nowhere

by Marysue Hobika

  “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” I said. I didn’t want her to go, but I knew it was time.

  “Oh, yeah. I almost forgot tomorrow’s the first day of school.”

  “Do you want me to pick you up?” I couldn’t wait to see her again.

  “No, that’s okay. I’ll catch a ride with my mom. She’s going in the same direction, and it’s her first day too. I’ll wait for you in the parking lot though.” She smiled brightly.

  “Perfect.” I walked with her out to her mom’s car. “I’m glad you stopped by today.” I leaned down and kissed her soft lips one last time. I still couldn’t believe what we’d shared today. I hadn’t known it was possible to love someone so much.

  She was backing out of the driveway when I saw my dad’s truck coming down the road. He accelerated, no doubt trying to figure out who was leaving. I waited in the driveway to tell him my good news about Friday’s game.

  His tires screeched to a halt and he quickly jumped out of his truck, slamming the door. His face was red and he smelled like cheap whiskey and cigarettes. He looked mad. “Who the fuck was that?” He nodded down the road in the direction that Mikayla had gone. “I know that fancy car isn’t from around here. I think I’ve seen it parked in the driveway at Mr. Jenkins’ place. I heard his rich daughter, Sarah, moved back here. She has a couple of teenage daughters, doesn’t she? Don’t answer that. It’s written all over your face.” He laughed darkly. “You should’ve taken my warning seriously. A girl like that’s nothing but trouble.”

  “What warning?”

  “I told you weeks ago that girls are trouble. Your only focus should be football and winning that scholarship. And yet, you ignored me, and invited that whore to my house. What were you two doing, fucking on my couch?”

  “Mikayla is not some whore.” I felt my own temper rising. Then a calm came over me as I realized I no longer cared what my dad thought. I had everything I needed. “You’re a pathetic drunk,” I stated, shrugging. I turned to leave. I took half a step when I was yanked roughly back by my shirt. I spun around and faced him.

  “Just where do you think you’re going, Jimmy?”

  “I don’t know yet, but anywhere’s better than here.”

  “You’re not going anywhere.” My dad shook his head.

  “You can’t stop me.” I was bigger than my dad and I had been for a while now.

  “Sure I can.” My dad lifted his hand and punched me hard in the gut.

  I didn’t flinch. I’d anticipated he’d try something like that. It wasn’t the first time my dad had used force. Only difference was I wasn’t ten years old anymore. I suspected it hurt him more than it had hurt me. He rubbed his knuckles. “Let’s see what you got, boy,” he taunted.

  “I’m not going to fight you,” I said. I refused to be like him.

  “You’re a pussy,” he slurred.

  “No. You’re just not worth it.”

  His eyes took on a dangerous look. His face was contorted with rage, but he remained eerily calm. He didn’t make another move to strike at me. His voice was steady when he spoke. “You might have won this round, Jimmy. But this is far from over.” I took a step toward where I’d parked Old Faithful. My dad called out, “That city girl ain’t your type. Look around, boy, you’re not good enough for a girl like that, she’s from a completely different world. If I ever see her poking her nose around here again, you’ll both be sorry.” Then he walked away, probably to pour himself another drink.

  I didn’t like how calm my dad had been. I also didn’t like the fact that he’d threatened Mikayla. He knew he couldn’t physically harm me, so he figured he’d hurt me the only way he could. By hurting Mikayla. I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I climbed into Old Faithful and headed down the road. My first impulse was to drive over to Mikayla’s and tell the rest of my secrets- how my dad was a violent man, hitting my mom, and even us kids when we were younger. I thought about warning Mikayla. I wouldn’t put it past my dad to carry out his threat and hurt her if the opportunity ever presented itself. In the end, I drove on by. I couldn’t risk involving her. I’d do anything to protect her, even if it broke my own heart.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Mike

  I tried on the raspberry colored T-shirt that Emma gave me for my birthday. It was the third shirt I’d tried on this morning. Normally, I put on the first clothes I grabbed, but today I wanted to look perfect when I saw James. I looked in the mirror one last time, feeling mostly satisfied with my reflection. My hair curled in every direction, but that couldn’t be helped.

