by C. K. Martin
What would she do here for a month? There were other things she could catch up on, she supposed, boring admin tasks she had been putting off for a quiet time. Perhaps this was finally the chance to work through her to do list.
And if it wasn’t?
Then she could go again, she rationalised. With that, the decision was made. There was nothing to tie her down here if she wanted to go. If things carried on the way they were, then she knew she would hit make or break point with Hayley soon.
She didn’t know what she was more afraid of. Hayley breaking her heart by saying no, or Hayley finally saying yes and altering the journey her life was taking forever.
Chapter Thirteen
Hayley slammed the car door and looked at the hostel. It was the first time she had been up to Pablo’s during daylight hours for over a week. He’d painted the outside and she had to admit, it was starting to look more like a verified backpackers than a rundown house with a few extra beds for hire.
There was even a sign. An actual sign, not one that Pablo had handwritten himself.
She debated going round the back, but then decided to enter the hostel by the main door, in case there were any other pleasant surprises waiting for her. She guessed the painting must be complete, because he hadn’t asked for her help again recently.
The main entrance now had an actual reception. With a bell. That was a nice touch, Hayley thought. She bopped the top of it, listening to how the brass tinkle echoed down the hallway and into the belly of the house. There was a scuffling noise from somewhere and Pablo darted out of a doorway. ‘Oh. It is you.’
‘Nice to see you too. Or do you only have time for paying customers now? I came to bring you this.’ It was a spare wrench she had left over from renovating the bar years ago. She’d promised to give it to him the next time she saw him. Not exactly an urgent delivery.
In fact, it was the flimsiest excuse ever to come up to the hostel, but she hadn’t seen Kate for a few days and she couldn’t think of a better reason. She hoped that Pablo wouldn’t see through her thin disguise.
‘Ah, thank you. Yes, I had forgotten. Coffee?
‘Si.’ Hayley followed him down the corridor and into the communal kitchen area. She was pleased to see that it, too, had finally been finished. It actually looked lived in now. The handwritten fuera de servicio signs had disappeared from the appliances so she assumed they were now properly wired up and ready for use. ‘This place is looking great Pablo.’
‘Thank you. It has been hard work. You were right, it took many, many days. More than I thought possible.’
‘Did Javier fix the tank?’
‘Today, we do not talk about Javier.’ Pablo gave her a thunderous look and waggled his finger in her face. She took that to mean that Javier had once again lived down to her expectations. She was tempted to push, just for the fun of seeing Pablo get all worked up and animated, but decided better of it. Instead, she looked out of the kitchen window.
Her eyes immediately zoned in on Kate. She was there at one of the picnic benches, her laptop open. A young man sat next to her and Hayley felt her stomach clench as she watched Kate throw her head back and laugh at whatever he had said.
It was probably innocent. She had made it perfectly clear that both of them were free agents and it was meant to stay that way.
She had no right to jealousy. So why did it feel like she was ready to storm out there and rage against the world?
‘New guy?’ she said, her aim for a casual tone going way off the mark. Pablo looked up and joined her at the window.
‘Si. He arrived yesterday.’ He stroked his chin for a moment, trying to remember the name. ‘Chad.’
‘Chad? That’s very…American.’
‘Si, si. He is from California.’ Pablo pronounced it with a long emphasis on the second syllable. ‘He does the thing she does,’ he waved dismissively in the direction of Kate. Pablo understood the complexities of the millennial job world about as well as she did.
‘Is he staying here long?’ her jaw was tight. Her hands were scrunched in fists at her sides, the car keys digging into her palm. Hayley knew she should stop asking questions, but somehow couldn’t help herself.
‘He has paid for the four night special.’ Pablo looked confused by her sudden interest in the actual running of business. She was about to stop asking when she saw the penny drop. He looked out again at the two of them sitting at the bench and then back at Hayley. Before she could say anything else, he began to chuckle.
‘What?’ she said, crossing her arms defensively.
