by Kate Morris
“Guns are just an accessory for Cory. He certainly doesn’t require one to be effective in combat.”
“Right,” she says, furrowing her brow and nodding.
She leans her head back, soaking in some vitamin D as the sun’s rays shimmy their way down through the branches of the massive trees around her. A light breeze causes the loose hairs of her ponytail to tickle her cheek and nose. It just feels good to be outside again.
“What’s going on with you lately?” he asks out of the blue.
Paige is startled out of her daydream and blurts, “What? Me? Nothing.”
“You seem…I don’t know. Is something wrong?”
Guilt eats at her gut as she shakes her head. She can’t tell Simon about the miscarriage. He already hates and blames Cory for everything.
“Is this about Cory? Because I don’t want you to be with him?”
Paige shrugs and feebly shakes her head.
“Sam thinks I’m a big jerk for keeping you apart, you know.”
This causes her to smile. “Well, I guess that depends on how highly you value her opinion as to whether or not to believe her.”
“Do you? Do you think I’m being a jerk?”
Paige sighs and says, “No. You’re just doing what you think is right because you’re my brother. It’s fine. I told you, I don’t want to marry him. I was just…I don’t know. I was just lonely, I guess.”
Simon looks at her with speculation and finally joins her on the log.
“I just don’t want you with him because out of everyone on the farm, I know Cory best. But I want you to be happy, and lately, especially the last couple of days since I’ve been home, you seem completely miserable.”
She offers a shrug again because words are too difficult. She’s never been a good liar. The worst one she tells with frequency is about her feelings toward Cory. Now, she’s carrying a big, fat whopper of one around, and it feels like a malignant tumor on her shoulders.
“I’m fine,” she finally manages to say, holding back tears that are threatening to spill over.
“You’re really pale, sis,” he observes, making her look away quickly. Simon uses his thumb and index finger and turns her chin toward him again. “Hey, you’re really pale. What’s going on? Are you sick?”
“Sick? No, I’m fine.”
“Has Herb or Reagan tested your blood lately?”
She shakes her head, “No, remember? I’m doing fine. My blood’s back to normal.” Minus the miscarriage blood loss, she’s normal. She doesn’t say this part.
“You don’t look right. You’re pale and…” he picks up her hand, “cool to the touch. Did you get hurt while I was gone and you’re not telling me?”
“No!” she says, nervous he’ll start questioning people. “You’ve just been gone so much lately that you’re misremembering my coloring.”
“That’s silly. Your coloring is the same as mine, and I can clearly see that you’re very pale.”
“Just tired,” she lies.
Simon regards her another moment and finally nods. He doesn’t look like he believes her, though.
“You weren’t around any of the Campbell Kids, were you? You know there’s a breakout of Scarlet Fever going around town, right?”
She nods. “Yes, I know. I wasn’t around them. I swear. I’m just tired or something.”
“You need more rest,” he says in a bossy tone.
“Me? You’ve been running on empty for weeks. Working at the clinic, going on missions, working at the clinic some more, never coming home.”
“I’m fine because I’m used to it.”
She changes angles and says, “I’m going to get Sam to gang up on you and force you to slow down and get some rest.”
“You mean if she ever gets out of bed today?”
She laughs. Sam and a few of Dave’s men returned with Simon to the farm to rest for one night and return to the clinic with more supplies. She slept in Paige’s room last night.
“Simon, is the situation between her and Henry getting serious? Everyone’s kind of been talking about it around here.”
His eyes dart to hers and turn cold with hatred, “They have?”
“Yeah, well, some people have been.”
“Has she said anything to you?”
Paige shakes her head, “No, we haven’t talked about it. Do you want me to ask her?”
“No, I’ll deal with Henry if it comes to that,” he says with confidence.
“Why would you do that? If she likes him, there’s no reason they shouldn’t be together. He seems nice…”
“What someone seems like and what they’re really like are sometimes two different things, Paige. Don’t be so naïve.”
She scowls at his back as he turns to stoop and pick more weeds.
“He seems nice to me. He has good manners. And he definitely likes Sam. I’ve seen that much.”
He grunts and doesn’t comment.
“Don’t you love her, Simon?”
Her brother stops all movement and is frozen in time, as still as a statue.
“It seems like you do,” Paige adds.
Without turning all the way toward her, Simon says over his shoulder, “Sam is like a sister to me. I just want to protect her. I feel a lot of responsibility toward her.”
“Because of what you went through together?”
“Because she’s a part of the family, and I feel the same about all of the women in the family.”
“That doesn’t sound right,” she argues. “It seems to me like you have stronger feelings than brotherly ones about Sam. I mean, I know she drives you crazy, too. I’ve seen your temper when it comes to Sam. You want to go and beat up Henry, who as far as I can tell, is a pretty good guy. If you wanted her to move on, move away and be happy, then it seems like his farm was the perfect opportunity.”
“I never told her to move away!” he says, his voice getting louder. “She did that on her own. As a matter of fact, I forbade her from doing so, and she did it anyway.”
“Forbade? Oh, little brother, you’ve got a lot to learn about women.”
