nowhere

by Marysue Hobika

  “Really?” she laughed. “Haven’t you heard? He sleeps around.” I kept my face blank, giving nothing away. I knew Emma was just trying to get back at me for talking trash about her date, even though everything I said had been the truth. What came out of her mouth was nothing but lies. “He uses girls. He has sex with them, and then the next day he acts like he doesn’t know them.”

  “Says who? One of your cheerleader friends who feeds off of gossip and spreads rumors to make herself feel better?” My voice rose.

  “It was from a very reliable source.”

  “I’m sure. Too bad it doesn’t make any sense.” I knew Dooner, and he would never do that.

  “Believe what you want. Just remember I did try to warn you.” What? I was the one trying to warn her. She turned to leave; only I caught her by her arm.

  “Take my skirt off,” I demanded. I knew I was being childish, but I didn’t care. Emma had gone too far, and now I was pissed.

  “No way. I look good in this.” She put her hands on her hips.

  “Too bad. Take it off. I don’t want you wearing my skirt while that idiot you’re going out with tries to get his hand under it.”

  “Be serious, Mike.” I remained unwavering, glaring at her sternly. Emma shifted uneasily and tried a different tactic. “Please let me wear it. I don’t have time to change,” she pleaded.

  No way was I backing down. “Last chance. Now take it off before I take it off for you.” I heard the engine of Tyler’s truck coming down the road. I nodded my head. “I’d hurry if I were you.”

  Emma huffed. She knew me well enough that if I said something I meant it. “You’re such a bitch,” she shouted, running inside to change before I could follow through with my threat and humiliate her.

  Just as the door slammed, Tyler pulled in. It did look like it was a double date. Liz was sitting shotgun while Casey sat alone in the back. I slowly approached as Tyler rolled down his window.

  “Hiya Mike. Where’s Emma?” Tyler asked, leaning out the window.

  “She’s coming. She had a last minute wardrobe change.” I smiled.

  “Tell her to hurry, would ya. ”

  “I’m sure she’ll be right out. You guys are going to the movies, huh?”

  “Yeah. What are your plans? There’s room for one more, if you want to go,” Tyler offered. It was clear by the look on Liz’s face that she hoped I didn’t take him up on it. If James weren’t coming over, then I’d tag along just to piss her off. I wasn’t sure what I had ever done to her, I had only met her once, but it was obvious she didn’t like me.

  Casey rolled down his window and shouted enthusiastically, “Yeah, you should come. Then I’d have one beautiful sister on each arm. A hot threesome’s one of my fantasies.”

  “Gross.” This guy’s even worse than I thought.

  He laughed. “Can’t blame a guy for trying. But it’s probably for the best anyway. It doesn’t look as if your sister’s in the mood to share.”

  Emma came up behind me, scowling. “What’s going on, Mike?”

  “Nothing. Just letting them know you’d be out in a minute.”

  “Well, I’m here now,” she said, all but pushing me out of the way to climb into the back next to Casey. She’d changed into a whole new outfit. She had on the shortest pair of shorts she owned and a super tight v-neck T-shirt that flaunted her chest. I rolled my eyes. I didn’t understand why Emma thought Casey needed encouragement.

  “Sure you don’t want to come?” asked Tyler one last time, chuckling.

  “No thanks.” I waved as they pulled away.

  I was too restless to sit on the swing. I paced back and forth on the driveway, replaying the fight with Emma. I didn’t believe a word she said about James. She was just jealous because he picked me over her. I bet her new cheerleading friends had filled her ears with untrue rumors. I hated to stereotype, but wasn’t that what cheerleaders did? I knew James had a past. Didn’t everybody? What mattered was that we were together now.

  By the time James arrived, I’d carved a noticeable path in the stone driveway. “Is everything okay?” He sounded concerned.

  “I had a big fight with Emma.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No, not really. It’ll blow over in a couple of days.” I shrugged, not letting Emma’s comments cause friction between me and James. I trusted him and what we had together.

