Something Rotten: An Uncanny Kingdom Urban Fantasy (The Ghosted Series Book 2)

by David Bussell

  Stronge tried to check herself out of the place, but her doctor insisted on keeping her in for observation. Just as well really, or I’d have wasted a trip.

  ‘Are those the same flowers you gave me before?’ she said, looking at the bunch in my hand. We had a private room to ourselves, so no one was there to see Stronge talking to her invisible friend.

  ‘What do you expect?’ I said, acting hurt. ‘It’s not like I can just pop into the local florist and pick up a bunch of posies.’

  Stronge took the flowers and tried to hide a smile. It meant everything to me to see that. She’d been out of it for too long back at that church; how she hadn’t wound up with brain damage was anyone’s guess. ‘They look different,’ she remarked, setting the flowers in a vase. ‘Bigger.’

  ‘Probably the coffee you dropped them in back at the station,’ I replied.

  She smiled properly this time. ‘You twat,’ she said.

  And we laughed like the end of a Thundercats.

  As a thank you for her help, I elected to pay Stronge’s friend from college a visit; the one with the patchy morals and the busy hands. I gave that fucker the haunting of a lifetime. The full suite. I’m talking slamming doors in the middle of the night, threatening messages in the condensation of his bathroom mirror, levitating bed, the works. Trust me, that guy’s never going to get a boner again, let alone put it where it’s not invited. It was the least I could do, really. After all, I owe Stronge my life now. Or at least I would do if I had one.

  I closed my office door behind me and hung my jacket from its peg. Home sweet home. I slumped into my office chair and heard air escape from its cushion like a contented sigh, a harsh reminder that even my furniture is more alive than I am. I kicked up my heels and put my feet on the desk, taking a load off. I’d been running around town like a blue-arsed fly for days now, but there it was, finally, another job jobbed.

  I was with Adonael when he rounded up the ghosts of my clients, Fergal, Mike, and the pensioners at the old folks’ home. They thanked me enthusiastically for my assistance, then I watched them step into a big gold elevator and ride up to the Promised Land. I have to confess, I got a bit maudlin seeing them go. Must be nice, I thought, passing to the other side with a clean slate. Death isn't so bad really, it's getting stuck on the way there that's the real tragedy.

  But I didn’t stay blue for long. I’d done what I set out to do. Thanks to me, my clients weren’t stuck in limbo anymore, and were free to receive their final reward. I’d done some questionable things in my time for sure, but I was tipping the scales the other way now, even if I had only succeeded by the skin of my teeth. This case was a close one, no doubt about it, but I’d done it. I’d survived. Once again I’d managed to beat death, only this time it was Death with a capital D.

  The End.

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  LONDON COVEN: FAMILIAR MAGIC

  Here’s a SNEAK PEEK at the first Familiar Magic book, another series set in the Uncanny Kingdom universe…

  Three dead witches.

  An unknown killer.

  One big mistake: they left me alive.

  1

  It was the absence of magic that first got me, hitting me like a punch to the stomach.

  As I stepped forward my legs actually shook a little, like they might give way and drop me to the ground. So much for the seen-it-all, jaded, powerful Familiar.

  My name is Stella, I belonged to the London Coven as the Familiar to a trio of witches, and I’d just arrived back to find the door hanging off its hinges. After discovering this, I’d just stood looking at the thing for a few seconds, confused. It was impossible. It couldn’t be. And yet there it stubbornly was.

  The entrance to the coven itself sits in Hammersmith, west London; just a few streets away from the underground station. It’s situated down a blind alley, so called because only those who know it exists can actually see it. A simple but very effective bit of perception magic that makes the alley invisible to most, even when looking directly at it.

  Let’s get back to that impossible lack of magic.

  It assaulted my senses like a rancid smell. Like meat gone bad. The coven and the blind alley that lead to its door should be noisy with magic. Alive with boiling, agitated power. It was home to my masters, Kala, Trin, & Feal, the most powerful witches in England, and every inch of the place was infused with magic, old and new, black and white. On top of that, there were the spells of protection. Thousands of them. Anyone that wasn’t meant to be there could find themselves stepping into a patch of superheated air that would melt the flesh from their bones. Or perhaps they’d blink and, just before their heart gave out, they’d find themselves confused as their eyes opened one last time to see their insides were now on the outside. There were any number of ways it could happen. Any number of creative deaths to discover. The coven was locked up tight, it had to be. It was impossible for anything to step inside that wasn’t invited. And yet…

  The door—

  The lack of magic—

  I swallowed hard and ducked through the gap created by the half-off door, straightening up slowly on the other side.

  The place was dead.

  There wasn’t a whisper of magic to be heard. To be felt. Tasted.

  It was impossible.

  I know I keep using that word, but it was true.

  Every building, every street, every hill and river and grain of sand contains some residue of magic. It’s all around us every day. Even if this place hadn’t been a coven, hadn’t housed three of the most powerful magical creatures in the country, the very fact of its existence meant it should emit traces of the Uncanny.

