Courting Crazy

by J G Jerome

  Maddock is working on broken furniture in a corner by the patio door. I almost didn’t recognize him in his ‘human guise.’ I walk up and cut loose a little, “Khm.” Maddock takes note of my presence and looks at me with nervous, questioning eyes.

  “Maddock, Kellianne and Johnny are my people. Take good care of them. Once I’m certain they’re safe, we can talk about what comes next for you. Sound reasonable?”

  “Yes, Lord,” he answers.

  I tilt my head, “Um...just out of curiosity. How does the ‘human guise’ thing work for you? It’s a significant enough change that I almost didn’t recognize you. I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been looking for you.”

  He responds shyly, “We goblins don’t have much magic, but turning on a human guise is intrinsic to who we are. Some are faster at transitioning, but we all do it. It takes some time to do it regardless. It’s kind of like a shifter in that it’s a whole new form, and it’s not an illusion. It works a little differently in each of the goblin races, but in general, it shortens our jaws and tusks and lightens the grayish tone of our skin to make it close to human average. For Red Caps, it also works to make our features more ‘average’ to help us disappear in a crowd. For larger Red Caps, it also makes us shorter and less heavily muscled if we stand outside the average range. Honestly, getting shorter is a bit of a risk because it makes walking and balance a little tricky for a while.” He looks up at my eyes. “Did that answer your question, Lord?”

  I nod, “Yes Maddock. One more for you. When you change back, does it also take some time?”

  He shakes his head, “No, Lord. That’s almost instantaneous. And there’s no adjustment for balance, etcetera. I think it’s a survival mechanism.”

  “That’s great, Maddock. I was concerned about how fast you could revert if you had to fight.”

  He looks surprised. “Uh, okay. A human would say ‘thank you’ for that, but my people don’t do that.”

  I tell him, “I know. Although, if you’re trying to blend in with humans, you might tell yourself it’s part of the disguise and do it if a human might expect it. Clear?”

  “Yes, Lord.”

  “Do you need weapons? I didn’t see either you or Louis with weapons.”

  Maddock responds, “I have a couple of combat knives and a sawed-off with deer slugs in the van. Louis had a Spatha and a dagger, too.”

  “Good. Secure all of your gear out of the van and give Cholley the keys. He will secure Louis’ gear and drop the van off at the compound this afternoon.” He nods emphatically. “Do you have a phone?”

  “No Lord. We rarely have the need.”

  “Get one. Get my number from Kellianne once you have it. I want a report from you every Sunday afternoon. Clear?”

  He ducks his head in a quick bow. “Yes, Lord.”

  “Do you need anything from me before we leave?”

  “No Lord.” He says, and then he has a look run across his face like he’s had an epiphany. “And, uh, thank you for saving my life, Lord. I really do have a debt to you.”

  I smile, “You’re welcome, Maddock. You’re working off that debt now taking care of my people. Be well. Call if you need anything. Best of luck.”

  I offer my hand to shake. He hesitates for a moment, then grasps my palm and squeezes. I can tell he’s being gentle because he doesn’t crush my hand. “Goodbye, Lord.”

  “Ciao for now,” I respond.

  I turn to Solange, “Gather the troops, my Love.”

  Solange pulls the ladies and Cholley together in the back room.

  I say, “Let’s update our plans. Solange, how many vehicles did you bring?”

  She answers, “Just one, Lord. We left the SUVs from Myra’s detail figuring the court would send a retrieval team. They showed up as we were leaving. I probably should have left Megan’s, but we retrieved it and Christie’s. We left Christie’s in Phoenix in case she and Georgia need to leave quickly.”

  “Uh…,” I say eloquently. “Who is Georgia?”

  Tiphanae answers, “She is a friend of Christie’s from the Seelie court. She has real visions or premonitions. She might get knowledge of an event anywhere from 15 seconds to 30 minutes in advance. They’re very accurate, but they don’t always arrive early enough to do anything about it. As such, she’s not well liked because people resent the lack of timely warning. It’s not her fault, but you know how capricious the Sidhe can be. Christie is really her only friend. When she heard Christie mention to me she was not coming back, Georgia packed a daypack and rushed to catch us. She has been chasing us since and caught up to us at the arena. Marigold found her while helping to secure the site. She begged us to take her to Christie.”

