”

  “What did I do? Tell me.”

  “I put an Ambien in your beer,” she mumbled, unable to meet my gaze. “I just wanted you to relax and have a good time. I didn’t know you were going to fuck Steve. Why aren’t you on the pill?”

  I stared at her in shock. “You drugged me?”

  “I didn’t drug you. I put one Ambien in your beer to relax you. You were so upset about Levi being gone. I was trying to help!”

  I became white hot with rage over her treachery. I shoved her out of the booth and she landed on her ass on floor. I scrambled out after her and stood over her. “You fucking drugged me, you fucking bitch! I didn’t fucking sleep with Steve, he fucking raped me after you drugged me!”

  She crabbed backwards and got to her feet, making placating gestures with her hands. “I didn’t mean for this to happen!” she hissed.

  I was beyond rational thought. I drew back and hit her as hard as I could, a ringing slap across the face that made her stagger back.

  “You didn’t mean for this to happen? You were just trying to help?” I screamed. “I’m fucking pregnant because of you! You’re supposed to be my best friend! How could you do that to me?”

  Before she could answer the manager showed up and tossed us both out. I didn’t care. I was going to have her ass and Steve’s both in jail for this. “Get away from me. I never want to see you again.”