TORE (Sidewinders: Generations Book 2)

by Kat Mizera

  In a day or so, when we were alone, I was going to tell him about the baby. I’d put it off long enough and Shelley was taking Gracie to the mall to spend a gift card Gracie had received from Everly’s mother and stepfather. Tore had practice in the morning, but maybe once he got home, I’d tell him everything. I was still nervous about it, but he had to know, even if he dumped me.

  Stop it! I chided myself mentally. The negative internal dialogue was getting old and I had to believe in not just myself, but in him, in the life we’d built together.

  “What’s this?” he was asking me, shaking a large, brightly wrapped box.

  I shrugged playfully. “No idea. What does the card say?”

  “It says, ‘To our god of thunder, from your girls,’” he read.

  “Thor is the god of thunder,” Gracie said, rolling her eyes at me. “Why would you call Daddy that?”

  Tore, Shelley and I burst out laughing as we explained that his name was actually Thor and it was a little joke. Gracie seemed less than amused but she was too distracted by her dollhouse to care that much.

  He started unwrapping the gift so slowly that Gracie climbed on his lap and asked if he needed help. Tore laughed and told her she was welcome to tear off the paper, which she did without hesitation.

  He opened the box and lifted out the autographed game-worn jersey Karl had helped me get for him. He’d had his father sign it and mail it to me, and wouldn’t even take money for it. It had been incredibly nice and I told Karl I wanted to thank his dad in person the next time he came to town.

  “Oh, wow.” It took him a minute to realize what it was and then he shook his head. “Babe, this is incredible.”

  “Is that a Ken Lerner?” His mother obviously knew him well.

  “Yeah.” He swallowed and then got up, putting Gracie on Shelley’s lap as he leaned over to kiss me. “Thank you. This is an amazing and thoughtful gift.”

  “I’m glad you like it. I couldn’t think of anything else to get you. Though there’s one more thing. It’s in an envelope at the bottom of the box.”

  “This jersey was more than enough. Once we get a house, I’ll have it framed and hang it up somewhere. Really, I love it.” He turned to Gracie. “Thank you too, Princess Penalty Box.”

  “Well, hopefully you’ll think about buying a house soon and then you’ll have plenty of room,” Shelley said.

  I waited for Tore to say something about his finances, but he didn’t, so I didn’t either. Besides, he was digging in the box for the envelope and I saw the glint in his eyes as soon as he read what was inside. I’d created a kind of gift certificate for a night at Club Inferno and he met my gaze with a wink before putting it away. He leaned over and whispered in my ear, “You pretend to be a prude, but you’re the opposite of one. And I really, really like that about you.”

  I blushed even though I shouldn’t have. His mom was watching us with an amused smile on her face, undoubtedly guessing we were sharing something sexual, and I quickly turned to Gracie, asking what she was going to open next. It had been a good day so far and we were going to Ian and Everly’s for dinner. I hoped I’d have a chance to tell her what was going on, but we’d barely talked the last couple of weeks. It was the first time since we were five years old that I’d kept a secret from her, but there was a part of me that didn’t want to tell anyone because telling someone would mean it was actually happening. Intellectually, I knew that was stupid, but I couldn’t help myself.

  I’d been tempted to tell Renee a few times, but in the end, I felt like Tore needed to be the first one to hear the news. No matter how he reacted, this was his baby too and I hadn’t had this accident by myself. He was in charge of condoms and he knew I wasn’t protected, so if anything had gone wrong, we were equally to blame.

  Despite my pregnancy secret, this had been the best Christmas of my life, and certainly the best of Gracie’s. Tore and Shelley had spoiled both of us beyond my wildest dreams. Tore had even stayed within the budget we’d set for each other, but his gifts were thoughtful. There was a gift card for a spa day, something he knew I’d never do for myself, autographed copies of every single one of Renee’s books, and an IOU for the bookshelf of my choice once we figured out where we were going to settle down since there was no room for one in the apartment.