‘I see what is going on here.’ He grinned. She resisted the urge to stamp her feet in frustration.
‘There is nothing going on here.’
‘Oh yes. You like her. Very, very much, no?’
‘It’s not like that. Now are you going to give me that coffee or do I have to go?’ He looked at her, almost with pity, she thought, before turning back to the counter and making them both a coffee.
‘Do you want to go outside to drink it? We could go sit with them. Or we can sit by the entrance.’
‘Let’s sit on the veranda.’ Hayley made the decision. It was hard enough to know that Kate was having such a good time with someone else. Someone who was definitely more her type. Same age, same hobbies, probably also ‘didn’t do labels’. She didn’t need to go in and break it up. Wasn’t this the reason she hadn’t wanted to get involved in the first place?
As they returned through the dark hallway to the front of the building, Hayley remembered Kate’s words when they had been eating dinner in the park. How she had refused to pin down her sexuality. Perhaps this was exactly what she meant. Hayley had missed her chance and the next opportunity had come along.
Pablo talked about the renovations as she sipped her coffee. She was grateful for her sunglasses so he couldn’t see her eyes. He filled her in on the progress of the building but she had only one ear open. Her mind kept going back to Kate - the person she was really here to see – sitting nearby with Chad. She already hated the name.
Was that why she hadn’t been around lately? Because she’d found a new toy to play with? Kate had promised her that she would continue to show her new things, to continue to surprise her.
Well this had been the biggest surprise of all so far and it hurt like hell.
Hayley put the cup to her lips and tipped it back. Nothing came out and she couldn’t remember drinking the last of it. It was empty inside.
Like she was.
Damn, she wanted to hit herself. She had known it would feel this way if she let Kate keep getting closer and closer each time they met. She had only herself to blame and she knew it. Every single warning system she had in place had been going off since the moment the two of them had met and she had ignored all of them. One by one, she had pushed them aside until it was too late and she had…
The words snuck up on her and her hand flew to her mouth. Pablo, pointing at something in the opposite direction didn’t notice the sudden move. Hayley let the words tumble around in her brain, unable to find a place to settle, too dangerous for her to process them.
Despite everything, she had fallen for Kate. She knew it now.
She had worried so, so much about hurting her and yet she had ended up with the broken heart first.
Wasn’t that the way the universe worked, she thought bitterly? It had been so long since there had been a problem. So long since she had been punished for something. Now, it seemed, this was to be the twentieth anniversary present of her father’s sins to pay for.
A punishment she had brought upon herself. ‘I’ve got to go,’ she said. Before Pablo could question, she stood up and handed him her empty coffee cup. ‘Thanks for the drink.’
‘Hayley?’ he looked at her and she could see the worry and concern in his eyes. She waited for a second question, but it didn’t come.
‘I need to get some more work done at the bar. I can’t sit out here drinking coffee all day. Come by later though
, yes?’ It was a peace offering. A lie to pretend she was okay and there was nothing for him to worry about.
‘Si.’ He nodded, but continued to look at her intently. She knew he would ask her questions when the time was right. For all his buoyant personality, Pablo could tell when it was the wrong time to do something. She would get a reprieve now. He would grill her for answers eventually.
Hayley could feel his eyes on her back as she walked down to the car. She fished the keys out of her pocket and watched as a wet droplet fell onto her knuckle. Damn, she was crying. When did that happen? Tears of self-pity hadn’t fallen for years. She wiped them away from her cheek roughly with the back of her hand.
The inside of the car was hot and she waved to Pablo as she pulled away, her thoughts racing faster than she could keep up with. A voice inside was telling her to run. The old fear mechanism, the one that triggered her sense of self-preservation, had come to life again. Kate could be the undoing of her. Hell, Kate already was.
How had she been so stupid? How had she let herself fall so hard for someone who she had known, absolutely known, could never be with her forever? The cracks in her heart hadn’t healed at all and now Kate had ripped the paper off and exposed them all over again.