  “Okay. Is there anything I can do?” He grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

  “No.” Smirking, I added, “A kiss would make me feel better.” I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck. He leaned down and softly kissed me. Instantly, I relaxed. The kiss deepened and quickly became urgent. Our tongues intertwined. The rest of the world ceased to exist. Eventually we pulled apart to catch our breaths.

  While standing in the middle of the driveway, waiting for our breathing to return to normal, he asked, “What do you want to do tonight?”

  There really wasn’t anything in a town this small for teens to do, and partying on a dirt road once was more than enough for me. Happily I suggested, “I’m hot. Let’s go for a swim.”

  James’ bright green eyes twinkled. He liked my idea. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  This time we didn’t wade in the creek. Anxious to cool off, we headed directly to the pond. “Last one in is a rotten egg!” I challenged playfully.

  “You’re on.” he declared.

  Without pause we stripped down to our undergarments, racing to be the first one to jump in.

  I laughed as James fell over trying to pull off one of his cowboy boots. “Mike, help me. I need a hand,” he pleaded.

  “Why? So you can pull me down too? I’m not falling for that trick,” I smirked, leaving him on the ground. I quickly spun around and jumped in. The cold water felt refreshing against my hot skin. I came up laughing just as James jumped in, joining me.

  James and I swam around for at least an hour, showing off for each other. We even attempted to reenact the lift scene from the movie “Dirty Dancing,” laughing and sputtering water the whole time. “That wasn’t how they did it in the movie.” I laughed after our fourth failed attempt.

  “Are you saying I shouldn’t give up my football dream to become a dancer,” he teased, feigning hurt.

  “Definitely not.” I splashed him full in the face.

  I closed my mouth, preparing to be splashed back. Only he surprised me by catching me in his arms. “Now, if you promise not to splash again, I’ll let you go.” He laughed.

  “What if I don’t want you to let me go?” I said, seriously. His smile lit up his whole face.

  “Then I won’t.” He pulled me even closer and kissed me. I trembled in his arms. Pulling away, he said, “You’re freezing. Let’s get out.” I wasn’t trembling because I was cold, but I didn’t correct him. I followed him out onto the rocks where he wrapped his strong arms around me.

  Looking into his loving face, I made up my mind. I chose James and I chose now. I kissed him passionately while running my hands across his bare back, like I’d daydreamed about earlier. My mouth left his as I began to kiss his neck, then his shoulder, making a trail down his chest. I moved off of the rock to kneel on the ground to continue tasting him, when he stopped me.

  “What are you doing?” he asked, breathing heavily.

  “I’m getting to know you better,” I answered shyly. “Why, did I do something wrong?” I fretted.

  He ran his hand through his sandy colored hair. “No.” He took a shaky breath. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but the problem is that I can’t let you do what you were about to do.” I’m confused. He took another deep breath. Steadier this time. “I promised you, we would take things slow.” Now I understand. He tucked a wet curl behind my ear.

  “It’s okay. I want to.” I boldly put his hand on my breast. He inhaled and quickly pulled his hand away.

  I was wrong. He hasn’t been waiting for me to give him permission. Blinking back tear
s, I whispered, “I get it. You’re not interested in me like that.” I made a move to break free of his embrace. Only he tightened his hold.

  Exasperated, he said, “You’re crazy, you know that?” He sighed and then gently continued. “What I’m trying to say is that while I’m dying to know what it feels like to make love to you, this is not the time or the place.” He held my face in his hand, so that I had to look at him. He was telling the truth. “You’re upset right now because you had a fight with Emma. I want you when you want me for all the right reasons.” He rubbed his thumb along my jaw and then dropped his hand.

  “You think the only reason I want to be with you is so that I can forget about a fight I had with my sister?”

  “Look, Mikayla, I’m not very good with words. I care about you.” He looked up at the night sky and then back at me. “Who am I kiddin’? I’ve fallen in love with you.” He paused, letting that sink in. “I keep thinking about what you said about wanting more this time. About waiting until you’re in love before you have sex again. I’m in love with you, but are you ready to say the same about me?” I blushed. I knew I had real feelings for James, but I hadn’t put a label on them yet. Recognizing my silence as confirmation that I wasn’t ready, he continued. “It’s okay. We have lots of time.” He pulled me against his chest and kissed the top of my head.