  Kristina chips in, “Christie and I made the call, Jack. She’s another wounded bird. Seriously broken. If you had seen her, you would have made the same call.”

  I nod, “Okay. Good to know. Thanks, ladies. So, we have two SUVs, Krissie’s truck, and Maddock’s van. We need to get a big SUV that has no links to the courts, and we need to return Maddock’s van to the compound in Sedona. I don’t want it found anywhere close to here. There are too many of our people here.”

  Everyone nods in agreement. Johnny says, “Thanks for that, Jack,” as he and Kellianne walk in from the front of house.

  I nod in recognition and keep going. “Solange, Charli, Mari, and Cholley go find us an SUV. You have our Verdant Security Services credit card, and it should cover anything under 50K. Go for utility and space rather than flashy. Let Cholley check it out mechanically before purchasing anything. One of you ladies ride with Cholley in the van. Questions?”

  Solange shakes her head, “No, my Lord.”

  I look at Kristina, “Krissie, can you take Tiphanae with you to the vineyards, please? Trina, Daphne, Chelsea and I will ride in the Yukon and meet you there.”

  Kristina says, “Of course, my Love.”

  I look to Johnny and Kellianne, “Please take down my phone number. Call me if anything happens or you need anything.”

  Kellianne replies, “Kristina shared yours, hers, and Trina’s numbers. I’ve already put them on Johnny’s phone, too.”

  I smile. “Great, Kellianne. Share them with Maddock when he gets a phone.”

  I look to Kristina, “We may need to get him transport and lodging. I want him close to Johnny and Kellianne all the time. Not in their laps, but close enough he can be there within five minutes. Can you take care of that, Krissie?”

  She gives me a huge smile, “Yessir! I’ll make sure he has enough cash to do what he needs to do. I’ll hire him on a minimal wage for the company.”

  I chuckle with her. “Okay. Any questions…” hearing none, “...then let’s roll.”

  Once we get in Trina’s Yukon, I pull out my phone and call Christie. I grab Chelsea’s hand in mine as soon as I finish dialing.

  I hear her answer, “Hello, my darling Jack! How are you doing? Did everything go okay?”

  “Yes, darling. Everything’s going okay. I’m heading up to the vineyard site with the family that’s here. Apparently, we have nymphs in residence. I want to meet them and meet with Merrill and Krissie to discuss vineyard terracing and construction, since I’m close by. Then we’ll be on the road. Is everything going okay there?”

  She answers, “Yes, my Love. I did get a chance to talk to Megan. She is coming home with Sowie & Selene. Her mom insisted she have two guards. Since she didn’t have control of Solange, she put Selene back on the job.”

  I sigh, “Okay. I understand that Selene is a barrel of problems. We’ll deal with that when they arrive. Please check with Acorn to ensure they have enough food and water at each of their posts. I’m assuming they are still set up in the CRV and in the kitchen.”

  Christie confirms, “That’s right. Same rotation as last time. Commander Acorn has us scheduled to resupply in about an hour.”

  I hear a squeak in the background and Christie laughs. Chuckling, she says, “Persimmon says ‘don’t call him that;
he will be insufferable.’ Based on the grin on her face, I’d say she’s kidding.”

  I join in their laughter. “Okay, my Love. I understand we have a new orphan?”

  Christie’s voice turns serious quickly, “That’s right, Jack. Her name is Georgia. She needs me. I think she needs you, too. I’m not sending her away.”

  “Based on what Tiphanae and Kristina told me, I agree. Give her a hug from me and tell her she has a home. I look forward to meeting her. Any other news?”

  “No, my darling man. Be safe, and come home to me. I need to feel you in my arms again soon!”

  I chuckle “Yes, my Princess. As you wish.”

  She laughs, “Not the Princess Bride, again! Love you, Jack. See you soon!”

  “Bye,” I say.

  We’re just passing the Walgreens on 89a. We have time, so I call Peg. She answers after three rings.

  I greet her with, “Hello, Peg. How are you holding up, dear.”

  “Doin’ okay, milord. Things don’t look so rosy for your girls,” she answers

  I nod as if she could see me, “What have you learned?”

