by C. K. Martin
‘Not even a casual relationship?’ Hayley looked out over the waves, glad her sunglasses hid her eyes.
‘Definitely not one of those. People think that they’re an alternative to settling down, but they’ve never felt that way for me. Sorry to disappoint you.’
‘You don’t disappoint me. I’m just surprised, that’s all. I know what you’ve said before. It’s just…hard to imagine a girl like you hasn’t been inundated with offers. It takes a lot of willpower to say no all the time.’
‘You’d think so, but no, not really. It’s easy to say no. You must do the same.’
‘The only offers I get are from the other side of the bar and there’s usually alcohol involved. Lots of alcohol. It’s nearly always men. So any propositions in my life are easy nos.’
‘Until I came along?’ It wasn’t cocky or arrogant. Just a simple acknowledgement of the night they had spent together.
‘Until you came along,’ Hayley nodded with a nervous swallow.
‘You were my first easy yes too, if that makes you feel any better. And the only reason you don’t get more offers is because you hide yourself behind that bar all the time. Where it’s safe.’
‘You don’t know me,’ it was a half-hearted denial, because every word Kate said was true and they both knew it.
‘I think I do. I’d love to know who broke your heart so badly that it made you feel that way.’
‘What makes you so sure that it was a broken heart?’ Hayley was surprised by the assumption. She’d never mentioned anyone else, no previous loves.
‘Why else do people start a brand new life in a different country and refuse to date people?’ On that point, it turned out, Kate was wrong, but to correct her meant providing a truthful alternative. That, Hayley knew, would open Pandora’s Box. It was better to agree, without telling another lie.
‘Let’s just say that I decided a long time ago that I would never let myself get hurt again.’ Hayley decided that sounded like she agreed with Kate’s assumption, without having to explain further. She wished she could tell her the truth. Not absolutely everything, of course, but they were good together. They were having a good time. Now, as the sun began to set and the breeze became cooler, it felt instinctive and right to press their bodies together to protect against the chill of the evening air. Kate deserved better than she could give her. ‘And you are right. Behind the bar feels a safer place to be.’
‘Even today?’
‘Especially today.’ Hayley turned to look at Kate. ‘I’ve really enjoyed myself with you. Again. You make me want to forget about the bar. I’m doing things that I’ve never done before and it feels good.’
‘But?’
‘But we both know that spending too much time with someone else, getting close to them, is the exact opposite way to avoid a broken heart.’
‘I’m sorry if I’ve pushed too hard.’
‘You haven’t. This has been perfect. That just makes it harder.’
‘I know.’ Kate reached down and slid her hand into hers. ‘But each morning I get up and it’s you I want to spend the day with. I’m not expecting anything in return, but I can’t help the way I feel. I don’t even understand it. But being with you, having fun, it just feels right.’
‘I wish it didn’t.’ It was a hurtful thing to say but the words were out before Hayley could stop them. She held her breath, hoping that she hadn’t offended or upset Kate.
‘Me too,’ came the soft, sad reply.
Chapter Twelve
‘What time is it there anyway?’ the voice in her ear asked and Kate checked her watch.
‘8am,’ she replied, tucking the phone under her chin. She was the one who had instigated the call and had hoped that, given Thailand was five hours ahead, Sophie would be awake.
‘You never change do you? I’ve just woken up. Heading down to the beach for the afternoon. You work too hard.’
‘It’s not work if you love it,’ Kate shot back. Out of all the people she had met during her travels, Sophie was the one she stayed in touch with. The two of them were exact opposites, but that was part of the fun. She had been Kate’s connection to the fun side of life for a few years. Now she was her connection to the other side of the world and the life she had - temporarily - left behind.
‘Well in that case we’d better make hanging at the beach a job, because that’s the only thing I’m loving right now. How’s Espania?’
‘Nice. Europe is completely different to Asia. I think I like it.’
‘You don’t sound convinced?’ There was a muffled swearing and Kate didn’t even want to know what Sophie was up to.
‘Sorry, other things on my mind,’ Kate said. She’d wanted to speak to Sophie but now she had her on the phone, she wasn’t sure what to say.
At that time of the morning, only Pablo was awake and moving around. She’d taken Hayley’s advice days ago and purchased a secret stash of coffee to hide in her room. She’d offered him a cup when the two of them had passed in the kitchen and chuckled when she saw he had his own.
He’d disappeared back to his room and now she was out on the veranda alone. She sat in an old battered chair he’d left out there, looking out over the hill and down to the ocean. What could she even tell Sophie? The other girl knew all about her no hook-ups policy. Even the hint of romance and she would find herself on the other end of an interrogation, even down a long distance call.
‘What’s up Kate? Are you in trouble?’ genuine concern filled Sophie’s voice and for all her flakiness, Kate knew that she was lucky to have her as a friend. If she were in trouble, then Sophie would always be there to bail her out.
‘No, I’m not in trouble. I promise.’
‘Then what is it? When are you coming back?’
‘That’s the hard part.’
‘You like Europe that much huh?’
‘Maybe. I don’t know. I haven’t exactly seen much of it. Just London and here.’