  But there was nothing.

  I reached out with all of my senses, desperate for anything. For a ghost of some ancient incantation.

  I came up empty and it terrified me.

  ‘Kala? Trin...?’

  Silence.

  I stepped into the first room; it was empty but there were signs of a struggle. ‘Kala?’ Chairs on their sides, broken glass on wooden floorboards. The coven smelt the same despite the lack of magic; that weird mix of cinnamon, freshly cut grass, and lavender that seemed to permanently drift around the place, no matter which potion was cooked up or meal was prepared. The smell of my master’s witchcraft. I turned back and stepped into the hallway again.

  ‘Intruder, my name is Stella Familiar and you will show yourself or I… or I will…’

  I pressed a palm against the wall to steady myself and swallowed, throat dry. The emptiness was getting to me, giving me the shakes. All magical beings are connected to the power that radiates from all things. They feed a little on the magic that naturally occurs, and I was no different. I soaked it in, night and day, without even thinking about it. It sustained me, made me stronger, gave me the energy to cast spells, and, for want of a better word, gave me a ‘buzz’. But now, in this place, in this empty coven, I was like a junkie who’d suddenly gone cold turkey after a lifetime of indulgence.

  And it hurt.

  It was actually disturbing to me how quickly I was affected. A minute had passed, tops, and I was a shaking, sweaty wreck.

  I grunted, straightened up, and tried to get my shit together.

  ‘Intruder, my name is Stella Familiar and you will damn well show yourself to
me for punishment!’ The words roared out of my mouth with a strength I really didn’t feel.

  There was no reply.

  I placed a hand on the door to the main coven room and pushed.

  I tasted death before I saw it.

  That coppery tang on the tongue that twisted my stomach and told me exactly what I was going to see before my eyes had chance to catch up.

  There were three bodies on the floor inside. Three bodies, but more than three pieces. Kala, Trin, Feal, my masters, my coven’s high witches, had been torn to pieces and scattered around the room.

  Eyes wide, hand to my mouth, I stepped inside.

  ‘No…’

  The world had gone mad.

  This couldn’t be happening.

  Nothing was capable of doing this to the witches of the London Coven. Together, the three of them wielded enough power to crack open mountains, and yet my shoes were now soaking in a pool of their collective blood.

  I crouched and placed a hand on a hunk of meat that could have once belonged to any one of my masters. It, like the coven itself, was empty. Not just of life, but of magic. Of power. Something had broken into a place it was impossible to break into, survived the magical protections it was impossible to survive, and torn to…

  …and murdered my masters. Murdered creatures of immeasurable power. And then, to finish things off, they’d drained every last drop of magic from the place.

  It was impossible on top of impossible on top of impossible and it made me tremble.

  I stood, angry. Angry that I’d allowed fear to infect me. I cradled that anger and blew upon it, igniting it like the first spark of a new fire. It didn’t matter that this was impossible, it had happened. It didn’t matter that the kind of power needed to have even achieved one of the impossible things done to this coven would be enough to turn me into a puddle of bubbling goo.

  None of it mattered.

  All that mattered was that the coven was breached and my creators had been murdered as though they were nothing. As though they were less than nothing. They’d been ripped and shredded and tossed aside. My nails dug into my palms and drew blood, but I didn’t flinch. It felt good.

  I was going to find out who was behind this and do something impossible myself.

  I was going to get bloody, horrifying revenge.

  I was nothing but a lowly Familiar, but I swore on every spell I knew that I was going to avenge my slaughtered coven.

  ‘Listen to me. Listen closely. You’ve made a terrible mistake. You’ve made a terrible mistake and you don’t even realise it. My name is Stella Familiar, and what’s happened here today will be met with fury like you could never even imagine. Do you hear me? I know you can. Whoever did this, I will find you, and when I do, I will rip your heart from your chest!’

  A noise—

  A movement in the corner of my eye—

  I whirled and caught sight of something my mind couldn’t quite pin down.

  I wasn’t alone.

  And I was in terrible danger.

  2

  Whatever the creature was, it was taking its time. I had the distinct impression it was trying to scare me.

  It was working.

  Normally in this sort of situation, with an unknown beast stalking me, ready to leap and tear my throat out at any moment, I’d draw on the surrounding magic and cast a spell that would turn the thing into confetti. Sling a spell first, ask questions later, that was my usual way of dealing with threats. But there was no surrounding magic. I extended my senses as far as I could, invisible tendrils firing out in all directions, desperately searching for a hint of the strange to draw upon, but everything was cold.

  This was a dead place.

  The creature unleashed a low, rumbling growl that shook the floor beneath me. I was in deep trouble. I tried to ignore the blood, the chunks of my dead masters, and I reached out again to try and make sense of what I was up against.

  A voice—

  A single word, repeated staccato—

  Kill-Kill-Kill—

  The words rolled in my head as I came upon the thing stalking me. It was a slippery creature, hard to get a clear grip on, but it was obvious it wasn’t the person behind this attack. It was a booby trap.

