Courting Crazy

by J G Jerome

  We march out into the audience chamber in time to see Salt gut a challenger. He whips his blade to shake the gore off the blade. He backs off slowly towards his throne as he catches his breath. Suddenly, another challenger charges him from the flank. Salt steps forward and drops below the blade aimed at his chest in what looks like a Taiji maneuver. Then he shifts his weight forward and stabs the challenger in the crotch. An arterial spray follows the blade as it withdraws.

  He walks casually to the throne and sits on the lowest step of the dais. Thorn passes him a towel. He wipes the sword down first, then folds the towel and wipes down his face, arms, and torso. The guard is standing twenty feet away waiting to be recognized. Salt takes notice of him and glances in our direction.

  The guard bows his head and strikes his chest before announcing in a growl, “King Salt, the Faerie Queen and the Green Lord request an audience!”

  Salt waves us over and slowly stands up. I bow and strike my chest. I smile as I say, “Hello again, King Salt. How goes the challenge rounds?”

  He claps a hand on my shoulder and says, “So far, so good, Jack. Welcome back. It’s nice to talk to someone that isn’t trying to kill me.” I use the connection of his hand on my shoulder as an easier conduit to refresh him with healing energy. He sighs as he drops his hand.

  I take the opportunity to introduce Myra. “Myra, let me introduce you to King Salt, the new Goblin King. King Salt, my wife Moira ab Liam Mac Jerome, former Winter Lady, Queen of all the Fae.”

  Salt chuckles, “That’s a mouthful for such a little thing. Moving up in the world, Myra?”

  She laughs in response, “Likewise, Salt? You were always kind and respectful in our dealings before. Will you support me in my new role?”

  Salt sobers, “Myra, all of the Goblin races are creatures of Fae, but we have never bowed before the Sidhe. You know how we are about customs.”

  Myra nods, “I do know, King Salt. I’m not asking for the Goblins to give up their sovereignty. I’m asking them to acknowledge me as Queen of all Fae. Both Courts have done so, and my intent is their queens will continue to rule them. I would expect the same here. The remit of the Goblins has always been to work the earth. Whereas the Dwarves work to pull resources out of the earth, your people, like the Winter Court, have been more concerned with keeping the underground safe, free of refuse, and ensuring that water flows as it should under the ground. You have always been fierce warriors, and your people have avoided their responsibilities to focus on making war on the Sidhe and each other. As Queen of the Fae, I am asking you to lead your people to pick up your ancient remit and stand beside the Sidhe as they take up their ancient remits as well. I am asking that you work with us all to nurture and protect our home planet.”

  “That is not what I expected, Myra,” he says quietly. “Would you accept a formal alliance? My people are proud. Being new, I can’t bow to you without causing a civil war.”

  Myra smiles and nods, “That would be a perfectly workable solution for all of us, King Salt. I’ll email you the details of what I’m thinking. You can do the same in return, and then we can meet to finalize and sign. Does that work?”

  He smiles and says, “That, I think we can all live with.” Then he turns to me, “Jack, would you heal as many of these assholes as you can. My people are not so numerous that I can just let them die.”

  “Okay,” I reply. “I better start with the arterial bleeder, or he’ll be gone. The last one of those, I had to resurrect.”

  Myra calls to me as I hurry to the last challenger, “I’ll try to stabilize the gut wound, Jack. Trina, take a couple of the ladies and triage.”

  The guy I’m checking is still moaning. At least he’s not dead yet. I focus on repairing the artery, then I push any foreign matter out of the wound and close it. I give him a small dose of healing energy, and reassess. I call out to Salt, “This one willl be okay if he drinks a lot of water, eats plenty of red meat, and rests for about two weeks. After that, he should be able to get out of bed and do something stupid again.”

  I run over to Myra. She looks up at me with tears in her eyes, “He’s eviscerated, Jack. If you could heal him it would nearly be a resurrection level of effort. His bowels have fouled everything in his wound. He needs a hospital and a team of surgeons and a bucket load of antibiotics. Even that might not be enough. Salt cut him multiple times.”