  We sat in silence for several minutes. The creek bubbled in the background. “Okay, not tonight, but soon,” I said into his bare chest. Looking into his understanding deep green eyes, I confessed, “I’m scared. The truth is I’ve never felt like this before. When we’re together my heart races and I’m afraid it’s going to explode right out of my chest. Even the slightest brush of your fingers makes my skin feel like it’s on fire.”

  “I know how you feel.”

  Our lips met somewhere in the middle, as if we were sealing an invisible agreement to wait until we were both ready. We kissed carefully, holding ourselves back from getting carried away.

  “It’s getting dark. We better get back, you didn’t even tell your mom we were going on a walk,” James said, pulling away.

  We quickly dressed. It was a quiet walk back, but not an uncomfortable one. We were each lost in our own thoughts. By the time we exited the cornfield, the sun had set and the stars were out.

  Breaking the silence, I exclaimed, “Wow, I’m still amazed by how beautiful the night sky is here in Nowhere. I love looking up at the stars. I missed out on skies like this living in San Francisco. There was too much smog and too many lights.”

  “Really? I couldn’t imagine being happy in a place where I couldn’t see the stars. When I can’t sleep, which is often, I look out my bedroom window to study them. It helps me relax. They remind me that I’m only a tiny part of the universe.”

  He was quickly becoming my whole universe, but I wasn’t ready to tell him that yet. Instead a shared a different piece of my heart, “The stars remind me of my dad. When I was four years old he put glow-in-the-dark star stickers on the ceiling above my bed. At the time I was having terrible nightmares and he said that the stars would protect me. I believed him and the nightmares disappeared completely. When my dad died, the nightmares returned. They’re even worse than when I was a kid.” I shivered. “I wished I still believed star stickers would keep them away.”

  “Here you have the real stars.” Squeezing my hand, he added, “And me.”

  I sighed. Could James be any more perfect? I knew with certainty that Emma had been wrong about him. Any remaining doubts I had, vanished. Speaking truthfully I said, “I do feel safe when I’m with you. I just wish you didn’t have to leave. If only there was a way you could stay so that I could sleep peacefully like I did that day by the pond.” We were back to where we started, standing in the driveway, facing each other.

  “Hmmm,” James said thoughtfully. Was he trying to think of a way to sneak into my room in the middle of the night? I wondered. I’d love to have him hold me all night long, but I knew it wasn’t possible. He was only human after all, unlike Edward or Jacob from the “Twilight” series; they easily jumped up two stories to visit Bella in her bedroom at night.

  “So what’s your plan?” I asked impatiently, waiting for James to explain what he was thinking.

  “It’s nothing.” I raised my eyebrows, not believing him. The color of his eyes confirmed that he was hiding something, but I was confident it wasn’t anything bad.

  Shaking it off, he said, “I just wish I could stay, so you could sleep.” He lightly brushed a curl away from my eyes.

  Pulling me close, he kissed me like never before. He didn’t hold back, and neither did I. My heart grew twice its size inside my chest. I knew without a doubt it belonged to James.

  Moments later when he left, I stood rooted to the spot, calling out into the night what I hadn’t been ready to say in the woods, “I love you, James.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Dooner

  Sweat ran down my back, soaking my T-shirt. My hair was so wet it looked like I’d just stepped out of the shower. It was only nine o’clock in the morning, but already it was a scorcher. Tyler and I had been throwing passes and running drills for an hour, trying to prove that we meant business. The rest of the team would be here soon.

  Our plan had been going well so far. We were perfecting our passing patterns, like the square-out, the hook, and the fly. Tyler’s arm was getting stronger; he was throwing the ball further and with greater accuracy. I, of course, had been catching them all. Casey met us every morning to play safety. He was a good blocker, but I was fast. Also I had the uncanny ability to be able to anticipate where Tyler was going to throw the ball. I always managed to get there just as the ball came down, landing in my outstretched hands. It was as if we could read other’s minds.