  I rushed down the stairs and joined Emma at the kitchen table to eat a quick breakfast. “Okay, let’s go,” my mom said nervously a few minutes later.

  Pops shuffled into the kitchen. “I want to wish you all good luck on your first day. Not that you need it.” He grinned.

  Impulsively, I hugged him. I was going to miss helping him with his crossword puzzles and listening to his clichés.

  “You are coming back, aren’t you?” he joked when I pulled away.

  “Of course.” I laughed. “Just don’t miss us too much.”

  “Please.” He waved his hand in the air. “I was taking care of myself a long time before you all showed up on my doorstep.”

  “Bye Pops.” I smiled, knowing he’d changed since we moved in, even if he didn’t like to admit it. He seemed happier and younger.

  My mom and Emma waved goodbye to him.

  “Are you girls ready for your first day at Railroad Mills High? Are you nervous?” my mom asked once we were settled into her car.

  Emma leaned forward and answered without pause, “I’m not one bit nervous. It’s such a small town, I feel like I already know everybody. I’m meeting the other cheerleaders in the parking lot so we can make a grand entrance.” I grinned. That was Emma, always wanting to be the center of attention.

  “I’m happy for you,” my mom nodded. “And Mike, what about you? Are you still upset about beginning your senior year at a new school?”

  I looked over at my mom and grinned. “I’m happy we moved here.” I was no longer the angry girl who was forced to move three thousand miles away from all of her friends. Nowhere had changed me. I reached out and lightly touched my mom’s arm, “You were right, Mom, this is the right place for us, after all,” I said, repeating my mom’s words from the day we arrived. “What about you? Are you ready for your big debut?”

  “Yes, yes I am.” She smiled contently.

  As we pulled into the parking lot, I took in the sight of all the trucks. We definitely weren’t in California anymore, where the school parking lot had been filled with brand new shiny Mercedes and BMWs. Here there were Chevy and Ford pick-up trucks of all sizes and colors. As I scanned the lot, it appeared as if everyone matched their truck the way some dog owners looked like their dogs. For example, Tyler’s girlfriend, Liz, a perky bleached blonde cheerleader, owned a small, bright blue Jeep Liberty. Tank, who had to be the biggest guy at school, drove a gigantic Ford pick-up truck the kind used for plowing snow. And a kid with spiked hair wearing dark clothes and a dog collar leaned against a rusted black truck covered in graffiti. However, it only took only a second to realize that the one pick-up that mattered to me most wasn’t here yet.

  Emma had spotted her friends and was the first to get out of the car. “Bye Mom, Mike,” Emma called over her shoulder, walking off to join them. They jumped around and laughed excitedly. Emma fit right in with these girls; it was like she’d lived here her whole life.

  I climbed out next. “I’m going to wait here. James and I made plans to meet in the parking lot.” I shut my door and walked around to the back and stood leaning against the car. “Go on in,” I said, waving my hand at my mom. “I’m sure he’ll be here any minute.” She looked anxious to get to her classroom.

  “Oh, okay. I guess I should go in and make sure everything’s in order.” She reached into the backseat and grabbed her bag. “Are you sure you’ll be alright?”


  “Yeah, I’m sure.” I nodded.

  “Okay, but don’t be late.”

  “Please, mom.” I rolled my eyes.

  I watched as she entered the school. She was wearing a tan-colored skirt and a short-sleeved white blouse, her wavy hair pulled back into a giant clip. Mostly I noticed the big smile she wore on her face. She looked the happiest she had in a long time. She was going to be an awesome teacher. I wished my dad could’ve seen her now; he would’ve been so proud.

  I checked the time. Only five more minutes until the bell rang. What could be keeping James? I wondered if it had anything to do with what happened between us yesterday. As quickly as that thought occurred to me, I dismissed it. Yesterday was the best day of my life and I knew that it was for him too. I sighed. I called him, but it went directly to voice mail.