  She sighs heavily, “Well, Corrina is hanging from the whipping post in the audience chamber. Officially, she’s being punished for breaking the geas. Sowie, Geri, and Liesl are locked in a cell by Claudette, the Raven Commander. All have been whipped, but are in cells and recovering.

  Myra is in Morganna’s room. There are screams and whip cracks, shouting, screaming, but neither has been seen since Morganna checked with her mother after her first whipping session with Myra.”

  She catches her breath with another big sigh. “While she was there, her mom had her break the skin on Corrina’s back because Trevor couldn’t manage it with the whip. He seems to lack the skill rather than the desire. He’s been whipping our girl 10 minutes straight at the top of the hour to keep her back from healing. Additionally, Myra’s Hob and Christoff, her PA, are missing.”

  I tell her, “Thanks, Peg. I understand that Megan and Sowie are on their way back to us. I know it can’t be easy being holed up there. If I can get them all arranged, do you think we can send everyone else through the armoire?”

  She snorts, “Yes, Lord. I’d rather do it just once rather than trickle them in. It would keep the traffic into Trina’s supposedly abandoned quarters to a minimum, but needs must. I’ll be ready to ferry them through as soon as they arrive.”

  “Thanks, Peg. The Wolf Shifters have joined in an alliance with us. We’re headed to the Residence site to meet a bunch of nymphs that just showed up. Then I’ll be headed back to Phoenix. Call me if you need anything or if anything changes significantly. I’ve gotta dash.”

  “Of course, milord. Be careful. We’re all counting on you.”

  I smile as I respond, “Yes, ma’am.”

  I close the phone and squeeze Chelsea’s hand. She watches me for about a minute before leaning her head on my shoulder. I wrap my arm around her and kiss the top of her head. She makes a pleased ‘hmmm’ sound and wraps her left arm around me. We hold each other close until we arrive at the vineyards.

  Chapter 24 - The Secret Cabal

  (Morgan’s suite, Winter Court of the Sidhe, Springfield, Missouri)

  “Again,” demands Myra.

  Morgan groans, “Jeez, Myra! Do you know how hard is to try to stab you with your boobies bouncing around like that?”

  Myra drops her guard, “It’s not my fault Hob didn’t think to bring workout togs - Gaa!” Myra barely deflects Morgan’s attack.

  Morgan chuckles, “Keep that guard up, Sissi! Don’t let my talk of your boobies distract you! Gaa!” Myra attacks with a linear drive that has Morgan backing up rapidly. Morgan parries and tries to counter, but Myra steps off the line of Morgan’s attack and perfectly disarms her sister, placing the point of her blade at her throat, just barely piercing the skin.

  “Hey, hey, hey, Myra. No reason to get your missing knickers in a twist because I caught you unaware! Just because I heal supernaturally fast doesn’t mean you should be puncturing your beloved sister!”

  Myra drops the sword tip, grabs a fistful of her sister’s hair and pulls her in for a kiss. As Myra releases her, Morgan is left looking completely dumbfounded.

  Myra steps back and salutes Morgan with her sword. “If I’d known I could shut up your incessant nattering by kissing you, I’d have done it 30 minutes ago.”

  Morgan winks at her, “We could go to bed, and I could reward you for your victory.” She starts to sidle up to Myra.

  “Or…,” Myra pokes her with the sheath of her blade, “we could stage the next act of our theatre. It’s time, Sissi.”

  Morgan looks at the clock in her kitchenette. “Shit. You’re right. Okay, time to practice your whip skills, Sissi.” Morgan picks up her blade and sheaths it, and then Myra hands her sheathed blade to her. Morgan puts them back in the weapons rack. She picks up the whip and hands it to Myra as they walk to the anteroom.

  Myra says, “That was a great idea putting a practice gym in your suite. I swear, your suite is bigger and better laid out than mom’s. You did a great job designing it.”

  “Thanks, Myra. Do you need a glass of water before we do this?”

  “No. I’ll have one after. Then I will take you to bed. Esmi will just have to miss out.”

  Morgan sighs and leans in to kiss Myra’s cheek. “The sacrifices we make to keep ourselves entertained.”

  As they step up to the whipping tree, Morgan reminds Myra, “Timing and accuracy are critical, Sissi. You need to make a sharp crack and then time your scream. Try not to get distracted by what I yell. We can only pull this off once or twice more, so make this count.”