Thoughts of Kate kissing Chad roared into her brain and she almost swerved off the road at the power of them. She gripped the steering wheel, feeling real, raw emotions take over her body. She had spent a decade comfortably numb and this was too much to bear.
Hayley pulled over and sat with her hands on the steering wheel to stop them shaking. She had fallen in love for the first time in her adult life and it hurt enough to burn her alive.
Chapter Fourteen
‘Hey.’ Kate bounced into the bar, barely able to contain her excitement. She had been planning this evening for days and had been frantically hoping that the weather would hold. A rare storm was predicted to blow in tomorrow and she had been terrified it would arrive a day early.
As she’d walked along the oceanfront road towards Hayley’s bar, there remained no sign of it. Instead, there were only occasional white wisps of cloud against a deep blue sky. It was the perfect night for a date.
Yes, it was time for date number three.
Kate felt almost giddy. The prospect of surprising Hayley had been made even more poignant by the fact they hadn’t seen each other for four days. Not that she was counting, but she totally was. Four days that had felt like a lifetime.
Tonight would, she hoped, satiate the need that Hayley stirred within her. Tonight wasn’t part work. There were no excuses for why she needed Hayley’s help. Instead, she wanted to give her full time and focus just to them being together. Sure, it had meant spending four solid days working so she could take these next two off and not have to worry about publishing schedules. It had been a godsend to discover Chad at the hostel. He worked remotely as a computer programmer and even though it wasn’t quite the same as what she did, he had been able to give her some advice on a couple of new software programmes that had only just come out. He’d helped her install them and it meant that some of the more mundane tasks she could now do in half the time.
This, of course, meant more time available to spend with Hayley.
Speaking of which, the response from behind the bar had been a decidedly distant and formal ‘hello’.
‘Is everything okay?’ Kate asked. Her eyes flicked towards Marco over Hayley’s shoulder, but he just shrugged.
‘Everything is fine. Can I get you something?’
‘Hayley, what’s going on?’ Kate was upset and concerned. She tried to reach out across the bar but Hayley pulled away like the touch was going to burn. ‘Is something wrong?’
‘No. I’m just busy.’ It was a lie. Kate could tell by the way Hayley looked out towards the empty bar.
‘No you’re not. Talk to me. Did I do something wrong?’ Kate felt her heart drop. She’d spent the four days apart feeling the slow heat of anticipation build. It had never crossed her mind that Hayley might be feeling the exact opposite during their days away from each other.
‘I don’t know, did you?’ The words were harsh and Kate could see that Hayley hadn’t intended to say anything at all. Something had happened, something bad, but Kate had no idea what. It seemed though, that Hayley thought she had done something very, very bad.
‘Come here,’ Kate waved her arm and walked to the far end of the bar, away from Marco and the handful of other customers. For a second Hayley hesitated and Kate hoped she wasn’t going to be stubborn. Whatever was going on, whatever it was that she had done wrong, she needed Hayley to tell her so she could put it right.
Kate wasn’t ready for this thing to be over. It hadn’t even begun.
She held her breath. After what looked like an eye roll of frustration, Hayley joined her. ‘Look, I told you I’m busy. Can’t we just leave it at that?’
‘No we can’t. Because you’re not okay and you’re not busy. If I’ve done something wrong, then I need to know about it so I can put it right. I thought things were good between us? Is it because I haven’t been down here? I’ve been busy working. I’ve had so much to do.’
‘Oh, I know. I saw how busy you were.’ The sarcastic tone cut like a knife.
‘What?’ Kate was confused. She wanted Hayley to clear things up, not make them more bewildering. ‘How busy I was?’
‘Yes. I came to Pablo’s. To see you.’
‘I’ve been there. I didn’t see you. I certainly haven’t been anywhere else, if that’s what you’re implying.’
‘You were there. It didn’t look like you were busy though. Or working, for that matter.’
