“I’m almost positive I didn’t take more than a couple.”
Andrea’s voice pulled Stacy out of her haze. She had to find someone to stay with her mom until she got there. “Don’t take any more pills and don’t drink any alcohol. I’m going to call Bethany to take you to the hospital and I’ll be on the first flight I can get.”
“Okay. I can’t wait until you come home, Stacy. You’ll help me, won’t you?”
After she reassured her mother, Stacy called Bethany, Andrea’s best friend, who promised she’d get her to the hospital and stay with her until Stacy arrived. Then she booked seats for her and Ryan on the first flight from Denver to L.A., and texted her brother that she was leaving to pick him up at school. Minutes later when he climbed into the car, she updated him on the situation with their mother. “So we’re heading home sooner than we planned.”
“I should’ve talked to you about this before now, but I’m not going back.”
She struggled to absorb the blows he’d delivered. She wasn’t strong enough to fight him right now. Not when she was concerned about her mother. Not when she was being torn apart over having to leave Colt.
“Our mother’s on the verge of suicide. If you don’t come back it might push her over the edge.”
“She won’t kill herself. She’s too selfish to do that.”
“Are you willing to take the risk? I’m not.” When he remained stubbornly silent, she said, “We’re all the family she has. That’s where our home is.”
The words rang hollow in her ears. Home? California didn’t feel much like home anymore. No, she definitely couldn’t call it home anymore.
Because Colt wasn’t there.
She couldn’t think about that now. If she thought about leaving Colt she’d fall apart.
“That’s not where my life is. I’m happy here. I’ve got more friends, hell, better friends, than I ever had in California.” He crossed his arms over his chest, and his hard green eyes flared with teenage defiance. “I’ll ask Colt if I could move in with him and Jess. She and I have talked about it. She thinks her dad will be fine with the idea.”
“He won’t agree to it if I’m not okay with it,” she tossed back.
“I’ll go to court and get emancipated. Since I’ll be eighteen in ten months it shouldn’t be a big deal.”
“Why are you doing this?” She loved him so much and had practically raised him. Couldn’t Ryan see how he was destroying her?
“Why are you rushing back to her? What’s she ever done for us other than give birth to us?”
“She’s our mother. We’re family and sometimes being part of a family requires making sacrifices.”
“But we’re always the ones doing the sacrificing.” He stared out the window. Though he sat beside her in the passenger seat, he felt so far away. “I’ll do whatever I have to so I can stay here. I have the right to be happy. I won’t go back.”
For the majority of Ryan’s life she’d told herself she’d wanted her brother to have choices she never had, but now that he could choose to stay in Estes Park when she couldn’t, jealousy mixed with white-hot anger tore her apart. Granted Andrea wouldn’t ever win parent of the year, but didn’t they both owe her something? They couldn’t leave her to fall apart.
Stacy didn’t have time for a knock-down, drag-out fight with him, especially one she wasn’t strong enough to survive. Ryan had to go back to California with her because she couldn’t cope with Andrea and her problems alone. She needed someone to listen, someone who understood what she was going through, someone to hold her together, but how could she convince Ryan?
She probably couldn’t, but Colt could. She pulled into the nearest parking lot, turned around and headed for Colt’s ranch. “We’ll see what Colt has to say about this.”
* * *
“I’M COMING. HOLD on,” Colt called out as he made his way to the front door. “Quit ringing the blasted doorbell. You’re giving me a headache.”
He yanked open the door and found Stacy standing there, her face drawn, her arms crossed over her chest, fire blazing in her eyes. “You’ve got to talk to Ryan. My mom’s threatening to commit suicide, and he’s in the car refusing to go back to California with me. He thinks he can move in here with you and Jess. Tell him he can’t live here.”
His head spun from the verbal assault she’d just hurled at him. Her mother threatened to commit suicide? What the hell had happened? Then add Ryan with his teenage dander up and no wonder she was spitting mad. Considering their moods, he bet neither one of them was listening to the other. It’s a wonder they arrived at the ranch in one piece. He walked past Stacy, strode over to the car and rapped on the passenger window.
Ryan rolled down the window. Attitude and teenage defiance rolled off him in waves. “What?”
“Join Jess in the kitchen.”
When the teenager opened his mouth, Colt shook his head. “Don’t say anything. We’ll work this out, but you and your sister need to calm down first.”
Ryan got out of the car, slammed the door hard enough to make Colt’s teeth rattle and stormed up to the house. He clomped past his sister leaning on his cane without even looking in her direction.
“Wait a minute. Come back here,” Stacy yelled at her brother.
“Let him go.”
Stacy clutched his arms. Her nails dug into his skin. “Tell him he can’t move in here. Tell him it’s his duty to come with me.”
“We need to talk first. Tell me what happened.”
She told him about her mother’s voice mails and their conversation. The more he listened, the angrier he became at her mother. Lord. What kind of woman leaves a message for her daughter saying she’s going to commit suicide and blames it on her child for not “being there” for her? The woman could teach Catholic nuns a thing or two about imposing guilt on others.