“I think I’ve got a lot of it figured out actually. You’re emotional, irrational human beings, who care very little for your own safety and well-being for the sake of being defiant.”
Paige just laughs at him. She rises and walks over to him, resting her hand on his shoulder. Then she bends and kisses his cheek.
“I sure do love you, Simon,” she confesses and notices his grouchy scowl and turn of disposition. “I’m heading back.”
“I’ll walk you,” he says, rising instantly.
“Nah, I’m good. Keep picking your weeds and stuff.”
“They aren’t weeds,” he says irritably.
Paige leans in and gives her brother a hug, even if he isn’t so little anymore. She just wishes she could take away his pain, of which she’s sure he is in.
She leaves him to his picking and walks back toward the barns where she runs into Luke and G. He’s been going on the missions, too, when the men decide it’s safe for him to leave the farm to do so. Either he or Kelly stays to add protection while the others are gone.
“Don’t be such a dumbass, Luke!” G is saying as Paige enters the horse barn.
“Language, young lady,” he scolds.
“Whatevs, bro.”
“What’s going on, guys?” Paige asks as she approaches them where they are saddling two horses.
“Going on a patrol ride,” G tells her. “Wanna’ go, oh great horse whisperer?”
Paige chuckles and smiles, “Yeah, right. No, thanks.”
Gretchen giggles with ornery intent.
“What were you arguing about? Is everything ok?”
“Nothing!” Luke blurts quickly.
G laughs again and says, “My brother has a crush on someone in town.”
“Gretchen!” he states angrily. “Do you mind?”
“Oh, really?” Paige says slyly.
“Yep, and
he’s being a chicken-shit and won’t ask her out,” G reveals, earning a contemptuous glare from her brother.
“Who?” Paige asks, genuinely curious.
“Nobody.”
“Melora,” G says loudly over her brother’s response.
“Melora, huh? She’s really cool. I only got to meet her a few times, but she’s really nice.”
“And super pretty,” G adds.
“I don’t have a crush on her. I just happened to tell bigmouth here that she was attractive. It was only because Gretchen was pushing me to answer a bunch of childish questions.”
“Like what?” Paige asks.
“I knew he’d been acting weird lately, so I entrapped him into playing a game of answering questions about stuff like who was the smartest person and who was the prettiest out of all the people we know. And who was the nerdiest. Your brother won that award. Unanimously.”
“Obviously and well-deserved, too,” she jokes.
“I just happened to say that Melora was attractive and now her overactive imagination is running away with it.”
“And who did you say was handsome, G?” Paige inquires.
“Cory.”
“Oh?” Paige asks with a grin.
“Yeah, but he’s too damn old for me and obviously into you.”
Paige laughs heartily. She’s never known someone so young to offer up their opinion so easily. Maybe Sam.
“Huntley’s a little closer to your age,” she points out.
“Huntley?” she asks with a scowl as if she has tasted something bad. “He’s so annoying and too damn bossy!”
“Huntley? He’s so sweet.”
G scoffs in a most unladylike manner and gives a snort, too. “Not to me. He’s an annoying jackass. He thinks he’s my boss, especially when my brother leaves.”
Paige spies the tiniest grin spread across his face. He must’ve told Huntley to keep tabs on G while he’s gone. She overheard John and Cory discussing how great Luke’s been as an addition to their team. She would never guess it to look at him. He’s tall like his dad, built wide, but is always quiet. When the men get together to plan and scheme their next battle, Luke usually just sits in the corner. She’s seen him taking notes, too. She just can’t see him as a trained killer. Of course, she never would’ve thought that of her innocent, gentle little brother, either.
“Maybe he just feels like he needs to keep an eye on you when Lucas is gone,” Paige suggests.
“Whatever. He’s a real jerk.”
Paige smiles. Huntley is anything but. He’s a good kid, kind, sweet, caring and very protective of the family. He and G do seem to clash, though. Paige figures it’s probably just their age bracket that sets them at odds.
“Nice, G,” her brother says with sarcasm. “Maybe it’s your bubbly personality that puts him off.”
She snorts at her brother, making Paige smile.
“So?” G prompts her brother.
“So what?”
“Are you gonna ask her out?” she presses.
“Not right now. I’m gonna take you for a patrol ride,” he deflects, getting a snippy look from his little sister.
“Not funny,” she says angrily.
“I’ll leave you two at it,” Paige says, excusing herself.
She walks to the house and heads straight to the bathroom. The bleeding has already let up some, which is a relief. Reagan has checked her numerous times for fevers and questioned her many other times about her stats.
She volunteers to help with dinner, but Reagan comes in and sends her away to rest. It draws confused looks from Hannah and Sue, but Reagan distracts them with medical mumbo-jumbo. Instead of helping in the kitchen, she goes to the music room to finish her drawing.
Sue walks in with an armload of towels that have been drying on the outside clothesline.
“Have you seen my sketchpad?” she asks.
“Um, no. I thought it was over there by the window,” Sue tells her and sits on the sofa to fold her bounty.
“Let me help,” she offers and sits next to her.
“You sure? Reagan was acting like you’re not in good shape right now.”
“Oh, I’m fine. Whatever it was…” she lies, the words bitter on her tongue. “I’m over it.”
