And It All Comes Down To You

by Kyra Lennon

  “Goodness me, look at you two!” She scurried back into the room she’d just exited and returned with two large towels, handing one to me and one to Logan.

  “Thank you,” I said, wrapping the towel around myself and breathing in the comforting scent of clean linen while Logan began drying his hair.

  “I presume you two need a place to stay?”

  “Yes please,” Logan told her. “Do you have any rooms?”

  “I have one.” She scuttled behind the desk again and opened up a large leather bound book. “It’s a double room though. I presume you two are married?”

  My eyes widened, my mouth opening and closing like a deranged goldfish. Married? I couldn’t bring myself to look at Logan. Geez, I’d just hoped I’d get close enough to maybe kiss him, now we were married?!

  The old lady glanced up from the book, her lips twitching as she winked. “I’m just teasing you, dears.”

  From the corner of my eye, I saw Logan’s shoulders sag in relief as mine did the same thing. Old lady’s got a sense of humour.

  “Are you okay with a double room?” Logan asked.

  Hmm. Having been so freaked out by the owner’s joke, I hadn’t considered the potential weirdness of us sharing a bed. But it wasn’t like we were strangers, and sure, we weren’t that close but… what the hell, I wanted to get closer to him and you can’t get much closer than sharing a bed.

  I nodded. “Fine with me. As long as you’re cool with it.”

  “Should be okay. As long as you don’t snore.”

  With another roll of my eyes, I turned back to the old lady and said, “We’ll take it.”

  She set about taking our details, payment, and telling us everything we needed to know – including her name: Mrs Kay. I tried hard to take it all in, but the wetness of my clothes was beginning to seep into my skin, making me shiver. There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having soaked clothes stuck to your body.

  Spotting my discomfort, Mrs Kay said, “We need to get you out of those wet clothes and get you warmed up.”

  “We were going to head into town to buy something to wear but…” I looked down at myself. “I don’t think I can move yet.”

  “Wait there.”

  Mrs Kay, once again, disappeared into the back room, and I turned to Logan. “Maybe this place isn’t so bad.”

  He shrugged, but he was shivering too. Again, I tried to keep my focus on his face and not on the fact I could see his abs through his wet t-shirt. “Beats going back outside. And the old bird obviously doesn’t mind us spending a night in sin.”

  I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself smirking. Was sinning an option? If so, staying over was a better idea than I’d expected.

  When Mrs Kay came back, she carried two crisp white bathrobes, and she handed one each to Logan and me, along with a key. “Go on up to the room, change into these, then bring your wet clothes down. I’ll give them a quick wash and dry for you.”

  Hold. Up. She wanted me and Logan to get almost naked while she washed and dried our clothes? Clearly, she thought we were a couple, not just two stranded friends. If that were the case we would probably have taken advantage of the lack of clothes. But that wasn’t the case.

  That’s not to say I wasn’t thinking about taking advantage of it. Which sort of made it worse.

  “Thank you,” Logan said, totally unfazed by how weird this was. Did he often hang out with girls he didn’t know that well with only a robe to cover his nudey bits? Because for me, this was a first. However, if he wasn’t going to make a big deal out of it, I couldn’t either. I gave Mrs Kay a smile before following Logan up the stairs to room number five. The lights along the hallway flickered, continuing the slightly eerie vibe, and with the thunder still crashing outside, goose bumps erupted across my skin.

  It’s all fine. You’re perfectly safe.

  “Don’t worry,” Logan said, seriously, as he unlocked the door. “Our clothes won’t take too long to wash and dry, and then we can go out again.”

  I think he was trying to reassure me that he wasn’t going to pounce on me while we were almost in the buff, which I appreciated, but with the unease at being somewhere unfamiliar and dark in a storm, a massive part of me wanted him to wrap himself around me until I calmed down. My heart hammered in my chest as we stepped into our room and flicked on the light.