  I assess him and find that he barely has any life left in him. Salt cut through his stomach, both intestines in multiple places, and bisected his bladder. His eyes are glassy, and no one is home. I shut down his pain receptors and put him to sleep. I tell Salt, “I can fix him or we can focus on the others. He may die from infection regardless.”

  Trina reports, “Master, there are twelve dead and four you might be able to save. We’ve put tourniquets on severed limbs and packed other open wounds with their clothing. They’re all going to take time to deal with.”

  Salt says, “Please start with the one you’re on, Jack. He’s a talented general. I am loathe to lose him. Save him if you can.”

  “Ok,” I respond. “Get me as many standard first aid supplies as you can. We need a ton of alcohol and sterile saline. Someone pour alcohol over my hands before I put them inside of him.”

  A young, lean Goblin male runs in with two large bags. He drops off one of the bags next to Myra, “Everything you need should be in here, Lord. I’ll see what I can do to stabilize the rest.”

  Myra digs out a bottle of alcohol and splashes my hands liberally with it. Then she digs again and hands me a pair of gloves. I pull them on, and then reach in to hold the halves of the gastric artery together and will them to heal, reminding the cells along the cuts how they were meant to be together. I look for other arterial wounds. I find six more and follow the same procedure. After that I call for the medic to hook him up to a blood bag. I then close the stomach itself and heal that, and I follow by doing the same with the bladder. Now for the jigsaw puzzle of his intestines. I start with the colon as it’s the easier one to recognize the split parts.

  Once that is done, I sit back and think about how best to deal with the small intestine. The medic has an IV in his arm, and the bag is hanging from a short tripod. The general is still home but just barely. I flood his system with melatonin to keep him asleep. Hopefully the transfusion will help him gain some strength.

  I’m afraid the small intestine is too much of a mess to fix in time to help the other patients, but I suspect growing a new one will take longer. Myra looks at me with big eyes. I nod to myself and start scooping out all of his small intestine until I’m holding the point it is severed about six inches below the stomach. I am holding onto the severed end. Once I have that done, I connect the severed end to the end still extending from the stomach. An average human has over 16 feet of small intestine if I remember right. I’m guessing a Goblin of this guy’s size will have closer to 25 feet. I need to see if I can get him at least half that if not more.

  Myra gasps as I concentrate on the intestines. She points to a cut in two of his vertebrae. I assess the spinal cord first. There is some damage, which I repair before repairing the vertebrae. If he survives, I’ll see what I can do about what look like compressed disks.

  I look up at her. Keeping in mind where we are, I tell her, “Beloved, I couldn’t do this without your help.” She smiles brightly in response.

  Sera kneels at the General’s head and gently pulls off his helmet.

  Then I look for the next piece of small intestine. I hold a severed end and ‘remind’ them they belong together. If I feel them pull together, I hold them in contact and encourage them to heal. If not, I look for another end. Sera and Myra watch for movement in the rest of the pile in case I get the wrong one. I do this for quite some time. In the midst of that effort the medic comes by with Selene, and she helps him hook up another unit of blood. I get to the point where I have a pile of small intestines coiled in his abdomen sticking up about a foot out of his cavity. The pile of bits
left looks relatively small in comparison; so, I shrug and keep going until I’m holding the last piece. I connect it to the bit sticking out of the bulbous beginning of the colon. Supreet walks up carrying water bottles. She cracks three open, one with each pair of hands, and hands one to Myra and Sera before holding one to my mouth for me to drink.

  I tell her after I drain the bottle, “You’re a life-saver, Supreet. I love you!”

  She smiles and says, “Back to work, beloved Lord! These Goblins are not going to heal themselves!”

  I roll my eyes. I turn to Sera, “Wash Myra’s hands, sweetie. Help her get gloves on. Then do the same for Supreet. All six hands. Then clean and glove yourself.”

  I say as I look at the pile of intestines sticking out of his cavity, “Myra. Supreet. I need your help to ensure we string his intestine out to ensure it’s not twisted, and then I need to coil it properly into his abdomen. I need a lot of hands to keep it straight.”