“Good,” Sue says. “Thanks for the help. G was supposed to be helping me, but she took off somewhere. I’m learning with her that it’s normal behavior. She’s not into housework.”
Paige chuckles and says, “Yes, I don’t think she’s a big fan of housework or anything that has to do with being in the house at all.”
“No, she’s a real tomboy. She made me chop off her hair again. It was just starting to grow! I don’t think she knows she’s a girl yet.”
“I think you’re right about that,” Paige agrees. “She is cute, though. She makes me laugh.”
“Yes, she’s ornery as heck.”
“And her brother’s so quiet,” Paige adds.
“Ying and yang,” Sue concurs. “I’m really glad they’re here, though. I’m glad my father finally brought his family here.”
“I’m happy for you guys that you have more family now. It’s great. They’ve been such a good addition to the family.”
“I still can’t believe he never told us, but I’m glad we finally got to meet them. It also clears up a lot of stuff in my mind, missing gaps in timeframes when I’d talk to Dad on the phone, his evasiveness.”
She pauses, then starts folding again. Paige hands her one to put back into the basket.
“Why’d he do that, do you think?” Paige asks.
Sue shrugs. “Why do any of us do the things we do? Maybe he was ashamed. You see how Reagan reacted, how she still feels about him. It’s not like we were going to roll out the red carpet and welcome him home, and that was before we knew about the other family. Grams would’ve been very disappointed.”
“I’m sorry you had such a bad relationship with him,” Paige sympathizes. She can’t relate. She loved her father greatly, still does, and always will, even if he is gone to her forever.
“It’s ok. I forgive him,” she confesses softly.
“Really?”
“Yes. He’s my father. He’s the only one I have. I want us to all heal our relationships with him. Grandpa said he was not looking well again when he went up there. I don’t want something to happen to him while he thinks we all hate him. Reagan will probably never come around, but I just want to move past everything.”
“That’s really mature.”
Sue shakes her head and offers a sad smile, “Not really. We all do stupid things for love. If my dad loves Lucy, then I’m glad that he found love in his life. I don’t think he ever loved my mother, not like I love Derek or like Grandpa loved Grams. I’m not saying he was relieved that she died, but I am happy for him that he was able to move on and find love.”
“True. And that’s a selfless way of seeing it.”
“No, I just understand why he did what he did. I’m sure you do, too. We all do foolish things for love.”
Paige swallows hard as a new ripple of guilt washes over her.
“Thanks for the help!” Sue announces cheerily as if she didn’t just drop a bomb on her. She places the last, folded towel in the basket.
Paige excuses herself and heads upstairs to her room. She still doesn’t find her notebook with her latest sketch. Perhaps Sam has seen it and mistook it for one of her drawing sketchpads. She searches Sam’s desk, shuffling drawings around but carefully putting them back in order. The drawing on top catches her eye. It is of Simon. She has seen Sam’s pictures of Simon before, but this one is different. It is a bisection of his face; one half depicted with lightness and joy, the other dark and something akin to sadness mixed with anguish. It is disturbing but also fascinating at the same time. Paige places the lightweight tissue paper over it again. Instead of drawing, she writes in her journal.
Later, the girls call for dinner, so she figures her search for her sketchpad will
have to wait. She helps carry trays of food to the dining room and makes plates for the children. Cory walks through the back door in mid-conversation with his brother. They are loud and raucous and oblivious to everyone else in the space, as usual.
Their meal goes well, and the girls have gone out of their way. They made homemade pasta noodles and created ravioli with sausage, a multitude of colored peppers, garlic and red sauce from last year’s store. They are getting ready for canning season, so she helped circulate the old jars to the next shelf over in the basement last week to make room for what is coming. For dessert, the girls have made peach cobbler, which Paige usually loves but doesn’t partake. Her system is still in a funk and not back to normal.
“You all right?” Simon asks beside her.
“Yes,” she answers, her eyes drifting across the table to Cory, who is watching them intently. She was so relieved when Parker finally left for the base. She’d applied a lot of avoidance tactics, except when he’d wanted to sit next to her during dinner. Gross.
“You didn’t eat much. Perhaps I should do a blood sample,” her brother suggests.
“She’s fine,” Reagan corrects him and shakes her head for good measure.
“But she could…”
“I said no,” Reagan lays down the law. “She’s fine. We don’t need a blood sample. This is something that you can’t understand, so just drop it.”
Simon looks at Reagan and then her before finally saying, “Yes, ma’am.”
A moment later, Paige looks back at Reagan again and gets a subtle nod from her. Then she glances at Cory, who is regarding her with even more curiosity. Luckily, he drops it, and Paige doesn’t have to come up with a terrible lie. They finish dinner soon after, the kids clean up, and Hannah and Sue head to the kitchen to lay out articles for the start of their canning season. Paige helps the kids put away the washed and dried dishes. It makes the work go faster.
“I’m heading out for a walk,” she tells Simon after the rooms have cleared, and the family has dispersed to their own activities.
“I’ll take you,” he offers.
“I actually just want to be alone for a while, hon’,” she says, trying to ensure that her brother will not follow.