  Flowers. Flowers everywhere. Hideous pink flowered wallpaper covered the walls, and the curtains, duvet and cushions matched. The carpet was also pink, and the furnishings were as outdated as the décor downstairs. Still, it was warm and the bed looked comfortable. Too bad neither of us could sit down until we’d dried off. I was exhausted from our run through the rain, and I couldn’t wait to thaw out with a cup of tea.

  Within thirty minutes, Logan and I had showered, changed into our robes, and delivered our soaked garments to Mrs Kay.

  I didn’t feel as uncomfortable lying on the bed next to Logan as I’d expected. Obviously, I was careful to make sure my robe was fully secured so I didn’t accidentally expose anything, and I kept as still as possible. I didn’t much fancy smacking him with my boobs if I turned over too fast. But I didn’t feel like I wanted to lock myself in the bathroom until I was dressed again either. Beside me, Logan seemed relaxed as he checked Facebook on his phone, but he too kept his body still. The only thing moving was his thumb as he scrolled the screen.

  While he was distracted, I allowed myself to take some long, slow breaths, enjoying the sound of the rain against the windows. Now I was safe and dry, the booming thunder didn’t make me flinch quite as much, and my mind wandered to what we should have been doing. I’d imagined us having a couple of drinks on a vacant patch of grass while we waited for the music to start, sun beating down on our skin, and discussing the acts we most wanted to see and the songs we wanted to hear. Then, we’d move closer to the stage, maybe pushing our way through the crowds to get nearer to the front. We’d become absorbed in the melodies and the atmosphere, and we’d dance to the fast tracks and sway our arms to the ballads, laughing and joking, maybe teasing each other the way we had on the journey.

  The reality wasn’t so disappointing. I mean, who’d have thought I’d get this close to naked Logan? The lack of disappointment wasn’t really related to our lack of clothes. It was related to the fact that we were still together, not returning home. Okay, the weather sucked, but Logan had been the one to suggest we stayed and he seemed pretty cool with how we were.

  You know, almost naked on a bed.

  Logan placed his phone on the bedside table and turned his head towards me. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. Just thinking.”

  I reached over for my cup of tea, made in one of those tiny cups you get in B&Bs that, in spite of their smallness, still don’t have enough milk to make the tea taste good. But it was hot which was the main thing.

  “Do you wish we’d gone home?” Logan asked.

  “No, not at all. I was just thinking that even though we’re not doing what we planned, at least we’re still… away.”

  Blowing rising swirls of steam from my tea, I realised how depressing my words sounded. I hadn’t meant them to be, though I couldn’t deny there was some truth to them.

  “What’s wrong with being at home?”

  I smiled. “Nothing. Sorry, I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. It’s just good to be doing something a little different. Work and drinks in the pub on Friday nights don’t bring much excitement.”

  “I know what you mean. I’m lucky that I get to go away for work sometimes, but that’s work. Going away for fun is much better. I should do it more often, really.”

  “Well, if you ever need some company on a weekend away…” I trailed off, not wanting to push my luck. “Assuming we make it through this one, of course.”

  Logan grinned. “So far, so good. For real though,” he added. “Are you sure everything’s okay?”

  His concern warmed me more than the hot drink in my hand. It
shone in his eyes; they narrowed ever so slightly, and the brown seemed to grow a little darker as he watched me. This was something new. Part of not really knowing him. Part of what I’d hoped to learn. I understood that he considered us friends – but what kind? The kind who knew each other in passing? We’d taken a leap that day – a massive one. But I never knew if he’d be there for me if I needed him. If something went horribly wrong in my life, could I pick up the phone and trust that he’d listen? Trust that he’d care and be there for me? I got my answer and then some. He’d picked up on something I hadn’t tried to show. It felt like a big deal.

  “Yeah,” I told him. “I think so. It’s just sometimes hard not to get a bit disheartened with day to day life. You know, work, eat, sleep. Then the weekends, with hardly anywhere to go, and friends who are in couples and only want to hang out with other couples.”