  Myra says, “We need more hands than that.” She calls out, “Selene! Grab your medic friend and six of your sisters. Get over here, scrub up, and gloves on. Jack needs help.”

  Selene pulls out three Ravens, Grace, Frannie, and Sherrine and pulls them all over. Sera starts helping them scrub and glove. The Goblin medic assists, and soon all twelve additional pairs of hands are ready. I start handing coils of intestine out and have them spread far enough apart to get what appears to be well over twenty feet of intestine stretched out.

  I tell Sera, “Sweetie, flush out the cavity with sterile saline and then swab it out.”

  The medic says, “There’s a large syringe you can use to suction out the liquid. I recommend you flush him a couple of times.”

  I look at him, “Great. Coach her on it while I work on this next part.” I hear the medic quietly coaching and encouraging Sera. I get up and walk the circuit making a couple of corrections and killing anything alive that I sense inside the tissue. I feel Eliana boost my energy a couple of times.

  Then I start at the colon and start feeding them in, encouraging them to arrange themselves as their genetic code demands. I have no idea if it matters how they’re coiled so long as they all fit and don’t pinch off, but I spend the energy to try and get it ‘right.’

  After what seems like ages, I get them all in. I then pull the abdominal wall back together and tell it to fuse. Following that I heal the skin, trying to leave a scar. If he survives, maybe it will help him get laid.

  I sit back on my heels and look at my work. Grace wipes my forehead with a clean towel and gently kisses my hairline. I look up into her beautiful tusked face and see something I rarely witness among humans, let alone fierce Goblins. Her face radiates concern and compassion.

  I beckon her down to my face. I whisper into her ear, “Grace, you are not only a beautiful woman, but you are also a beautiful soul. Your spirit humbles me.” I kiss her cheek reverently.

  Grace turns her face to whisper into my ear, “I am yours, Master. Body, heart, and soul.”

  I turn to whisper back in her ear. “Will you marry me, Grace?”

  She jumps back and covers her mouth as tears run down her face. She turns and runs back to the remaining guard detail.

  Myra smacks my arm, “Whatever you said to her, you better apologize now!” She looks at me crossly.

  I look at her feeling completely befuddled. I beckon her closer and whisper as quietly as I can into her ear, “I asked her to marry me.”

  She sits back and looks at me disgruntled. Myra says, “She’s not ready for that, Jack! Damnit! She is just starting to come out of her shell, and you probably just chased her back into it!” Myra gets up ripping the gloves off her hands as she storms off to comfort Grace.

  I frown and shrug. Then I get back up and go to the next patient. The medic guides me to one that has two huge punctures in his torso - a sucking chest wound in his right chest and one into his liver. I mutter, “Damn, Salt. That’s just mean,” as I reach my will into the liver wound and heal it. Then I focus my will on the chest wound. I stop the bleeding and a headache starts coming on again as heal the lung and the flesh. By the time I’m done, the headache is a stabbing pain.

  I gasp to the medic, “I’m about out of energy. You’ll need to suction the fluid out, so I have enough left to close the amputation wounds. I can come back tomorrow to regrow the limbs.”

  He looks at me wide-eyed as I stand and stumble. “Of course, Lord,” he says.

  Daphne runs to me with a baggie of nuts. “Eat, Master,” she says as she dumps some into her hand and holds it up to my face.

  I lean in to kiss her cheek. “No thanks, my Lord. Please. Eat.”

  I smile tiredly at her, “I almost forgot, Precious.”

  Grace runs up to me and wraps her arms around me. “I’m sorry, Lord. You surprised me. I think Queen Myra is less upset with you now. Oh Goddess! You’re about dead on your feet.”

  She takes off her blazer and then her camisole. She is standing there bare from the waist up. She implores me, “Take a bite from me, Master. It will help.”

  I call with my mind, *Eliana, do you have any more to give?*

  She gasps a reply, *No, Lord. I’m all out!*

  I ask Grace, “Are you sure, Darling?”

  I look to Myra as she walks up and says, “Do it, Beloved! You’re tapped out, and you won’t quit until you’re finished. Grace will gladly help you.”

