Crying into his chest, I let the emotions drown me. “I’m sorry,” I finally say after a few moments of crying.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
Stepping back, I wipe my eyes with the collar of my t-shirt. I head over to some vacant seats, and wait for Tobias to follow me. “I shouldn’t have called you.” Guilt takes over. He was home with his mom and Clara, and I dragged him out of there to come to me.
“Although the circumstances are shit, I love spending time with you. And trust me, when Clara saw how angry I got, she was pulling on her shoes to come with me.”
He manages to draw a smile from me. “Did you tell her?”
“No, I didn’t need to. I was up and out of the house within seconds, and Clara was only a few steps behind. But I motioned for her to stay home. She wasn’t happy about it.”
Burying my face into my hands, guilt rips through me. “I’m so sorry,” I mumble through my hands. “Clara will be so upset with me.” I collapse back in the seat, totally ashamed with myself.
“No, she’ll be upset she wasn’t here to go after the guy herself.” He pries my hands away from my face and pulls them down. More tears fall, and he uses the pad of his thumbs to wipe them away.
“I feel like I’ve caused you such trouble. And Clara… ugh, she’s going to hate me.”
“I can’t see that ever happening.” He holds his hand out to me, and pulls me up. “Come on, I’ll take you home.” He drapes his arm around my shoulders and draws me in for a sideways hug.
Shaking my head, I look down to my feet. I’m not proud of my actions. “I’m sorry,” I whisper again.
Tobias grabs my camera bag, and holds it while his other arm is still around my shoulders. “Stop it, Ivy. Look…” He stops walking to face me. “I could never live with myself if something had happened to you and you didn’t call me. So please, stop apologizing.”
“Okay,” I say again, guilt flooding through me. “Thank you for coming. I really appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome.” We start walking again, this time Tobias entwines our fingers. When we reach Clara’s car, he opens the door and waits for me to get in. Who says chivalry is dead? I have a perfect gentleman right here. Totally old-fashioned, and I love it. When Tobias gets in, he starts the car and merges into the small amount of easy traffic flowing down the street. “Do you want to go home?” he asks.
Yes, Ivy, come home. I’m waiting for you.
My shoulders tense as my demon appears. Not tonight, please go away.
You know what’ll make you feel better.
Please, please just go away.
“Or we can go to McDonalds or Papa John’s if you don’t want to go home yet? Truthfully, I’m hoping you choose McDonalds over going home.”
My head is clouded and I can barely think straight. “Can you please take me home?” I ask. “I don’t think I’m in the right frame of mind to be good company.”
I sneak a look at him, and notice how his shoulders have rolled forward and his mouth is drawn tight. “Of course, if that’s what you want.” But it’s obvious, he doesn’t want me to go. And neither do I, but the reality is that I don’t feel strong enough to fight Azael in his company.
“Thank you,” I say in a small voice. I don’t want to let him down any more than I already have.
Tobias drives toward home, and when we reach my house, I see Dad’s car in the driveway. “Do you want to come in?” I ask when he parks the car.
“Sure,” he replies as he turns the car off. “But I won’t stay long.
“Okay.” We head inside, and Dad’s cooking dinner in the kitchen. “Hey, Dad,” I call as I give him a kiss on the cheek.
“Hey, how was your day? Hello, Tobias, how are you?”
“Fine, thank you, sir.”
“Yeah, it was okay.” My words are tight. My voice breaks, and I want to tell Dad what happened, but at the same time, the more I logically think about it, the more I think I’m making a big deal out of nothing.
“Ivy.” Dad gives me a pointed look. He pins me with his eyes, and I know he knows, it wasn’t an okay day. “What happened?” He aims a fierce look at Tobias. Dad automatically straightens, and moves toward me.
“Tobias came into the city to get me. Something happened with a guy,” I say before he reaches Tobias.
“What happened and with what guy?” He backs off, and leans against the counter with his arms crossed on his chest. But his shoulders are still high, and I know he’s gone into protective Dad mode.