  An almost blinding flash of lightning illuminated the room and I jumped, my hands instinctively holding my robe in place, making Logan laugh. “I know what you mean. Kind of. I have the opposite problem. My mates always want to go out on the pull, and their only mission is to take home some random girl. I’m not really into that.”

  “Not really into going out on the pull, or not really into girls?”

  I was mostly messing around. I knew he wasn’t gay; he’d had a lot of girlfriends since I’d known him. But hearing him say he wasn’t into picking up women on nights out surprised me a little. Aren’t most guys our age into that? I’d never seen any evidence that he was, I just figured he wasn’t the kind to tell everyone about his conquests.

  Again, I was hit by how little I knew him in some ways. He was like a jigsaw puzzle I had to piece together. The outline was in place, but the bits in the middle were incomplete. The image had begun to take shape, but there were vital pieces I hadn’t found yet.

  “I’m not into one nighters. It’s not me. Girls get attached quickly, and I don’t want to be a douche who upsets women for the sake of getting laid.”

  I wonder what that means for me – the girl who’s already attached. No sex involved.

  “I’m not into that either,” I said. “One nighters have never been my thing.”

  Logan reached over for his own drink, wrapping both hands around it to absorb the warmth. “So what is your thing?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know.” Developing feelings for hot guys I have no chance with? “Often I feel like I won’t figure it out unless I break out of my comfort zone, but I don’t know how to do that. What does that even mean? Should I suddenly start going out and humping men I meet in bars? Get a new hairstyle? New clothes?” I shrugged again as I trailed off, my cheeks warming as I realised how much I’d given away about myself. The truth was, I was happy with my life most of the time, but when I’d thought about where I’d got to, reality slipped out of my mouth at the reminder of how lost I felt sometimes. It’s strange – people spend their whole childhood wishing to be an adult, but when they get there, it’s not quite what they expected.

  “I hear you.” Logan released his cup with one hand and reached over to me, his fingers lightly brushing over mine before he gently squeezed my hand. “We’re probably a bit too young to worry so much, but the future is scary. I know people in their mid-thirties who are still trying to figure out who they are and what they want.”

  With his fingers still closed around mine, what I wanted had never been clearer. I wanted this. I wanted lying beside each other on a bed, talking, listening, understanding. I wanted his hand in mine. To be closer, to touch, to kiss. To have him look at me the way I was sure I looked at him when I allowed myself to forget to be so scared.

  He’d reached for me. He’d never done that before.

  It’s nothing. He’s being kind, nothing more.

  Present

  I sigh, remembering that moment in the bedroom when I felt so at ease, yet so anxious about whether Logan felt the way I did. I’ve gotten lost in the memory. Lying beside him on the bed has become my “happy place” – the place my mind drifts to when day to day stuff gets too much, or too boring.

  Or whenever I have five minutes to myself.

  “Isn’t it weird how you’ve known each other all this time, and this was the first time you talked about anything non-superficial?” Lydia tilts her head to one side.

  “I think the lack of things to do and the dark, gloomy atmosphere had something to do with it.”

  She’s right, though. Logan and I had never really dipped into the serious side of life in our conversations before. Mostly, we’d kept things light. Maybe because we’d never spent long enough together to discuss the downsides of adult life.

  “That’s what you wanted though, right?” Lydia asks. “To get to know him and find out if you have anything in common?”

  “Yes, but… it’s not like I didn’t already know we have some things in common. I couldn’t have liked him for so long based on only physical attraction. It’s the little things I wanted to learn. If he has any annoying habits, or if, when we we’d both let our guards down, he’d be different. You know? To find out if he’s secretly an asshole who hides behind good looks and banter.”

  “And what did you find out?”

  I smile. “He’s everything I thought he was. Kind, funny, considerate. Hot as fuck.”

  Lydia rolls her eyes, but lets out a laugh. “You’ve got it worse than ever. I thought your crush on him couldn’t get any stronger, but look at you! Your eyes are all distant and dreamy. You used to look at pictures of JLS with that expression.”