Knowing his anger wouldn’t help Stacy, he stuffed the emotion down. Though he wanted to scoop her into his arms, hold her and tell her everything would be all right, he knew that wasn’t what she needed right now, either. She was wound too tight and holding on by a thread. Her gaze held the same glazed and frenzied look he’d seen in green soldiers’ eyes the first time they came under fire.
Remaining factual and detached was the best way to go. That and helping her sort through what to do. So instead of holding her, he clasped her hand and led her into the living room where he settled onto the couch and patted the spot beside him. She shook her head, refusing to sit and started pacing instead.
“I’m so tired of holding what little family I have together. When my dad died, my mother crawled into a hole. Ryan was so little then. On the nanny’s day off Andrea let him cry in his crib. I was the one who went to him. Later, I was the one he ran to when he fell down. Not our mother. She was too busy trying to snag a husband or keep one the one she’d caught.”
“You raised him.”
“That’s why his wanting to stay here hurts so bad. I can’t lose him. He’s all I have.”
You have me. The words almost jumped out, but now wasn’t the time to talk about how he felt. She had enough to think about with Ryan and her mom. He refused to add to her emotional turmoil. “This isn’t what you want to hear, but you can’t force Ryan to go back to California.”
Her expressive face tightened with anger as she circled his living room. “You’re right. I don’t want to hear that.”
“I won’t lie to you to make you feel better because that won’t do you any good. If you push him too hard you risk making him even more determined. He’ll do the opposite of what you want just to prove you can’t force him to do anything. That’s where you’re headed by playing this game of chicken. I found that out the hard way. I almost lost Jess when I went to Afghanistan.”
“Really?”
She sank onto the couch beside
him. He told her how he’d missed the signs Jess sent out about needing him around more. He hadn’t wanted to see them because he knew if he did he’d have to make changes in his life. He’d have to give up the career he loved. Then he explained about the troubles Reed and Jess had while he was in Afghanistan and how Jess ran away. “I learned something else while I was gone. Teenagers aren’t really kids anymore.”
“That may be true, but they’re not old enough to make their own decisions, either. Ryan has to go back with me. He’s not old enough to be on his own.”
“Right now you don’t have a choice. You can’t make him go with you, and you don’t have time to convince him. Focus on your mother and getting her help. Let Ryan stay here with me and Jess.”
“I don’t know if I can bear letting him go.”
“You’ve basically been Ryan’s parent. Part of taking on that job means sucking it up and taking a hit because you want what’s best for your child.”
“Like you gave up your military career.”
He nodded.
“My mother never learned that lesson. I always said I’d never make the mistakes she did.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I have to let him go, don’t I?”
Colt nodded and wrapped his arms around her. He held her for a minute while she cried. Then when she’d gotten everything out of her system, together they walked into the kitchen and he stood beside her as she told her brother she was leaving for California, but he could stay.
Ryan turned to his sister, his eyes wide. “You’re letting me live here with Colt and Jess? Permanently?”
Stacy bit her lip and nodded. She was trying so hard to hold it together. “I want you to be happy.”
“Thanks.” Ryan strode across the room and wrapped his sister in a big hug. “When do you think you’ll be back?”
The reality of her leaving and that she might not return hit Colt head-on. The ache, the pain coursing through him threatened to bring him to his knees. He held his breath and his palms grew sweaty as he waited for her to answer Ryan’s question.
The silence stretched. That wasn’t a good sign and he knew it.
What had he expected her to do? Say she couldn’t wait to come back? That she’d give up her life, her career to see if they could make a go of being a family?
“I don’t know. It’ll depend on how Mom does. I start shooting my next movie in six weeks, but if she goes into a mental hospital, who knows how long it’ll be before I can leave her.” She turned in Colt’s direction, but she failed to meet his gaze as she nibbled on her lower lip. “Thank you for taking Ryan in. I’ll call to discuss the legal issues and support payments.”
The last bit of his hope that her going was only temporary, that she’d say she couldn’t leave him for good, that she loved him and wanted him in her life withered and died. What she’d just said made it clear that she wasn’t coming back any time soon.
“I don’t need your money.”
I need you. The words hovered in his mind, but he shoved them aside. If she’d give him a sliver of hope, maybe he could tell her how he felt. He could ask her to come back to him when her mother was better, but only an idiot spilled his guts to a woman after she gave him a giant “it’s over” signal like Stacy just had.
“I know, but I’m going to help with his support anyway.”
He peered into her beautiful blue eyes. He thought Lynn leaving him hurt. That was nothing compared to what he felt now. Lynn had been the love of his youth. Stacy was the love of his life. “When’s your flight?”
“Nine-twenty tonight.”
He nodded, not sure what to say or do. Should he smile at the woman he loved, say things were fun while they lasted and ask if they could keep in touch via Skype or Facebook?