  When he hadn’t shown up by the time the five minutes were up, I joined the crowd of students and entered the building. I’d come in over the summer a couple of times to help my mom, so I knew my way around, finding my locker without any difficulty. My locker number and combination had come in the mail last week, along with my class schedule. I dialed the combination and it opened on the first try. The locker assignments were in alphabetical order, which meant that James’ was next to mine. He still hadn’t arrived by the time I’d stowed my meager belongings. I slammed my locker shut and headed towards my first block class. I had advanced drawing and the art room was on the opposite side of the school down by the cafeteria.

  The class seemed to drag by. Finally it was over and I rushed out, hurrying back upstairs to the senior hallway. I wanted to find James before my next class started. Only I didn’t see him anywhere. How hard can it be to find a guy who’s 6 foot 4 inches tall? I saw a group of kids in T-shirts and jeans hanging out by the top of the staircase, catching up on summer gossip and giving each other high fives, but James wasn’t among them. I was starting to worry that something was wrong.

  “Hi Mike. How’s your first day so far?” Tyler asked, breaking away from his friends when he saw me.

  “Good. Hey, have you seen James this morning?”

  He paused, scratching his head. “Now that you mention it, no I haven’t. The teacher called his name during my last class, but he wasn’t there. We all just assumed that there was a change with the class list. I’m sure he’s here. We have our big game coming up in two more days. Did you hear? Coach lifted our suspension. Dooner and I are both starting on Friday.”

  “I did hear. Congratulations.”

  “What class do you have now?” Tyler asked.

  “Economics.”

  “Me too,” he answered. I was relieved that he did most of the talking, complaining that the teacher from his last class assigned homework on the first day.

  As we entered Economics, the teacher announced, “Come in and sit down. It doesn’t matter where, because I have a seating chart. Alphabetical order.” He waved a paper around in the air for everyone to see while grumbles erupted. It didn’t matter to me where I sat, because James wasn’t in this class. I wouldn’t be seeing him until next period.

  The teacher didn’t waste time. “Welcome to Economics. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Mr. John. When I call your name, please move to the seat I assign you.”

  I tuned out as he called out the names until I heard my own. He pointed to an empty desk in the back row. Ugh! I thought as I sat down next to Casey, having no choice in the matter.

  “Hi Mike.” Casey grinned. “How are you feeling? I haven’t seen you since you walked into the boys’ locker room. I heard you ended up in the hospital that day.”

  “Yeah, I had my appendix removed.” I didn’t elaborate. I still didn’t trust this guy.

  “Really? Wow, you look great.” I felt his eyes roam over me. I shivered in disgust. Casey didn’t seem to notice my discomfort. “As a matter of fact, you’re even hotter than I remembered. You have great legs. You should be on the cheerleading squad.” He nodded his head in approval.

  “No, thanks. I leave that to Emma. Aren’t the two of you an item?” I reminded him, wanting to switch his focus from me to her.

  “Well, yeah, but, there’s enough of me to go around.”

  “You’re gross.” I gave Casey a piercing look and turned around to face the teacher who’d finished assigning seats and was ready to begin.

  Once again class dragged by. Each minute felt like an hour. The only thing that got me through was the fact that James was in my next class. When it was finally over, I gathered my things and left quickly, ignoring Casey when he called after me. Still no sign of James at his locker. I headed to English with the bell ringing. Panicking, I decided if he didn’t show up by lunch, I was going to ditch school to find him. Something was wrong.

  There were only two empty seats left by the time I got to class. I chose the one in the back, next to a girl I recognized from my art class. She smiled as I took my seat.

  I saw Casey sitting two rows over. He winked at me and grabbed his crotch. He was the most foul human being I’d ever met. I sure hope Emma knew what she was doing with this creep.

  Seconds later, I was flooded with relief when James walked in. He took the last empty seat in the front row, on the opposite side of the room from where I was sitting. Oh well, we’ll be sitting next to each other as soon as the teacher pulls out the alphabetical seating chart.