‘Not enough to make a decision girl.’
‘I thought when you saw Koh Lanta for the first time you decided you’d found your island home?’
‘That’s different. I just wanted somewhere pretty and tropical to settle down and top up my tan. I don’t have the wanderlust that you guys seem to have.’ It was true. Sophie’s parents were rich and her ‘online business’ was little more than a facade. She was slumming it on the island as far as they were concerned, even though she was staying in one of the nicest apartments available. She’d arrived, partied hard and never left.
In some ways, Kate saw her as a second home. A place she could always return to. In just a few years, she’d been a more constant presence than her actual home. Her parents were people to contact out of duty, to let them know she was still alive and no, she wasn’t coming back any time soon. Her Uni friends had all drifted away. Sophie, with her no ties lifestyle, was somehow her biggest anchor.
‘So what’s on your mind?’ Sophie asked and Kate wondered if she should tell her. She had always been pushing Kate to have fun, to have some casual affairs. To start living again, as she put it. Kate had no intention of living the same way as Sophie, but the merest hint of a potential love affair and Sophie would push her to go for it without needing any further information.
‘I’m just trying to work out where to go next.’
‘See, I told you. The wanderlust strikes again.’
‘Actually, not so much.’ This time, there was no hiding the hesitation.
‘Wow. That place must have got under your skin. What’s so special about it?’
‘I don’t know if I can describe it.’ It wasn’t that she couldn’t find the words to paint a picture of the hillside falling away to the ocean beneath her. Or the way that the water started out as a brilliant turquoise close to the white sand and transcended to midnight blue as it moved away from the shore. Those were images Sophie could see for herself, even as they spoke. The air might be soaked with humidity over there, while she was basking in the dry he
at blowing over from the Sahara, but that was the only difference. ‘It’s a pretty place. Not the most beautiful I’ve ever seen and there isn’t a hell of a lot going on over here.’
‘You’re not selling it to me honey.’
‘I’m not trying to. There’s not enough going on here to keep you busy for a week, let alone a lifetime.’
‘You need to book a flight back then, because I’m not coming to visit you. I might make the journey for Paris. Or Milan. But not playa del boring.’
‘It’s not that bad.’
‘Next you’ll be telling me that there isn’t a bar.’
‘Oh, there’s a bar,’ Kate smiled. She couldn’t help herself. What the hell. She couldn’t keep skirting the issue. ‘One with a cute barmaid.’
‘Well, well, well. It only took moving to Europe for you to remember you’re a woman. A woman with needs. Needs which, I’m assuming, this barmaid has managed to fulfil?’
‘Ewww.’
‘Don’t ewww me. I want details. The gorier the better.’
‘You are truly gross with no sense of boundaries, have I ever told you that?’
‘You have, but not often enough to change me. So spill. Tell me about her.’
‘Well, she’s not really a barmaid. She does work behind the bar, but she actually owns the place.’
‘Wow. That sounds grown up. Let me guess. Older woman?’
‘Yes.’
‘How old?’
‘Thirty six, I think.’
‘Please tell me she looks like Lil from Coyote Ugly. I’d fly over there to see that.’
‘Now you mention it,’ Kate couldn’t help but tease. That kind of tub thumping bar was Sophie’s idea of heaven and, she suspected, Hayley’s idea of hell. ‘Don’t worry, she’s not quite so hard as nails. But close.’
‘So how long have you been seeing her? Is this a serious thing?’
‘We’re not seeing each other.’
‘Wait a minute. Not only have you finally hooked up with someone after so long you might as well be a virgin again, you’ve been having a no strings attached fling?’
‘No!’
‘Oh I see.’ The tone at the other end of the line became ominous. ‘Nothing has happened at all has it? We’re having a conversation about an attractive woman that you have only actually laid in your imagination.’
‘No, I promise. It was most definitely real. It happened the night I arrived. And it was amazing.’ Kate checked over her shoulder to make sure that no one could hear, the grin spreading over her face. It felt so strange to actually be able to talk about what had happened.
‘Ok, now that sounds more promising. Seriously, give me the details.’
‘Well, she was here when I arrived and it just felt right the moment I saw her. We were chatting and drinking and, there was just…a connection, you know? Like there was something between us. I hadn’t felt that way for such a long time. I thought she was staying here, but it turns out she’s actually good friends with the guy who owns the hostel.’
‘I wish you weren’t staying in a hostel. The thought makes my skin crawl.’
‘That’s what you’re taking away from this story?’
‘You know what I mean. Carry on.’
‘We seemed to be getting on well and I just sort of invited her back to my room and she said yes. And I know it’s been a long time for me, but seriously, I think it might have been the best sex of my life.’
‘She must be good. Or have you fallen for a player? Is that what this is about? You’ve ended up having a one night stand without meaning to and now she keeps turning you down?’
‘God, I wish you weren’t close. But it feels that way.’
‘Please. Whatever you do, have a little self-respect. Don’t go fawning over her like a lost puppy waiting for scraps when she only has eyes for other women. I expect better from you. Besides,’ Sophie added with a flourish, ‘treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen.’