  The reminder of my former boy band obsession makes me chuckle. Honestly, how I’d felt for Logan really wasn’t that dissimilar to how I’d felt about JLS. My feelings for him always seemed as unreachable, as impossible. Like I’d been staring at him through a TV screen, unable to get through the barrier. Knowing there were so many other girls who wanted him. Knowing I was just a face in the crowd.

  But sometimes, dreams turn into reality. Sometimes that face in the crowd, your face, is the one he sees. The one he chooses, however unrealistic it seems.

  “The weirdest part for me is how it felt okay to be with him in that room, virtually nude,” I say, and I laugh again as I think about it. “I mean, I’d have felt weird if I’d been there with you, who I’ve known my whole life.”

  “Yeah, but you don’t want to see me with my kit off. With Logan…”

  “That’s not even the point. It’s about a level of trust. I should trust you more than him since I’ve known you longer. It seems to me I should have been less concerned about accidentally flashing my vajayjay at you than him. Not that I was planning to flash at him, and I probably would have died of shame if that had happened but, I just felt at ease with him.”

  She nods. “That’s a good sign. But you still haven’t told me if you bought budget knickers!”

  “I’m getting to it!” I take a sip of my drink, then lick my lips to draw the moment out, as if I was about to reveal something of enormous importance rather than where we got our clothes from. “Yes. I bought budget knickers. And socks. And jeans and t-shirts. Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t spend a fortune in that shop. I nearly died when we reached the checkout!”

  Lydia threw her head back. “Ha! And there you were trying to prove to Logan you’re not a chav!”

  “I know. Didn’t go so well. But the point was, we got clean, dry clothes to wear.”

  “So… did he see your underwear?” She winked, smirking.

  “Sure he did. He was behind me in the queue to pay.”

  “You know that’s not what I meant!”

  I wink back at her.

  The Relaxation Stage aka Can I Lay By Your Side?

  The seriousness of our earlier conversation soon passed when we’d got our clothes back, all warm, dry and clean. It was a relief in a way, to stop myself doing the things I’d promised not to do: second guessing his every word and move, and wondering “what if?” The storm was still raging outside, although the rain had ea
sed up slightly. After an appallingly long wait, we managed to find a taxi to get us to the city’s shopping mall so we could buy the things we needed. There’s a lot of fun to be had in the aisles of clothes shops, including an impromptu game of hide ‘n’ seek, much to the irritation of the already busy salespeople.

  I never said I was mature.

  “Logan, where are you?”

  I spun around in a circle, surrounded by racks of coats. A second ago he’d been beside me, pretending to help me choose a jacket to buy. I say “pretending” because he had that bored expression all guys have when women drag them shopping. But he tried. Briefly.

  “If I tell you, that’ll ruin the game!”

  He is loathsome.

  Part of me – the grown-up part – wanted to tell him to stop dicking around so we could pay, but the rest of me was giddy with glee at being so openly ridiculous in public with him. It was like the most childish form of foreplay. At least, that’s what it was in my head.

  “Logan, seriously,” I moaned, but it came out as more of a laugh.

  I took a few steps forward, peering over the clothing rails.

  “Nope. You’re getting colder.”

  His voice was fairly loud. How cold could I be?

  Turning, I walked back in the other direction, pacing towards the end of the aisle.

  “Ooh, that’s it, right there.”

  This time there was no disguising my laughter. “You sound like you’re starring in a porno.”

  “Nah, they’re much kinkier than that. Keep walking. You’re really close.”

  I covered my mouth with my hand, trying to contain my laughter and keep my butterflies in check. With him speaking that way, I was about ready to pounce on him, and I bit my lip, reminding myself to stay calm and not get carried away with these little flirtations.

  Oh, fuck off. I told my inner demon. Just chill and enjoy it!

  My feet steered me to the left, and Logan jumped out from behind yet another clothes rack, arms raised and his hands forming claws, causing me to stumble backwards with a scream that made several other shoppers jump and glare at me.