  “Good morning class,” the teacher said, clearing her throat. “I’m Mrs. Allen. Welcome to your senior year of English. I believe that you are now old enough to choose your own seats. I assume that when you came into the room that you sat down next to one of your friends. You may keep that seat, unless of course you can’t handle that, at which point I’ll find a new one for you. Everyone understand?”

  The room filled with cries of joy. Everyone was happy, but me. Really? I wanted to scream out loud. So far I was off to a terrible start at Railroad Mills High. First James hadn’t been in the parking lot like we planned. Then I got hit on all last period by Casey the perv, and now this. James had finally showed up and he hadn’t even acknowledged me, like he’d forgotten that I existed.

  Mrs. Allen continued to talk, “We’ll be busy in here this year. We will complete assignments as a whole group, with partners, and independently. The first assignment is a partner activity. You will interview the person sitting next to you and then report back to the class. It’s an opportunity to get to know each other better while working on effective communication skills. Take a copy of the questionnaire and then pass the rest back. Get started as soon as you have one.”

  I watched as James focused all his attention on the bubbly brunette wearing lots of eyeliner sitting next to him. I glared angrily at them, thinking about my next move, until the girl next to me tapped me on the arm.

  “Mike, is it? I’m Gina Jo.” She stuck her hand out and I shook it. “Do you want to be my partner for this assignment?”

  “Sure. That would be great,” I responded, trying to forget about James for the moment. I would have to wait until class was over to ask him what was going on.

  “They’re both jerks.” She nodded her head at James and the brunette. “Marilyn is one of the biggest sluts in the school. I’ve heard that she’s slept with every guy on the football team.” My eyes opened wide, encouraging her to go on. “And Dooner, he’s more an enigma. But he is among the popular crowd.” She said it like it was a bad thing.

  I didn’t tell her that he was supposed to be my boyfriend. Instead I carefully probed her for information. “What do you mean he’s an enigma?”

  “He’s cute, he’s smart, but for the most part he keeps to himself. He thinks he’s better than everyone else.” She rolled her eyes. “Girls are always hanging on his every word. As far as I know though, he’s never had a girlfriend.” This made me smile until she added, “Liz, the cheerleading captain, is always trying to sink her claws into him.” She leaned in closer and whispered, “I heard that they even hooked up once.”

&n
bsp; I couldn’t keep the surprise out of my voice as I said, “You mean Liz, as in Tyler’s girlfriend?” I just couldn’t picture it.

  “Oh, yeah, I’m sorry. I forgot he’s your cousin.” She turned red. “I didn’t mean to be spreading rumors.”

  “That’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” I waved it off like it was no big deal. “When did Tyler and Liz start going out? I can’t remember what he told me.”

  She shrugged. “Over the summer, I think. I didn’t even know they were a couple until I saw them making out at the lockers this morning.”

  I had to wait until class was over to talk to James. When the bell rang, I was surprised to see him waiting for me at the door. Maybe I was overreacting to Gina Jo’s comments and the fact that I hadn’t spoken to him yet. He looked so handsome, standing there with his hair tousled and his book tucked casually under his arm. I let out a sigh. He deserved to be able to explain himself before I jumped to conclusions. A smile spread across my face. I must not let my imagination get so carried away next time.

  “Hi Mikayla,” James said quietly. His eyes were a cloudy greenish grey. Something is wrong.

  “Hi,” I said nervously. Nothing about this felt right. I was scared to think what it could be.

  Leading me down the hall, he said, “We need to talk.” His face was hard. There was no trace of the boy I’d proclaimed my love to only twenty-four hours ago. I barely recognized the person standing next to me. “Let’s go somewhere more private.” There was a lot of noise in the hall. Everyone was getting ready to go to lunch.

  “No, whatever you have to say to me, you can say it here.” I knew if we left the crowded hall it would be worse. I knew I wasn’t going to like what he had to say.

  He looked around. “Okay, if that’s what you want.” He took a deep breath. “This isn’t going to work, you and me. I don’t want to see you anymore.”