  We spent the evening with Shelley, Ian, Everly, and Everly’s parents, which was lovely and relaxing. And when we got home and got Gracie settled in bed, we made sweet, romantic love, in a way we never had before. Simple missionary position, our lips fused together, with Tore whispering the kinds of sweet nothings most girls would die to hear. He’d never been such a romantic before and it gave me hope that our conversation the next day would go better than I was expecting. Maybe he’d even be excited about it, despite how unplanned it was.

  Yet no matter how many times I tried to tell him that week, I kept losing my nerve. We were supposed to leave for Limaj in two days and I was waffling between telling him before we left or doing it in a really romantic backdrop like Limaj. Tore was at a morning skate and Shelley was taking Gracie for the day. She’d said she would feed her both lunch and dinner and I was excited to have a little time to myself before Tore got home. Not that he annoyed me or anything, but I was truly struggling with telling him about the baby. I was almost eleven weeks at this point, so I was almost through the first trimester. I had to get a grip and talk to him. Maybe today.

  I got online to distract myself and see what the state of my finances were since I wanted to do a few things while we were in Limaj. The other WAGs were planning as many touristy things as we could fit in since we were only going to be there a few days, and I wanted to see if I could splurge on anything. The only time I’d been to Europe was for Everly’s wedding in Scotland, so I was excited, but hated always being on a budget. I had access to Tore’s money, of course, but I felt weird spending it on anything but absolute necessities.

  Since Tore refused to let me spend my money for anything like groceries or toiletries, I planned to exchange some dollars for Euros so it would be easier to keep track of my spending. I wanted to make sure I had enough in my account to cover the bills that came out automatically. Tore had mentioned setting them up on his bank account, and paying everything together so I didn’t have to worry about it, but there was a part of me holding on to my independence.

  Not because I didn’t trust him or he made me feel bad about how little I made, but because I’d worked hard to be where I was in life. There was a part of me that needed that tiny bit of separation, to make sure I didn’t lose who I was. Maybe it was this pregnancy making me feel unsure of myself or just my usual insecurities, but I couldn’t help the way I felt.

  I was about to log out when I noticed a notification from the bank. Tore had added me to his accounts, which included all of his credit cards, and there had been a fraudulent charge notice. But it was dated ten days ago, which meant Tore had already seen it and dealt with it, since the notification would have gone directly to his email.

  I clicked on his credit card and sure enough, there was a fifteen-thousand-dollar charge from something called Weinberg, LLC. I had no idea what that was, but Tore had obviously spent fifteen grand there. What the hell had he been thinking? I was equal parts mystified and furious. We’d worked so hard to pay off two credit cards and lower the amount he owed on this one and he’d just randomly spent that kind of money? Whatever it was, he’d hidden it from me, and since Christmas was over, he couldn’t even claim it was something for me.

  I was so mad I temporarily saw red. I pulled up his credit card statement and scowled, drumming my fingers on the desk. Between whatever this was and first-class flights to Limaj, he’d undone half of the progress we’d made.

  I didn’t understand why he would do this, and I realized I wasn’t going to be able to save him from himself. His need to spend and spend and spend didn’t bode well for our future, no matter how much money he made, and this baby inside of me was going to cause exponential p
roblems. For both of us.

  I was still reeling when I heard his key in the door, and I turned, hands on my hips.

  “Hey, babe! I—” He stopped talked abruptly as he noticed me. “What’s wrong?”

  “How could you?” I asked, shaking my head. “We’ve worked so hard to get your spending under control and the first chance you get, you go out and do something frivolous?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  To his credit, he looked confused, but I’d seen the evidence, so unless he’d ignored the notification from the bank, he’d gone on a shopping spree.

  “I don’t know what you thought you needed for fifteen thousand dollars, but it was irresponsible as fuck. How do you expect me to trust you when you constantly go behind my back and do shit like this?!”