  Grace’s dark doe-eyes hold mine as she says, “I’m positive, Master. Body, heart, and soul. Take what you need from me.”

  I cup her face with my hand and kiss her passionately. I tell her, “It doesn’t have to be a bite, Grace.”

  She holds holds her breath and my gaze before she says, “Take me, Lord. Take me here in front of all the Goblin Court. Use me harshly, then take a bite of my flesh as you dump your seed in me.” She unwraps her kilt and lays it on the ground, followed by the rest of her garments. She faces the throng of Goblins who have assembled to watch me heal their general. Then she kneels gracefully on her clothes and rests her elbows on the ground. Little Jack jumps to attention immediately as she adjusts her knees to open them for me.

  Myra kisses me passionately before saying, “If you need more, either I or one of the Goblins will serve you, my Husband.”

  I kiss her quickly and tap Gisela. She unwraps from around my waist, and I hand the swordbelt to Myra. I unbuckle and open my pants to a chorus of gasps from the peanut gallery as I drop behind Grace and line up to her opening. She is gaping wide and fluid is dripping from her. Little Jack’s helmet is just barely inside her when I grab both hips and drive into her HARD! She screams as I bottom out in her. Then I back out and slam again as I pull her back by her hair and demand, “Who is your master, Grace?”

  “You! You are, my Lord!” She gasps out.

  I whisper into her ear, “Squeeze me when I pull out. It will increase the pleasure for both of us, Love.”

  I hold her head and shoulders back as I plow her wet pussy. Her back is arched like a drawn bow. She raises her hands to her head and I hold her hands in place as I fuck her hard. She grunts loudly with each thrust. I whisper into her ear, “Will you marry me, Grace?”

  She turns to me with wild eyes, “Yes, Jack. Next time.”

  “Deal,” I tell her as claim her mouth, cutting my lips on her tusks. I don’t care.

  I feel my moment arriving rapidly. I lower her back to the ground gently and grab both hips as I pick up the pace and intensity. Finally, I can’t hold it any longer. I spray my seed deep into her pulsing pussy. I pull her back to me again by the hair and throat, then I open my mouth wide and take a huge bite out of her trapezius.

  As I chew I’m overcome, ‘Holy shit!’

  Sidhe flesh is energizing, but Goblin flesh is like an energy drink, a pot of coffee, a double shot of whiskey, and a steak dinner all rolled into one. Energy absorbs into my mouth as I chew. It lights my throat on fire as I swallow, and I feel energy radiating out from my stomach.

  Elian
a gasps, *Oh my, Goddess! I didn’t know!*

  I hold Grace to me as I ride the wave of energy flowing through me. I lean down and lick the bloody wound and will it to heal. Grace gasps as she feels the wound heal. I whisper, “Thank you, Grace. And yes, I do know what that means in Goblin culture. Your gift is going to allow me to fully heal these Goblin warriors. They will all know that they aren’t maimed because of your beautiful, generous spirit.”

  She looks at me with surprise and fear in her eyes. I stand and reach for her hands. Instead, she grabs my still-rigid cock and pops it into her mouth. I caress her cheeks as she sucks and licks my little friend clean. Finally, she leans back lets him pop out of her mouth. I offer my hands again. This time she takes them both and stands in front of me. I lean in to kiss her gently and passionately.

  Grace caresses my face and says, “Master, you have broken me.”

  I caress her cheek in return, and she rubs her face against my caress like a cat. “I’ll just have to mend you, Beloved.”

  Myra picks up Grace’s blazer and wraps it around Grace’s shoulders. I pull up and buckle up as Myra says loud enough for everyone to hear, “Grace, our Lord Jack could not have given you a more appropriate name. You have been Grace since you were born, it just took the wisdom of our Lord to recognize it. My Lord loves you. All his women love you. I love you. You are an integral part of our family despite just joining us today. It is my honor to serve you.” She kisses Grace’s cheek. Solange hands Gisela to me. I wrap the belt around me and she fastens securely.

  Grace turns and kisses Myra’s lips chastely. “You humble me, my Queen.”