He wanted her in his life forever, but their lives were so different. He couldn’t move to California. He thought about how unhappy Lynn had been when she’d given up her dreams of living in the city for him. He wouldn’t make that mistake with a woman again. He loved Stacy, but he had to let her go.
She nodded, as well. Then she walked across the room, kissed him on the cheek and walked out the door.
At least if Ryan moved in with him and Jess maybe he’d see Stacy when she visited her brother. Would having her in his life that way be better or worse than not having a relationship with her? Talk about exquisite torture, and how pathetic was he to consider being willing to accept that?
The deafening sound of the door closing behind her echoed through his silent house.
“Why are you letting her go?” Jess swatted him on the arm. “Do something.”
He’d had all could take. “I’m not discussing this.” He turned to Ryan. “We need to get your things.”
Then Colt headed for the door as well, the teenager trailing after him. When they reached his driveway, Stacy’s car was nowhere in sight. His heart sank. Had he really expected her to be sitting in her car waiting to tell him she’d changed her mind?
After a couple of minutes of awkward silence on the road, Ryan said, “I know you said you didn’t want to talk, but you care about my sister. What I don’t get is why you’re letting her go back to California.”
“Give a guy a heads-up before you toss out a bomb like that, especially when he’s driving.”
“You’re avoiding my question.”
Damn straight. “I didn’t let Stacy do anything. Weren’t you listening to the conversations she had with you today? She’s got a mind of her own, and she made it clear to both of us that her life’s in California. Now change the subject.”
“There are some things you need to know about my sister, so I’m going to talk, and you’re going to listen.”
Colt thought about arguing with Ryan, but truth be told he didn’t have the strength. It would be easier to tune the kid out.
“Stacy’s always been too nice, and our mother’s used that and her mind games to keep Stacy under her thumb. Without Stacy, our mom would have to take care of herself. She would have to get a job if Stacy quit bailing her out financially.”
“She supports your mom?”
Ryan nodded. “I don’t know about right after Dad died because I was a baby, but I do know about the past few years. Mom loves the Hollywood lifestyle. She spends her days working with her personal trainer, shopping and having three-hour lunches with her friends at four-star restaurants.” Ryan told Colt how Andrea lost a good part of the money her first husband left her in a divorce settlement with her second. “Stacy hasn’t had much luck getting our mother to live within her means, and she can’t say no when Mom comes up short.”
Life had forced Stacy to grow up as fast as he had. They’d both had parents who bailed on them. Ones who couldn’t cope with life. Colt’s father crawled into a bottle and lashed out with his fists. Stacy’s mom tried to fill the void with men and a lavish lifestyle.
“Did you ask Stacy to stay?” Ryan asked.
“Not outright, but I hinted at it.”
“What did you say? Something like if you want to, you could stay here for a while?”
Pretty much, and hearing Ryan parrot basically what he’d said to Stacy didn’t make the words sound any better than when he’d originally uttered them. What woman would take a man up on a botched invitation like that?
“What if she’s waiting for you to say you want her to stay?”
One thing he admired about Stacy was how she spoke her mind. He never had to guess with her, and since he’d known her, she’d been clear that her career and her life were in California.
“Your sister’s not a beat-around-the-bush kind of gal.”
“But she’s not big on asking for stuff for herself because people always expect her to be strong. Andrea once told her she never had to worry about her because she’ll always be all right.”
Colt shook his h
ead. “Your mom’s a piece of work.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell Stacy. When I was younger I used to ask our mom to do things with me, read to me or take me places. She always had an excuse why she couldn’t. She was busy. She couldn’t leave her husband alone for us to go somewhere for the day. Whatever. I learned to ask Stacy instead. She always had time for me. Growing up Stacy didn’t have anyone else to turn to. I think the way she coped was she learned to quit asking.”
Life with a father who responded to requests for help with a quick fist and criticism taught Colt to be self-sufficient. What if Stacy learned a similar lesson? What had Ryan just said? Stacy learned to quit asking. What if they’d both been sitting back waiting for the other to open up? Were he and Stacy two people who’d been so overlooked by their families that they’d grown afraid to reach out to anyone for fear they’d end up getting knocked down?
Colt pulled up to the cabin where Ryan and his sister had been staying. If he never told Stacy he loved her and asked her to be part of his life, he’d always wonder what she would’ve said. Sure it was a risk and he could get hurt if she rejected him, but what if she said yes?
The biggest rewards often required the biggest risk. “Since you’re here talking to me like this, I’m guessing you approve of me seeing your sister?”
“That question’s so stupid I’m not going to answer it.”
He had Ryan’s blessing, now he needed his daughter’s.
* * *
AN HOUR LATER when Colt and Ryan returned to the house, Ryan went upstairs to settle into the guest room while Colt asked Jess to join him in the living room. He couldn’t ask Stacy to be a part of his life unless his daughter supported his decision. When they’d placed the squalling wrinkled pink bundle in his arms almost sixteen years ago, he’d entered into a lifelong commitment.
Roping the Rancher (Harlequin American Romance) Page 18