  He looked startled at first, but then his eyes narrowed. “Really? You automatically assume I did something wrong without even asking me about it? The trust between us boils down to a charge on my credit card?”

  I clenched my jaw. “Did you make the purchase?”

  He hesitated. “Yeah.”

  “Was it an emergency?”

  “No.”

  “Then I guess that’s all I need to know.”

  “Seriously? That’s all you need to know?” He was scowling at me like I was the one who’d done something wrong.

  “Yup.” I turned away, closing my laptop and reaching for my purse.

  “Where are you going?”

  “For a drive. I’m upset and I need to clear my head.”

  “So you don’t even want to talk about this?”

  “What’s to talk about? You did what you always do, without giving a second thought to Gracie and me. You say you’re ready to be her dad, but as much as it hurts me to say it, I don’t think you are.”

  34

  Tore

  I went from being confused to shocked to pissed off in what felt like a heartbeat. One minute I was trying to figure out why she was mad and the next she literally walked out the door. While I wasn’t planning to tell her about the engagement ring, she hadn’t even given me the chance to explain. Even if I’d lied or made something up, she’d automatically assumed I’d fucked up. And then she’d said she didn’t think I was ready to be Gracie’s dad.

  What kind of bullshit was that?

  All I’d done the last three months was focus on her and Gracie. I hadn’t gone out with my friends even once, except on road trips; I hadn’t gone golfing, drinking, or gambling, and the only two frivolous things I’d spent money on were the dollhouse and this fucking engagement ring. The idea that our relationship, and the foundation we’d built, was so easily toppled pissed me right the fuck off.

  I could have told her about the ring, but I still wanted to surprise her. I still wanted to marry her. And she’d walked out.

  Now I was the one who was mad and I didn’t know what to do about it. I probably should have stopped her, explained about the ring, and made all of this go away, but I was hurt. If she hadn’t said what she said about me not being ready to be Gracie’s dad, I probably would have smoothed things over, but that stung. A lot.

  I showered and cursed my luck that she’d somehow stumbled onto that charge. Had she been spot-checking my credit card account to see what I was doing? That got me mad all over again and I was still fuming when my mom brought Gracie home. I didn’t say anything about Margot and me having a fight, and patiently listened to them tell me about their day. Mom had fed Gracie dinner and she was going to go back to her hotel and relax, so I played Candy Land with Gracie while I waited for Margot to come home.

  She came in just after seven and didn’t say anything to me as she greeted Gracie and got her into the bath. I waited while they talked and Margot read her a story. Finally, Margot came out and looked at me.

  “Are we not talking now?” I demanded, scowling.

  “I don’t know what there is to say,” she said quietly.

  “This is how we work things out? By not talking? And I’m the one that’s not mature?”

  “I never said you weren’t mature.”

  “You didn’t use those words but that’s what you meant, right? When you said I wasn’t ready to be Gracie’s father?”

  She looked away. “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel so great. I think I have a stomach bug. We can talk about this tomorrow, but I really need to lie down.”

  She did look pale, and as annoyed as I was, I hesitated. “Do you need anything?”

  She shook her head. “Just to lie down. I think maybe I ate too much yesterday.” She turned and went into our room, and I didn’t know whether to follow her or leave it alone. If she didn’t feel well, I wasn’t going to fight with her, so I went into the living room and turned on the TV. There was a game tomorrow night, so I couldn’t let myself get worked up about this.

  Tomorrow, I was probably going to have to ruin the surprise and come clean, but for tonight, I’d sit here and mope. The things she’d said had hurt more than I wanted to admit, and in the back of my mind, I was wondering how I could marry someone who thought so little of me. Technically, this was our first real fight and all of our wires were crossed, but I’d thought she would at least give me the benefit of the doubt. I didn’t know what that meant for us long-term. How could I marry someone who thought so little of me?