  Okay. It was time to take stock.

  I had no magic to draw on, only the weak power I already had stored inside of me, and even that was dulled by my surroundings, as though my magic was shrinking back in confusion at the emptiness around me. Did the creature keeping just out of sight know that? Did it realise I was running almost on empty? That I’d be bringing a slap to a gunfight?

  No, I didn’t think so. It was just toying with me; that’s the only reason it hadn’t already pounced. It wanted to make me scared to death, before death actually came calling.

  ‘Whatever you are, this is already getting boring. Just show yourself, but beware: I have enough juice in me to make your head go pop. Understand?’

  A bluff, but I sold it as best I could. From what I could sense, it was a simple attack beast, left to take care of anyone who stumbled into the dead coven. To take care of me. It was the monkey, not the organ grinder.

  ‘Do you hear me, you dumb creature? Show yourself or get the hell out of my house!’

  A growl and the floor shook—

  A wall in front of me exploded—

  A creature erupted into the room, busting through plaster and brick as though it were matchsticks and spit. The thing looked a hell of a lot like the dog-monster Rick Moranis turns into in Ghostbusters; horned, eyes burning with red fire, a mess of sharp teeth.

  It raised its great head, drool dripping from its mouth and splashing onto the floor, mixing with my masters’ spilled blood. I had to choose my next words carefully.

  ‘There, there,’ I said. ‘Good dog…?’

  Yes. Not ideal.

  A thought struck: This monster was created by magic, which meant it must have magic available for me to feed on. I ignored the fact that I should have already been able to sense any magic in my vicinity and tried to reach out to it, to draw in some of its power, but whoever had created this thing was no idiot. Some sort of extra spell had been cast upon the beast that made my mental feelers slide off it every time I reached out, like I was trying to push two magnets of the same pole together. So that was why I hadn’t been able to sense its presence, or its magic. The thing was shielded from me. Whoever had ripped apart my witches and left this booby trap didn’t plan on making things easy.

  The thing took a step forward, a floorboard cracking beneath its heavy, cloven foot.

  ‘Stop! Stay there! Don’t take another step or you’re for it!’

  I raised a hand by way of a threat, a weak cloud of sparks swimming around it, as though at any moment I was about to cast a furious spell upon the damn thing.

  ‘You will tell me your name, and the name of your master, or I will—’

  —I didn’t get to finish the sentence. The creature snorted and began to charge, drool trailing from its mouth.

  I flung the weak defence spell I’d conjured in the creature’s direction as I turned and bolted from the room. I didn’t bother to check for damage, I knew the energy I’d unleashed would have affected the beast about as much as running through a cobweb.

  A second more and the thing was going to be on me; I stopped sharply and threw myself through the open door to my left and into another room, the monster tumbling past and away, unable to suddenly halt its momentum.

  I landed on the floor, shoulder jarring, but I didn’t have time to notice the pain. I rolled onto my knee and turned to the open doorway; I could hear the thing scrabbling to stop and turn. I didn’t have time to run back out the door and head in the other direction, which left me only one option: the window.

  I had to get out of the coven and out of the blind alley; that was my only hope. Either the thing wouldn’t follow me, had been conjured only to stay within the confines of the coven, and I would be safe, or it would follow. If it f
ollowed, then my one shot was to make it out of the blind alley and into the street with enough time before it caught up to pull what magic I could from the surroundings to do… whatever I could. I’d have at best seconds to power up. I already knew that wouldn’t be long enough for me to gain enough energy to destroy the thing, but I was out of options.

  The corridor’s floorboards began to crunch as the beast headed back to the doorway. Its giant, snarling head came into view and its burning, hellish eyes looked at me. Looked at me with hunger, desperate to taste my flesh.

  Okay.

  It was now or never.

  This was going to hurt.

  ‘Here, doggy,’ I said, then used the last of my power to throw a chair directly at the thing’s face, hoping to slow it down for even half a second, as I turned, raised my arms up over my head, and threw myself through the window.

  3

  Shards of glass swarmed me like angry bees as I burst from the coven and fell hard onto the cobbles outside. I heard the beast, its roar barely muffled behind me.

  ‘Get up!’ I yelled, and pushed myself to my feet, hands criss-crossed with livid red cuts from the shattered window.

  I’d made it outside, now I just had to make it another twenty metres to the end of the blind alley, to the streets beyond with their wash of background magic that I could pull on. I could do it.

  Maybe I could.

  Had to do it.

  I took a step and my knee almost buckled beneath me. The adrenalin was pumping so hard that I hadn’t realised how hard I came down during my escape. I staggered, but managed to keep just about upright, even if I did step more sideways than forward.

  ‘Come on, you can do it—’ I gritted my teeth and kept moving. I had to make it to the street before the animal took me down. Had to. Had to!

  ‘Well, look at you.’

  The new voice seemed to come at me from all angles and I span around looking for a source, even as I tried to keep moving toward the street.

  ‘Such willpower. Such determination. I find myself admiring you.’