  Myra nods and Morgan moves to stand behind and to the left of her. Myra shakes out the whip behind her to the right. “Here we go,” she mutters. She winds up and let’s the lash fly.

  Crack - scream!

  Morgan yells, “Wakey, wakey, little sister!” She nods to Myra.

  Crack - scream!

  Morgan shouts, “Mommie-Dearest is quite wroth with you!” She nods again.

  Crack - scream!

  Morgan says conversationally, “You know, little sister, if you just begged a little and acted remorseful, I could tell Mommie-Dearest that you’re reformed.” She nods. Myra strikes again.

  Crack - scream! Knock - knock.

  Myra and Morgan look at each other. Morgan takes the whip and coils it as she calls out, “What do you want? I’m BUSY!”

  Myra grabs the Spatha hanging by the door and then moves behind the door.

  “Morgan, it’s Esmerelda. We need to talk!”

  Myra readies the blade as Morgan unlocks the door and opens it. Esmerelda quickly pushes past with her wings wrapped around her. As she steps in front of the chaise in front of the tree she turns to Morgan and whispers, “Close the door.”

  Morgan fulfills her request and locks the door. Esmerelda steps up to the chaise and opens her wings. Hidden inside, she is holding Peg in her arms.

  She starts to set Peg on the chaise, when the small brownie barks, “Dontcha dare set me on that filthy thin’! Put me on the floor!”

  Esmi does just that and then steps back. Peg looks around the room, and then she gasps and her eyes bug when she sees Myra standing nude behind the door with sword.

  Myra hangs the sword on the hook, and Peg genuflects. “My Queen,” she says.

  Myra replies, “Please rise, Peg! Give me a hug, darling.” She rushes over and pulls Peg into a hug. “I’m so glad we were able to find you. I was afraid my mother had caught you.”

  “Nah!” Peg exclaims. “I’m very hard t’ find when I wanna be.”

  “I’ll say,” Esmi says.

  Myra says to the night hag, “Thank you for finding her, Esmi!”

  Esmi smiles as she transforms back to her Sidhe form. “It’s my pleasure to help, Myra.”

  Chapter 25 - Meet the Nymphs

  (AZ 89a - north of Cottonwood)

  We pull onto O
ld Schoolhouse Road and stop at the formerly dry creek bed. Now there is water flowing out of it into the larger Oak Creek. I doubt it’s too deep, but neither I nor the rest of my family wore footwear that would weather wading through 12 to 18 inches of water very well.

  Trina steps up next to me and slides her arm around my waist. “Kristina went on around to the Echo Canyon entrance.”

  She points to the large tree on the far side of the creek and then smiles at me. I give her a puzzled look.

  Trina calls out in the direction of the tree, “Hello, Jana. Be well soon!” The limbs of the large elm seem to wave more than the slight breeze can explain.

  Trina tells me, “I’m sorry, Jack. Cassandra said she lifted a spring into the dry creek bed. I didn’t think of it being a problem. I’ll take us around to the Echo Canyon entrance. That’s how we came in last night.”

  About that time, Rottie jumps in the water and wades across. We all gasp collectively and then break out into laughter.

  Trina calls to him, “Hey Rottie, don’t pee on Jana!” We all laugh again. He looks back at us like we’re crazy. He crawls out and shakes his fur dry.

  Chelsea says, “I’d love to walk the bank. How far is your property line?”

  “Around the base of the second hill,” I tell her.

  She looks at the creek with narrowed eyes and then backs up about twenty feet. She calls, “Make a hole!” Then she dashes to the creek bed and launches up into the air and across.

  Daphne shouts, “Great idea. Watch out, Chelsea! I’m right behind you,” as she dashes to the bank and launches into the air. She barely makes it to the far side, and her left foot actually slips off the bank. Daphne tucks and rolls, making a graceful recovery - executing a gymnast’s ending salute.

  Trina and I clap and holler!

  I shout, “Brava, Precious! Rottie, go with the girls!” His little bobbed tail barely moves, but he takes off to follow Chelsea. Daphne walks over to give the big tree a hug as I continue, “We’re going to drive around to the other side. See you soon!”