  Of course, I hadn’t given her much reason to trust me either. I’d bought the dollhouse after she’d said not to and now, in her eyes, I’d gone behind her back yet again. Ironically, she hadn’t even asked what I’d bought, and that was the saddest part of all. Maybe I needed to just go in there and tell her about the ring. I hated ruining the surprise, but was I willing to lose her over this?

  It took a while to work up the courage, but I finally went down the hall and into our room. She was curled up under the covers, fast asleep, and I opted not to bother her. Instead, I slid in behind her and wrapped my arms around her. Even in her sleep, she moved against me, and I dozed off thinking everything was going to be okay in the morning.

  Margot was already up when I woke up, and I found her in the kitchen making breakfast for Gracie.

  “Morning, Princess,” I said to Gracie, kissing the top of her head.

  “Hi, Daddy.” She smiled up at me.

  “How are you feeling?” I asked Margot.

  She wrinkled her nose. “Better, but not a hundred percent.”

  “Hopefully you’ll be okay for the flight tomorrow.”

  She paused. “Tore, we’re not going.”

  “Not going where?” I asked in confusion.

  “To Limaj. I cancelled our flights.”

  “You what?” I stared at her. “Why would you do that?”

  “Because we can’t afford it. Because one of us has to make the hard decisions, and it looks like it has to be me.”

  “What?!” I was pissed all over again.

  “Those tickets cost over five thousand dollars since you insisted we fly first class, and by returning them, you’ll get that money credited to your account to offset that fifteen grand you charged.”

  I was so mad, all I could do was stare at her. We were all supposed to leave tomorrow, me with the team and her with the other WAGs and players’ families. I was going to propose on New Year’s Day. There was a fucking plan and now she was playing games with me?

  What the fuck?

  I couldn’t say the things I wanted to say because Gracie was in the room, but my heart was pounding and I had to take a few deep breaths to calm down.

  “I know you’re annoyed,” she continued after a moment, “but this is what I’ve been talking about, the sacrifices when you’re a grown-up.”

  “You know what? That’s bullshit! Just because you’ve had a rough time doesn’t mean we have to live that way. I make plenty of money. So what if it takes us an extra month or two to pay off my debt? In the meantime, we were going to do something exciting. None of us have ever been to Limaj. I had a surprise for you. I made plans. It was going to be
something fun and memorable and now, because you’re so fucking worked up about money, you’ve ruined it.”

  “You said a bad word!” Gracie whispered, staring at me.

  I breathed in through my nose and blew it out slowly. “I know, honey. I’m sorry. Mommy and I are just having a disagreement.”

  “You’re fighting,” she pointed out.

  “Gracie, why don’t you go watch TV?” Margot suggested quietly.

  “Fine.” Gracie flounced out of the room.

  “I can’t believe you did that,” I said when we were alone. “I mean, you didn’t even give me a chance to explain!”

  “I don’t see what there is to say.”

  We stared at each other and I was so angry and disappointed and frustrated, I finally turned away.

  “I can’t do this right now,” I muttered. “I’m going to practice.”

  “I have to talk to you about something else,” she said.

  “It’s gonna have to wait.” I turned and walked out of the room. I was going to get my shit and go find some breakfast before practice. I was too pissed to talk to her about anything right now and I didn’t want to wind up saying something I’d regret.

  “Tore.” She stood in the doorway of the bedroom as I threw my things into my duffel.

  “Not now,” I growled. “Seriously. I don’t want to talk right now.”

  “But—”

  “Yesterday, when I wanted to talk, you left to go clear your head. Today, I need to clear my head. Sorry, but I’m pissed and we have a game tonight and I don’t have the energy for this.”

  “I’m not the one who messed up,” she said, frowning.

  “Actually, you are,” I replied, grabbing my bag. “I have to go.”

  I walked down the hall, said goodbye to Gracie and shut the door behind me. I was so fucking mad, and I didn’t know whether I was madder at her or at myself.