I spend a few minutes telling him what happened, and the more I speak, the more Dad straightens. His face morphs from listening, to angry. And by the time I finish telling him, Dad’s got his phone in his hand and dinner is forgotten. “Where’s his card?”
“I’ve thrown it out.” I lie. Tobias lets out an annoyed groan. And Dad tilts his head down, with raised eyebrows. “Okay, I haven’t thrown it out yet, but I’m going to.”
“He needs to be taught a lesson,” Dad says as he holds his hand out to me.
“Agreed,” Tobias jumps in with whatever Dad’s planning.
“No.” I pace in front of them both. “Just leave it alone. Please. I know what he did wasn’t right, but we’re all making a bigger deal of this than it was.”
“Ivy, this guy may be a predator,” Dad says as he stops my pacing.
“That’s what I said to her,” Tobias echoes.
“Stop it. Both of you. This isn’t Salem and we’re not going on a witch hunt. He didn’t do anything, so you can’t do anything.” I point to them both. Their thoughts are written loudly on their faces. I know they were going to call this guy and probably say something.
“Just give me his card,” Dad says. “I promise I won’t call him.”
Yeah, right. Narrowing my eyes, I huff in frustration. “Then why do you need his number?”
“For future reference.”
“No.”
“Give it to me.” Dad steps forward.
“No.”
He holds his hand out, adamant.
But I can be stubborn too. “What’s for dinner?” I ask walking past him to see what he’s been making.
“Don’t change the subject,” Dad says. “Give me the card.”
“Are you staying for dinner?” I ask Tobias, completely ignoring Dad.
“No, I should get home. Clara will want to know what’s happening.” He takes his phone out of his pocket and checks the screen. “Ten missed calls from her.” He holds the phone up, showing me. “I’ll pick you up Monday morning?”
“I don’t start ’til later on Monday. I can take her to school, but if you can bring her home, that would be great.” Tobias nods his head. And suddenly, I see an unspoken agreement between the two of them. They’re going to keep an eye on me to make sure the creepy guy doesn’t show up.
“You know, I’m a grown woman who can look after herself,” I protest.
Sure you can, my demon mumbles. But I can look after you best of all.
The hairs on my arms stand to attention. A chill runs down the length of my back. He’s back. But this time, I’m listening to him.
“We know,” Tobias says.
“We’re not worried,” Dad adds.
Sure.
“I’ll see you at school Monday.” Tobias walks to me, and gives me a small, innocent kiss.
“Okay,” I say. “I’ll walk you out.” Dad gives Tobias a curt nod, and goes back to making dinner. We reach the door, and we slowly walk outside. Neither Tobias nor I want him to leave, but we both know he has to go. “Thank you, for today.”
He leans up against his car, grabbing me by my hips and pulling me into him. “I hate the circumstances, but I love spending time with you.” He leans into me, and presses a soft kiss to my mouth.
A spark bursts through me. I like him kissing me. My stomach spins with excitement. I want more from him, I like us together. We seem to fit as if we’re the last two pieces of the puzzle.
&nb
sp; Running my fingers through Tobias’s hair, I drag him closer to me. My heart beats crazily and I’m sure he can feel it where our chests touch. “Mmm,” I murmur with want.
“God, Ivy, you’re so beautiful.” He pulls out of the kiss, and leans his forehead on mine.
“Thank God you stopped, because I don’t think I could have,” I say. Although I want to believe what I said, if it came to the crunch, I doubt I’d be able to go through with it. Not unless I could hide my scars. Anyone seeing my scars is not an option I’ve ever entertained.
But now, everything is different.
No, it’s not, Ivy. It’s still just you and me. Ugh, go away.
“I didn’t want to, but I had to.” He releases a breath and kisses the tip of my nose. “Trust me, I’m drawing on every ounce of strength to let you go so I can get home.”
Come inside, Ivy, let me show you how good the blade feels against your skin. You have to face the guy from the travel agency. We have to talk about it.
My demon is forceful. His faceless form stands beside me, he wants me. He. Wants. Me.