‘It’s not like that. I’ve been working at the bar loads when she’s there. I’ve turned up unannounced. The closest I’ve seen to her flirting with other women is when she teased an old lady about her morning cup of tea. She doesn’t have eyes for anyone else.’
‘Afraid of commitment?’
‘I think so.’
‘Like you. Fantastic. What a great pair you make.’
‘You’re not being helpful. Besides, I’m not afraid of commitment. I’m just not interested into going into situations where I already know I’m going to get my heart broken. That is just sensible if you ask me.’
‘Which is why I never ask you. You think that body and mind are the same thing. If that was the case, my mind would have been well and truly blown years ago.’
‘That is repulsive on so many levels. And also, not helpful. What am I going to do?’ Kate groaned and smacked her head with her palm. ‘We keep hanging out together because I keep asking her to and she always says no at first then agrees. We’re having a great time together. But every time I think we’re getting closer, she says something to remind me that she doesn’t do relationships and we won’t be having a repeat of the night we met.’
‘Then you should take her at her word. Stop doing this to yourself. You worry that someone is going to break your heart but this is all about you. You’re the one setting yourself up to get hurt. It sounds like this woman, no matter how hot she is, has been completely up front with you about the way she feels. If you carry on chasing her after that, then you’re going to cause yourself a world of pain.’
‘But I don’t believe her.’
‘Spoken like a true crazy person.’
‘I’m not crazy.’
‘Next you’ll be trying to justify how you’re spending the nights watching her through the window just to make sure she’s safe. Crazy talk. Lust makes fools out of all of us honey, you’re not the first.’
‘You may think I’m crazy, but I know she feels something too. I’m sure of it. I just don’t know how to get her to see that I’m genuine.’
‘Kate, you’re calling me to talk about where you’re going to go next. How can she think you’re genuine when you’ve already got one foot out the door?’
‘And that’s the problem, isn’t it? I should be planning my next move and all I can think is that I want to stay here. In this beautiful-but-not-amazing, quiet, nothing to do town. Just to have the chance to spend a few more weeks with her.’
‘Lord you have it bad.’
‘I know. So what do I do? I can’t get her out of my head. When we’re together, I just want to look at her. When we’re apart, I just want go see her. I’m actually daydreaming about us doing things together and being a real couple. Do you know how insane that is?’
‘I believe I made that clear when I called you a crazy person.’
‘Yeah,’ Kate conceded. ‘You’re probably right. But it doesn’t help me though.’
‘Look, there’s no reason why you have to move on so soon. Is there?’
‘No, I’ve got nothing else booked. I was thinking of heading over to Lisbon for a few months.’
‘Then stay there instead. If you have nothing in the diary, give yourself an extra month. Stay and see where it goes with this woman who has given you the most amazing sex of your life. If in a month she’s still saying no and you’re still following her around like a lovesick teenager, then you have to get out of there. Make it fast, like pulling off a band-aid. It sounds like it’s going to hurt anyway, so make it fast.’
‘I wish you weren’t right.’
‘I have plenty of experience in affairs of the heart. Look how many hot surfer chicks have passed by this island. I see myself as part of the travel experience. You can’t have any regrets. But walking away isn’t a bad thing if it needs to be done.’
‘Thank you.’
‘You’re welcome. Besides, I miss you. I want you to come back to visit.’
‘Soon enough.’
‘Not if this mystery woman decides to give
in to your charms and get what the rest of us tried and failed to do.’
‘You didn’t try anything.’ Kate laughed and then paused. ‘Did you?’
‘Oh Kate, you’re so oblivious to life sometimes it’s perfect. Of course I tried. That first night we met. And the second. Then I gave you up as a lost cause.’
‘Wow, that quickly.’
‘Some people are meant to just be friends. So, are you going to let me know how it goes? I read the new article by the way. Sounded fab. Super cute dolphins.’
‘She was there with me. The big one will be out next week. She came with me there too.’
‘Oh god, you’re starting to sound like a broken record. I’m going. There’s some Pad Thai calling my name and I can see a girl on the beach. She’s cute and I don’t recognise her. I can’t miss an opportunity because I’m playing love guru to the hopeless with you.’
‘I’ll remember that. Go on then, get the girl.’
‘Oh, I will. Talk soon. And Kate,’ she paused and Kate knew that despite the light tone the two of them always kept, Sophie was about to be serious. ‘Don’t let her break your heart when you’ve only just allowed it to mend. Don’t let her, but don’t make her do it either.’
With that, Sophie hung up. It seemed like an odd way to say goodbye, but Kate knew it had been the final word on the matter.
She put the phone down at her side and stared out over the ocean. The sun was rising fast and with it, the day was turning into another scorcher. The dusty heat caught the back of her throat and she knew she had to do something that wasn’t about Hayley. She needed a day of not looking at her to get her head straight.
She’d paid up for a few more days at Pablo’s. In her time there, only a handful of other people had turned up and gone again, only staying for a few nights. She was sure her room would still be available if she wanted to extend it.
Perhaps Sophie was right. Stay a month and see what happened.