‘Hayley, stop talking in riddles.’ Kate didn’t have the time or inclination for games. ‘I need to know why you’re mad at me. I’m sorry if I haven’t been here. I was going to surprise you tonight and it would all make sense, but I have no idea why you’re being like this.’
‘Look, it’s me that has the problem, okay? We can both agree on that. I know you said you weren’t into labels and I said I wasn’t into dating, so it’s not like this is any great surprise. It’s just made me realise that we have to stop pretending otherwise.’
‘Labels? What’s that got to do with anything?’
‘You were making it clear you weren’t into being exclusive or anything, right? I was just too out of touch to get the meaning. If Chad’s your type of thing then great, but don’t expect me to be a part of it.’
‘Wait? What?’ Kate grew even more confused. Was she being accused of cheating? After the pain of what she had gone through with Kazue, then that was the last thing she would ever do with someone. Of course, Hayley didn’t know about Kazue and she seemed to have the wrong end of the stick about something. ‘What has Chad got to do with anything?’
‘I saw you, ok? When I came up to Pablo’s. You were all leaning against him, laughing at something on his laptop. You were clearly having a great time. The two of you looked pretty cosy together.’
‘This is insane.’ Kate felt relief at the easy mix up, and slight concern that Hayley had a taste for paranoia. ‘You might enjoy keeping everyone at arm’s length, but I don’t.’
‘Apparently not.’
‘Don’t be like that. Chad’s a really nice guy and yes, we’ve spent some time working together the past few days. It’s been nice to have someone to share that with. Everyone else at the hostel is travelling, not working. I haven’t had those kinds of conversations since I came to Europe. It was nice. He was nice. And helpful. But that’s it.’
‘So you sit that close to everyone?’
‘Have you ever tried to look at someone else’s laptop in the sun?’
‘No.’
‘Then try it sometime. Trust me, it’s not easy. Chad and I weren’t snuggled up close, or whatever crazy thing you think you saw. Absolutely nothing has happened between the two of us. It never even crossed my mind.’
‘And you expect me to just take your word for that?’ Hayley
was still being defiant, but Kate could see hope in her eyes. She wanted to be wrong. Whatever mixed up thing had happened to her in the past that made it difficult to trust people was going to take more than three dates to crack through, Kate realised.
‘Yes. You’re going to have to trust me.’ Kate reached out over the bar. She took Hayley’s hand and this time, she didn’t pull away. ‘I know this thing between us is something that neither of us were looking for. But I promise you, I haven’t even looked at anyone else since the night I met you. Chad is a great guy, but he’s not my type. He’s been helping me so that I can make sure I give my full attention to you tonight.’
‘Tonight?’
‘Yes, tonight. And let me tell you, this is not how it was supposed to go.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘I’d got a special dinner planned for us. Tonight. I spoke to Marco and - don’t be mad at him, I know you’re the boss - arranged for you to have the night off. So we could spend it together.’
‘You did…’ Hayley trailed off, stilled by the sudden turn of events.
‘I did.’ Kate nodded emphatically. She had expected convincing Hayley to take the night off would be a tough sell. She’d known she’d have to finesse the situation when she turned up at the bar. But she hadn’t anticipated this battle. ‘Please. Don’t fight me on this. I want to have an amazing evening with you. You don’t have to do a thing other than come with me.’
‘But I-’
‘And if,’ Kate interrupted, ‘by the end of the evening I haven’t been able to convince you that you’re the only one I’m interested in, I promise I’ll leave you alone.’ It was a huge gamble and a promise Kate didn’t want to have to make. The consequences were too great if she couldn’t win Hayley round. It was the only thing she could think of to get Hayley to come with her.
‘I don’t even know where we’re going,’ Hayley said, looking down at her clothing. She was wearing shorts and a t-shirt that had been a freebie from a beer company.
‘Go upstairs and get changed then. A nice pair of jeans, if you want. Something that doesn’t make it look like you’re doing free booze marketing,’ Kate pointed at the t-shirt. ‘But it doesn’t have to be too fancy.’