“I have to go,” I tell Tobias as I step back from him.
My demon steps closer. I can feel the smile, the smugness radiating off him. God, I hate him so much. I wish he’d leave me alone.
“Are you okay?” Tobias asks. Is it obvious how affected I am by the demon?
“Yeah, um…” I look away from him, unable to lie while our gazes are locked together. “Yeah, you know, today’s been challenging.”
Tobias lets out a breath, and huffs. Clearly, he’s disappointed in me. I am too. “Okay, I’ll see you at school Monday.”
“Yeah, school. See ya.” I turn to walk away.
My demon is right beside me. Go away, I say to him as I turn to face him.
His body is overjoyed, it’s bouncing and swinging like he owns me and can make me do whatever he wants. He’s eager.
I close the front door, and head down the hallway to my bathroom. “Having a shower, I’ll be out soon,” I call.
“Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes,” Dad replies as I shut the door to the bathroom.
My eyes zone in on the bottom drawer. My heart rapidly beats, exhilaration overtaking every sane part of me.
Yes, Ivy. Take the blade. Caress it.
My breathing quickens. God, yes, I want it. With shaky hands, I lean down and open the drawer. The edge of the case is visible. I can see it but if anyone else stumbled across it, they wouldn’t know what the pouch held inside.
Reaching in, I push the insignificant objects from on top of it. The case pulls me in, like a bright beacon of light, giving me hope.
False hope.
Snap out of it, Ivy!
“No,” I scold myself. “He’s not real, He’s trying to make me do something I don’t want to do.”
If you don’t want to do it, then why are you excited by it? I can smell the thrill rolling off you.
I want to yell, to tell him to go away. But I find myself opening the pouch and holding the blade. I inhale and blow out a few deep breaths. The excitement has morphed into more.
It’s more than enticing.
Much more than a want.
Even beyond a need.
With trembling hands, and unsteady breathing, I lift the blade to my upper thigh.
The edge of the blade presses into my skin.
Yes, do it.
I droplet of blood rushes to the surfaces.
The skin instantly pinks in color.
“No, don’t.” I pull the blade away, having made only a small nick in my skin.
What if you got in his car? My demon torments. He would’ve hurt you.
Stop it! My hands are trembling and I fear that if I cut I might go too deep.
I’ll look after you. He crouches over me, watching, and encouraging me. You’ll feel better.
Hesitantly, I lift the blade again, pressing it to the same spot.
Cut, Ivy. Cut yourself. It’s almost like a high-school chant coming from my own personal cheerleader.
“No, I can do this. I control you. You don’t control me.”
He throws his head back in a full, condescending belly laugh. I will always own you.
Gathering my strength, I drop the blade back into the pouch. Something new zings around inside of me. It’s something more than confidence. I can’t describe it; I can’t put my finger on it.
“I am not a fool,” I spit toward him.
His spine becomes rigid as he backs away from me. Next time, Ivy. His words are as forceful as he is.
Swallowing hard, I curl up and shuffle until I find the coolness of the door on my back. I escaped him. I won.
Tears flow from me. Tears of joy and elation. I fought him and won. “I can do this,” I say aloud. A sense of peace blankets me.
“Dinner,” Dad calls from the kitchen.
I take another moment to truly compose myself. Standing, I slide the blade back into the pouch and put it back in the bottom drawer. I see myself in the mirror; I look terrible. My face is splotchy and my eyes are red. Splashing water on my face, I can’t help but be on edge. The darkness is still inside of me.
It’s there, waiting to break free in the form of my demon.
I need him to go away, and I need to get rid of those thoughts. I can’t let him into my life. I need him to leave me the hell alone.
This isn’t healthy.
This isn’t right.
“Why did you have to tell him?” I ask Jared as we sit out on the back deck at home.
“Jared couldn’t keep his mouth shut about your birthday. You should know that by now, Ivy,” Dad scolds me.