  Since today was Saturday, Tyler and I were on our own, running through drills that didn’t necessarily require a blocker. Tyler was working on his bullet throw, using his arm strength to fire the ball. He’d throw the ball and I’d run, cutting sharply across the field toward the sideline. Once the ball was safe in my hands I’d step out of bounds to stop the clock, completing the square-out pattern. This was an excellent strategy in order to complete a first down. We did this over and over again.

  In the background, I thought I heard someone climb the bleachers, but I didn’t let it break my concentration. Like the ten times before, I rolled my shoulder toward the inside and cut quickly to the sideline. Catching the ball, I stepped out of bounds. It was a perfect play. At the same time, Tyler and I looked up to see who was watching us. It was Coach. We could only hope this was a good sign. We finished up and went inside to meet the rest of the boys. Coach left without saying a word.

  Jogging in, I commented, “I think we can cross ‘square-out’ off our list of passing patterns. We nailed it.”

  “Yeah, man. I was in the zone just now.” Growing more serious, he said, “I just wish Coach would hurry up and put us back in the starting line-up. He must’ve seen how well we connected today.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure he did. I think he’s going to make us sweat it out a little longer. He’s going to make us work hard for a second chance. We just have to keep doing what we’ve been doing. He’ll come around. It may not be until the last minute before the game begins, but he will.” I put my complete faith in Coach recognizing the value we brought to the team. What other choice did I have?

  “I hope you’re right,” Tyler stated.

  Me too.

  Coach was sitting in his office, staring at his playbook, when we passed by on our way into the locker room. He glanced in our direction, giving us the briefest of smiles. It wasn’t much encouragement, but it was a start.

  I pushed open the locker room door, while Tyler walked on. He headed toward the gym with a different agenda in mind. I was willing to bet he was meeting Liz in the ‘secret make-out corner’—a small area that was blocked by the bleachers—although that was a misnomer because students did a lot more than just make ou
t. She was probably running her red fingernails down his chest right now, I chuckled to myself thinking they deserved each other.

  It was loud in the locker room as the guys joked around while getting on their gear. Unfortunately, most of them were still pissed about the suicides, but they were beginning to come around. Like Coach, they could see that Tyler and I worked out our differences. Also they knew they needed us to have another undefeated season.

  “Heya, Dooner,” Ray said, grabbing his helmet.

  “Hey,” I responded, quickly grabbing my helmet too. “Alright if I walk with you?” I asked. I didn’t think Ray would mind; he wasn’t one to hold a grudge.

  “Sure.” He nodded.

  Doing my part to make amends, I said, “You made a great play yesterday. You closed the gap on the runner in record time. What’s your time for the 40?”

  “I run the 40 in 6.21 seconds,” he said modestly.

  “Wow, man, that’s great. We should come up with a defensive strategy to capitalize on your speed and strength.” I wanted the team to know they mattered.

  “Cool.” Ray grinned proudly.

  During the entire practice I could feel Coach’s eyes on me—watching, waiting. I made sure I didn’t screw up. I caught every pass that Tyler threw me. I encouraged the guys and helped them work on their game. By the time practice ended, I was feeling optimistic.

  I hurried home and was whistling a Tim McGraw song when the kitchen door closed behind me. My mom was standing at the sink, drying dishes while my dad sat eating a huge slice of rhubarb pie. The house was quiet. For once, my dad wasn’t yelling or cursing.

  “Hey,” I said, acknowledging them both.

  “Hi, Sweetie,” my mom said, placing a plate in the cupboard.

  My dad simply grunted. We hadn’t said more than two words to each other since the big blowup. I had nothing to say to him.

  Turning quickly, I grabbed a cold Gatorade out of the refrigerator. I took a long sip as I continued to stare inside, avoiding eye contact. I’d been trying to keep a low profile. “What’s for lunch? I’m starving.”