This is true. When I turned fourteen, Jared brought fourteen balloons and fourteen cupcakes to school. He made the entire class sing to me in every lesson we had together, and he made me carry those balloons around with me the whole day. On my fifteenth birthday, he had the local florist deliver fifteen long-stemmed roses to me throughout the day at school. Whispers started and people thought he and I were a couple, although clearly we’re not. On my sixteenth birthday, he asked the principal if he could make an announcement and sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to me over the school’s PA system. My seventeenth birthday was, thankfully, celebrated with a lot less fanfare, because it was a Saturday and he couldn’t embarrass me at school. Now I’m turning eighteen and it’s Sunday, which means I will again escape any kind of big gesture he would’ve tried to do at school.
“I’m just grateful today is a Sunday, because who knows what you would’ve done if we were at school.”
“I was considering skywriting,” Jared says with a straight face. I wouldn’t put it past him. Nothing surprises me when it comes to Jared. “But instead, I thought I’d tell Tobias and get him to come over today. I ran it past your dad, he said he was cool with it.”
“It would have been nice if you had let me throw you a party, Ivy. Eighteen is a big year,” Dad says
I shrug my shoulders and crinkle my nose. Parties are not my thing. I really don’t like being surrounded by people. I’m not anti-people, I’m more anti-a-lot-of-people. I can take them in their big groups only in very small doses. They don’t really interest me. I don’t care about gossip and who’s doing what to whom. It’s just not my scene. “Nah, not for me, Dad. This is cool though, I’m alright with this.” I circle the table with my finger.
I hear the side gate creak open, and a few seconds later Tobias appears holding a bunch of flowers. “Hi,” he says as he makes his way toward us.
He looks so carefree and happy, with an easy smile and bright eyes. “Hey,” I say as I stand and meet him at the steps leading down to the garden.
His strong arms come around me, hugging me close to his tight body. I like being here, it feels right. “Happy birthday, Ivy,” he whispers in my ear.
Tobias holds me for a long moment, the only thing bringing us out of the embrace is my Dad clearing his throat. Yeah, yeah, Dad I get it.
“Why didn’t you
tell me it was your birthday?” he asks as he hands me the bunch of brightly colored flowers.
Shrugging I grimace at his question. “I’m not a birthday kinda girl.”
“Yeah, but this is your eighteenth. It’s a big deal.”
“Good, someone else agrees with me,” Dad adds. “Should’ve let me give you a party.”
I sit down where I was, and Tobias goes to shake Dad’s hand. “Sir,” he says before Dad gives him a small nod of his head. Then he walks over to Jared, where those two fist bump each other. “Thanks for telling me.”
“I knew she wouldn’t.” Jared points to me.
“Really?” I say in a rather high-pitched tone indicating the truth to his statement. “Yeah, I would.”
“We had a date Friday night and you didn’t tell me about it. So yeah, I’m believing my brother over here.” Tobias pointedly looks at Jared. “Got your back, dude,” he says with a cheeky smile.
“Is this a, ‘let’s gang up against Ivy’ kinda thing?” I ask with a forced pout.
Dad chuckles and stands from his chair when we hear the doorbell sound. “Dinner’s here. I’ve even got cake,” he proudly announces.
“Need a hand?” Tobias volunteers as he stands and follows Dad.
“Thank you.” They both disappear inside, leaving Jared and me out on the deck.
“He’s got it bad for you,” Jared says.
“Nah, I don’t think so.”
“My love-dar is going off. It’s in the red, and let me tell you, he has it really bad for you.”
“Your ‘love-dar’? Really?” I ask.
“Yeah, it’s like gay-dar, but it’s love-dar. It’s strong in that one, my young apprentice.” He switches to a Star Wars voice.
“You hurt my head,” I say with a smile but rub my temples to add to the effect.
The door opens again, and Tobias walks out holding Chinese take-out containers. Dad follows with plates and cutlery. “There’s a lot of food there,” Jared says as Tobias places everything on the table. “What are you guys having?” He gathers them in front of him in a swoop and lowers his head over the food as if he’s holding them all hostage and takes an outrageously big sniff.
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